people always say to me
that my eyes are as blank as can be

do you know the constant screaming in my head
or the bones underneath my bed

i wake up and i'm not here
i go to sleep and i'm not here

do you know the drunken feeling
or how my body is always bleeding

or is it? i can't tell what is real anymore
i've lost hope for the girl i was before

i'm numb and lost in my own mind
i don't think i can be saved in time

don't leave me alone like i did to you
all i wanted was to protect you

never-ending sleepless nights,
blinded by streetlights that shine too bright,
crazed by crossroads that will never meet again,
lost in a city with no end

have i gone mad or have i always been insane?
i'm not sure what to think these days,
crack my skull open just to see what's inside,
i am scared of being alive

is this the dark side or the light?
i can't tell anything tonight,
my hopeless heart tells me it's fine,
but i know it's all a lie

happiness always starts somewhere
sadness always starts somewhere
liveliness always starts somewhere
depression always starts somewhere
eating disorders always start somewhere
insomnia always starts somewhere
i can't seem to pinpoint the moments
where everything started for me

the night is the only time
true feelings come to life
the pain and sorrow that you bury deep inside

the love you yearn for, but will never reach
the gruesome words you want to speak
the numbness you secretly crave, but can't achieve

on good nights, you think of the happiness you have
the love of your mother, your lover, but why does it make you mad?
and you pull your hair out, questioning why you're always sad

the crippling anxiety that flows through your veins
you can feel the silence echoing in your brain
wondering if life is just a cruel game

and then it dawns, and you realize you haven't slept
good or bad, you didn't care, you only wept
your hands clutched tightly around your neck

what's the point of waking up
if we all die anyway?
why should i go on living
if none of this will stay?

i've tried so hard to ignore
the ghosts of the future
haunting me daily
isn't that merely human nature?

what's the reason we're here
if our fate is to die?
is this somebody's game?
are we living a lie?

it's hard to open my eyes
without feeling despair
from an endless universe
and how i mean nothing there

i'm so ******* tired
let me sleep
instead i cry until my head's exploding
i scream until my voice is gone
i quake uncontrollably
my mind is going a million miles an hour
gasping for air
and failing
i try to call for help
but i'm alone in this place
i'm having a nervous breakdown
please make it stop