I once told myself that I was strong.

Lo and behold, it was a lie-
of course, I didn't know that then.
Very few people are capable of admitting
everything is not alright.

You came along when I was broken, bent
out of shape,
unfixable- and you're still here.

It's been eons (no, days) since I described to her how much I love you, how much you mean to me.
It's been forever (no, maybe a week) since I told her I think I'm in love with you.

You don't even have to say anything, I'm content with your breathing,
because sometimes it still sounds like hope.
I could trace the fissures in your bones and count the stars in your eyes and I still wouldn't believe an earthquake like you brought me so close to home.
I want to lie by your side and take dumb pictures that will only show my face because you're too embarrassed to show yours and I'm too proud to not show you off.

I think your kisses probably taste like forever.

Worlds apart but we understand each other
We're not even together and we talk about a future that's set in stone
I can hold your hand from a distance but I wanna touch your face
Tell you how you've got me caught up in you
Well, that's not such a bad thing
Well, you're not such a bad thing

I think I could get used to this
(I already have)

i want to start living but more than that i want to stop breathing i want to forget and move on and not be hindered by these weights but they told me anchors are supposed to be good things they told me that i will not be swept into the ocean but they never told me about the tsunamis that crush the foothold and drag you to the bottom and leave you there to die they did not tell me that i would want to be embraced by the earth that will inevitably cover my corpse when i have left my body because i am already dead and there is nothing more and i am done fighting i dont know how to swim any more i dont want to see the sky because the sun is not inviting when it burns my skin and the rain is cold but in the ocean everything is constant and i could use the silence

One time I held you
with the grip of a lost child
and you let me go so swiftly,
I realized then that I really don't matter
as much as the next lover
(I guess I am a bit of a *******).

Today I found a sense of peace within myself,
and it made me uncomfortable.
This isn't to say I didn't see it coming,
but,
if that storm was my vacation, then I hated summer break.

I don't know what to do with anyone anymore-
not excluding myself, of course-
and you are certainly no exception.
I feel no pang when I see you with her, and why should I?
Have her, if you want. I have another, anyway, and it took me too long to realize
what I would really be giving up
if I tried to chase down another lost cause.

Maybe we're following each other, but I am officially clearing my scent
and leaving myself blind to you.
We will not remain,
but maybe you and me can work out a way not to fall apart.

I.   I think only some people are meant to walk this earth.

II.   I am not one of them.

III.   You are fit to be a queen- for the dead, and for the lost.

IV.   Winter doesn't feel as cold as your palms.

V.   I want to spend every night beside you, and every day away from you.

VI.   When I turn on the radio, I want to hear your voice.

VII.   I don't like love songs because they make me think of your eyes.

VIII.   I sing to you in the shower.

IX.   My heart isn't capable of beating alone.

X.   I'm good at leaving you behind.

Pressed into the mattress, there's a sheet over my head
I'm screaming for some end cause I'm tired of being dead inside
Every mistake haunts me for years
I disappoint everyone around me
Can't keep a ******* job, barely graduated high school
Don't even talk to my friends anymore
These tears should be forbidden, I don't deserve to cry
I've just brought shame and disappointment and agony and anger
I've no right to be sad when it's my own ******* fault
I just can't move when I **** up every time I do

So many people die
just to breathe again.

I want to hold you.
I want our breathing to synchronize and our hearts to beat in the same rhythm while our eyes stay locked and the only thing running through our minds is love.
I want to squeeze your hand and twine our fingers together and feel your pulse when our wrists touch.

I want to show you the house I grew up in and introduce you to my family.
I want you to step foot in that apartment and touch the walls and understand why I can call it home.
I want to take you to my backyard and hear your laughter fill the air while my dogs cover you in kisses because, ****, you're something special.

I want to visit your hometown and learn of everything that means something to you.
I want to meet your brother and thank him for holding onto someone so amazing.
I want to  hear the confidence in your voice when you introduce us to your family and press my lips to your forehead so you know how proud I am of your bravery.

I want to explore the world with you and create memories only we can share.
I want to wake up every morning with your breath on my skin and stroke your hair while I think of how lucky I am.

I want you.

The blinds are so heavy,
she's wondering if there's reason in any attempt to keep them open anymore.
It's easy to shut out the sun,
and even easier to regret it... right?

She gave up dreaming long ago-
the nightmares are more vivid now.

There's nothing I'd wish for more
than for the scent of your sun-kissed skin
to wake me up in the mornings
while you murmur my name in your sleep.

I have never been sad.

Tearstains are nothing but memories of heartache
and I want to forget everything.

If I could love you,
and grace your lips with my touch,
without force,
would the notion be reciprocated?

I used to wonder what it felt like
to be a bird:
I am constantly trapped in a cage of my emotions.

My song knows no sweetness.
I am a Siren.
I am broken without sorrow
and sing only of those cold nights
that lack your presence.

Missing you is regretful.

I have always been destructive.

I am not a Good Person
I will tear your heart out and stomp on it,
throw it to the dogs
let you watch the love drain from your own body

I am not a Good Person
I will love you and hold you in my hands
like a wounded bird
and I will fix broken wings
before I smash them to pieces once again

I am not a Good Person
and you will wind up hurt very soon
if you do not take your vessels and leave me stranded here
quaking in your absence

what do you tell yourself when you know you're inferior
i'm surrounded by gods who make art from their pain
they can write, draw, sing, pluck strings
do they know i'm special?
do they know i can carve promises into my thighs with a blade that's been more intimate with me than anyone i know?
do they know how much i ******* hurt because there's no outlet for my shame,
there's nothing to do when no one wants to love you.
what do you tell yourself when you want to give up
and there's no more comfort in wrecking yourself

The girl who taught me that distant family is sometimes the closest
doesn't remember how I hurt her.

The girl who taught me how loyalty comes in a variety of ways
doesn't know how often I betray her.

The girl who taught me how great it is to be craved
doesn't know I never wanted her.

The girl who taught me that releasing your demons is okay
doesn't know I often belittle her.

The woman who taught me that I always have someone to confide in
doesn't know I don't have the confidence to.

The man who taught me to never give up on others
doesn't know how much I've given up on him.

The girl who taught me that some things are forever
doesn't know how often I've wished she and I were for never.

The man who taught me not to trust someone I once held above the stars
doesn't know that, fifteen years later, I'm still hurting from his actions.

Bury me in the ocean of my tears,
please-
or, at least drown me in it.
I've grown so dependent it's pathetic
and I'm walking circles in inquiries
pretending to figure out what to do next.
Your love, her approval, their eyes-
I don't think the events of my childhood are the reasons I'm on these ******* pills.

Here's to another night hoping there won't be another morning,
and to another tear-stained pillowcase.

Tomorrow I'll be on my own again.

I haven't told anyone that I'm scared of getting close to you because I'm just waiting for you to leave.
Nine-year-olds should not be wielding knives,
but you started years ago.
You're capable of so much. So many good things.
You're a singer, a musician, a dancer, an athlete. You've got eyes so blue the sky is jealous.
Things aren't alright here, and I wish you would learn to take it,
but at the same time, I don't want you to be like me...

I've already lost one brother.
Please don't let me lose the other one.

I think I've fallen already,
because I keep waiting for you to pull away,
and just the thought of that has me crippled.

in the end i cant decide
if it is better to love another broken thing
or if it is even possible to love something that is whole

Don't get me wrong,
I know I'm always quick to flip to Revelations
It's just that decisions are best when made overnight- or, that's what I've been taught
And maybe that's wrong and I should slow down
But you'll be on my mind til the end of Time, anyway

I just want to know you're **mine.

Maybe together we could fool
ourselves into thinking we're happy.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's a nightmare or a wish...

She hurt me and you didn't say a word.
I suppose nobody really cares, at this point.

Is it still a sin if you say it's love?

If I understood your mind
I'd still think I was a lie.
I've no reason to think of you,
but, my brain is curious,
so, here you are.

Come walking with me down this dreary boulevard
and tell me about the shadow you cast
(I'd love to get to know him).
I'll hold your hand and play with your fingers
and we can pretend we aren't thinking similar thoughts
by trapping one another in predetermined memories.