she is not the kind of girl
that deserves to be left out in the cold...
she is not the kind of girl
that deserves to be taken for granted....

yet she'll set herself alight to keep someone else warm.
yet she'll allow herself to be forgotten, just to see someone else smile.

she is not the kind of girl that deserves to be treated this way.
maybe she'll get what she really deserves some day.

People don't seem to get how I feel at all
and no matter how hard I try to explain it it's like continually walking into a wall

I tried telling them about when I see people outside
and I get the urge to talk to them but it gets overruled by the bigger urge to hide

Or how I could feel like buying pizza or chocolate
but then I remember I have to talk to the person behind the counter and I figure it's better to wait

I get excited about a party but when I have to go out of the door
I always somehow end up staying at home, no wonder I never get any invitations anymore

If I see people I recognize on the street
I tend to back off and run away if it is possible instead of just greet

I have to call doctor? Oh no!
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, I don't really need to go

People usually don't understand my fear
and just because it isn't visible to you doesn't mean it's not here

But I understand why they don't get me
because who is so excited about being around people yet too afraid to actually be?

Yeah that's true, it's sadly me

i hope that when i die,
you're out there laughing
somewhere a thousand miles away from me
and that the air is fresh like the scent of wildflowers
with a chorus of songs playing from all the birds in the trees

i hope i die while you're reading your favorite book, during the part you always used to get so excited to quote
and that the light is just right
so it doesn't strain your eyes
in a place that is not too silent,
but quiet enough to enjoy the sound of each page as it turns

i hope i die in a plane crash
as it spirals from the sky to the sea
because flying and drowning are the two things i fear more than anything
i hope it makes a sound loud enough that you can hear it in the
distance, just enough to make you look up
but not enough to tear you away from your activities

i hope when i die,
i die slowly
so i have enough time to enjoy the pain, and recapture every moment in my brain
that involved you

is it wrong to miss you,
wish i could kiss you,
20 months later it still an issue,
maybe its physical,
but im still miserable,
iv touched other skin but my heart is unfillable,
ive tried to run tried to hide,
but you cant escape your unconscious mind,
ive had to stand my ground and face it,
unravel my thoughts right down to the basics,
thinking about you like it or hate it,
stuck in a prison that i created,
though it appears im gathered and calm,
and carry on as though nothing is wrong,
bite my tongue and swallow the pain,
never make that mistake again,
i cant be mad, i did this to myself,
i only wonder, if there's anyone else

Those nights you're not here
leaves my bed half full
leaves the pillows untouched
leaves me missing you

Those nights you're here
makes the room full
makes the blankets warm
makes me loving you

Those nights
with or without you
are alle nights
where I think about *you