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 Dec 2014 Julia Masterson
kaitlyn
my music isn't loud enough to drown out her voice and my fingernails are too dull to scratch her touch out of my skin and my lungs are on fire without her icy personality to cool me down
courtesy from a great friend, corra.
There's a switch that refuses to be changed
It lies within the very depth of one's soul
Where one refuses to follow the tunnel to the light
and in which to bring himself into the darkness.

There's a world out there we cannot explain
It lies within the very depth of one's heart
When on mountain leads into the vast open
and in which we never want to even return.

That part of our lives lives with only a heartbeat
It lies within our inner being... an inner darkness
Where our fears outweigh any goodness within
and in which we lose sight of all that was good.

Don't fall into that darkness...
There's no way out..
I beg of you.
Give them to me.
All the pieces of your broken heart.
Give them to me.

I'll take them.

All the rough-hewn misshapen bits of your shattered dreams.


Give them to me.
I will take them.

Give them to me.


They are wanted here.


All the parts of your misspent childhood. All the regrets of ticking seconds behind you.

Give them to me.

And we will build a cathedral. A stained glass window of who we are as tall and as beautiful as it should be.

Let me have them.

And we will make a mosaic that stretches as wide as the sky. Showing every color your heart gained from the bits and pieces left on the ground.

I will take them.

And forge a sculpture of how beautiful the ideas are that we cast out in our failings and we will cast it in our failings.

Let me have them.

And we will ***** a monument of all the small things in the shape that you remember them.
Towering. Looming. Striking. Beautiful.

Let me have them so we might bind the words said and regretted, (or worse) left unsaid in leather and call it scripture.

Our Psalms. Our Proverbs:

“The tip of my finger dangles like my tongue. Wanting to touch something beautiful.”

“If it were not for him, it would have been us.”

“You were all my brightest colors.”

“I wish I were more like you.”

“I wish I were less like me.”

“I am sped.”


And we will read them at dawn like litany.

Stretching our voices to the corners of the universe. Asking for the wishes you make when you are scared. Or alone. Or both.

That we may take them.

And make a blanket.

A blanket to cover our childhood and let it rest at last.

I will take them.

All the parts you no longer want.

Give them to me.

Because they are what make us beautiful.

Give them to me.

That I may forge them into pitch and feathers and craft mighty wings.

That I may take flight from your worry. And soar on the updraft of your misconception.

Give them to me.
I will take them.

Because I would rather burn like Icarus than to have never dared to fly.
This was a birthday gift to myself. I am giving it to you.
I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
I bit open a lie and it tasted like you.
 May 2014 Julia Masterson
Mikaila
Dear you,
There is something nobody ever told me
That I think
A lot of people need to hear.
It's okay to need things.
Your soul is not toxic.
Your craving for love
Is not freakish
Or wrong
Or shameful.
Your loneliness
Does not make you pathetic.
Seeking help
Or advice
Or comfort
Does not make you weak.
Loving someone who doesn't love you
Doesn't make you a fool.
Your best
Is good enough.
You don't have to try
To need less.
This world
Is not
A church
And you
Are not Christ-
You don't need to sacrifice
For the rest of them.
And if
You are starving for connection
Nobody should ever make you ashamed of that.
People
Will leave you
People
Will be angry at you
For the staggering depth of your need.
But people
Are not always right
When they tell you
You are wrong.
You are not wrong.
You are not a freak.
You are not an abomination.
You are not needy.
You are not foolish.
You are not weak.
You are not pathetic.
You are not
Crazy.
You are just
Human
And humans need
And you don't have to ask permission
To admit you have feelings.
I wish someone had told me that
A long time ago.
I buried my face
in the folds of your shirt
and inhaled the soft scent
of your cologne.

In that instant, I knew –
more than anything else –
that I could suffocate
in your arms

and die happy.
You stab me in the back with a knife,
and I apologize for bleeding on it.
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