I think of you when I’m on the toilet.**
Okay.
Maybe that wasn’t the best place to start
I think of you when I’m walking too
Wishing you were taking the same route
By coincidence
But hoping that it was by choice
I think of you when I make breakfast
Cause I would gladly make enough for two
When I have nothing better to do
I count the hair on my forearms
And I wish you were here to help me count
I was never really good at math
Or science
But I’m really good at thinking
I swear
And I’m pretty good at grammar
Because you
Are the person
About whom
I have been thinking much lately
I ponder you like politicians
In Astana
Ponder budgets
Like artisans in Rwanda ponder baskets
Like the UN ponders nations
Like farmers ponder precipitation
I roughly calculate
I could have solved around 200 Rubik’s Cubes
Give or take a few
In the time it took
to figure out you
So now I’ll chew my fingernails well past the white part
Even though you can’t stand it
Because I don’t want you thinking that I’m thinking about you

Currently
Grasping the fraying rope
At both ends
Firm hold
Keeping us
From splitting in two
Just as I ought to
Currently
Worriedly pacing the floorboards
Before mortars
Waiting for a knock on my door or
A phone call if you’re savvy or
An SMS like a daddy
Angry and in all caps to his daughter because she defied her father and stayed out longer than she oughta
And I’m currently
Physically staying in place and
Mentally running away, 3 p.m. train to a better day
Like the teenage girl who was ****** cause she had to be home at 10:30 and it wasn’t even a school day
But hey
I digress currently
Hurriedly thinking of everything beautiful in life to decide
If it’s worth it
The answers sit unaware like prey
The questions come back like predators and they’re lurking
If Jesus was a thief, should I be stealing or learning
Is thinking helping or hurting
It sounds good on paper but the feeling’s disconcerting
Bending and turning
Waist deep in a swift current currently on bended knee
Scanning skies for an elusive heaven
Waiting on something, but not too surely, for if salvation decides not to come to me
I’d walk anywhere to the crystal stair
To get me where
I want to be
I’ll get there eventually
Even though I’m not there yet I won’t let it start disturbing me
Currently

Shh
Wandering tongues lynch themselves before thoughts can slip into words
pupils impregnated by motionless anticipation
and the fluttering of flies on the corpses of stomachs
don’t stutter
don’t stutter
don’t stutter
shhh
Calm
let glands spew waterfalls down brows
and browse for options yet remain still, remain silent
I was always taught to
shhhh
retreat to familiarity, fermenting in the stagnation of bedrooms
and errant thoughts, and regrets, and remembering
I don’t think this is going to work out
I dont think this relationship is healthy for us
I think we should
shhhhh
close mouths so the belt welts bruise less
You are simply fleshwounds to blues and blacks  that bubble beneath skin
eyes low, chasmic, crimson, grin and giggle
follow footsteps to paper faced ledges and the defiant plume of burning leaves
Ive grown to love
shhhhhh
Schwinns and wind, and ballooning confidence
headphones hugging haphazard hairs scent of remnant shampoo particles
and hungry breath, peppermint camouflage so lips can kiss scars
craving solid land while lost in waves of stone
distant skin and grin and eye contact
Ive grown tired of
shhhhhhh**
winding car rides, surrounded by noise
playing the quiet game