anxiously pacing
smoking cigarettes
to just get away
alone in a crowd
crowded by memories
when alone
i beg for mercy
but like prayers
i'll never have answers
drink to sleep
pills to not dream

I never did anything conventional            
To that point, probably nothing memorable
I shoulda, I guess, not been so open
With my bright eyed ideas
Crucify me for sharing a dream
The spirit inside of me just ******* wails
Shedding all of its fingernails
Climbing its way outside of me
Relentlessness, bursting at the seams
Starting to hurt, you know I love the burn
All I wanna do is rise up and scream
Guess we can all figure out
How long it takes a heart to bleed out
All you need is a dash of lies
And a bit of dishonesty
Isn’t it crazy, how a heart can turn
Perfect recipe
It’s never what it seems

Everyday I live in such despondency
Some sort of dark, dark, miracle
How I’ve lost you, a ******* travesty
You could only tell me that
We wanted different things
As you wiped tears from my eyes
Kissing me, as you watched my soul
weep, in such an untimely demise
I wish you heard my words
As I promised you, that I only wanted you
by my side, but all of your fears
of my alleged wants and needs
How you couldn’t see
the little boy dying inside
Only aspirations of giving you more
The more, I never witnessed as a child
The more, that has only left my mind wild
I beg one day, that you see me again
For I am not this awful man
I pray you hear my words
If only you could hear them again
Maybe just once more, you’ll understand
This time

Am I just set in my ways
Am I just stubborn
To pray for you, long for you
To once again be by my side
Waves of despair and woe
Sorrow, that I was one, you’d forego
Weighted down by the sands of time
Staring to the horizon
Waiting for the rising tide
Is it all in the name of foolish pride?

Afraid to be with a man with a vision
Must be a reason why you taunt with fettering-fleeting contact
Look in the mirror, what love did you leave behind
Is he just another casualty
In the war that rages inside of you
I wanted to help you from that hell
The one you run from but fail to hide
All in the name of ******* pride
When all I said was I wish you were the girl
That would become my bride

What now

You’re the one I’d give flowers
Hold your hand wherever we went
Take your picture just because
Everyone says to let go
But what now?
When the heart wants what it does?
Forget about what it meant?
I guess I was never enough for you
Now you’re the one with the knife
Cutting me deep, too
Was your reasoning all really “because”?
Nights like these, I do really miss our calls
Hearing your voice, most of all

I swear to Christ
I feel like I’m being ******* haunted
Looking over my shoulder
Afraid to be out in a crowd
Memories of places we’ve been
Jokes we shared
Can’t even go to bed at night
It might not of been real to you
But these apparitions are sure real to me
I let you in, against all warning
Here I am now, praying it is you I wake to
Here I am now, in the mourning
Haunted by what could of been
My hands are tied
And I’m ******* drowning