(i)
You and I we sit here
Facing each other,
Looking deep within,
I can see my eyes, my nose, my knitted brows,
You say you see my soul. I don’t believe you.
Losing touch with reality, to keep holding on to you,
I look into your eyes, and you say,
“What did you expect? It’s the mirror, I’m just you.”

(ii)
I had always thought of reasons,
Reasons why irrationality should not be reveled.
Why I need the mirror, inside and outside,
Why I need my silence, inside and outside,
Why I need your company, inside and outside.
But at the end, what’s left of mine with me,
If not the revelry of my insanity.

(iii)
In company of me, I am kept,
Losing touch with my skin,
The need of outward existence slowly dimming away.
I see me, not my face, not my eyes,
Not the color of my skin,
I see what is yet shapeless,
A spirit barely contained,
Fired up in the company of Solitude,  
Dripping away into oblivion, slowly.

~i~
I am lost

Sitting still,
I am moving, drifting far.
Slowly, steadily,
With the passing of each second,
Not taking a single step away,
Moving with time,
Each moment irreversible,
I have come far.
You are now but a small dot far away,
Fading into the horizon.
I am not lost, I am free.

Oh yes, memories there are,
Of lives unlived.
Visions of an unreal past,
As much an assumption as the future.
Yearning for a smile that livens,
Aching for a touch that lingers,
Bleeding for a heart that sings.
But the silent heart no more bleeds,
For in my freedom,
You are lost.

~ii~
खोया हूँ मैं

यहाँ थमा बैठा,
फिर भी चल रहा हूँ मैं
बढ़ता, हर बीतते हुए पल के साथ।
मैंने तोह एक कदम भी नहीं बढ़ा,
पर समय चलता रहा,
एकटक, बिना रुके,
काफ़ी दूर चला आया हूँ मैं।
कहीं दूर एक भीनी परछाईं सी लगती हो तुम अब,
जो मिट सी रही हो, शाम के साये में।
खोया नहीं, आज़ाद हूँ में।।

हाँ, यादें हैं काफ़ी,
उस ज़िन्दगी की, जो कभी जी तो नहीं हमने।
बीते कल की यादें जो मानो सच हैं उतनी ही
जितने सच हैं सपने आने वाले कल के।
चाहत उस मुस्कान की जिसमें ज़िन्दगी भरी हो,
तड़प उस एहसास की जो छू जाए रुह को,
बेहाली उस दिल के लिए जिसमें ख़ुशी झूमे।
मगर दिल अब खामोश है, बेहाल नहीं,
मेरी इस आज़ादी में,
कहीं खो गयीं तुम।।

There you stand, Accepted beautiful!
Of the last strand of joy
That encompasses the world
I have none to offer other
Than what you give to me
You are real, it can’t be
Otherwise. You stand there and
Look at me with uncertain
Eyes! Distrust! My heart wails,
Why would you not trust me?

It wasn’t so for all those times,
For all that I have known you;
To be your pillar of trust
Is my life. You will stay calm;
In a storm, look at me
With calm eyes and say, “I believe
You wouldn’t leave me.” I know
I cannot. But as the storm settles
And the vision all around becomes
Clear, you look at me with
Hazy eyes and tell me that
My whole presence is false.

You say nothing, silence
You know is loved by me.
And in that silence I take
Your hand, you do not
Protest; you know that only this
Can get us through this spell
Of silence. I know that only this
Can get me through the spell of
Life. The silence glows with the
Brightness of your smile and
My joy. My whole existence
Revolving around that touch
Of your silent hand. Silence breaks.
As noise comes from within, not
Caring to reach without and my
Existence loses its axis – your touch.
The treachery of sound;
The magnitude of loss!

My world is ablaze, yours
Is in fire. You venture on
To futility searching what,
No one knows. Paying unasked debts,
Not knowing how and where to go
About. “You will be there I know,”
You say with a shimmering
Smile, leaving to save the world.
Bound by your spell, I can’t
For my life move, I will be
There I know. But slowly
The fire dies and with it dies
The Certainty of heated thought.
You bound me with your words to
A place so deep and safe that for you
To return to it on a bright sunny day
Would seem but foolishness.

I know all this and that and
Even more but I can’t let go;
You are the worst addiction
I have chosen to harbor. Whether
I know myself or you yourself
I am not sure, but in the end
I curse myself for knowing
Your self better that you or even
Myself for that matter! Curse
The fact that you are my sole
Addiction; my only true happiness –
Your smile, your happiness, your love.