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He told me he loved my long hair,
the way it framed my face.
Accentuated my green eyes.
A sort of beautiful nesting place.
And so I cut it off.
He told me he loved the way I loved Jesus.
My faith was inspiring.
He admired me.
I was what he believed.
And so I stopped praying.
He told me he loved that I was chaste.
So pure.
his ravenous heart found a cure,
between my legs.
And now it's his.
He hated cigarettes with a passion,
I smoked them all ****** and ashen.
He thought it was endearing,
the way I cringed at vulgarity.
My filthy mouth was once a rarity.
But my new favorite word was ****.
He hated drugs,
and so I did them.
He loved me,
and so I didn't.
I pushed and pulled and twisted and fought,
until he didn't know who he loved.
And so he forgot.
 May 2014 Julie Butler
SG Holter
Let gods all bow their heads in grief,
Command the rain: Release!
Ask the sun to please retreat,
And ask that I find peace.

Set fire to all places that these eyes have ever seen.
Set an equal blaze to all I ever felt within.
Spread the word to every ear that ever heard my pen:
That the voice they witnessed never will be that again.

Then ask each word I ever wrote:
Return, and share his grave.
Because -if I ran out of words- none written I could save.
I'd have to call them back, if not forever I am heard:
I'd never be at all -if ever I ran out of words.
DOA
are we dead on arrival from birth?

our lives feel like such a burden even
as we receive life's great joys.

am I the only one that feels this way?

the light of the sun shines even when
my own perception creates clouds to
cover the light.

am I truly free or forever pulled back into a slow surrender of indifference?

my apathy has been breaking away, but sometimes it returns to cover me
in darkness.

will love set me free?
 May 2014 Julie Butler
Poetic T
Words are wasted breath,
             you only
listen
          to my emotions.
Don't ever be
Someone's
**Secret
5w
a strange world we live in
where i can hear
your last moments
and feel a connection to you
although you can't feel
anything

anymore
http://www.planecrashinfo.com/MP3s/rcvrNBC.mp3
oh if only you knew
i would give anything
anything to be
anything other than me

freckled knees
freckled shoulders
freckled arms

"why are you so pale?
you look like you're dead
have you tried getting a tan?"

the irony stings my burned shoulders,

yes i have tried.

yellowed bruises remain on my thighs,
the thighs that got me called fat
in the seventh grade

"have you ever noticed
she's kinda fat? i mean
her thighs are so big,
they're like thunder thighs"

and from that statement a nickname was coined
that caused me to desperately,
desperately,
need to be skinnier
and i'll never be enough

"darling, are you okay?
please take this
go home and eat a big dinner
the wind is going to blow you away!"

i don't think i can ever win
.
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