sometimes
the pain becomes too much
and the emotions
become one
jumbled up
mess.

you become too numb to cry
you sit
and stare at a wall
and just wish
that the tears would come
so you can just let the pain out
just something
to let you know
that you’re still...
alive.

but they don’t

you continue to feel
as if
you are nothing
as if no one cares.

your anxiety gets worse
you scream
you cry
you want so desperately
to die..
but you put on a smile
because
you’re the happy one
right?

wrong
you seem happy
no one cares enough to ask
“are you okay”
you continue
over and over
to make sure
that your so called
friends
are okay
that you sacrifice your own health
your own happiness
and you begin to stop feeling at all

you want out
but you can’t get out
this is an endless cycle
that you’ll be stuck in forever
or at least until you decide to do something

you are standing in the bathroom
bottle in hand
ready to take the life
that has been taken advantage of
by others who don’t care

but you can’t bring yourself to do it
you want out so desperately
but you just
can’t
do it

you think about your mom
your dad
your baby sister
the people that would care
the people that’s worlds would stop
if you did this
you think of your dog
that would whine and whine
if their owner
didn’t come home from school

you think of these little things
you put the bottle down
you walk out the bathroom
and run for the people you love
you hug them harder than you’ve ever hugged anyone in your life
you ask for help
and you live another day..

i told myself i’d be fine
i didn’t need him

it didn’t even hurt,
when he left
i was okay
things were great

i was free
or maybe not

maybe i was still attached to him by some sort of string
something that neither of us could feel

but now
i feel it
maybe he does too
but most likely not

he’s happy
without me
and that’s what hurts the most

i was once the reason for his bright smile
but i am no longer a part of his life

i need to get over it
i really do
he doesn’t want me
he doesn’t even think about me

but what if he does?

no
don’t think that
he doesn’t want me anymore..

to my best friend

i know this world has broken you
and taken away your shine
made you feel as if you were nothing.
made you feel as if nothing would be alright

but i hope you learn to heal
i hope you recover from the things
in this life that have caused you so much pain
i hope to see the twinkle in your eyes
that once made you seem so sure
so sure of what you wanted
so sure of who you are

i hope you learn from the mistakes
and gain from the disappointments,
the failures,
the heartbreaks.

i hope you will, once again,
be able to find that light
at the end of the dark tunnel.

i hope to see the brightness of your smile
the brightness you lost when you stopped believing.
when you stopped seeing.
when you stopped believing in yourself.
and when stopped seeing your worth.

i hope you take a second to stop and smell the flowers,
or dance in the rain,
or just feel the warmth of the sun on your skin
like you once did before life happened
before the world broke you in two.

i hope you remember how brave you are
and most of all,
i hope you remember that you are not alone in this journey known as life.