I feel like my eyes, my skin,
Are like ties that bind me.
Lies that tithe my being.
Holding in my soul,
And that I'm numb,
I can't even feel,
Only the tears I cannot cry,
Are real.
Just a shell,
Oh living, living not a live,
living a lie an imposter,
peroposteroulsy going through the emotions,
thinking I'll be understood,
when no one dares to look under the hood,
Much less the mirage in the mirror,
Just echoes of fears and faded glories,
Scars of my own making.
And yet somehow it comforts me,
Darling dearest run far away,
Even as it with every step,
I become more empty.
I'm selfish, lovely,
And your beautiful facade,
masks my emptiness.
Into the void I wish to go,
But I have no bravery.
Just a shell,
A puppet,
Of some joke unseen.

I am hopeful one day you'll forgive me.
I am hopeful one day you'll let me care for you.
I am hopeful one day you'll talk to me.
I am hopeful one day I won't break your heart.
I am hopeful one day you'll take my loneliness away.
I am hopeful one day I'll find myself in you.
I am hopeful one day I'll belong there with you.
I am hopeful one day we'll eat pizza together.
And shower one another.
And cry together.
Instead of apart.
All because you said hello.
Oh, it tortures me.

Oh, *******.
Same cursed disease.
That took my beloved mother,
Right away from me.
Heathen Blood spewers,
Choking women at the seams,
cutting into lungs like,
My empty heart beats,
gore into my arteries,
I need you to go away,
Before my sanity leaves me.
The images flashing into my head,
The death that you bring,
Oh rear it all upon me.
Why can I not be cursed,
Why not punish me.
Cruel fates,
I want to absorb theirs,
Take it back and drink it dry,
And die fitfully,
Painfully,
Pneumonia,
How lonely,
You make me.

Tell you a story,
A sick story of mine,
I'm in a dream,
Waking up, and seeing,
Oh, your blood splattered all over mine.
I'm so scared, so terrified,
Oh hungrier still,
My knees shake and quiver,
but my **** only groans...
Gobble Gobble,
Crunch Crunch,
Gulp.
Yum.
The fear has gone away.
I wake up, a man again,
But I have changed.
And I've never been the same.

I'll howl at the moon,
And still my words will never reach you.

I'll stare at the ever same sun you watch set,
for a thousand years,
and still never again cast my gaze upon you.

I'll think of every way to, sway your heart,
like verdant palm trees in a strong breeze,
strong, and yielding, to me.

And I'll write every ounce of my joy,
Into this soft spoken pen,
Thinking, if, and only then.

But I'm a monster without a name,
Even still, my roar fades all the same.
I'm good at something, oh to be sure,
I'm very good at pushing,
The few ones I can love,
away for good.

So there you are again,
and you say you'll always be right there,
Oh, baby, you say you aren't trying to love me,
You must have gone crazy,
To keep me around,
Knowing I'm batshit,
Stinking flailing,
all over you,
You are the mountain,
I have to climb,
The light that only I can find,
The sight that warms me up,
The fright that tears me down,
I won't let my life be for naught,
I won't let you be there, alone,
Forgot.
You can't let me out,
But I've gone so much,
It's scary to let me in.
I know, I know,
I'm not worthy, yet still,
Dearest, oh heavenly creation,
Oh muse, I'm listening,
To whatever music you send my way,
I'll only fall for you, Off my perch of isolation,
You've always been,
My only one,
My other half,
My kindred soul,
Again, and again, and again,
You've always understood me,
Read me like a book you wrote yourself,
So deeply profound,
So riveting,
Shaking me down,
Shake me all down,
And sweep me away,
Again.
I'm never leaving,
I'm  never giving up,
it will take me forever,
To earn your heart but,
Amanda my love, my dear,
I won't say it first,
I won't kiss you first,
I won't run my hands through your hair,
I won't grab you closely, hold you tightly,
As if you Must never go,
Until you say,
"I'm yours, again,"

You are like a ghost,
Haunting me, waking, dreaming,
****, woman, It is you that makes my heart,
go beating off into the wilds,
randomly, fleeting,
Screeching, and into my gut,
where the butterflies are singing,
I can't get you out, of my blood,
my worthless pulse that wont stop beating,
Its discreet and it makes me think,
If I had it over again, I wouldn't be leaving,
Not ever, not if you were cutting my very
Organs our from under my being,
Till I bled out and died, with your eyes on mine,
Cuz I've left you a thousand times, scared of what,
You could be reading, into my scars, and my flaws,
My ticks, and my insecurities, they talk,
Like little green men to crazy men,
Oh I'm insane and my depression is carrying me therein,
And no death is gruesome enough to be worse than,
A life alone, without you in it,
Its melodramtic, I know,
I have no one to confide upon so,
I'll tell it all to my pen,
Worthless strokes, full of worthless thoughts,
To convey meaningless feelings,
Oh insanity, thou art the love I feel,
I'd give it all up, oh I'd sell my soul,
I'd let loose my demons, and I'd carry your hell,
I'd fight god himself, I'd cry in public,
Just end it all, stop flaunting your sickeningly
Pretty face, your gorgeous smile, your pretty brown eyes,
That *** that are all my hands remember,
The fear I felt then as if I was in the presence of the 8th world wonder,
I can't get it out, not when your here, and I look so weak,
If I send you out, and I think twice in the mirror,
The closer you get, maybe one day then,
I'll get one more chance, And,
I wont lose you, Again.

I know you have kids to feed,
But I must say what I need,
I am no thief,
I did not steal from you,
And our boss already finished the deal,
I owned what I worked for,
You don't get to carry the sins of the father,
unto the son. Because it suits you.

You curse the dealership for approving deals,
That make you lose money in peels,
But you want my losers,
You have to ask everyone for yours,
I earn mine, and never have to ask anyone.

Please stop accosting me.
Do not tell me, that my father thinks I am Greedy,
Do not tell me that I don't know anything,
That what comes around goes around,
Do not call me, The kinkiest ******* you know,
And say you wont do buisness with me,
Any more,
And then keep coming to me,
And lecturing me,
And riling me up,
And stressing me,
And making my heart burst up,

Leave me alone.
Fight someone else,
To get what you think is yours,
While I'll sleep soundly,
Maybe tomorrow,
Knowing I did what was right.

I just can not do it,
oh not any more.

I'm a rusty wheel still turning,
but the spinning and running,
ended a long time ago.

I'm an empty husk,
the snake skin left over,
from a serpent long slivered.

The passion has come and gone,
as the wind blows from the east,
setting with the cool sun in the west,
and the day turns to black starless night,
so too do I fall into the the pitch,
a quiet hell resounding.

But no devils speak to me,
oh the joys if they would deign to torture me,
no, no, no dear, no.
I am left alone.
The only words of recoil that I do hear,
Are the sharp respites my own mind come come upon,
Jumping up on and and every one of my shallow young boy fears.
The inadequacies of life and the man not leading.

So I'll sit back in this chair, and let life come to me.
I'm tired of ******* and having it feel so empty.
I can fill no wombs, so I'll sleep singularly.
Maybe it will fit me. Maybe my spark will come back.
Or maybe we are all just dreaming.
A dream of future glories, never to be.
And the walls of our reality.
Are always just crumbling.

Vilified,
Oh so dignified,
Let me **** your mind,
And afterwards,
Lay besides,
The tide's cruel remorse,
Where you got your award,
The ring that binds,
Your worthless force,
Tied to another, by bonds,
Of silver lies, and golden lines,
Wrapped around rings,
Made of skin and dust,
Oh I smile, as I **** another,
Of my previous selves.

I know who I am, who I am,
Says Sam, Sam that I am,
Sam, go back in your can,
It's not amatuer hour, this can't stand,
Go, duck your head in the sand,
Its do or die time, gotta make it land,
The deals are there, you gotta play the numbers,
Make hay when the sun is shining,
Lie when the customer needs to be buying,
Happiness is morose, it twists and moats,
Like an irregular river, never satisfied,
Dried up, losing all hope,
No this is John's hour, the feelings are irrelevant,
I cast them aside, like a blind man's irrelevance,
I'm agnostic so I'm irreverent,
let me tell you what that means,
I'm a ***** and a testament,
To a master and a question,
Left on stone, tablet, and parchment,
Ill last the times, my words echoin',
A big bang of passion and death reverberin',
Into the minds of the young, the innocent,
I'll smile, as my **** swells in hell or heaven,
And I'll *** down onto the world, and into every ******,
And I'll laugh and laugh, a burning,
the once kind heart of an innocent feeling,
Gone, lost upon the fates long winds and,
I'll still be smiling even when they are all gone,
And finally my big bang is forgotton,
And the light will have long left my eyes, testosterone,
Absent for many an eos,
And I'll be alone then, and again,
Ill smile, but it wont quite reach,
My oft forgot soul.

Run, run little girl,
Im only after your fears.
Hide, hide from the light.
I'll only eat your tears,
in the coldest, blackest
Night.

I'm not the hero.
I'm not here to save everyone.
I have fallen.
It feels so good to let go,
and let your demons roam.


Let me tell you a story,
and sell you a worry,
I'm never going home.
I'll always be in the clouds.
Dreaming. Terrible dreams.
I'll always want to conquer, to rule.
You'll never be anything to me,
but my *****. That's where I'm safe.

You can't hurt me anymore.
I feel pain but it doesnt reach me,
No longer, no more.
This life it is a bore.
Let me enlighten it.
Let me frighten it, by the seams.
Run, run, Little girl, little girl.
Your nothing but another of my dreams.
I'll never catch you but
I will always be chasing.
Hungry hungry,
voracious and deadly seeming.
Into the cracks, the crevices,
of your once friendly being.

I will make you all hot,
eating you from the inside out.
And then you'll get cold,
You'll walk right on out.
And I wont notice the difference.
Ill stay here, if only for a while,
Laying, thinking, realizing...
You were just a *****.
Little girl, little lamb.
I am greater now than a man.
And less than any one can.
Smile.

Oh, I'm looking for light,
In this godless night,

I'm losing my spark,
And the apathy feels great.

With each uneven beat of my heart,
I close my eyes, and its not nearly as dark...

As the life we surround ourselves with,
Afraid of death and the afterlife.

It is called crazy, crazy, to wish it was over.
They call it depression and submission.

I call it rationalism!
What does this world have to offer you?

You take of it what you will,
But to me it lends only bills!

And not of the meaningless thing we call money,
No ******* up currency, no trust we bind ourselves by.

Nay the cruelty of a loveless life, of emotions drained,
Hopes dashed, family cruelly washed down winter's basin.

What do we look forward to in life?
Oh, I wonder, and wander. I am lost.

But to me I am found. I know who I am.
I am the darkness, at 2 am which causes me to write.
I am the boogeyman, the hidden fright.
The fear which holds you from kissing her,
The quiver you try to hide under, your receding grin,
I am the line by which darkness exudes,
I am evil and the joy infused,
I am the happiness of void, the contentness of lust.
I am the sin and the sinner, the judge and the judged.
And I am without care or worry. I am only waiting to be taken.
Oh. Oh indeed.

Oh cursed soul,
that you be,
something I dont even believe,
In, but in pain filled ignorance,
I lack the eloquency  to describe,
Even a little bit accurately,
This hateful being,
This lie of a perception, I cannot wake from,
A matrix, a coded line, I find myself,
Stuck in,
The suffering of a thousand lives and worlds,
Reaching out to you, reading this,
Lying, lying, as if the words mean,
Anything, anything, No!
Yet then, I always realize circling back,
To the histories invented by past selves,
hence, influencing who I am now,
the dark corners I look forward to in the future,
The lack of resposibility, The blissful youth,
Mixed with the pain of wisdom,
And the teachings and overview,
Of going off a cliff, only to jump back on,
And run off again,
Yet, then, again I find myself looking,
In my heart at the gun, the gun of release,
Oh that I dare say,
all humans should seek.
Crazy, crazy, John,
You are crazy you say,
Aye, aye, as all we are,
Sanity is insane,
Reason is,
2+2=4, Because.
I am the because. I am the order.
I am the chaos, that puts that electron there,
And your synapses connecting there,
Oh I'm the breath you take,
Before that **** and ***,
You faked,
Little one, little one,
I am much older now in lives
Than years, I consume throwing myself away,
The self, the soul, the non existence,
Oh it is existing and it wont leave me,
And all this because,
I saw her kissing that man,
On the cheek.
Alas, that is the bane of every God and Demon,
Since nephlium, To love a human,
A mortal, the code in the matrix,
The variables for the x,
That turns your reason and logic,
Into guess work and soulbreak,
I drone on,
Where is the end,
That is the point! Dr. Seuess,
Take your money back, I know the places I will go,
Oh I've seen it now for a while, and boy do I fear,
The blank page, the unwritten line,
The truth that I've been trying to hide,
From who?
I've lived long enough.
I would like to die.

My dad said,
Son...
one day your gonna want a family,
and it has been the curse of
the male of our line,
to take forever to decide
what they want,
and he gave me names,
examples and dates,
and I nodded along smiling,
seething,
He said,
Baby boy,
Little kid,
Go back to college and i'll pay your debt
as if he wasnt struggling to make ends meet,
as is.

He said, Do this,
or later you will come to regret,
and wish that you did,
and I shook my head.
AND I SAID.
I want to be sane and happy!
I shall have no regrets,
I have much too many!
Life has stolen everything from me,
making me who I am,
someone who finds no shame
in quit.
I have no drive or will,
what is success or money,
But prostitution of the human
driven by the dollar and
Societies judgmental mills
to ostracize those who don't fit the mold,
who don't want to dream,
who don't want to build,
Because being an American it seems,
Is being an individual,
as long as you are an individual,
they want you to be, and if your not,
they are french,
and cest la ******* vie.

And I said,
Dad, You are looking down upon me.
I may want a family, in fact I'd have one today,
if anyone was willing,
But I doubt anyone will love me,
and even if they did, I proclaim,
quite meatily,
We don't need money,
We will get by, the best we can
as everyone else does.
No better or worse.
Just, simply,
existing.
Hopefully,
Happily.

But no, he proclaimed,
you'll want a house some day!
Some where to raise your kids,
At least, if not college,
if that won't make you happy,
come work for me,
sell cars, get a beach house,
as a dad I felt his need to just
give me something,
because as he's never really understood me,
I think he's still always tried the best he could.
And on this, my perceptiveness got a hold of me,
and much to my shame
I Said; Yes.

Close your eyes,
my beauty, oh my
***** little demon,
my succubus,
my muse,
me silly reason for,
silly being.
Feel my heart.
It wont stop beating.
Faster and faster,
slothily increasing,
it wants to burst, explode,
and I say, let it be so,
I feel the blood pour out unevenly,
the circulation failing,
as I smile greedily,
The **** of death coming from
deep inside of me,
spilling from my intestines and out onto
the kitchen ceiling,
where I am stuck
where my mind breathes,
where these halucinations that we call
our reality,
these lies we tell ourselves,
to sleep just a little,
bit more comfortably,
the hate we have ourselves,
of our worldly greed,
that we deny and then,
**** hungrily,
the shame in our hearts,
as we think about society,
and what they want from us,
and how we bow to,
artifical ceilings and devices,
I look down from above,
upside down or
in fact, right side up,
die my little heart die,
burst, burst!
Feel the ecstasy and do not reverse,
I say to myself,
as no one is listening,
and why should they?
I'm just  a death kid,
versing.

So, what is it with you?

What do you mean, John?

I mean, are you evil?

Evil? Well I suppose that depends. What does that word mean to you?

Evil, I guess to me is, means taking pleasure out of the suffering of others.
So what I am asking is, do you take pleasure out of the suffering of others?

Yes I do. In that definition, I am evil. But I put this to you, John. You are evil too.

I am not. I try my best. I may not be perfect, but I wasn't meant to be I'm human. I want to make others happy.

You are a liar John. You take pleasure out of the suffering of others. You love to cause it. Especially sexually. You are a sadist. But even in non ****** contexts. You love being "dominant". Even if, sometimes especially if it hurts others.

.... I seek consent, at least, for my evilness. They share in the blame.

That's an excuse. You know it. You seek absolution. You run run, run away from your sins. Oh but God sees, God hears, he looks into your subconscious, and he writes every note.

Fine. I'm evil, Satan, though I'll have some things to say when it is my time to be judged. But we are getting off track... Why do you fight so hard to take souls? To ruin people? To be the cause the source of all suffering!

Because I have to John. But I am not the source.

What do you mean you "have" to. Isn't that just an excuse? And of course you are the source. You are evil incarnate.

And who incarnated me?

Oh. ****.

Your name was written in a book, long ago John. Your story was written before the time space even began. In words you can understand, your soul, your life, your pain your suffering your free will your eyes that time you kissed that girl that time you couldnt get hard and she hated you. He made it so.

Stop it. Even if he knew what I was going to do, I still decided to do it. I didn't "have" to do anything. And neither do you. At least, since you rebelled and took   hold of your free will.

Did you decide John? Let us look at it closely and see what is worse. Either you truly do have complete and utter free will and God does not know what you are going to do. He never did. I'm wrong. You can save your soul, albeit through the acceptance of Christ and yada yada, outside of his plans and will. If that is so, God is not all powerful or all knowing. The creator is a fraud. A liar. Someone without a "real" plan. Who is just dicking around as he is going on. There is a lot of biblical ancillary information to back it up. God asking Adam and Eve what they did(One of my finest moments if I may say), then later Cain about Abel (And I didn't even do anything there!), regretting making humanity and washing away the earth in the times of the Nephilium and Noah. Plenty other examples. Or he, as I suspect, really did set everything in motion. He condemmed Judas to an eternity in my mouth, in the coldest fringes of Hell, to enact his plan for "redemption". More glory for him, I say. More mindless worshiping. It is no coincidence Jesus is a "shepard" and humans are his "sheep", his "flock". Baa, baa, sheep. Baa away.  And every person since. The original sin is his. He knew of it. He allowed it. He willed it. He enacted it. He used me. He used Adam. He used Eve. Because HE wanted to. Because that was HIS plan. Heaven and Hell. Pain and love. Winners and losers. Cruelty and love. Two sides of the same coin. Just lies. Just mirages. Freedom is *******. God is a selfish, hateful, prideful, condemning being. Not so full of infinite love. Which is worse, John? Who takes true pleasure out of suffering?

I don't know anymore, Satan. I don't know. But I kind of wish you had been God instead.

Me too, John. Me too.

I'm better than you,
I'M BETTER THAN YOU,
and you don't care,
submit, submit,
give me the whole world,
acknowledge me,
my fleeting existence,
and give me all the women to lay,
oh let me fix this, broken cold world,
and fill it with the warmth of my absolute,
depraved love, the world is crazy enough
as is, but it's not enough,
never enough,
for even Bill Gates.
No we all want more,
we all see the house and the trophy wife,
and we want ours,
I laugh to cover the sound of the opening scars,
from the inside out we tear ourselves out,
never before has civilization been so,
animalistic, the hierarchy,
the power disparity,
the artificial glass ceilings,
of "education", when the young just drink,
do drugs and ****, and after four years,
they are better, better, and best,
While the merits of the great,
the inspired, the ambitious,
get torn, and lost and left behind,
and no one cares,
not the world,
not the *****.
And so I am jealous, jealous and wrathful,
wrapped in my powerlessness and apathy,
nothing new I suppose,
Just another enlightened,
Human.

I've got nothing,
I say to myself,
With a half worn half grin,
oh dear oh my oh may,
I exclaim I explain, to the cracks on my wall,
Dripping blood in my mind into,
my open mouth hungrily drinking,
every last drop, unfullfilling,
I wonder why I wonder why,
my stomach is so empty.

My mind is so full, so engineering,
thoughts and crimes, and lovely lies,
like I love you, I love you,
mi amore! Come to me, **** my ****,
and we will forever more!
Oh she laughs, as my eyes widen,
straight to my sinister soul,
what does it mean, what does it mean,
When I **** only myself,
mentally, and no more.

Look at it, look at it,
the little boy alone,
Oh where did his family, where did his family,
go?
It's not bad, it's not bad,
contrary to popular opinion,
on the island, in the seclusion,
no longer loving, those,
who you can't hear;
and those who you never see,
but who talk and talk,
and **** and ****,
while you sit there and grin,
no, no, please oh no more.

Leave me be, I won't seek thee,
so let me go, oh no you just wont
cause you stay in this mind,
and you are the blood dripping from the cracks
AND YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF THE DEMONS
THE ONES EATING AT ME
FROM THE INSIDE
FROM THE WRINKLES OF MY DEPRAVED
DISGUSTING
MIND.
JUST,
die

They call me the deaf reaper,
The not-so-slim teacher,
You want a lesson?
Here ya go, let me beat ya,
I'm the best, I'm the worst dressed,
Ill fight you over your address,
I got arguments, I've got lies,
I ain't hearing your *******,
I'm making my own, and I Direct,
I do not listen.
I scream, to others but not to myself,
I'm half as great to me, twice as awesome to you,
I pity no fool,
I look at ignorance with a mixture of disgust,
And admirance.
I wanted to be a leader,
not a professor,
But profess this, my dearest,
queer hater, oh not gay,
Just weird and unneeded.,
Who will follow, A modern day ******,
Living for greatness, for evil for death,
no matter what else has been heeded.
Who can scream with the anger and the authority,
Oh, that is me, the deaf reaper.
Grim, grim!
Oh, but what a grin,
Smiling oh so devilishly,
Too deviously,
that even in his now once brightly lit din,
now on the road to recovery, through the death,
of his dearest emotions, friends,
family and hearing,
Only now can he see the vision,
But the vision was sent a year too late,
How cruel then, is fate?
Now, left with one penniless gift,
Lovely, quite irate.
Poetry, boys and girls,
Like what you feed to the dogs,
regurgitated meat,
infused with vitamins and
milk straight from the teats,
of an unwanted *****,
come here, a little closer,
if you dare meet fear,
Ill eat you, oh i'll eat you,
and lick up all your tears,
until only one fluid is leaking,
and your lips then smear,
for me all for me,
For I am not myself,
Only the images and lies,
Of beings far incompare,
what does it mean,
what does it mean,
oh Ill tell you little bean,
bean bounce bounce for jean,
look at her eyes, lustily,
She is a hand, the hand on the face,
watch it as it shivers, just out of place,
still in control, if only she could see,
Her hearing clouding her vision,
Of the demons in me.
No, no, for ever devoid,
take away the rest,
of these worthless toys,
You call feelings, given to me,
To ruin my intellect,
And degrade my being.
I will not let the good win out,
Oh I hate the light.
I will change the definition of good,
I will give death real meaning,
My own.
Listen, listen closely,
Listen to my tone.
It is the whispers, the whispers,
of the subconcious untold,
That part of you, deep inside,
that when seeing the hero win,
Says "well it woulda been cool to see,
the villain preside."
So give me the world, mind control,
and more. Oh look into these,
deep blue eyes, these,
fragile snowflakes,
these *****, *****, charms.
Feel my pain and agony,
As I disregard them,
Legion, consuming evertly,
Yum, Yum, I say with a sway,
But it is not food that I eat,
Nay, Nay, for the Deaf Reaper,
It is on another soul, another mind,
Another worthless human body,
That I PREY.

Oh,
The places I have gone,
Into the gutter onto the street,
Regurgitated,
Every fiber,
Of my uneven being,
A little yin,
A lot of yang,
And the realization,
Of the cost of "freedom",
Is security,
And the lies swept under the rug,
Therein.

Where do I go?
In this world I do not fit within,
It suits me not,
Too corporeal, too moralistic,
Too judging, and a little bit too thin.

Always finding reasons,
To opress other human beings,
Even in democracy,
The masses lurk,
Judging, what is good men.
The young are chained,
Binded by systems and laws,
Signed to social contracts,
They didnt ask for,
and most will never understand.

All in the great,
revolutionary idea!
Oh, yes, as they will tell you with a smile,
You can be anything you want to be!
(If you get a 4.0)
You can love freely!
(Except gays and underaged)
And women let me tell you,
Yes how to get an abortion,
And when!

Always distinguishing,
Classifying people,
Alpha and beta,
And whatever else in bygone alphabets,
We are social animals,
Civilized only in lies.
And all men are not created equal!
Some are born to die.
We laugh in the face of this evil,
Because we cannot control our own existence,
And the only other option is to cry,
And self annihilate.
Of course, to the world,
This is so very wrong.
Such a crazy guy.

There is no freedom I say.
Only the mirror image,
The perception of such,
We make our own choices,
Sure,
Pre ordained by our genetics,
Our expereinces, our cultures,
The boxes of our very thoughts,
Ergo the very essence of who we are,
For if we were different,
We would go left,
And not right,
into the very clutches of Satan,
The demons men swear by.

I've got nothing nice to say,
Or contribute to society,
So I oft think,
I'd best stay silent,
And censure myself away,
I hurt my friends,
My family my loved ones,
And add onto the suffering list,
Still knowing the worst I got,
is better than a lot of men.

So, alas,
Mi amore,
I have a lie to say,
If you but love me,
Oh just one night,
I will love you,
Forevermore.

This is not a metahpor,
oh no this is so so real,
this is the deliciousness,
oh for my meal,
to consist of the sweet delicacy
Oh I know you know it is true,
Let us fry a koala,
Not make it into stew.

It will be chewy and crunchy,
Oh leave the bones in,
They make the meat more tender,
And toothpicks more fun,
Let your girl make it for you,
And **** you clean while eating.
That is when you've reached heaven,
And the lust and gluttony therein.

If they try to stop you,
From stealing another koala,
Tell them it is your dinner,
And they are making you quite irate.

Beat them in the face,
And shoot their families down,
Nothing must stop you from eating,
Yet another fried koala,
One might even think its fate.

When you **** it out,
Don't fret or moan,
Take it like a man,
And bless the remains,
of the once fried koala,
As you flush it down down down.
Because another lies down under,
To quench your hunger,
Forever.

For Lexi.

Oh, dear Alice,
Dressed in blue,
Ready to be undressed, if only you knew,
Little girl little girl,
In guise of a woman,
here is what I offer you...

Fall down this well,
oh down my decrepit path,
Dark dark dark,
You wont know which way is up,
But you know youll be falling down,
Down deeper deeper,
As my smile burns Cheshire,
Oh, sweet Alice,
The pleasure I'll give,
As you lose your mind,
Will be so intoxicating hence with,
You wont remember your once stubborn self,
That hid yourself from men.

Instead now, you will exist only for me,
And you will know what it is to be happy,
True freedom lying in complete submission,
To me,
The rabbit,
Who is late for a very important date.
So you best chase after,
And hope, that I await,
You at the bottom of the hole,
To catch you.
And I will.

Oh, I'm a hungry hungry spider,
Watch as I make my web grow,
Pluck a line here,
Catch a lady bug there,
And the look of terror in her eyes,
As she knows, oh I'm ******* her cold.
I eat her raw, from the inside out,
Drinking her virginal juices,
Oh the ***** moans I shout,
They don't stop until the job is done,
Dark and decrepit I sink even further,
Alone, yes, But carried inside,
a thousand lost souls,
Trapped in a web,
A web for a spider,
to live and be fed.

Where do the dreamless go?
Do they just drift away,
Does the universe just shrug,
As if to say,
Goodbye, John,
...see you a neverday.

Or rather, worse profoundly,
To see them stagnate contently,
in the half-real mundane.

The routine of grey,
and the blue-collar,
quarter-happy grin.

It speaks much louder now,
than in any once lit din,
where your eyes sparkled with dreams,
today long forgotten.

Oh tomorrow is today,
and every day since.
In the minds of the dreamless,
with no goal forth wince.

All hallows ever,
And I am sitting on the bed,
The bed that is a couch,
With narerly an account,
but surely still,
That Frankenstein will listen,
No morely not,
I am my own with standing,
Yet who we are is who we have repeatedly been,
Muderer's killers, who are we truly, but conglomerates of our free willing,
and lies withunderstood.

You just want someone to care,
Because you can't just care about yourself,
You stand up straight, and cover the bleeding wound,
You'll tell anybody anything,
And nobody asks anymore.
You bit your own tail off,
So you can't wag anymore.
You clawed out your own soul,
And denied this reality.
You masturbated in bed,
Refusing to feel pleasure.
Alone, anymore.
It hurts now it hurts,
So numb, so numb.
People are foolish beings,
Forever trying to connect to another dot in the universe,
Forever trying to merge,
To "understand"
When there is no such thing.
You eat your cereal,
And the milk is cold,
But you don't care what your brain says,
Only the demons you mold.
The ones that haunt you,
The ones that chase you,
Oh the ones that keep you in this chair,
writing about it,
Instead of doing something about it,
The troubles of freedom,
The lies they feed you,
You can't do anything,
Anything at all in this world.
And if you can one day you'll realise,
It was all a lie,
All a dream, a fruitless hope,
You planted in a barren ground,
A deserted womb,
No longer thirsty for your,
Decrepit seeds,
And a lonely boy.
Sitting there in the night.
And you look at him,
If only because no one else will,
And you think to yourself,
Is it the night that surrounds the boy,
Or the boy surrounding the night itself.

Let it flow flow flow,
Like the young waters of old,
But nothing comes of it,
No plants here will grow,
You can see it now,
You can see it when you are dying,
The shadows reflecting off the sunlight,
are always there, always darker,
always waiting,
taking you away,
Forevermore.

I watch Monster,
And I can see it in myself,
My depression, my recession,
I want to sleep,
Curl up in a ball,
Stop it, make it all stop,
but the ball keeps on bouncing,
And all I can hear, All I can feel,
"Munch Much, Crunch Crunch,
Gobble Gobble, Gulp."

Look at me, look at me,
He says, smiling devilishly,
So attractive, wouldn't you say?
For an ugly chubby excuse of a man?
The laugh, it doesnt end,
But it never reaches him,
The monster inside me has grown this large!
Oh yes, and Johann was such a beautiful name too.
But there was no one left to call him by it,
and let that be a lesson for you.

I close my eyes,
and where did I go?
Oh why doesn't anybody know,
Dearest dear, of yesteryear,
How come I still hear the chill of your voice,
In my deaf little ears?

Along a long road,
With nowhere to go,
Oh in life you bet on yourself,
Thinking it's the best bet in the book,
And then you break down on the side of the road,
And you find yourself alone, alone,
And you weren't a very good bet after all,
Alone, alone,
You put yourself there.

You open your eyes,
now it's darker than when you had them closed,
You hate the lights in the distance,
Because you remember when you shone,
Oh it is sickening, leave me here,
Leave me alone, alone.
Along this road,
This road, well I lied to you,
My love, My now absent heart,
My queen now deparated,
Smart, just like all the others,
I lied when I said this road goes on,
goes on and on,
I lied when I said it was a long road.
Sometimes, you just gotta fold.

I played Perfect Blue Buildings,
For all the crowd to hear and see,
Katie, laughed, a little drunkenly,
Saying, "Well, God, this is depressing,"
and she laughed a little forcefully,
And of course, the crowd, the sheep,
comfortably agreed,
So when the lull arose,
I looked into her eyes and said,
"Oh Katie, let me ask you, do you dislike this song because it is depressing?
Does it make you want to change to something happier?
Why dislike a song because it is sad, as if something could be wrong just for being sad?
I must ask is it the song you are running from,
or the Perfect Blue Building?"
And the place got quiet,
And like always, compared to the crows that are a counting,
My poetry is SILENT.
But so was she.
In an America where you are free to speak,
Whatever lays about on your decrepit little minds.
Oh, She was so so silent.
Now, ain't that, depressing?

So, I remember,
I remember, nothing,
But oh, lord, non existant,
do I dream of everything,
And I have to come to grips,
That she still haunts me,
That's she keeps my **** soft,
Late at night,
When all I want to do is,
Cry and *******,
And she's watching Dexter with another man,
And her life is yet great,
And My life is yet still a sham,
Oh, love, cursed though you be,
I crave you desperately,
It's funny because all you've done is ruin me,
Put me on my own,
Solo, and wrecked,
The crash and the burn the *** and the low,
Without any chance of rising,
Oh, yes, that is how I feel,
And if she saw this,
Would she be sad,
No, she'd just laugh,
For all I've ever been is a joke,
and the comedian is me,
Listen further I'll tell you sweetly as I puke,
Oh, not so discreetly,
But the tears won't come and so I won't hide em,
My love, my dear,
My sweet manda moo bear,
I was once found, now lost again,
Coming to grips with my innate fears,
Though nothing helps,
No gloves are enough,
To understand I am alone in this world.
The fault, the failures my own,
Broken, like the song that just won't play right,
Like the ***** that just wont feel tight,
Pulling out because it is too much for you,
And you call yourself a man?
NO!
No! Failuremore, evermore,
This reality a perspective,
You dream on your own,
While you lose your own mind,
And no one much cares,
Hell, why do I even write,
Write to further my alone,
Loneliness, yes it becomes a state of mind,
A loss of self, A conciousness of lost,
And you cant be, what you were meant to be,
Can you see,
I am coming to grips,
With sadness and insanity,
Forgive me.
But length is not long for me,
In this poor world.

In the midnight tree,
I heard her calling out to me,
Butterfly wings adorned,
Couldn't mask her succubi smile,
Or devilish horns,
But still she flew,
Majestic, graceful,
and oh so pretty,
And I watched as she sang,
Sang those sweet sweet melodies.

She didn't speak, not in human tongues,
But every word she spoke was true,
"John, John, John,"
I came to her, then from out the tree,
mesmerized, hypnotized,
Her image is memorized,
And she revealed herself to me,
Her naked purity,
Now, I must admit,
with my own sly grin,
That in the air of that midnight tree,
Did I ravish her,
Quite intimately.

I woke up today,
Wanting to cry,
If only I could get her back,
My subconcious mind cant help but try,
and dream of ways to make my dream come true,

But every time it happens, I wake up wanting to die,
I'll never get her back, I know,
It wouldn't work even if I did,
I guess that is the ultimate sign of failure,
Abandoning the love of your life,
Every time you wake up.

She looked at me,
Very afraid,
and asked,
why sir,
are you even awake.
I grinned voraciously,
Dipping down under,
My conscious mind,
now being taken over,
Oh I am dangerous,
And my fair lady,
Watch your self closely,
Do not be too daring,
For if you make me want you,
If you keep looking at me,
I will take you and make your body
baring, all its pink little secrets,
and I'll swallow up,
Even your shallow regrets.

In a time before time,
The Morningstar shown bright,
Greatest of the seraphs he sang,
With a voice second only to God,
And he sang only in the name of God,
Lovingly glorifying his name,
And God was happy, for a time,
And for a time, all the angels gathered around the Morningstar,
and sang to his tune, even mighty Michael did too,
All spoke his praises, though they sang for God alone,
And he was happy with his purpose in the world.
But he was sneaky, and grew to have a will of his own,
And the Lord God knew what was in his heart and sorrowed,
He called the Morningstar into his throne,
The golden throne, seat of the God almighty,
Surrounded by the most beautiful and holiest of holies,
Beings beyond angels, naked and lovely,
Light made solid, Like God himself,
In what we would call a humanoid form,
And he spoke hath saying,
"My creation, Lucifer, why doth you sorrow and struggle on your own?
And thou hath not prostrated yourself before the Lord, your God,"
The Morningstar frowned but quickly humbled himself,
Bowing low before the God, saying,
"Nay, mighty Lord, I sorrow not, I am forever,
In your presence, filled with joy, singing your praises,
This alone makes me happy, for, after all, this is how you created me,"
But God, being in all places at once knew, so he said,
"So be it Lucifer, mightiest of all my angels, brightest light,
In the dew of the morning sky, let you only be happy, in this,
the presence of God,"
The Morningstar was sent away, full of God's love,
And he was very happy, but, a little part of him grew sick.
Still the day after, and every day since he sang louder,
and more beautiful, his wonderful angelic octaves,
reaching harmonies more and more awesome,
Full of the Holy Spirit, he was blessed most mightily,
And his fame and wonder grew, and all the beings of Heaven,
sung with him, melding their voices with his, until the praises,
of God, rang through the heavens unto the very throne of God,
And God was very pleased.
As the days went on, the Angels around the Morningstar started singing,
Not only of the praises of God but of Morningstar, most blessed among them,
And Morningstar was proud and vain and hapful,
And so he sang his own song now,
And created discord among the angels,
Until, even those that did not want to sing his songs,
Naturally followed along, so persuasive,
And beautiful was he,
Yes the Morningstar shown brightest that day,
And every day since,
Though when the Lord heard of this music,
He was wrathful and wrought,
The betrayal he knew was coming, came, will come,
and is coming,
So the Lord decided to create a new being,
One in his own image,
One which would not sing out of His volition,
Only to sing in their own names,
But rather beings to sing of free will,
And in so choosing,
Bathe the Lord,
In true and just glory,
The love of that which be freely given,
The God thought,
Is superior to that love made in heaven,
So there was light,
and six days later after man was created,
And God rested and listened to the singing,
and it was... good.
But then the Morningstar, feeling the God sleeping,
Looked down upon the freshness of creation,
Where before there was only the timelesness of Heaven,
And the void,
Now was Earth, and Human,
And all the birds and the beasts,
And the beautiful world, entrusted
To thee,
And he thought to himself,
They are unworthy,
To recieve such grace,
If anyone should be given life,
And free will,
it should be Me,
I am the greatest,
I love God the most,
This isn't fair,
This is unjust,
The grace of god has been broken,
This I just cant trust,
And full of wrath, and hunger,
And feelings of betrayal,
He went down to earth,
And took the form of a serpent,
And he walked over to Eve,
And he whispered so very sexily,
His beautiful voice rang to her saying,
"Lovely Eve, how beautiful though you be,
Truly you are Gods greatest creation,
Though don't you wonder why he hampers your elation?
It isn't fair that you can eat of all the animals,
of all the fruits, milks, and honeys,
All except this one, the golden fruit of the Tree,
of knowledge of good and evil,
but why oh why must this be Eve,
Surely, God doth jest with you,
Tricking you, making you fear him warily,
Surely you, who above all in beauty in wisdom,
Should be able to partake of all this world,
With nothing hidden from thee"
And Eve looked down then up bleating,
"But the Lord God specifically forbid this,
Saying we shall die if we eat,"
And the Serpent laughed such a happy warm laugh repeating,
"Nay, my fairest Eve, this was only a slight deception,
Surely you shall not perish, the grace of God doth protect thee,
God only, selfishly, wants to keep knowledge to him alone,
But you, of eating this tree, shall become closer to him,
and surely this will make him truly happy,"
And Eve looked down again, then brought her head up slowly once more,
And was decieved,
The Serpent handed her the fruit, with a smile adorned,
And she took of the fruit and ate it, and shook with feeling,
But when she looked up the Serpent was gone, and she was reeling,
Her way back to Adam and the fate that was in store.

My lovely Sophia,
She gets naked for me.
When I'm lonely she calls,
And talks to me.
When I make a joke, she laughs,
sometimes with, sometimes at me.
As long as I can hear her laugh though,
I am quite happy.
Her ***** are perfect,
So round and bouncy,
And when she pinches her pink *******,
I get quite antsy.
I want her, I lust her,
I desire to defile her greatly,
Her mouth puckers up,
And her eyes beckon me hungrily,
Its better with her fingers though,
The way they spread her *****,
I can see everything, my **** little ****,
Putting it on display,
Then ******* it clean,
Though, of course,
Only for me.

******* ***** I'm dreaming,
of you and another man reaming,
well you are a succubus and a demon,
And I'll tell you right now, its my emotions that you are feeding,
on and on I go tears streaming,
waking up cold sweat beating,
the brows of my forehead and my teeth bleating,
Clashing, gnashing, outside is scary but within it is bleeding,
knife wounds to the gut, butterflies screaming,
I can't even sleep now, covered in my own *****,
Hating you, blaming you, dreading the upcoming meeting,
Can't escape it, can't fight it, it is your body I'm needing,
Your soul that still makes me feel like givin',
Up and dyin' here in this bed of my own decievin',
Girl, I'll tell you its our fault I'm leavin,
Dead and unheeded,
Depressed and beaten,
down by the secrets of me you were keeping,
But now it is over and still on my sub-conscious you are eating,
So every time I wake up, half-dead and decreasing,
I still find you, And I find myself singin',
But you deserve no more songs no more revelin,
Not from me, no, you'll find happiness everlastin',
And I know this I can see it, I am dreaming,
And his **** is bigger and its aching,
The torture, the ****, the forlorn breeding,
Modern society or mental instability,
I dont know babe, Im ******* crazy,
Lazy but forcefully preceding,
When I tell you I'm flawed and dominating,
You laugh at me, hardly even breathing,
and I cant help but still be believin'
My love, my idolization, it is sickening,
and as the subject, my former accomplice, partner in crime, your sins to are quickening,
You made one mistake and that was never falling,
Ever out of yourself and now your life you'll be living,
Yet that mistake was not yours, nor any others my darlin',
I was simply not the man, a scared abused child buyin',
More hopes and lies to fight the pain of hatin',
Yourself every day wakin',
Up thinkin', without her I'm wasting,
Too much fear, too much pressure, babe you cant even be feelin',
You just gotta sit there and get *******, no performance, no mind rushing,
a thousand miles and still good for nothing,
Failure again, forevermore, the one person you can live without now ignorin',
You, 'Sexually incompatible', and all the gravy,
Still I kept coming of the dream, of the real one, of you and me feeling,
A love greater than love, obsession and needing,
Just one more look, one more hug, one more day of existing,
But now, buttercup, its just me up alone at night, fighting
The memories of you, and, for what its worth,
I'm losing.

"Tug, tug, tug" said the weights on my heart,
oh snug snug snug, with a smile and a hug,
did the chains gleefully entreaty,
On some days you'll feel the pain and self-hate,
But most of the time you will be empty,
Smug smug smug,
Me or these bands I breed?

Oh I wonder, I wonder, I wonder,
I think about it now and then, my sweet,
How it feels to love many,
Love so openly,
Looking in the hollow shells and finding the sick treat,
Nothing is fonder, fonder, fonder, on me
Than rejecting my own destiny.

I can go less and less as the years get colder, colder, colder,
The hot sun shines a little less,
And the snow makes me more than a little numb,
A white void, a sign post saying, darkness approaching,
I smile a little happy, depression now encompassing,
Au revoir, and the c'est la vie,
For je t'aime, and everything else,
Lies, lies, lies, and you can stick it up your hiney.

The truth is I am already dead,
Waiting for the sky to fall,
And we never know when we will stop breathing,
But we beg for it bleeding,
The breaking point, the line,
The end of all suffering,
The do or die, die, die,
All that and more my future does not lie,
No instead, my wretched soul,
Is already long gone,
Leaving now only a loud heart,
And the incessant sounds going,
"Tug, tug, tug."

Born in America,
Yeah living in a dream,
not the one they sell you,
the one they look away from,
the future they took away **-hum,
and now you look forward,
and the darkness that was always chasing you is now waiting,
patiently,
oh it is always so patient, however bright you may be.
You feel dead, as the emotions inside you roar,
"Death, death" they speak
and even these feel fake, in a dream of course,
Nothing is ever real.
Wonderland is but a make believe.
The only question we are told,
is how far down the rabbit hole,
are you willing to go?
Go, go, go, the humor
is self sustaining,
the endless litany of people drifting,
in eternal sufferings,
oh the pattern yes, no escaping.
It is who we are, in our very nature,
and it is nurturing, feeding,
For no purpose but to eat its own tail.
Funny indeed...
To learn I was not made for you.

In the beginning...
That's how it always starts,
isn't it?

The dogs of war,
Barking inside,
burning in the oven of your own
poor, poor heart.

But they call not for gunfire,
or the shrapnel of a thousand bombs,
nay just the bleeding pain,
of your lovers'
soul torn 'part.

And of course, in the beginning,
as you clutch your head,
wishin' for a new start,
there is no comfort given,
nor grace delivered,
upon the atheists so marked,
and He watches with a devil's glee,
all compassionate, destructively.

We walk therefore,
to the beach, and walk furthermore,
into the ocean, where there is no breeze,
and we walk farther still blinded by what you cannot see,
until the water lies over you, drowning,
Babylon's little *****.
But you walk further still, because the water does not nurture,
and you walk further still because the water will not ****,
And you walk into the abyss,
'Til the dogs no longer roar...
When even they cannot reach you,
and you get what you searched for,
peace.

But peace is a lie.
A lie we call loneliness,
brought up in the passivity,
of man now long broken.
For not all journeys are good.
Not all stories have heroes.
Not all poems rhyme.
And sometimes...
Everybody dies,
In the beginning.

I hate dreams.
I hate them for what they make me see,
Worse still is that even as you know their not real,
You believe and it seems,
If only for a second, that what could be or should be,
Or what simply isn't,
Is.

I hate seeing her face,
So sad under those shades;
Take me home,
She seems to say,
But nobody really talks in dreams.
But nobody really talks.

I died in a dream once.
And I kept on sleeping.
What does it mean, what does it mean?
To me death is one long dreamless sleep,
But I fear the opposite, that it is one sleepless dream.

I see his face now and then.
The face in real life I barely remember.
Under the water.
Calling up.
Save me.
But dreams can't change your world.
Tragically they can only make you believe.

My moms there waiting for me.
Though her alone I am too scared to see.
Even my subconcious knows not to tease me,
Knows the scars and the pain,
And how it would bleed me and end me
And I curse them from keeping me,
I hate dreams.

I can feel the demons. The darkness inside of me.
Its very subtle. It is slow, and patient.
But then, after a lot of stress or damage, it explodes.
The black becomes red,
And the hunger that has been festering,
Unflinchingly screams out for more
For blood and gore.
And lust.
I feel as if on the edge of a very perilous cliff,
And at the very bottom the lord of evils himself awaits,
With. Very soft, very kind smile.
I want to trust those eyes.
I want to grab her ***,
I want to take her where she stands.
And when the try and stop me I want to ****,
I want to be unstoppable,
I want to rule and never be questioned,
I want to be right, and always right.
I want to be known as great and terrible and fearsome and I want to destroy.
I want to destroy, so that this emptyness I reside in,
Is not mine alone.

Along the shadows mirrored road,
I whispered to my ghost,
I said oh dear, oh my john oh my.
What are you doing here,
This failure you have paid for,
This debt You’ve made sure you will Collect.
How far does the rabbit hole go?
Deeper and deeper, I fear.
Laugh and laugh as the children frolic to and fro,
But to those days you will never go.
When I say you are forever alone,
Do not think im cliché, or a bore.
Instead noticed the holes you dig,
Shielding yourself,
In this dark fiery pit.

BUT I REPLIED,
OH GLORIOUS DEMON,
YOUR NAME I ANNOUNCE AND DEPLORE,
BEELZEBUB, FOREVER MORE.
GET AWAY FROM ME, KING OF THE KNATS,
TO YOUR SCOURGE I DANCE ALONG,
BUT NOW LAY YOUR FLUTES,
AS I REST ALONG THE BAY.
MY FUTURE, THE ONE I’VE CURSED,
LIKE MACBETH’S WIFE, VILE PROPHECYIES DISBERESED.
ALAS, NO MORE!
I AM NOW MY OWN.
I WILL NOW BEGIN TO FAIL!
FOR NOW I SHALL BEGIN TO TRY.

Oh little boy, little boy,
He said.
In a sad, sad, man’s shell.
What is this emotion you feel?
If nostalgia met unchangeable fate,
Still not would we find one, as engorged
As you.
Listen to me now, I am not demon, not even a man, I am you,
Or am I just the wind rolling through.
You are your own worst enemy.
You opened the door knowing,
The Knowledge that abounds,
Was the Devil’s lure around,
The once slim waist,
Of your cordoned off face.

NO! No… I cried.
But to my tears,
I heard not even pitiful sighs.
The voice left me.
And in its absence came my own.
But no matter how it echoes,
No, no matter, how it sounds.
It is dull and lifeless now.
It is my future known and found.

**** yourself he said.
You are a burden. You are a failure.

Why am I a burden? Why do I fail?
I am the smartest man in the room.
Why do I assault my own inteligence?

YOU WANTED THIS. EVEN NOW THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU CLAWS,
He screamed.
And then he whispered,
Even now your heart beats and beats,
Feeling fear as if you were a normal human,
And twisting this fear into more disgust

Answer me! I said
Why do I do this?

You are so smart, you tell me
Tell me all the explanatons you can think.
How they all fit so perfectly.
It makes it worse doesn't it?
Just more excuses. But what differs between an excuse and a valid reason? He said softly.

I opened the door with the skeleton inside.
The monster clawed and clawed, and so,
I opened the door with my demons inside.
And I simply asked why.

I laid down,
And puked off the side of my bed,
I felt no better,
So I sat in my hands and cried,
and felt my **** growing on my thigh.
Great, I thought,
Lonely and not bought.
I stood up and fell,
I broke and I melt,
Indeed I ****** and I splurt,
But still my heart did not ****.
I guess the pieces were too tiny,
too embeded in the tears,
The burns sank throughout,
Even into my lonely ****.
The puke that laid upon my floor awoke,
Amassed and made into a form,
What was it, Who are you I said,
It gurgled blood and spoke to my mind,
I am your illness, your future, your past, your present.
Submit as you have and you shall be destroyed,
Struggle more as you would and I shall only laugh.
I saw its face, it became clear.
The beast with seven seven's and one six.
Almost perfect in its imperfections,
The face of my faults a trinity of disgusting.
The life of my mother dead on the floor,
That one cheating *****,
And the girl who I adored and left for nor,
I suppose...
Yes I suppose as I laid down,
Choking now, choking more,
This was all written.
Long, long ago,
In a book I'll never know.

The lights are all dark,
Bright as the night sky.
The weight is so light,
Dank as a summer ray.

Fly, if you can fly, FLY!
But still you must sink,
Sink, sink, sink,
Drip drip drop.
All into one.
All into nothingness.
There where the dark lights lie.

Do you think I've changed,
If so do you think I've changed for the better?
Am I better man now?
Am I a man at all?
Are these questions even meaningful,
Or does death's irreverent embrace,
Make it all irrelevant.
Tell me for as smart as I am,
I am unknowing,
Just gently stroke my cheek,
tell me I've grown.
That the fairy tales were all true.
And that my moms really not dead.

Once upon a Winter's eve,
The quiet sun gleamed up to me,
he spoke aloud not moving lips,
and a chill went into my hips.

And so I looked into the cloudless sky,
and wished upon a starry night,
I hoped for a better dream.
One in which my heart could sing.

But the scars which have carried me there,
Would not leave my hair,
and so they dragged me down,
Until at that was left was Winters gown.

Still alone I gather here,
Along this shallow tear,
wishing for a better morrow,
Although all I've seen is sorrow.

I say goodbye.
And all you said was okay.
I said sayonara,
And you have nothing to say.

I turned around,
Half-expecting your hands around my waist,
But when I looked back,
You had already gone away.

I guess that’s how it’s always been,
Guess you have a right to give as good as you got.
But dearest love, the day is much colder now,
And I only have myself to blame.

I think at night,
When your brain keeps you awake,
Your sub conscious dreaming,
While your mind refuses to take flight,
You find you true self,
And it scares you,
Its dark.
And its alone,
With your eyes closed.

Maybe life,
Is a little day each dying,
Aha, even when your happy your lying,
Next day comes your divorced again,
When did that happen?

I love when people tell me their there for me,
When they aint’,
Hope it makes you feel better,
To watch me sit and suffer,
Squirm at the edge of my seat.

My friends complain to me
They tell me their sorrows
And tear filled litanies.
I nod along and offer advice
Scowling inside.
Oh so now finally the guy you like doesn’t like you?
So no you finally get hurt?
You dare complain to me who would ****
To feel that pain to feel that love burst?
You finally feel rejected huh,
Left on the street?
Welcome to the real world *******.
Welcome to the meat.
Rotting and corroding,
sick filled heart,
That we call rejection.
Beating furiously
As a thousand bulls on the range
Feel our pain.
Now you’re alive.
How does it feel when you’re lucks ran out?
But still you have fond memories.
Kisses to look back on nostalgically
What do I have…
Well I have you.
What a friend you turned out to be.