Stan is  ninety one this date    
still waiting at Heaven’s gate
where his Love
went on before him.

Some day soon
he will join June
Where the light
will never dim.

Time has past
since he hugged her last
now, the pain
unreal at times.

He knows she lives
where God’s Love gives
us Peace and
love so sublime.

And now….

His mission fulfilled
In what God willed
the race will end
never more to roam.

He made the right choice
The Angels rejoice
God’s forever Love with June
Stan will be going home.

Never more to roam.

(C) 06-14-2019
John L Stevens

Stan is  ninety two on  this date    
still waiting at Heaven’s gate
where his Love
went on before him.

Some day soon
he will join June
Where the light
will never dim.

Time has past since
he hugged her last
now, the pain
unreal at times.

He knows she lives
where God’s Love gives
us Peace and
love so sublime.

And now….

His mission fulfilled
In what God willed
the race will end
never more to roam.

He made the right choice
The Angels rejoice
God’s forever Love with June
Stan will be going home.

Never more to roam.

(C) 06-14-2020
John L Stevens
Soon to be 92

Stan is  ninety three on  this date    
still waiting at Heaven’s gate
where his Love
went on before him.

Some day soon
he will join June
Where the light
will never dim.

Time has past since
he hugged her last
now, the pain
unreal at times.

He knows she lives
where God’s Love gives
us Peace and
love so sublime.

And now….

His mission fulfilled
In what God willed
the race will end
never more to roam.

He made the right choice
The Angels rejoice
God’s forever Love with June
Stan will be going home.

Never more to roam.

(C) 06-14-2021
John L Stevens
Now 93

Edwin is with his Joyce now
Never more to roam.
Hand in hand once again
He has gone on home.
Never more to roam.

Never more to roam
She met him at the gate.
True and faithful til the end
Never more to be late.
Never more to roam.

A life lived full of love
For the one gone before.
Never more will they roam
Outside of Heavens door.
Never more to roam.

He has gone on home
Hand in hand once again
Never more to roam
Edwin is with his Joyce now.
He has finally made it home.

(C) 12-26-2023

Stan is with his June now
Never more to roam.
Hand in hand once again
Stan has gone on home.
Never more to roam.

Never more to roam
June met him at the gate.
True and faithful til the end
Never more to be late.
Never more to roam.

A life lived full of love
For the one gone before.
Never more will they roam
Outside of Heavens door.
Never more to roam.

Stan has gone on home
Hand in hand once again
Never more to roam
Stan is with his June now.
He has finally made it home.

(C) 06-29-2018

———————————————-

Home Bound - Never more to roam

He is with his Love now
Never more to roam.
Hand in hand once again
He has gone on home.
Never more to roam.

Never more to roam
She met him at the gate.
True and faithful til the end
Never more to be late.
Never more to roam.

A life lived full of love
For the one gone before.
Never more will they roam
Outside of Heavens door.
Never more to roam.

He has gone on home
Hand in hand once again
Never more to roam
He is with his Love now.
He has finally made it home.

(C) 06-29-2018

I was asked to talk on hope so… This was presented March 12, 2009 for a  “Celebrate Recovery” session.

===================================================

My­ daughter asked me where I was going this evening. I said I was going to “Celebrate Recover” meeting to give a talk on HOPE.  She asked, “what are you recovering from dad?’  I told her” My name is John and I am a recovering parent.”  She was rather amused.

Hope. When all is going well and the world seems to be heading your direction… you maybe don’t need hope or think about hope very much. If you do it might be rather superficial as in “I hope I get to work on time”. Personally, right now, “I hope I can get through this talk on hope.”

When life puts you through a trial by fire and all seems hopeless in the eyes of man, when all is burned away such as pride, selfishness, lust, ( insert your favorite hang up here)… all that is left is hope and faith. For me pride evaporated. I had and still have a bumper sticker which says “Proud parent of an O’Leary Junior high student.” The bumper sticker has faded into near nothingness now but it is a reminder of what was left for me. Hope and faith were still standing tall. Pride faded into the past and hope refreshes the vision of the future.

Hopes in our past are probably gone or maybe faded like the bumper sticker. We must look for new hope from Jesus’ words and His life. We must base our hope on Him, live in Him, trust in Him and never give up.

Most of my life, I have been the type who could fix things. Then the reality that my youngest daughter was broken and I could not fix her nearly shattered my life. As hard as we may try we can not live the life of someone else for them. Alcohol and drugs had apparently triggered bi-polar tendencies and she went from a straight A student to a total failure in a matter of months. It was very difficult to understand or even accept that this was happening to our family. For some time the guilt factor was rather great. Where did we go wrong? Why is this happening to OUR family?

The next two years spun totally out of control. Counseling and therapy seemed to make the situation worse. I remember saying in one session, “I feel as if she is on the other side of a glass wall. There is a door in the wall but there is no handle on my side to open it. As I pound on the door, she is bleeding to death and she will not or can not open the door and let me in to help her.” I felt helpless and there was little hope. Life as we knew it was slipping away and it would never be the same again.

Skip forward to May 6, 2003. At work, I received a call from a credit card company and they ask, “did you make such and such purchases? No.” They put a stop on all activity on the card. I went home and found my card in my daughter’s room. I told her to get dressed we are going to take a ride. She got some clothes on and we went down to the Sheriff’s office. A couple hours went by as we sat on a bench and waited. Our hearts sank as we watched her taken out of the sheriff’s office in chains to juvenile detention.  

This was the turning point of hope. It was going to be a promise of new hope or a train wreck. It all depended on the decisions she would make in changing her life style. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and I hoped it was not an oncoming train. After 20 days of detention and another 30 days house detention, we made a trip to the Walker Center where she would spend the next 30 days. It was not an easy 30 days and there were some very tense moments. About 3 weeks into the 30 days, there were three intense days of family sessions. On the second day of the family sessions at the Walker Center, we were on our way home and for the next two hours, I felt compelled to write this piece. I could not stop writing. It just flowed out of the pen from the interaction with parents and our children.

“My Name is __.
I am a Dopeless Hope Addict.”
© (7-25-03) John L. Stevens

Life seemed to ****.
The pain seemed so real.
The drugs seemed so easy
To change what I did feel.

At first it seemed to help
To cover up the pain.
But the ******* sound I heard
Was my life, down the drain.

The hole I found myself in
Got deeper by the day.
Hope seemed to fade from me
That help was on the way.

The help I sought and found
Was the “friends” who got me here.
Those who had the ***, the ****,
The drugs and the beer.

The family I once had loved,
Seemed distant from me now.
My love had turned to hate
By the love of drugs somehow.

The hole caved in on me
From a distance I could hear.
“We loved her, Oh so very much”
“We failed her. Somehow my Dear.”

They pulled me from the darkest hole
I, myself, had dug.
And took me into their arms
To rescue me from drug.

The days turned into many weeks.
My head began to clear,
To see the ones who really love me.
My hate was not so near.

A cloud of doubt and guilt rained down
For the things I had done.
Soon love returned to fill my heart
Where once the drugs had won.

Forgiveness came from those who loved,
To me, for the many years.
For the pain and sorrow I had caused
To them, through many tears.

A group of families gathered ’round
With love so great for me.
I soon discovered through the tears
Their abundant love was free.

I felt the love of those who care.
I learned to love again.
To care once more for what I’d lost.
To trust and live within.

When temptation comes to my door
To offer me a high.
Let Love instead answer the knock
And with Serenity say – goodbye!
——————————————-

This story has not ended. It will continue for a life time. Life is about choices we make on a daily basis. It dictates what we will possibly do tomorrow based on what we do today. Life is built on choices. The end of the story will be written when we meet the One who loves us unconditionally. The One who died on the Cross for us.

Love triumphs over adversity when God is in it. In the vernacular of Lola of “Charley and Lola “Never, never, never, ever give up” must be the words to live by. Progress is made even when there are two steps forward and one step back. Thank God for the progress. Hope lives on in the hearts of those who trust Him.
======================================================

A strange feeling set in during the time she was in detention and a ward of the court. We could sleep at night. We knew she was in a safe place and not running in the drug culture. It meant we would not get a call in the middle of the night to identify her body. It was the first time in a long time we could breathe.

On Father’s Day that year, my daughter wrote me a two page letter, a beautiful letter saying she understood why we did what we did. I treasure this letter. Tough love does not get any tougher. It was very tough on us. Most every night the last few years when I go to bed and she is awake, I hear this little voice as I pass her bed room, “Goodnight Daddy, I love you.” “I love you too, Sweetheart.” It melts my heart every time.

As I lay my head on the pillow my thoughts most every night are, “thank you Father for this day. Thank you for my daughter, thank you for letting us be her parents.” And with that, all is well in the world.


Faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love. Without love there would in all likelihood not be very much faith and hope hanging around. God’s love for us is so great, how can we not give our love to our children and each other, unconditionally, as an extension of His love for us? The story of the prodigal son was ever on my mind. A story of never ending love and hope on the part of the Father.

My hope is in the eternal Jesus who has promised to never leave me or forsake me.

I can not imagine living my life without hope. I can not imagine living without the love of God.

Spring of 2002 unraveled for a friend of mine. His wife got sick, his mother came out to help them and she had heart failure and died in the hospital one floor below where his wife was located. A month later his wife died, he lost his job, a vertebrae in his neck deteriorated, his insurance evaporated. It was Job all over again. We spent many hours of many days trying to make sense of his situation. It seemed pointless. Absolutely hopeless. I can remember a cold fear pouring over me. There was nothing I could do to help him.

I wrote a piece called “Hope for Tomorrow” a couple months later that reflected his loss and my loss when my mother died 1991. Writing is therapy for me. Writing puts on paper a reminder of where I am at that time. The words of this piece points to the loss of a loved one but the thoughts can translate to any loss.

Hope for Tomorrow
© July 2002 John L. Stevens

My heart was so heavy
With sadness and sorrow.
The day was so dark
I could not see tomorrow.
Hope seemed so dim
Through the tears that I cried.
I could not see You Lord
The day that she died.

I remembered Your promise
To be by my side.
For always You’re with me
In You I abide.
In the midst of the darkness
Your hand touched my soul.
You drew me so close
And made me whole.

There are times that I cry
Alone with just me.
When the silence comes crashing
Like a storm-troubled sea.
There are times that I laugh now
When I remember the years.
That we shared together
Through the good times and tears.

The peace oh Lord
The memories You bring.
Fills my life with hope
Make my heart strings sing.
Draw me close to Your side
And lead me gently on.
Give me hope for tomorrow
Till the dark turns to dawn.
———
Open my heart Lord
Let out the sorrow.
Pour in your spirit
And hope for tomorrow.
I need Your touch Lord
On my heart this hour.
Fill me with Your love
With Your healing power.

===============================

I hope these thoughts I have shared with you have been an encouragement to your heart. I hope you will have a renewed resolve to never give up but keep taking baby steps forward as you make your journey with Jesus through this life. Now from the words and wisdom of Lola, “I will never, never, never, ever give up Charley.”

To those who did not go to sleep, thanks for listening.

© July 2002 John L. Stevens

My heart was so heavy
With sadness and sorrow.
The day was so dark
I could not see tomorrow.
Hope seemed so dim
Through the tears that I cried.
I could not see You Lord
The day that s(he) died.

I remembered Your promise
To be by my side.
For always You’re with me
In You I abide.
In the midst of the darkness
Your hand touched my soul.
You drew me so close
And made me whole.

There are times that I cry
Alone with just me.
When the silence comes crashing
Like a storm-troubled sea.
There are times that I laugh now
When I remember the years.
That we shared together
Through the good times and tears.

The peace oh Lord
The memories You bring.
Fills my life with hope
Make my heart strings sing.
Draw me close to Your side
And lead me gently on.
Give me hope for tomorrow
Till the dark turns to dawn.
———
Open my heart Lord
Let out the sorrow.
Pour in your spirit
And hope for tomorrow.
I need Your touch Lord
On my heart this hour.
Fill me with Your love
With Your healing power.

(c) 10-2014
It has rained
What once was brown , now green.
The air is cool
Fall in the air can be seen.

Boys are gathered
Practice begins
for the games
to see who wins.

The ball is passed
kicked at last.
Through the goal
the point is cast.

They finesse the ball
as they pass and kick.
To out wit the opponent
as the clock does tick.

Winning all they played
this season thus far.
Led by great coaches
has been better than par.

When the games are done
whether lost or won.
It is all in the fun
Played under the sun.

The Boss came to town one day
Took over the "Swinging" Sugar Shack.
When others came to take a sip
He warned them, "OUT and don't come back."

He buzzed them off so far away
As another came to  sip and rest
Back he came his tail fanned out
Thinking, yes, he was the best.

With space around the Treasury
for more than eight to sip and eat.
But only one can land and sip
when "The Boss" plants his angry feet.

He sits and guards his precious turf
For many minutes at a time.
Driving away the other birds
Who has found the Sugar sublime.

The reason the hummers can only hum
is because they don't know the words.
Or they would scream little bird words
at the other little humming birds.

The hummer most persistent it seems
goes by the name of Hummer Hectar.
You too would be mad and miffed
if someone stole your Sugar and Nectar.

The weather is cooling
and this is no fooling.
The Sugar is swinging
alone with no humming.
Soon to be cold weather
They will huddle together
Or go South as a Smart Bird
as in a big bird herd.
     (I know it is a flock)
I will wait sort of patiently
But I want them NOW!
My verse fell apart
oh where did it go?
It went with the birds
Till next Spring
My little birds
I will be ready Hectar.
Please show up.
I need help.

Hummmmmmmm

Life seemed to ****.
The pain seemed so real.
The drugs seemed so easy
To change what I did feel.

At first it seemed to help
To cover up the pain.
But the ******* sound I heard
Was my life, down the drain.

The hole I found myself in
Got deeper by the day.
Hope seemed to fade from me
That help was on the way.

The help I sought and found
Was the “friends” who got me here.
Those who had the ***, the ****,
The drugs and the beer.

The family I once had loved,
Seemed distant from me now.
My love had turned to hate
By the love of drugs somehow.

The hole caved in on me
From a distance I could hear.
“We loved her, Oh so very much”
“We failed her. Somehow my Dear.”

They pulled me from the darkest hole
I, myself, had dug.
And took me into their arms
To rescue me from drug.

The days turned into many weeks.
My head began to clear,
To see the ones who really love me.
My hate was not so near.

A cloud of doubt and guilt rained down
For the things I had done.
Soon love returned to fill my heart
Where once the drugs had won.

Forgiveness came from those who loved,
To me, for the many years.
For the pain and sorrow I had caused
To them, through many tears.

A group of families gathered ’round
With love so great for me.
I soon discovered through the tears
Their abundant love was free.

I felt the love of those who care.
I learned to love again.
To care once more for what I’d lost.
To trust and live within.

When temptation comes to my door
To offer me a high.
Let Love instead answer the knock
And with Serenity say - goodbye!

(9-22-04 added 4 lines)

This story has not ended.
It will continue for a life time.
Life is about decisions we make on a daily basis.
It dictates what we will possibly do tomorrow
based on what we do today.
Life is built on decisions.
The end of the story will be written when
we meet the One who loves us unconditionally.
The One who died on the Cross for us.
(2-22-04)

Love triumphs over adversity when God is in it.
“Never give up” must be the words to live by.
Progress is made even when there are two steps
forward and one step back.
Thank God for the progress.
Hope lives on in the hearts of those who trust Him.
(2-8-06)

All is well. Just a few rough edges to smooth out. Hope lives on. Never give up.
(6-29-18)

Author: Kristen Stevens

Current mood:  contemplative

That would be my nephew. When I came home from work the other day, I sat down in the chair and from out of nowhere Anthony pops up and yells "I'm Ironman!" complete with mask. then I hear a giggle and and he pulls the mask off and says "don't worry Nini. It's just me." (Cause you know I looked worried ;) Anyway, he started asking me what I was going to be for Halloween and could we get candy like we did last year. I assured him that yes candy would be forthcoming. As to the costume, I had no clue. Still don't. I've been thinking snowman 'cause it's bound to be cold that night. If you have any good ideas...well they are bound to be better than mine.

© Feb. 16, 2003 John L. Stevens

I bow quietly before You Lord,
With heaviness on my heart.
You know my need oh Lord, this hour,
Before I even start

I give You my plea on bended knee,
I trust your answers to be.
That which I need and not desire,
You know what’s best for me.

Touch my heart once again
Heal my spirit from above.
Touch my life once again
Fill me with Your love.
———————————–
I bow quietly before You Lord,
With thankfulness in my heart.
For the answers You’ve given me,
Before I even start.

I give to You my life oh Lord,
As I abide in thee.
Your grace and mercy I receive,
Your strength and life in me.

Touch my heart once again
Heal my spirit from above.
Touch my life once again
Fill me with Your love.
———————————–
I bow quietly before You Lord,
With gladness in my heart.
Your love fills me with such Joy,
Before I even start.

I give to You my praise oh Lord,
For the peace You’ve set in me.
As I listen to Your will for me,
For the Answer that’s to be.

Touch my heart once again
Heal my spirit from above.
Touch my life once again
Fill me with Your love.
Fill me with Your love.

The little boy stood, with cone in hand. The ice cream on the ground.
The tears welled up in his eyes, as people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, his heart was breaking, he didn’t know what to do.
Then through the tears, saw grandpa kneeling… Saying, “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Grandpa said to the ice cream man “Another ice cream please.”
“Stack it high and pack it tight.” “We’ve got things to do and see.”
The little boy melted into his arms The sorrow turned to joy.
When grandpa’s near, all is better For grandpa’s little boy.

Oh, grandpa loves you Tony Boy Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The little boy grew to a fine young man. The time went by so fast.
He learned of things not of this world. The things that will always last.
You could see grandpa and the young man, Walking side by side through life.
When things got tough they called on Him, To help them through the strife.

Oh, grandpa loves you Tony Boy Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The young man cried when grandpa died. As they lowered him in the ground.
Tears welled up, in his eyes As people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, his heart was breaking. He knew just what to do.
So he looked up high to see the Father And heard “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Your, grandpa loves you Tony Boy Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Me I will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find him waiting here.
He’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get here

Oh, grandpa loves you Tony Boy Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. Your will find me waiting here.
I’ll be kneeling right next to Jesus While I’m waiting for you to get here.

Good night sweet Prince. See you in the morning.

The little girl stood, with cone in hand. The ice cream on the ground.
The tears welled up in her eyes, as people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking, she didn’t know what to do.
Then through the tears, saw Momma kneeling… Saying, “Momma’s here for you.”

Momma said to the ice cream man “Another ice cream please.”
“Stack it high and pack it tight.” “We’ve got things to do and see.”
The little girl melted into her arms The sorrow turned to joy.
When Momma’s near, all is better For Momma’s little girl.

Oh, Momma loves you Brenna Girl, forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The little girl grew to a fine young lady. The time went by so fast.
She learned of things not of this world. The things that will always last.
You could see Momma and the young lady, Walking side by side through life.
When things got tough they called on Him, To help them through the strife.

Oh, Momma loves you Brenna Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there.

Momma cried when Brenna died. As they lowered her in the ground.
Tears welled up, in her eyes As people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking. She knew just what to do.
So she looked up high to see the Father And heard “Brenna’s here for you.”

Brenna loves you Momma Dear Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Me I will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find her waiting here.
She’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get here

Oh, Momma loves you Brenna Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, I’ll call on Him to lead me through the maze.
When I get to Heaven, a few years from now. I’ll find you waiting there.
You’ll be kneeling right next to Jesus While waiting for me to get there.

Good night sweet Princess. See you in the morning

(c) 04-07-2012

The little girl stood, with cone in hand. The ice cream on the ground.
The tears welled up in her eyes, as people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking, she didn’t know what to do.
Then through the tears, saw grandpa kneeling… Saying, “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Grandpa said to the ice cream man “Another ice cream please.”
“Stack it high and pack it tight.” “We’ve got things to do and see.”
The little girl melted into his arms The sorrow turned to joy.
When grandpa’s near, all is better For grandpa’s little girl.

Oh, grandpa loves you Lady Sye Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The little girl grew to a fine young woman. The time went by so fast.
She learned of things not of this world. The things that will always last.
You could see grandpa and the young girl, Walking side by side through life.
When things got tough they called on Him, To help them through the strife.

Oh, grandpa loves you Lady Sye Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The young woman cried when grandpa died. As they lowered him in the ground.
Tears welled up, in her eyes As people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking. She knew just what to do.
So she looked up high to see the Father And heard “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Your, grandpa loves you Lady Sye Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Me I will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find him waiting here.
He’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get here

Oh, grandpa loves you Lady Sye Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. Your will find me waiting here.
I’ll be kneeling right next to Jesus While I’m waiting for you to get here.

Good night sweet Princess. See you in the morning.
©9-15-06 John Stevens

07-14-2014 For Sye

The little girl stood, with cone in hand. The ice cream on the ground.
The tears welled up in her eyes, as people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking, she didn’t know what to do.
Then through the tears, saw grandpa kneeling… Saying, “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Grandpa said to the ice cream man “Another ice cream please.”
“Stack it high and pack it tight.” “We’ve got things to do and see.”
The little girl melted into his arms The sorrow turned to joy.
When grandpa’s near, all is better For grandpa’s little girl.

Oh, grandpa loves you Lucy Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The little girl grew to a fine young woman. The time went by so fast.
She learned of things not of this world. The things that will always last.
You could see grandpa and the young girl, Walking side by side through life.
When things got tough they called on Him, To help them through the strife.

Oh, grandpa loves you Lucy Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The young woman cried when grandpa died. As they lowered him in the ground.
Tears welled up, in her eyes As people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking. She knew just what to do.
So she looked up high to see the Father And heard “Grandpa’s here for you.”

Your, grandpa loves you Lucy Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Me I will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find him waiting here.
He’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get here

Oh, grandpa loves you Lucy Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. Your will find me waiting here.
I’ll be kneeling right next to Jesus While I’m waiting for you to get here.

Good night sweet Princess. See you in the morning.
©9-15-06 John Stevens

11-08-2013
Written originally for my grandson Tony (8).  People say we are joined at the hip.  He is a 24/7 little guy and this is how I "wish"/"hope" life will be lived.  I realized I needed to make a copy for Lucy Girl (4) so she will be included.

Ice Cream was written for my grandson Tony (Anthony Stevens) as a reminder how I want to be as an influence in his life. There is also an underlying deeper meaning as to our relationship to God. Our Ice Cream (blessings) hits the ground from time to time because of our neglect or possibly no fault of our own, but God is there if we just look up and see Him kneeling to take us in His arms.

It all started on a Sunday morning when my Pastor said, “imagine a little boy standing there with an empty cone in his hand…. and the ice cream is on the ground. The images came flooding in and by the time first service was over, most of it was written. Since I run the sound system I listen to both Sunday morning services. Much of what I have written about has come from a trigger on Sunday morning or something similar. What do you do when YOUR Ice Cream hits the ground?
It has been sung to a couple of venues.

The little girl stood, with cone in hand. The ice cream on the ground.
The tears welled up in her eyes, as people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking, she didn’t know what to do.
Then through the tears, saw grandma kneeling… Saying, “Grandma’s here for you.”

Grandma said to the ice cream man “Another ice cream please.”
“Stack it high and pack it tight.” “We’ve got things to do and see.”
The little girl melted into her arms The sorrow turned to joy.
When grandma’s near, all is better For grandma’s little girl.

Oh, grandma loves you Payton Girl, forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The little girl grew to a fine young lady. The time went by so fast.
She learned of things not of this world. The things that will always last.
You could see grandma and the young lady, Walking side by side through life.
When things got tough they called on Him, To help them through the strife.

Oh, grandma loves you Payton Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find me waiting there.
I’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get there .

The young woman cried when grandma died. As they lowered her in the ground.
Tears welled up, in her eyes As people stood around.
Tears fell like rain, her heart was breaking. She knew just what to do.
So she looked up high to see the Father And heard “Grandma’s here for you.”

Your, grandma loves you Payton Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Me I will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. You will find her waiting here.
She’ll be by the ice cream stand a waiting Just for you to get here

Oh, grandma loves you Payton Girl Forever and always.
When things get tough, call on Him He will lead you through the maze.
When you get to Heaven, many years from now. Your will find me waiting here.
I’ll be kneeling right next to Jesus While I’m waiting for you to get here.

Good night sweet Princess.  See you in the morning

Opportunities
    Lost and Found

Circumstances
    Abound

Turn me Bitter
    or make me Better.

The choice is mine
    My life define.

I choose Life
    Not Death.

I choose Giving
    Not Taking

I choose Love
    Not Hate

I choose His way
    Not mine.


The choice is Mine
The choice is Mine.

You go to church and feel His love
All is well in heaven above.
Then Monday comes.
Then Monday comes

The problems you face on the first work day
Seems to last forever and won’t go away.
For Monday’s here.
For Monday’s here.

The real world’s there staring you in the face
How you going to manage without God’s grace.
For Monday’s here.
Is God near?

Relax and trust God, He can take you through
Give Him your trust in what you do.
For Monday’s here.
But God is near.

Is your peace deep enough for the real world now
Can you trust Him enough to not have a cow.
For Monday’s here.
And God is near.

Let His peace settle over you in the quiet of your life
Open faith’s door and let out the strife.
He waits at the door.
Go open the door.

Now don’t you feel better since you’ve talked to God?
The stress level’s down, you can feel it in the ***.
For He’s with you now.
So now you know how.

As I get older
I would rather be
         Independent.
Than in
         Depends
It all Depends
         After all
So far
         Sooooooo good.

I was looking for:
          Forgiveness
          Mercy
          Grace

I found:
          Love
          Hope
          Faith
------------­----------------
I have turned my back
on the life I was.
Made up of lint
and a lot of fuzz.

I have set a direction
to the foot of the Cross.
Keeping the good,
Discarding the dross.

The regrets of the past
No longer control.
I'm free to live and LOVE
without yesterday's toll.

Looking forward in FAITH
not forgetting the past.
Lest I should repeat
The bad I did last.

With HOPE in hand
I am pressing on home,
To finish the race.
I'll never more roam.

I want to know You Lord
from the words in RED
"Forgive me of failures
as I forgive those who fail me."

I was Broken
You Mended me.

I was near Death
You gave me Peace.     (1980)

I was Lost
You Found me.

I was Lonely
You gave me Comfort.

I was Hopeless
You gave me Hope.

I was Hungry
You gave me Fulfillment.

I was Wayward
You Sheltered me.

I was Happy
You gave me Exceeding Joy

For others: Can I do anything less?
Thank YOU.

Author: Kristen Stevens
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I was not aware of that.
Current mood:  amused

Just the other day I had a confused customer call on the phone. [side note: why do people say that "call on the phone"... how else would they be calling?] Anyway, this none to with it lady called the store (ah, that's better) asking about nifty books like "riding a silver broomstick" and "book of shadows".  It took me more than five minutes to divine that these were the books that interested her. Then another short yet seemingly infinite amount of time passes while I get my crystal ball working. She wants us to mail them to her. Great, I can do this. So we get the books ordered. Then she starts explaining to me that I could send them and she would pay for them on the 1st. HUH? you want me to give you product and assume you will remember to pay me in 2 weeks? Also how do I get the order released when they haven't been paid for yet? I explained several times I can't do that; while she countered with promises to pay when her paycheck arrived. Why did she need the spell book to make money magically grow on trees? All in all she was funny.

I will leave this tent for the mansion
That is built for me over there.
I will close the door..
Be welcomed evermore.
Where the Saints have gathered on the shore.
—————————-
I will praise the name of my Savior
On the day this tent is taken down.
I will praise the name of Jesus
When He calls
To take me to the room He prepared.
—————————
Do you hear the rushing in the wind
It’s the wings of angels coming near.
They are coming for me..
To carry me home.
To my savior where I shall ever be.
—————————
I hear the voice of my Savior calling
Call my name as I fly through the door.
All the Saints are there with
My Mother and my Father.
I am home now… I see His face now.
—————————
Hallelujah to my Jesus
Hallelujah to His name
Hallelujah to my Savior
Evermore.
I am home now.. I see His face now.
————————–
Praise His name for evermore
Praise His wonderful name.
Praise the name of Jesus
Evermore.
I am home now. I see His face now

(Ends with light drumbeat)
9-24-2003 Finished

© 11-10-99   (John L. Stevens)

      I will praise Him in the morning
      When I rise to meet the Son.
      I will praise Him in His glory
      As we meet there one on one.
      I will praise Him through the day time
      For all that He has done.
      I will praise Him every moment
      Til the setting of the sun.
      
      I will praise Him in the morning
      When I rise to meet the Son.
      I will praise Him in His glory
      As we meet there one on one.
      I will praise Him through my life time
      For all that He has done.
      I will praise Him every moment
      Til my race on earth is run.
      
      I will praise Him in the morning
      When I rise to meet the Son.
      I will praise Him in His glory
      As we meet there one on one.
      I will praise Him through eternity
      For all that He has done.
      I will praise Him every moment
      Til His face I see God's Son.
      
      Hallelujah To the Savior
      Who keeps me day by day
      Hallelujah to the Savior
      Who guides me on my way.
      I will praise Him on that morning
      And through out eternity
      Hallelujah to the Savior
      What a day that will be.

I sit outside the jail house, this Sunday afternoon.
I watch the parade of people, going in and out so soon.
The visits here, come and gone. Time swiftly passes on.
The sadness shows on each face for the one which they belong.

The mother walks with their child, quietly through the door
To see a father not coming home, for many days or more.
They sit and wait so patiently for their short time to be
For twenty minutes on the phone, their “daddy” they will see.

So close are they but yet so far, no touching through the pane.
Fingers spread, hearts are breaking, their future down the drain.
The question on the little lips, will daddy come home now?
Soon, we hope, my dear child, maybe next week, somehow.

The parents come to visit him, with thoughts of shattered dreams.
The hopes they had for many years, are gone, so it seems.
They put on a smile, push back fears, to keep alive some hope.
They wonder “why, what went wrong, how will we ever cope?”

The pain inflected, bad decisions, when drugs have taken hold.
Ruined lives of those around them, the broken promise told.
His family grieves the senselessness, of life’s potential lost.
Hope now seems a fleeting dream, the family pays the cost.

Then comes a chance from the judge, “six months” he did say.
“To turn your life around for those who care for you, today.
A broken promise turns months to years, so get it right this time.
Don’t let them down, keep hope alive, as from this hole you climb.”

A broken life, a shattered dream, seems lost in the eyes of man.
When darkness falls, and hope is gone, when all has hit the fan.
God can mend the broken life, He turns darkness into light.
Forgiveness comes to those who ask, through grace and mercy’s might.

For those who choose to dream a dream of a better life to see.
Those who choose to change their hearts, the chains fall off, they’re free.
They turn their back and walk away from the old life to sever.
Redemption is a choice away, where lives are changed forever.

Holidays are over
Don't forget
No excuse
The belt to let.

When you begin to look
Like your sofa
Over stuffed
From over loafa.

Get up and move
Find something new
Be Happy... Give a shout.
Not be in a stew.

If time has inflicted you
With furniture disease.
Where your chest has fallen
                 into your drawers
Convince your self
                 it is a tease.
                      Oh PLEASE!

So it goes...
with resolutions Mate.
Out the door
and through the gate.
                 Say "see ya next year!"

You can do this
Mind over matter...
Or is that bulk?
Which ever... Please not fatter!

I should have stopped
When I was ahead.
When the paper was blank
Nothing said.

Happy New year!!

(Heaven and Earth)

June has gone on ahead of me
Looking down with a smile today.
She has been renewed forever
I am getting older by the day.

My body has many cracks,
Crevices and creases.
"chugging along", missing June -
For Love, it never ceases

Resting on a swaying foundation
God has been good to me
I'm "chugging along" waiting my turn
My Glorious June to see.

I've got Memories by the dozen,
Reminiscences by the score…
The day I stop remembering…
is the day I'll close this door.

My World will have ended
Heaven bound I will be.
Where June is ever waiting...
For her Stan she will see.

My World will soon end
Temporary it has been.
God is calling me home
Where Eternity will begin.

She was crying
  The mistakes of the past
    were weighing heavy
       on her heart.

"Why do I always pick
the same kind of guy...
Over and over and over."

"I thought this guy was different.
On the surface he was really nice.
We liked the same things and......
I believed him!"

"Underneath he was a RAT!"

"Will I ever find someone who will
love me for who I am NOW....
not what I WAS in the past?"

It was a question for which
I had no answer.

She is a beautiful young lady
who has climbed out of the
pit-of-the-past in the five years
I have known her.

Her brown eyes have changed
from a hard look of years of
drugs and abuse,
to a most wonderful softness.  

The softness comes from being
set free, forgiven, of her past life.
Unfortunately, people aren't
very forgiving and are
users and abusers.

As I looked into her eyes
I saw her heart and
God's love shining through.

Sometimes the fog of deception
can cloud our judgment when
the people we have come to trust
lets us down...   become  RATS!

Maybe just being there will help.
She could be my daughter...

Jesus washed me clean

The 5-28-06
(Stolen from the memory of someone. The deep recesses of the mind of days gone by. When life seemed to be worthless, when the mind was dark and lonely, Jesus came and set them free. Was this your mind?)
————————————————–
The brokenness of my life, a shattered life in the eyes of others, (some would say hopeless) was put together, redeemed, made whole the first time I believed.

For the first time in my life I was clean. I didn’t feel ***** anymore. Jesus washed me clean. I was redeemed and remade in His image.

It began the day someone told me about Jesus. The moment I believed, for the first time in my life I was clean. I now walk the path Jesus walks. Each day is new and fresh in Him. When I am weak He is strong. He never leaves me. He carries me when I am tired and can no longer walk. He tells me to hold on to Him for tomorrow will be better. The days despair threatens to drag me down, He carries me until I can stand once again. When I can walk once more, we walk once again hand in hand. I can hear His voice say “well done today” as I lay my head down for the night. Sleep is wonderful knowing I am in His hands.

Each day I wake up is like the first time I met Him. I am clean. Can I say “clean” too much? I am clean in His eyes and He gives me joy, He gives me life. He gives me the bread of life that I may live with Him forever.

“Every morning I wake up is a good day.
Every morning I wake up and give God the glory, is a wonderful day.
The morning I wake up to Heaven’s brand new day, is a glorious day indeed.”

Do you know Him? Really know Him? Let go of the old life and be redeemed, be made new in Him. Hopeless is not a word Jesus thinks about. All things are possible with Him. For my life, a shattered life in the eyes of others, (some would say hopeless) was put together, redeemed, made whole the first time I believed.

07-02-08
This was written about a young woman who was lifted out of a life of **** and prostitution over two years ago. It has been two years since writing the above part. I see her at church these days and she gets more beautiful every day. The effects of **** are gone from her face. Her eyes have taken on a glow of Jesus in her life. Hearing her talk about her walk with Jesus just sends chills down my back. This is Amazing Grace walking, talking, and living among us.

Keep on singing through the cotton fields
Of life that come your way.
Keep on singing through life’s problems
Till the end of the day.
When the darkness creeps about you
When the hopelessness set in.
Keep on singing, for the light will return.
————————
The Man in Black was singing
For seventy one years of life.
He sang in times of trouble
He sang in times of strife.
He sang for the prisoner man
Who lost hope in his life.
He sang the redemption song.

All prisons don’t have bars
Made of iron to hold us back.
They come in many forms
Of our making, there’s no lack.
Addictions drag us down
To a pit of unknown hell.
But there is love in redemption’s song.
————————-
The Man in Black hit bottom
Of the pit of despair.
His life seemed not worth living
There was no love dwelling there.
He cried out in the darkness
Of the cave he went to die.
“Lord take me now, I want to die.”

Then he felt the “Sweet Presence”
Flowing through his body that day.
The bars fell from his life
And love came in to stay.
Hope returned to his heart this hour
By the grace of the Presence there.
There is hope in redemption’s song.
————————
He found his Personal Jesus
When he called out in despair.
He was lifted from the darkest hell
When Jesus met him there.
He was set free from addictions arms
The light came flooding in.
There is freedom in redemption’s song.

His wife of many years
From a family that prayed.
Was with him through good and bad
Through the night, through the day.
Their love together stood the tests
That came their way each day.
They would keep on singing, the song.
————————-
Now he’s singing with the angels,
The baritone comes through.
They’re singing songs of praise to Him
Now June’s beside him too.
I can hear the music floating
All the way down here.
They are singing of a brand new day.

Someday you’ll be singing
With a heart full of love.
A love song of redemption
That comes from above.
So keep on singing
That song in your heart.
That moves you from gloom to light.

————–C1———-
Keep on singing through the cotton field of life.
Keep on singing ’til the end of the strife.
When darkness creeps around you,
When hopelessness sets in.
Keep on singing ’til the light returns.

———Tag————————-
Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see.

Author:  Kristen Stevens
Current mood:  frustrated

Anthony got a firetruck Lego set. The packaging says "ages 5-12". It also makes the claim "designed for easy building and instant play." Now I know he's only 4 but he's smart and not that far from 5 comparatively. I on the other hand am 28. Well outside the parameters age wise. Yet, this smallish box of tiny toys baffled me for over an hour. I have the directions, I've dug through the pieces, and am still mystified on occasion. As I'm searching for yet another microscopic piece of siren or whatever it was, I'm thinking..."5 years! I can't see any 5 yr-old sticking with this for this long without losing his mind. Then Mom would take it away because of the temper tantrum and never gets built. This is stupid! Where did that tiny loopy thing go?...etc" What part of an hour is "instant play" do they not own a dictionary? I could tell them.

Then once it's together, somehow Anthony keeps taking the windshield off. He's not  actively disassemble it. He's just rolling back and forth on the floor going "whoo-whoo!" Lego's the most touchy toy on the planet. Maybe he'll get some more when he's 15.

When Mom died in June of 1991 Dad was rather lost,
like the rest of us. I started writing little letters in
big print so he could read them. He would not talk on
the phone so this was the only way to make contact.
I found out later that he carried them around in his
bib overall pocket and pulled them out from time to time.
Occasionally they would get washed and when Sharon
let me know I would run off another copy and mail it.
It became a means for me to remember the past and help
Dad at the same time. My kids loved to hear stories of
when I was a kid so I would recycle the stories between
the kids and Dad. Now as I read them it is a reminder of
things that have become a little fuzzy over the years,
also a reminder that I need to fill in the gaps of the stories
and leave them for my kids before it is too late. So here it is,
such as it is, if you are interested.

=======================================

    Letter­s to Dad

    Nov. 14, 1991

    Dear Dad,
    Your grandkiddies, as you call them,
    send you a big hug from Idaho. Sara is
    five and in Kindergarten this year and
    doing very well. Kristen is in the forth
    grade and made the Honor Roll list the
    first quarter of the year. We are very
    proud of both of our girls.

    Do you remember when toward late
    afternoon you and I would get in the car
    and “Drive around the block” as you
    always said? We would go up to Cliff’s
    and go east for a mile then down past
    Cleo Mae house and on back home. I
    remember you would stop at the junk
    piles and I would find neat stuff, like
    wheels from old toys, that I could make
    into my toys. I think of those times often.
    It was very enjoyable.

    I will be writing to you in the BIG PRINT
    so you can read it easier.

    It is snowing lightly here today. Supposed
    to be nasty weather for a while.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ——————————————————–

    Dec. 3, 1991

    Dear Dad,

    Just a note to say we love you. I miss very
    much talking to Mom on the phone and
    having you play Red Wing on your harmonica.

    I remember quite often when I was very
    young, 4 or 5, and we would go out to the
    field to change the water or something.
    The sand burrs would be so thick and you
    would pick me up on your back. I would
    put my feet into your back pockets and
    away we would go.

    These are the things childhood memories
    are supposed to be made of. Kristen and
    Sara love to hear the stories about when I
    was a kid and what you and I did
    together. I try with them to build the
    memories that they can tell their kids.
    Thanks Dad for a good childhood.

    Bye for now.
    Kristen and Sara send you a kiss and a
    hug.

    Your son, John

    —————————————————–

    Jan. 12, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    We went to Oregon for Christmas and
    had very good traveling weather. Do you
    remember when you and Mom went with
    us once to Oregon at Christmas and
    there were apples still hanging on the
    tree by the Williams house? We made
    apple pie from the apples that you
    picked. Turned out to be pretty good pie.
    There weren’t any apple on the tree this
    year. I thought of you picking the apples
    and bringing them into the kitchen in
    your hat if I remember right.

    We have had some pretty good times
    together. I was thinking the other day
    about a picture that I took of you about
    12 years ago. It captured you as I will
    always remember you. If I can locate it in
    all the stuff, I would like to get it blown
    up and submit it to the art section at the
    Twin Falls County Fair this year.

    I hope this finds you feeling well. I love
    you Dad. Kristen and Sara send you a
    kiss and a hug.

    Oh yes, I would like for you and Tracy to
    sit down sometime and talk about when
    you were a kid and record it on tape. I
    would like to put your remembrances
    down on paper.

    Bye for now.

    Your son, John

    ———————————————————

    Feb. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Happy Valentine’s Day!!

    Spring is on the way and soon you will be
    85. Just a spring chicken, right? I hope I
    can get around as well as you do by the
    time I am 85.

    Thanks for the letter. I will keep it for a
    very long time. It is the first letter I have
    received from my Father in 48 years.

    Talked to Ed the other day. He said he
    talked to you on the phone and that you
    were wearing your hearing aids and
    glasses. Great! Mom would be proud of
    you.

    Talked to a guy last week who is
    president of the John Deer tractor group
    here. He invited me to bring my “M”
    John Deer to the County Fair and
    participate in the tractor pull contest.
    Might just do that.

    Well the page is filling up using these big
    letters but if it makes it easier to read it is
    worth it.

    Bye for now Dad, I love you. Pennye,
    Kristen and Sara send their love too.

    Your son, John
    —————————————————-
    April 13, 1992

    Dad

    Though the years have past and you are now
    85, you are still the same as when I was a
    child. The memories of going with you to the
    field, when you were “riding the ditch”,
    surveying in a lateral, loading up the turkeys
    in the old Ford truck and taking them to the
    “Hoppers” - is just as if it were yesterday. I
    think of you playing Red Wing on the harp. I
    remember when during the looong cold
    winters we would play checkers. You would
    always beat me. I learned to play a good game.

    Not much has changed except we are both
    much older now. The values you did not speak
    but lived out in front of me has helped make
    me what I am today. I pray that I will be a
    good example before my children to help them
    on their way through life.

    On your 85th birthday, I want to wish you a
    Happy Birthday and thank you for being my
    Father.

    Love
    John

    April 13, 1992

    ————————————————–

    June 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    I hope this finds you well. The Stevens
    family in Twin Falls Idaho is having a
    busy summer. Kristen just finished the
    fourth grade and was on the Honor Roll
    for the entire year. Sara will now be a
    big First Grader next year.

    The other day we went out to eat and
    Kristen had chicken and noodles. She
    said, “This tastes just like Grandma
    Nellie’s noodles.” I hope they can keep
    these memories fresh and remember all
    the good times we had back in Nebraska.
    It is difficult to accept that things have
    changed and will never be the same again.
    We miss the weekly phone calls to Nebraska.

    It is clouding up and we might get rain
    this week. It is very dry around here.
    Some of the canals will be cut off in July.

    Bye for now.

    Your Son John

    Love you Dad. I think of you often.

    —————————————————-

    June 22, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Hope you had a good “HAPPY PAPPY”
    day. This note is to wish you a late
    “HAPPY PAPPY” day.

    I was thinking the other day about the
    times you would take me roller skating
    out at the fair ground on Sunday
    afternoons. I really enjoyed those times. I
    remember how you could give a little hop
    and skate backwards. For me staying on
    my feet was a challenge.

    Sara will be 6 years old June 29. Seems
    like yesterday when she was born. Time
    has a way of passing very quickly.

    Love you lots Dad. The family sends their
    love too.

    Bye for now.
    John

    —————————————————

    Aug. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    Just a note to let you know that your
    Idaho family love you. It was good to talk
    to you for a minute or two the other day.
    I miss the harmonica playing you would
    do over the phone.

    We are all well even though the place
    was covered with smoke from all the
    forest fires last week. It got a little hard
    on the lungs at times but the smoke has
    moved on now. Probably went over
    Nebraska.

    Talked to brother Ed the other day. He
    had just returned from from Nebraska.
    Ed said you looked good for 85.

    Bye for now.

    John

    —————————————————–

    Sept. 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    I am sending a copy of what Mom sent
    me a few years ago of what she
    remembered about growing up. I wish I
    had more. How about sitting down with
    Tracy and Sharon and telling them some
    of the things you remember about
    growing up? They can record it and I will
    put it on paper. I would really like that.

    We are ok here in Idaho. Summer had
    disappeared and it is school time again.
    Kristen is in the 5th grade and Sara is in
    the 1st grade. The family went to the
    County Fair today for the second time.
    One day is enough for me.

    I think of you often and love you Dad.
    Thinking of the good times we had
    together while I was growing up always
    makes me happy. You and Mom raised
    four pretty good kids.
    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    —————————————————–

    Oct. 11, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    We are fine out in Idaho. We are having
    beautiful fall weather. It has not frozen
    enough to get our tomato plants yet.

    Kristen and Sara are doing very well in
    school. They brought home their mid
    term report cards and are getting A’s
    and a B or two.

    Remember when we would go out in the
    corn field and pick the corn by hand? I
    would drive the tractor and you and Ed
    and Wayne picked the corn and threw it
    in the trailer. You guys kept warm from
    the work and I was freezing on the
    tractor. Before that we used the horses
    named Brownie and - was it Blackie?
    The one that kept getting out up north by
    the ditch was Brownie. He figured out
    how to open the gate.

    I remember the times that you were
    hauling cane or sorghum from the field
    east of Mercers and I would ride behind
    the wagon on my sled.

    I had a very good childhood really.
    Thanks for being my Dad.

    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ——————————————————-

    Nov. 10, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    It is snowy here and cold. I have a hole in
    the back of the house I must get sealed up
    to keep the cold out. We are redoing this
    part for the kitchen.

    Kristen and Sara made the Honor Roll
    this quarter in school. Kristen’s teacher
    said he wished he had a whole room full
    of Kristens to teach.

    Sorry the phone connection was so bad
    when I called the other day. It was good
    to here you say “hello hello….” any way.
    Glad you are feeling better.

    Your account in the credit union is about
    $34,000 now.

    I was just thinking back when we were
    cultivating corn with that “crazy wheel
    cultivator”. The one that you drove the
    tractor and I rode on the cultivator and
    used the foot pedals to steer it down the
    rows. I remember sometimes it cleaned
    out some of the corn row. Cultivator
    blight, right? It was kind of hard to keep
    straight. Those were the days.

    I keep remembering little bits of things
    while growing up. Sometime I will put
    them all together for my kids to read
    about the “good ole days”.

    God Bless you Dad. We love you from
    Idaho.

    Bye for now.

    John

    ————————————————
    Dec. 17, 1992

    Dear Dad,

    The snow has fallen and the kids stayed
    home from school today. The wind is now
    blowing so it will begin drifting the road
    shut. Besides that the whole family is sick
    with a cold.

    We are putting together a Christmas gift
    to you but it won’t be ready for
    Christmas. It is something that you can
    watch over and over if you want. So
    Merry Christmas for now.

    Last night was the kids’ school Christmas
    program. Kristen started playing the
    flute this fall and played with a group for
    the first time this week. She did very well
    and I got it on video.

    Time to get this in the mail. Love you
    Dad.
    Bye for now.

    Kristen and Sara send you a kiss and a
    hug.
    Your son, John

    ——————————————————

    Jan. 11, 1993

    Dear Dad,

    We have a lot of snow on the ground
    now. I was telling the family about the
    winter of 49 where the snow covered the
    door and you had to scoop the snow into
    the house to dig a tunnel out then haul
    the snow out through the tunnel. That
    was a 15 foot drift wasn’t it? It sure
    looked big to this 6 year old. Then the
    plane flew over the house for a few days
    until we could get out and signal an OK.
    Those were the days! What I do not
    remember is how you took care of the
    cows and stuff during this time. I
    remember being sick and Wayne took the
    horse and rode into Broadwater to get
    oranges and something else. The big
    white dog we had went along and was hit
    by a car. Wayne had to use a fence post
    to finish him off. I remember feeling very
    sad about the old dog.
    We haven’t had this much snow in 8
    years.

    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are with you all.
    Bye for now. Love you Dad
    The family send a BIG Hi!!!!

    Your son, John

    —————————————————-

    Feb. 9, 1993

    Dear Dad,

    When the kids go to bed they say “Tell us
    a story about when you were a kid on the
    farm”. So I tell them things that I write
    to you and a LOT that I don’t write to
    you. The other day going to school we
    were talking about one of the first snow
    falls we had this year. I spun the van
    around in circles in the parking lot and
    they thought that was GREAT fun. Then
    I told them about the time that their
    Grandpa cut some circles in the Kelly
    School yard and hit a pole with the back
    fender. Do you remember that? I
    remember Mom bringing it up every now
    and then. Then there was the time you
    got a little close to the guard posts along
    the highway just west of Broadwater and
    ripped the spare tire and bracket off the
    old Jeep. Of course none of US ever did
    anything like that. HA.

    It is good to remember back and tell the
    kids about the things we did “in the old
    days”. They find it hard to believe there
    was no TV and I walked through rattle
    snake country to go to the neighbors to
    play. It WAS a good time for me and I
    had a GOOD Dad to help me grow up.
    Thanks again Dad. You and Mom did a
    very good job on us four kids. Sometimes
    we don’t show it often enough but I for
    one thank you and LOVE you.

    Soon you will have another birthday.
    Before you know it you will be 90. I
    should be so lucky.

    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are with you all. Bye for now. Love you
    Dad
    The family send a BIG Hi!!!!

    Your son, John

    —————————————————–

    Mar. 9, 1993

    Dear Dad,
    Time has a way of disappearing so
    rapidly. I was going to write you a note
    two weeks ago and now here we are.

    It looks like spring is just about to arrive.
    I am ready for it. I’ll bet you are ready to
    get out side and do something. Do you
    miss not farming? I think often about the
    farm and the things we used to do. The
    kids always ask for stories about being on
    the farm. I tell them about raising a
    garden, rattlesnakes, floods, the BIG
    ONE in 49, anything that comes to mind.

    The family went to Sun Valley about 70
    miles north of here Sat. with Kristen’s
    Girl Scout troop for a day of ice skating.
    Pennye used the VCR and played back
    their falls and no falls. It reminded me of
    the times you would get your old clamp-
    on skates on a cut a figure on the ice. I
    never was very good at it. You could hop
    up and turn around. I couldn’t stay of
    my back side and head. I still have a big
    dent in the back of my head from the last
    time I tried. Nearly killed me. So much
    for that.

    Next month you will have another
    birthday. 86 years! Before you know it
    you will be 90.

    I paid your insurance for another year
    I trust you are feeling well. Our prayers
    are w

The death of night
Morning rising into the light.
Walk out of night
into the light
into the glory
of tomorrow's sight.

Thank you for giving
us the light.
For showing Your Delight.
This Christmas Season
Is the reason.    
Given to us
a Baby
       The Christ.
             To bring the light.

(c)06-25-06   John L. Stevens

As I walked in the darkness
In the middle of the day.
I stumbled down the road.
Not knowing Your way.
I was broken from falling
Fear dwelled deep within.
I trusted only me,
To see me through.

Then I saw the light shining
In the middle of the day.
I could see without falling
As You lighted the way.
Your light shone around me
And took away the fear.
I learned to trust You Lord,
To see me through.

As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death.
I will fear no evil
To befall me.

As I walk into the darkness
at the end of the day.
Your light shines around me
and shows me the way.
No fear dwells within me
as my journey here will end.
I trust only You Lord,
To see me through.

As I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death.
I will fear no evil
To befall me.

For Your rod and your staff
Are with me to the end.
I will step into the light.
I will see the glorious sight.
I will finally be at home.. in Heaven
I will meet You face to face… in Heaven.

I was blind but now I see.
Your light shines around me.
I was blind but now I see… Your face.

Little Bird – (Forever and Always)

When I read to Tony at bed time, there are times his little sister Lucy is there for our nightly ritual.  When all is read and eyes are closing, I say to Tony,  “Good night Tony Boy.  Love you forever and always.  See you in the morning.”

One afternoon Lucy (2) climbed up into my big chair and positioned herself just so.  When all was snuggled in, she looked up at me and said, “My love you grandpa.”  Of course I do what all thinking grandpas do… I said, “I love you too Lucy.”  A moment goes by, a little shifting in the nest occurs, and I hear, “My love you grandpa!”   Now the reasonable thinking grandpa would say, “I love you too Lucy Girl.”  Which I did.  But that was not the end of this conversational delight. Then she looked up into my face with some consternation on her’s and said, “How come you don’t say ‘forever and always’ grandpa?”  “Oh Lucy Girl.  Grandpa does love you forever and always.  Yes I do.”  With that affirmation of love she settled in with a smile on her face and snuggled up tighter.

What may seem to be a small thing to big people is a really BIG thing to the small.

I have reached the pinnacle of joy when Tony Boy and Lucy Girl are snuggled in… one on each side.  “All is well.”  At least in my world it is.

Beware of Roses in
      Little Boxes
Given to you by
      Little Foxes
To turn your head
      Their way
With the sly words
      They say.

Little boxes turn to
      Little caskets
Burying you in
      Was not ask it
To rip your heart to
      Little Pieces
And feed you to
       The WOLVES.

Many times I just need to stop what I am doing and listen... listen to what the "still small voice" is trying to tell me.
Taking time to smell the lilacs, so to speak, to soak in the beauty around us, to reflect that God really is God and not a figment of our imagination, is what life should be about. Turning off the things that interrupt our mind (tv/radio/neighbor/spouse ;-)), etc) and listening and seeing the simple joys in life, gives me peace for today and hope that tomorrow will be even better.

My joy these days is in a 24 pound little boy who entered this world 13+ months ago not under the best of circumstance but loved just the same. I would not trade him for all the money in the world. He is the light of my life. When I come home very tired, it would be easy to do what I want... rest, but the look on his little face when I come into the room somehow sparks a little more energy to pick him up. He lays his head on my shoulder, gives a sigh, and all is well with the world.

In the spring time, gardens are planted and begin to grow. For him, (my grandson) his mind is like a garden. The seeds planted in his early life, the time taken to talk and play with him, watered with love and compassion, will grow and develop and hopefully the beauty of his garden will crowd out the **** seeds that the winds of world blow in from time to time. Love always triumphs over hate if you never give up. I know many kids never had a chance at an early age to grow and bloom into a beautiful garden. Years later, **** killer (God) was applied, the soil tilled by His hand, revealed the potential of their garden. The gardens they grow are beautiful in the eyes of our Lord and Savior. When someones garden is getting a little dry, we need to help water their garden with love, compassion and understanding from our abundance. Small things that don't cost much but have a big impact on the growing beauty of a garden. Is there any better way to spend our time than to nurture a growing garden? I think not. I may not live to see my grandson's garden bloom and produce great things as he becomes a man but I know God will honor the planting and watering I do beyond the day He takes me home.
-------------End------------
Written  04-18-2006

(c) Dec. 15-2005 John Stevens

(V1)
When trouble comes around you
And you don’t know where to turn.
Look up and see Jesus standing there.
He will take all your sorrows
And give you peace within.
Just look up and see Jesus standing there.

(V2)
When love seems so distant
And you feel lost and alone.
Look up and find Jesus waiting there.
His arms are open wide for you
To take you as His own.
Just look up and find Jesus waiting there.

(V3)
When hope has all but gone
And darkness closes in.
Look up and find Jesus kneeling there.
He is reaching down to lift you up
From the pit of despair.
Look up and find Jesus kneeling there.

(V4)
When joy comes upon you
And you don’t know who to thank.
Look up and see Jesus smiling there.
His grace does surround you
His mercy brings you through.
Just look up and see Jesus waiting there.

(Chorus)
Look up and see Jesus
He waits for you to call His name.
Look up and see Jesus standing there.
Look up and see Jesus
Receive His gift of love for you.
Look up and see Jesus standing there.

(tag)
He will take you in His arms of love
And give you peace within.

I wandered in a vast desert
  of misinformation
Looking for answers
Looking for help
  To resolve my hurts,
                my addiction.

I looked to the tree
              but
There was no help for me.
I looked to the rocks
               but
It smelled like homeless socks

From the smartest man
     of all the world
     came no relief from the pain,
That permeated my inner most being
     all seemed Lost,
     there was no gain.

Nothing satisfied
      nothing filled the hole,
      in my soul.
There was always doubt
      always fear.
      What did the future hold?
There was nothing to hold dear.

The Higher Powers I found
Were causing me to drown.

When hope had faded
       All seemed jaded
To a point of deep despair
God, if you are there
   touch my despair.
    Make me aware.
--

I looked to the Cross
of long ago, still stands
high on the hill,
In the minds and hearts
of the people who do
His, not their own will.

I saw what my soul
      was yearning for
I saw Love freely given
      as never before,
In the drops of loss
      at the foot of the Cross.

There, the chains I had on
that dragged  me down,
fell off. The load was gone.
I was free to soar
in new found love
as never before.

Glorious freedom
      as never before.
In His Love
      I soar.
         Forevermore.

I have always been a quiet guy and did not want to talk before crowds.
The Old Days
Going from country school to city school had its interesting times. We had to take a test to get into high school and I still remember my score being 10.4.  The over and out thing on Car 54.
My brother Ed was the company boxing champ when he was in Korea in 52.  When he returned from Korea and came to the farm he would bring his boxing gloves and he taught me the fine points of the art.

I could defend myself but never needed to prove it. All through my freshman year **** M was always giving me a bad time. Sophomore year it continued until about Christmas time. At that time I had had enough. I was walking up to Main and **** and his two buddies were following me saying their usual bad stuff. Now **** out weighed by 100 pounds at least but enough was enough.  I set my books down off the sidewalk.  Noting I was right next to the morgue and thinking “one of us could end up in there”. Turning around... I motioned with open hand and quietly said to ****...  “ok ****... let’s get this over with”.  His eyes went rather big and he backed up. The three of them vanished back down the street. **** was very nice to me after that. We never had any harsh words. Sometimes you must stand up and confront the problem.

Sometime later kids started calling me Sullivan. I let it go for a while. Then I asked someone “why are you and others calling me Sullivan”?  Did not get an answer other than “your name is John L Stevens so... you are like John L Sullivan.”  Did not compute. Sullivan was a well known prize fighter. I’ve often wondered if the **** thing had anything to do with it.

Coming out of the sticks into the big city school was interesting the first few weeks. The city boys would come up and would put a hand out for a shake. Not chocolate. They would try to squeeze my hand hard but it didn’t bother me.  The third week I decided that I would squeeze back.  Now maybe they didn’t know that I milked cows by hand. So the next one got squeezed... hard.  It hurt some me thinks. Word apparently traveled fast as that was the last fun hand shake I had. I’m old now but I have never been hit in the face in all this time. Except with boxing gloves. No need to cause trouble but be ready to defend yourself and others.  What I taught my kids and grandkids over the years.

Ok enough of that.