Lie harder.
Cheat farther.
Look inside of me.
Tell me what you see.
Is that a child living there
Or is it simply the culmination of all our fears.
Is there an end
Or does it repeat in fateful trend.
Why must reality exist?
Why can’t I make my own list.

Why am I so alone.
Seems like the more girls I know,
The less I feel at home.
Because they all say such funny things,
We are all such great ******* friends.
Seriously I’m always there for them.
Whoopee for me.
But all the ladies do is talk
Talk and talk and talk.
Why won’t anyone hug?
Where is my hand to hold?

That’s why I stay up till two.
And wake up at three.
That’s why I come to school all bleary
Cheerful as can be.
Why I have to stare up at the night sky,
And find that lone star shinning
Just to start crying.

Depression darkening.
I see our sin and it is sickening.
Every story is the same.
There is only one.
And it is true.

We all have a choice.
And we all choose the samest.
Thou mayest indeed.
Making mistakes over and over again.
Nothings changing.
Just new scenery.

We eat that apple every day.
And like God I’m feeling the urge for a flood.
But I want to live in a world without Him.
Without an excuse for our actions.
Humanity is illness
For every good a thousand evils.
Even with hope peeking out in
Timshel.
We choose evil.

I choose evil too.
I’m no better.
I feel rage, bubbling inside.
The glint in my eyes as I grasp at my sister.
If only I could **** her.
But instead it’s hits I give.
She’s begging for it.

Then there is the man.
Whose face and likeness I openly mock.
And I feel my place in society.
As those above mock me.
I don’t feel much pleasure,
Though I smile and laugh.
Only empty.
With a glint in my eyes shinning.

And as I take a bite of the apple.
And knowledge comes into me,
East of Eden.
Guilt comes into me.
And I see myself in them.
Now I’m just left in the sadness of life.
And I wonder if anyone thinks like I think.
If anyone else knows what I know.
If those people are still living.
Or if we are all continually dying.

For there are people cosumed in their own darkness.
And people hiding flaws in laughs,
And  people staring in the stars seeing tears,
But can anyone see the universal.
Can anyone see the hoplessness
Of it all?

That if it was just you, you alone who was with blackness,
Then it would be better soon.
But no it’s us all,
We all are hurt.
We all hurt.

Who knows. Maybe I just do not see the saints.
Or I see them and do not understand.
To me the balance is broken.
No yin only yang.
Hell, maybe I’m broken.
No happy ending.
Only continuing.

K

Close my eyes as I write.
This emotionless screen my only light.
Straight from the heart I speak
When I tell you my heart has gone bleak.
Her eyes cast elsewhere
To a man most beneath her.
Cycle of rejection goes on.
Even when I know for a fact.
Liking someone doesn’t guarantee they like you back.
It’s hard to be friends.
It’s hard to be friends.
When she smiles.

You ever tell a lie?

Don’t lie to me.
I already know you.
You’re the same as me.

It’s funny to look in the mirror.
And see a false reflection.
Smiling back at you.

Devil’s duty or God’s grace.
Both are doomed in fate.
As the tears come down his face.

Sin beautifully.
Lie great.
Die happily.
Alone.

Then.
Wake up.

White is empty.
Good means nothing to me.
Black is everything.
The Darkness that fills me.

My yang need not a yin.
You close you’re eyes and feel.
The world. The people.
You lose you’re self,
In everything.

Make a believer out of me
I dare you.
For in faith’s greedless device
I find no solace with these mice.

I yearn for greater than god.
Knowledge everlasting
Since that tree first bore fruit I’ve been searching.

But I am no longer thirsty.
Why do I exist is a question I have never asked
The answer is pointless and in consequential.
It is White.

I am carnivorous
And my appetite is desire.
Give me you’re spoils and I’ll give you my power.
The power to be a Blacker you.


Smile.

In the ring the child screamed.
Where in the kitchen his mother and father,
I fear, were at it, now in tears.

Well who would comfort now this boy?

In the night sky a star blinked out.

The sir received the news from a stone faced
Policeman.
The madam was dead.
He was…

Well who would lay in bed with the sir at night now?

In the moonlight, one more light faded away.

The empty woman looked at the miscarriage one time.
The man who was never there was far away.
She wondered if this was good or bad…
As one lone tear trailed her face.

Well who now will make her feel even pain?

The constellations now fade faster and faster these days.

The single astronomer looked into the sky.
A frown adorned his face.
More and more of his friends were disappearing.

Well where did his smile go and who will bring it back?

The moon now shines alone.
It won in the end.

Well?

Upon a moonless night,
The man among the dreary horse,
Cried a lonely tear and said.

To die a lone be the best of dreams,
In this cold and blue night.
The void is fulfilling my loneliness.
Come and listen to it sing.

For songs will be sung, true and untrue,
And voices will silence into one.
When I sleep I fly, but in this earth I’m bound to die.

Rescue me then, O lord of the Dead,
Beelzebub take me, I’ll be you’re bride.
And the winter will come again.

Then in a time later when,
The other dream came imagined in,
The lion showed his mane and roared.

How fearful and hopeful the sound reverberating upon my skin.
Sealing doubt cast into the fiery Furness.
Say what you say about depression or doubt.

For there is no better cure
Than to smile all demure,
In the face of hell.

There once was a time,
When children could play outside,
Without their parents fear or cries.

In this time, the world was big,
But at least the little child,
Could explore it to his delight.

In the shroud of childhood,
The sunset is much more intense,
The greens of the trees much more serene.

And when you jump in the lagoon,
With you’re friends beside you,
You look back, and sigh, knowing you once had paradise.

But those days are gone now.
Sheltered lives, and internet.
We dive into the web, with false lives, and lies.

Where once their was honesty, decency,
And a Hard day’s Play.
Now, no more.

Sure, racism is just a joke for the comedians,
But what happens when it is our kids who grow up,
Each getting a trophy for losing.

I think they become the joke.
I think when we started to take out tough love and consequences.
When we started to believe our kids over our teachers.
When we kept them inside during the summer’s days and nights.
When we prioritized effort over victory, over success.
That failure was an acceptable outcome.
When its really, really, not.
That’s when the time we once had,
The golden age of America.
Faded, away.

But what do I know,
Hush now, I’m off to use,
The interweb machine.
This time I’m a thirty-four year old Asian female.
See you on the other side.

Today… I had a dream,
But I was not quite sleeping.
Truly awake, yet not quite being.
I saw what I wanted to see,
What I loved most about her.
That we were together, the way she wanted.
And still, to this very moment I am haunted.
She’s with me even now, if just by spirit.

And what did I see, you beg to ponder and ask?
I saw a wife, more gorgeous than light and I basked.
And the years changed, numbers tick tocking,
Her belly swelled and faded, with our numerous babies,
As she smiled and begged for more.
They are so darling, so sweet, well behaved, and most loved.
I saw the band on he finger shine with age, as she too grew and faded.
But it was not sad, it was a joyous occasion.
Because I did too, I changed with her mating.

The hardest part about this dream, this vision,
Was that it is years and times away,
And I have to wait to get my dream girl.
As we plan our honeymoon, marriage and life.
I speak for myself when I say I want it tonight.
Humbly, I am the envy of most men you see,
However, she denies them for their plain interest,
In only her body.
But it’s her soul that calls to me.
It’s her love that breathes life within me.
I was dead but now I am alive and found.
Whenever she tells me she wants my name,
And our child inside. I smile hard, and my toes curl,
In delight of the idea, the morsel of hope.

I don’t know how she loves,
Such a poor average man like me.
But I promise that from now until my dream,
I will not stop doing the little things,
To show I care.
I will not forget to ask about her day,
Or smell her hair.
To others, to those not in a relationship,
This would be creepy and misunderstood.
If you have been IN love like I have,
You’ve done the same as I would.
Now let me explain, for one last second if I may,
How beautiful this girl of my dreams stood.
Her character and willingness,
To love as I should bursts out of her light cool hood.
We stand together, but she is far the greater than I ever could.
But her love makes me her equal in passion and clout.
Though to cloud nine she sends me,
With her reign I go, she is the boss, the queen,
My everything.
My dream.

One day I’m going to hear you say,
Hello, I love you,
As you love and nourish my baby.

I don’t care who thinks it is obscene,
Weird or disgusting, I promise you to give you my seed,
And water the plant every day.

There’s nothing I want more than to make you mine forever,
With a golden band on that finger I adore,
To hear the word’s ‘Miss Unanue, he’s yours’.

I will love and provide,
You’re needs before you feel you need them.
I’ll be a good, loving husband, and a better dad I assure.

We’ll travel the world,
And always come back home,
A loving family to call our own.

I look into the future, and I see our children.
Girl let me tell you something,
They are different.

Special, and gorgeous,
They look like you its wondrous,
I wish my brother could see him now, my baby for you I’m proud.

We talk about this every day,
It never gets old or tiring,
I always love to dream and plan with you.

Whenever you tell me,
I want to have you’re baby,
My heart jumps with joy.

I’m running out of words,
Emotions and rhymes,
They aren’t coming out so structured or kind,
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve told you I love you,
But you’ve still got about a billion to go.
We’re going to grow old and have grandkids to spoil.
Retire happily together, from toil.
And you know what they say,
First comes love
Till the baby in the baby carriage.

For M.N.C. one day to be,
M.N.U.

I wish the first moment I met you,
Would resound forever.

Never needing food or sleep,
Just content in your presence.

The feeling of love and awe,
Beauty captured in a moment.

My desire is to go back,
To that very first day…
And if I may,
I think I’d kiss you,
If just to say,
I’m yours.

To see and smell you’re autumn hair,
Matching you’re hazel glazed eyes perfectly.

Felicity,
How delightfully,
You kiss me.

Bliss,
Thy name is,
Such sweet remiss.

First,
I will love you,
Then I will quench your thirst.

Then,
In half remembered ecstasy’s,
I will taste you when.

After,
Your chest will rise tiredly,
Stuggling for laughter.

Finally,
I will hug and cuddle you,
Showing that my love is not trivial.

When,
I wake from the dream,
I’ll still remember that you are a godsend.

I used to believe there was something wrong with me.
And then I met you.
I used to be sick with loneliness,
But you cured it with you’re faithfulness.
Whenever I looked into the dark, I saw empty shadows,
Now it is you that fills the gallows.
Before I met you I was dead but a live.
Now I’m in love and living my life.
Whereas before depression and anger were present,
Now it is only happiness and joy, in every second.
I write these to let out my emotions,
So that you may cry tears of elation.
I want to scream out you’re name and etch it on my heart,
Because it most certainly beats with you’re mark.
I am not the smartest or fastest or tallest or strongest.
But I put in the effort and I’ll work for your content.
I promise not to you hurt you, if you’ll promise the same,
Because in the end we are opposites but one in name.

Loving You,
Is so painful,
Too cliché,
And risqué…

Too dangerous,
Too incredulous,
Too out of bounds,
Too without grounds.

A soul mate,
A friend,
A lover,
A mother.

It’s coming to a close,
And all these words, and ideas and moans,
They are my own.
But they are more yours than mine,
Because I am nothing, if not on you’re vine.
Feed me and pet met and water me too,
Show me lots of love, and like an angel sent from above,
I will radiate my light on you.

It’s not much, for sure,
But it’s what I’ve got.
It’s added to you’re presence,
Your heavenly beauty.

I’ll leave you with one last thought,
Something that shall not be forgot.
You’re only young and you’re only alive once,
So make it the best, make it loved,
That’s what I’ve done, what I did,
When I found the one.

Mia.

I’m looking at the old couple, driving next door,
And I already know that’s us, we’re going to last.

Still, I’m trying not to fall too hard, too fast.
But I’ve already bungee jumped off the skyscraper,
I’m hopin’ this cord ain’t too long,
That you’ll stop me before rock bottom.

Even though I’m fightin it, trying to take it slow,
Like the beautiful moon, every night I seem to fall for you.
You’re even more radiant and gorgeous you know,
I tell you every day so,
Even more in love with me you’ll be.

I love you, mi amo, never leave me,
I’m never going to hurt you, never desert you,
I’ll be there, in hunger and thirst, you,
Are the best thing in my life, now and forever,
Be mine ain’t no valentine,
Its my wish upon a star for you.

Every day is the very start, of
A whole new day of lovin’ you.
Forget me tonight, remember me tomorrow.
I’ll always and forever love you.

These words are inadequate,
For how you make me feel,
My heart bumps and thumps whenever it wants to,
For you I have no control.

I’m trying so **** hard not to scare you,
To push you away or force you.
Because I need and breathe you’re essence, you’re life.
You’re my oxygen filling my lungs,
Every word I speak, its you on my tongue.

This poem ain’t good enough for you.
You’re better than the best.
It can never match you’re smile or you’re embrace.
But if it can make you laugh, or cry for joy,
Then it’ll be worth it, cuz all I want
If for you to be happy with me.

I wish love didn’t hurt,
But its worth it in the end.

I wish we could understand each other,
And be kept hand in hand.

Life isn’t perfect, and neither is she,
But even when I’m sad I’m happy.

Even when I’m frowning,
I wouldn’t want to leave her.

Maybe its an addiction,
But if it is I want more!

Her heart I implore,
As I seek for more glances and chances.

I don’t want this to end cuz I’m nothing without,
The smile on her face, the twinkle in her eye.

I will not lie,
I’m the perfect disaster.

I’m sweet but I'm a *******.
She gives me most everything, but I just want more tears.

I want it all, as she once told me,
“I just want someone who treats me like I’m everything.”

I don’t want this world, this fake device,
Just her body, her neck to lay myself by.

She needs to move closer,
So I can hold her.

New Jersery is too far,
The oceans colder…

Thinking about ‘Hey There Delilah’,
Wishing we could at least be together in our dreams.

She may not like it but she’s my princess,
And I still have to build my castle around her.

No one is fairer, no one nicer.
She is my turn on, my **** touch….

And I couldn’t live withoutch ya.

So the loneliness that once was is gone.
And in its voidness and darkness,
Love’s sweet fund,
Has banked and coined its way on.

I toil as I sweat blood,
But still I would not change a day,
Because her smile make me happier,
A lot more than I can say.

I just wanted to be held,
Well now I could.
And all that needs to be understood.
Is that’s she fine and **** and loves me like she would.

Every pain she can take,
Every imperfection she makes great.
every time I cry its cuz’ I’m not with her,
every time I sleep it’s because I’m missing her.

I don’t know how long or short this is going to be,
Cuz I don’t know how long I can try to adequately describe,
How she selflessly and selfishly is loved and gives love, and takes and she creates,
A brand new future with a united soul foreign to hate.

I don’t know how she stands me,
How she lives with my mistakes,
But god ****** don’t let anyone tell you,
That I’m not in love with her.

Je t’aime my baby Mia.

Et tu Brutus?
Betrayal of the greatest.
Just like our friend Judas.
Sat and watched you lose us.

It was a sunny day,
And the pool was all Sparklin.
We had some pizza.
Our favorite was cheese.

I was young but older than you,
Brothers we were, surrounded in a world of new.
We went outside, our first mistake,
Played around, like pirates, we would fake.

Then if just for fun…
You threw it all in, your diaper into the din,
Being your elder, I brought it back on,
So the game went, over and over.

So the die was cast, together,
As I brought your diaper out,
Of the aqua blue pool.
Who would ever know, that I was the fool.

Out of reach this time.
Out of care.
How could I protect you now,
I barely had hair…
I should have been there,
Shoulda been me,
Why did you feel,
You should be,
The one who jumped after what was lost,
The die was cast, and alone you lost.

I still remember,
Even now,
The look on your face,
Under the water’s curtain.

A look of pain,
Maybe of peace,
But mostly questioning,
In your blank debeing.
Long I sat there,
Long, I misunderstood.
Long, I called for you,
Spencer return with your hood.

Sank you did,
As did my heart.
I got my mother,
Shock tore her apart.

Still now I ponder,
Still now I wonder,
What could have been,
If you never wandered.

But the failure was mine.
I’m the big brother.
It should have been me, instead,
You fell to the Ocean’s daughter.

Now I must add myself, to this short list.
And if you find yourself asking this,
Et tu Justin, be not remiss.
For I have sinned, my brother’s last kiss.

Everywhere I go I’m lookin’ for something.
And everywhere I go no one is lookin’ for me.

I’m tired of searching for words,
This **** stupid puzzle.

You connect the dots,
In the middle find me.

***, quite respectfully,
Don’t call me honey.

You don’t know me,
You don’t hold me softly.

I can’t hear your light whispers,
As I drift to sleep peacefully.

You never gave a ****,
Never did.

Everywhere might as well be nowhere.
Because there is no light in this life.

I’m trapped in the dark,
And for years countless I’ve been searching for the end of the tunnel.

But no one’s calling my name,
No one’s put on a search for me.

I guess its all just part of the game,
Only recently have I figured why it was called that.

Everyone is trippin’ and trickin’ and hurtin’ each other,
Cuz’ we all wanna be in love with one another.

Oh well, I think I’ll just sit for a bit,
Lie here and rest a minute.

When did it get so dark, cold and late?
Before I’d been young I was already old.

Goodnight.

Wonders,

Have you ever got lost in the sunset while driving,
Just looking at the beautiful oranges and reds,
Burning in the sky,
Coloring the clouds a dark purple,
And lighting fire in to the clouds.

Have you simply turned your head out the window,
And look at all the leaves on the trees,
With all their colors,
With all their details,
As the light shines so brightly on them?

Have you ever felt completely happy,
Looking at this nature we use so blindly?
Even as you are burning the fuel, that makes its future unlikely?
I wonder if any of you can see what I can see.

Its wondrous if maybe you’d just take a look,
Even through a window, even through the shield,
Its all so beautiful to me.

I wonder if there’s another universe out there…
I wonder if the end isn’t really the end but the beginning.
I wonder if this life’s been lived before, and will be lived again.

I ponder if my life has any meaning,
Or if I’m just part of some game.
I question whether God exists, or if he’s just a good liar.

I shudder to think about tomorrow,
It’s easier to forget yesterday.
Have you ever felt this way?

Why can’t it just be that that what always was was.
Why does their have to be a beginning?
Who must there be black and white,
When there’s a rainbow of possibilities out there.

I wish I could wish upon a star,
But no one looks at the night sky.
Its long gone by a people who’ve long forgotten it.

Why does age have to be more than a number?
People get judged for so much they can’t control.
And I know, because I am the executioner.

And past all this, I’m just living.
And I wish I was a better person.
Someone worthy.

Life isn’t really something you could call good.
For just about every one, it *****.
But sometimes, even when I can’t hear her.
I just zone out and look at her eyes,
Watch her talk, watching her smile.
Looking at those beautiful lights.
And I can’t smell it,
But I’m imagining the smell of her hair.
She’s talking so softly,
He words cushioning me from pain loftly,
And I want…
No, I don’t want anything else.
This is enough.

Always make tomorrow a better day,
Things are never the same,
Yesterday is always changing,
There is no past and the present is already gone,
But there’s always tomorrow,
So make it a better day.

Old men givin’ me advice,
Young me ain’t listenin’,
But I’m always teachin’, always preachin’
It’s not bad yet, it’s going to get worse.
Can’t I just be happy, let myself go a lil’?

So I’m talking to all these ladies,
Playin’ Russian roulette,
And I’m thinking’ if I got enough bullets,
One’s bound to hit me.
And maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong, cuz’ by now its history.

The Lady asked me as I shared with her my troubles,
‘What are you going to do to make yourself happy?’
I stared there forever, astounded by such a blatant question,
Askin’ myself “what am I going to do?”
I didn’t know as I don’t know then.

Can you figure it for me?
Help me and rescue me?
Cuz’ I’m oh so tired of trying,
This life it feels worse than dying,
When you are all alone.

Pour me a drink, it’s last call.
I can see Satan down the hall, well then I’ll be in hell.
But its okay, I guess,
Could be worse, could have been in thirst,
Except maybe I was, starving this whole time, in the soul.

There’s feelings for everyone,
The worst for those who try to disregard them,
Of a loneliness born into our bones.
It is a drink best shared alone.

Cancer without a cure,
Beginning in the middle of the night,
Cuz’ there ain’t no stopping this melody,
Until the job is complete.

And oh, If only you could read my mind,
I’d make you mine,
And together we’d take over this place,
Until the sun rises at the very least.

But I’m sleepin’ and I’m dreamin’
And the future isn’t very clear in this depressed buzz,
But one thing’s for sure as I cry myself to sleep,
I can’t wait for one more beer.

Well that’s how these types of poems usually end,
On a depressing insightful and possibly hopeful note.
But I’m the weirdest man alive, so you’ll just have to deal,
As I continue on my diatribe.
Can you feel the flow I’ve got goin?
It’s bleeding and beautiful, and so sooo sweet.
I’m smelling her heat from here and it is succinct,
It’s telling me ‘take me here cuz’ I’m yours to be taken’.

Oh, when all you see in your past,
Is a life of regrets and misery,
How do you keep going,
Disabled and Distraught with this life?
Self-answering questions; as I put a secretly sad smile on my face,
You ain’t stopping this machine,
Yah, I’m saying it, ******* FATE!

She thinks she’s soo ugly,
When I keep telling her you’re just pretty.

And she wants to hide from the world,
But I just want to see a little more.

Her smile is sad and proud,
And it stands so defiant at me.

Though, I wouldn’t trade a moment,
If I could just make her grief fade complete.

I wanna hold her now, and tell her it will be alright,
Cuz’ im here now, and I ain’t leavin.

And she’s already promised me a kiss,
Oh how those lips tempt me already.

And I gonna stop giving,
Till I’ve given more than plenty.

Maybe, just maybe one day she’ll understand,
That my feelings my desires make me her man.

Of course she’s sad right now, and oh so lonely.
The world’s crumbling against her, and her breath is coming heavy.

But come these next five days I’ll heal her pain and in stead,
I’ll replace my joyous love, encased in each breath.

Okay so here’s how it is,
There’s like six girls I’m talking to,
And one I really like,
There’s like zero chance I’ll get her,
Because two isn’t a very friendly number for me.
I have almost three minds, if you count my lower head,
And there are five reasons why I should be alone.
However on a good day that’s sometimes four,
But each and every third day I think it might be more.
My mind is decomfabulated by this infinity of numbers,
But it all comes right back down to one thing.
Which of these six will make me happy?
How can one plus six equal two?
Now that’s the million dollar question.

Every line it ain’t enough.
The best poem in the world,
It’s just futile, useless.
You can’t feel what I feel.
You cannot truly relate.
Even if you could, so what?
What does that accomplish?
You praise me but you do not know me.
It’s worthless, just words.
And what is in a word but nothing.
Just meanings changing, from person to person,
Just sound.
Ain’t no real point to it all if you think about it?
So then why do I continue?
Because to me it feels better than not.
It’s already depressing just thinking,
But at least this way when you tell me I can pretend.
Maybe one day it’ll be better.

You know I love you.
You know I care,
You know I’d never desert,
Or leave you scared.

You know I’m not happy,
Unless you are here,
You know I am a disaster,
Without a smell of your hair.

You know I need you,
More than I can bear,
You know I desire you,
It controls me down there.

You know, you know, you know.
But what do I know?
Just that I’m hurt, just that I’m lonely and depressed.
Some people can be happy surrounded in friends, and just be content.
Not me.
No even surrounded, I am alone, just a set piece, a pawn in a game.
And I need a queen to make me a king,
I won’t change till then,
You know.

Summer sets,
Summer, Summer, Summer…sets
Summer ***,
Summer, Summer, Summer… ***

Summer sets in the *** of Summer,
Or is it *** that sets in the Summer of sets?
Can I have *** in your sets this Summer?
Or will Summer just set?

Let’s go back to basics,
Where the Summer just sets in the sunsets.
Autumn aspires to asphyxiate natures atoms
Because the Summer has set.

Oh let’s just have this last set of *** as our Summer fades and sets.
Make love to our least favorite song as the fire around us burns and resets.
Because tonight is the last night, that our Summer will set.

You know what I just realized today?
I'm just writing the same poem, different words,
A hundred times.

My soul ache is the same, my skill,
always so very terrible.
At times I even use the same words and comparisons!

How many times have you seen ruby red heart...
or worse me stating that now I'm not going to rhyme...
and then rhyming!

I'm disappointed, disgusted, but at least take happiness in,
This being the most honest poem I have yet written.

Well. I'm going to sleep, and maybe another day, if you know what I mean.

I am Immortal with every perfect verse,
You see me dropping these bombs with ever word I plop.
I'm a singer without the song, and here comes the chorus,

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

And oh! if I could show the ladies these poems,
Without choking up in fear of their reactions,
My true emotions, my real me, my being,
Then maybe I'd've found one who wouldn't of laughed,
and maybe we'd be immortal.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

Go to hell, I'll see you there, I'm the boss, welcome my direction,
I'm working the angles you ain't seein, sometimes many, sometimes none, but I keep on working, keep on tinkerin' till I find the perfect immortalization of a young son looking for the one, anyone.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

Let's go, I know you've put up with a lot, but I promise, you won't have to listen to me talk much longer, cuz my time is almost done. And I don't have the time for structure or rhyme, just listen to my base. I'ma be dead before you read this, till the next time you do, when I come to life again, I ain't never gonna see you, nor you me, but you know me better than anyone, and when your grand kids read this in their books... they'll know. I'm immortal.

My words live on, bring it on,
Upon the stars I wished for a better day,
And it'll come when I'm gone, when someone discovers,
The feeling, the heart, of my games.

What do you do,
When your poems just won't rhyme?
When everything you do, just seems weird, out of line.

What do you do,
When that girl you just can't like, cuz it hurts too good,
Thinks you are a freak, an outcast, an ends to a mean?

I'll tell you what I do when I do what I do,
I go right up to that girl and I kiss her brutally,
Take her breath away forcefully, lovely.

I ask them why am I the weird one and not you?
I'm just as insane as anyone of you.
Do inhibitions really serve as such a great divide?

If so then I must simply die.
For I'll never be happy,
I'll never find peace... whatever that means.

Can I just skip ahead to where I'm successful and famous?
I ain't entered a room yet, where I wasn't the smartest one in it.
Whether I act it or not, I'm a very superior person.

But flaws are flaws are flaws,
and of that I have many.
As she walks away again, not even thinking of the pain she's making me.

Its what your deserve I guess,
When you do what I do,
Put up walls of humor, to cry self-serving tears of pitiful sorrow.

She's so beautiful.
Why does that word sound so terrible... so inadequate?
God I just want to stop speaking and start staring!
Everytime I sneak a peak of her legs I start shivering,
So intense, oh my heart tends to break a bit,
But it's lust get it right, even if she is a beauty.
Even if she smiles just right.
Even if shes nicest person I've yet met.
I say I just wanna hold her but I'm lyin if I believe that.
I wanna take her, make her mine, in just one way.
I wanna use her, make her scream, passion, flames, wet heat.
I wanna change her life forever, give her things she don't want,
things she don't need, she don't think, she just ain't gonna be.
But I can't and I won't...
So I'm just staring.

Born from a Dream,
Dying on the seam,
Of your heart,
Taking me apart,
I can feel it feel it now,
The stretch and tear,
Of the stitched be reared,
My tender heart is chasing you,
But only in the dream,
Because dreams aren’t dreams if they are real,
And as real as you are,
I’m just an apparition,
A ghost of an actor,
In this stage we call young love,
Not quite absent, but not quite present either,
A street with an impeding dead end,
Not long now, not long you’ll see,
Born from a dream,
I’ll come crashing into you.
Down or up,
Day or dawn,
Life goes on,
But still tonight I fight,
For whatever feelings you possess,
If not for me then for life,
Happy enough and content to be,
A smile that kills on your face,
How nice you can be…
I’ve never met anyone so innocent and pure
Forgo the spice and stick to the sugar,
Cuz’ girl you are sweet,
Going on with that smile and that heart,
I know how hard you push,
And how long you work,
Your muscles tight,
With every step.
Still your gorgeous, an angel,
Among us mere men.
Gracing us ever so humbly,
With the present of your presence,
So, Born from a Dream,
I think I just want the real you,
I don’t want *** in the back of my truck,
I just want to talk, and hug, and hold, and care for,
Someone worthy.
This is the second act,
And in it we move from the problem,
To the pain,
And it’s clear that the end is quite lame,
Cliché in its very modest success,
And painful in its failure.
Throw that stone at me,
Cuz you know I’ll cry,
Heartache and love take,
Away everything I’ve ever needed,
Every breath I’ve ever breathed,
Full of regret and remorse,
What was once a symphony,
Is now a disjunction,
Harmony and Nature is broken,
And it’s all because of that dammed Mused,
Entitled since and hence, fate.
I laugh because otherwise I’ll cry,
If it was any other day,
And any other time,
Perhaps you could have just said yes,
That for now you’ll be mine.
I think more than anything,
I just want a chance,
But alas its not to be,
For it was my last dance,
A man’s ego and confidence is slim,
As powerful as it is,
Easily shattered and hard to repair,
It takes a skillful and dedicated tinker,
Of which you are neither.
Instead your just as clumsy as me,
Just as sorrowful and lonely as me.
Just as confused and scared as me.
Anything new, anything different,
That’s why in the back of that truck,
I just couldn’t get that kiss.
But you know maybe it’s for the best,
Maybe I’ll be happy without you,
And you without me,
Because if there is one thing I’ve learned,
It is simply this,
If you think its bad now, wait…
It only gets worse.

I believe I was meant for the job,
As our story rounds to a close,
Like Christ I think I was set up,
To take the sins and evil of all,
The burden is deep,
And the hill is steep,
The sun’s a setting,
And it’s the most ugly thing I have ever seen.
Still I won’t open my eyes,
Because even deaf I cannot see.
Its too painful every day,
To be so unhappy.
I don’t know how man ways I can say it,
Born from a Dream,
Maybe!
You are not real, just a vision a mirage, a fantasy
But you are as real as can be,
And babe, I’d give up heart, soul, body, and toll,
If  just for one day, one perfect day,
Where we’d just lie in bed, with the phone unplugged,
In each other’s arms sleepily,
Not moving, not talking,
Just listening to each other’s hearts beat.
And thinking all the while,
I’d give it all up,
If only I could,
Hear this drum tap one more time,
And it always does.
But you know…
As great as this is,
And as perfect as you are,
I am an imperfect being,
While you are Born from a Dream.

Being deaf is ecstasy,
You may think it quaint,
But I do not fight destiny.

A man who knows his place,
In the scheme of things,
Sits back to watch,

The struggles,
In fruitless tiles,
Of the quilt laid in fate.

To see and not be deceived,
By the lies of other’s words,
To judge solely on action,
And never on what you heard.

To never be afraid,
Of that ever beating roar,
The ticking Heart,

A sign of life,
That I could care less,
For.

To be deaf is agony.
I dread it every morning.
To be judges so completely.
By one little malfunction.

I walk to school alone,
And even surrounded by friends,
I am but an unknown…

To never hear the birds chirping,
Or the beautiful octaves,
Of singers from near and far.

Or to hear my sweet lovers whispers,
Deep inside my ear.

To not know the pain of a radio on high,
Or to be able to live my life, completely devoid,
Of an inaudible sigh.

But, by now you’ll probably have tuned this out,
And that’s something with which I can empathize

Why are your lips painful?
Why do they curse me so?

What makes your hips graceful?
Makes them go with the flow?

How are you so perfect?
And yet so flawed?

When did you become a market?
For the hearts of man's thought.

Where was this angel born?
Perhaps, inside your locket?

I honestly do not know,
How you do the things you do.

But I do know what one thing to be true,
It's not long, or painful, or graceful.

Just simple, sweet, and encompassing.
It is of course, me saying truthfully,
"I love you"

I have a lot to say,
And not much time to say it.

So let me make one thing clear,
If you will acquiesce it.

That if you meet a girl,
Don't ever let her forget it.

The day I died, was just like any other day.
The palm trees were swaying,
The sun was shining,
And all the cars and all the people were bustling.

A day in July, that quickly passed by,
Into the next with nary a sigh.
I guess it is peaceful,
Collected and calm, into the night, as the moon shine.

Everyone is happy, and everyone is nice
Looking into the future where this is no vice.
My life flashes before my eyes,
And I look back on all the things I’ve done, or failed to do.

And it seems to me the latter is fatter,
All those opportunities,
That I decided I didn’t like,
All those people, who, when given the option not to, I hurt anyways.

All those friends who slowly dwindled,
All my family whom I quickly estranged,
Even my love, of whom I betrayed,
All went inland to escape my storm.

Am I sad? I don’t know I’m dead.
But I think I’m disappointed.
In myself, my behavior.
The girls, the weather, the self-destructive actions.

But as I get closer and closer to my core,
The storm starts to dissipate, my disappointment no more…
I find the one good deed, of which I will be remembered for.
The care of my mother, the blind ******* *****.

I am the greatest, and I have no remorse.
Forget about death, or life any more!
I am beyond words, comprehension or tears
I am the fears you hold to so dear!

You all belong to me,
But not I to you,
As you see me every day,
In the shadows of the monsoon!

You thought this would be happy,
Or joyously ending?
Well I’m sorry to disappoint,
But it is your *** that is bending!

Sometimes I feel like crying,
Or even extremely, just dying,
Other times, people just be lying,
And I’m buying.

Is it fair to say I’m sad,
When I could just as easily get mad,
Because I know I am bad,
And my soul mate doesn’t love me, not even a tad.

Maybe it’s best to give up,
Give in while you still can, before you become a puppet.
But for her, the girl I keep in my heart’s not so treasured locket,
It wouldn’t be so bad, or would it?

If you’ve never felt happy,
Can you know what makes you completely,
And resolutely,
Lovely?

Now I’m going to change up the lines,
And maybe they won’t rhyme,
Because my heart is bumping faster and sadder,
I’m looking in a dark room, immortalized my
Blank heart, consumed by it’s own ruby red desires
Proving to be strong for any woman to sire,
As I push more and more people away,
And isolate myself behind a mask of foolishness
I live for your laughter, make fun of me please
I enjoy this disaster for it’s the only feeling that’s me
Ain’t no superman, no man inside,
Me but please give me a chance,
I’ll dissapoint, and at last
My task will be completed
And my casket my future, present, past.

Some person told me you were dead.
My wife, my love, my friend.
I would have cried if I was alive,
But I've been in cold dread instead.

Its funny but I'm not laughing.
Its sick but I'm not puking.
Its painful but I'm not bleeding.
Rescue me from my sickness,
Before I stop  breathing.

Why do I always act so happy,
When I'm so **** sad.
Why doesn't someone save me?
Where is my superwoman.

Find me some emotions,
Because I lack any,
before i give up entirely.
Silent sleepin' deadly dreamin'
Before the zombies come,
I be comin'
and maybe it makes a day go by a lil faster,
as i get a lil sweater
take it off like a strip dancer poleless,
abound on this earth's flat surface.

You know, I'll say, and you can quote me on this.
Its easier to go up than to go down,
But, also don't forget, that what goes up, must always come down.
You think your the ****, wait 10 years, you'll be one dead *****.

Hey *******.
Or so some person told me.

Fetus. Kicking... screaming. Dying a little each day.
Burning, oh the flames of the belly.
Ripe ruby red coursing hell inflaming inside of me.
Each breath is a death, each blink a little less.

I'm old, but i've been told,
That I'll get older yet, and my shrugs, and my ugly mug,
will transform to wrinkles yet.
But bet me if you can, that I'll hit the grave first.
Lonely and cold in my sepulcher friend.

Bones are so brittle,
Muscles so light,
Her rose petals are pink,
if you know what I meant.

I remember it all,
Until tomorrow morning.
When I forget it again,
Until next evening.

I feel like I’ve said all I’ve been made to be said.
I’ve expressed my limited array of emotions,
In a variety of ways.
And yet…
It doesn’t feel over,
Not quite yet.
I don’t believe in anything, not even men.
But maybe I can make something,
Something.
Something that someday when I’m dead,
You’ll still care about.
That when you feel something terrible or wonderful,
You can come back to one of my poems and see it in a new light.
You can understand and love, and cry, and die with me.

I want you to care.
Because I can’t.
Now there, I’m done I’ve said it.
Now on to years of psychological questioning’

Every time I see her,
Smiling so innocently,
She never is looking, unless its already past me.
I feel like telling her to stop,
Stop faking, stop being nice.
Because every time she shines, My light gets a little darker.
Selfishly I almost cry at night, listenin’ to Kid Cudi,
Hopenin’ maybe if I’m sad enough,
She’ll get in a time machine and just come clean.
Well chaos theory says its gonna happen eventually,
But until then, I think I’ll just give a word of advice for all you wayward women.
Take it from me, take it from personal heartbreak.
It is a thousand times better to say no,
Than to say yes and not really mean it.

Superman can fly,
But I can love.

The Flash is fast,
But I can cry.

Batman always wins,
But I can lose.

The Hulk is strong,
But I am mortal.

God may be three,
But I am just one.

The collateral coaxes of God on Man,
Bring forth the froth of Goth on sand.

When existence means meaningless breathings,
Why do we try and see the reasoning’s of dreams.

Because the faces inside of these traces;
Memories of the outcast on the plains of the membrane.

Taking to the stars in a ship of bars,
Withholding the pain from exploding, while somewhere my mother is tokin’

And it goes faster and faster than fast, and these lines take on the attack,
Of a thousand gazelles in flight to tomorrow’s past fright.

There is no truth just perspective and respectively speaking I’m speaking about respect.
Abhor me as you adore me; please me as you use me, take me as you break me.

I am the ocean as I am the sky, blue crashing on white, trying to live my life,
But I’m failing at every turn and it burns and there is no learn only do and do not.

This life is a series of failures entwined in a not so heavenly knot,
And its okay as long as I’m dead, I say sir let’s travel to the bay, and maybe by the end of the day…

I’ll find my one true love in a tub of emotional regret and without worry or fret,
I’ll take her in my hands and kiss her with my face, just givin’ her a taste…

Of a man wondering if painkillers can take away the heartache.

In came the hurricane,
And out came the pain.

My own little Katrina.
Oh the foul winds, don’t quite suit her.

She is a sun, a supernova,
The brightest innocence I could ever desire.

But someday, on today’s like today,
It’s just too hard.

You just try and act normal I guess,
Maybe put on a smile.

She’ll be quite cordial,
Just like she is to everybody.

She’s so afraid of hurting me,
She does it on the daily.

I’ll just laugh until I cry,
Turn away before I die…

And I stare at her smile in that picture,
And I have no words. What more needs to be said. None.

But oh God, if you even exist,
If this is what it feels to love, to be young…

Take it back, take it away,
The foul smell rotting my brain.

It clouds me now,
Thickens with power.

Make it stop, give me the eclipse,
The end of this terrible rain.

Something I regret, something I hold dear…

I’m married now this golden circle never ending.

It burns
As it stares back at me
And I am its first, it’s last victim.
The ******* of this love is more
THAN
I
CAN
BEAR

So…
I’m going to do something I regret,
Something I will hold dear.
I’ve never been much of a ladies man,
And so if I’m gonna do it, might as well go all out,
I get the pills and the chemicals,
And I get the hottest girl I can find,
My dungeon, my laboratory all set in.

And I take, and I give,
The rose red blood,
For the creamy white seed.
Its sickening an beautiful,
Creation at its best,
At its worst.

I wonder which one I am,
As they haul me away,
My friend, my parents… and oh! The look on that *****’s face.
That “wife”

I eat it up. Num. Num. Num.

Darkness is encompassing my entire being,
As I’m talking to ladies(?) on the internet,
So ***** so ******, and its delicious,
I want, I crave, I’m already past addicted.
I’m past hard, and past, rock, diamond to the core.
No self-serving hands can release the beast,
Only their words their promises feed my meat.
But inside I’m still a little scared,
A little apprehensive that I don’t have a candle,
Or even a ladder to get back up.
Instead I’m stuck down here,
Deaf and blind, senseless in all but the lust and the mind.
Listening to some Justin Timberlake,
And reading ***** stories,
Oh how this is such infernal bliss.
It’s a good thing God doesn’t exist,
For my muse, for my with.
But I must complain, I must protest,
That the best part in all this,
Is doing what I’m not supposed to be doing,
With people who I can’t even miss.
****** affairs and fantasies,
The beauty of the naked body.
For some it’s a bright white light,
Showing them what they’ve never seen before,
The hidden, the trapped inner conscious.
But me is what it’s always been.
****** and not even hidden.
So there is no light here,
No positives to take,
Except perhaps some gratification,
And these stupid lies to bear.

She talked to me today.
Why, I’ve made so many mistakes.
It hurt so much when she revealed them.
But today… today she redeemed them.

With just her words, on my cellular device,
Telling me everything’s cool, and genuinely interested,
She laughed and acted as she knew me.
And something beyond joy, beyond happy overthrew me.

Its not love, at least I think it not,
She’s already denied me, and I guess that’s alright.
But sometimes late at night, I find myself thinking and perhaps hoping,
That’s we’ll play 20 questions again, and we’ll go back to the beginning.

She’s so ****, and ******.
Her curves like the fire bending out from the sun,
Warm. Too hot.
It melts me just thinking about them.

I wanna feel her, inside and out.
Maybe its plainly ******, maybe not.
She can make me so glad, and so disappointed,
Not in her, but myself, and the failures I’ve created.

But I guess its okay.
Because today she talked to me.

There is a place down below,
Where the mockingbird used to crow,
Under the earth in sweet melody,
Of times gone past, and times gone needily.
In this magical place, I wander,
Speaking of times yonder,
And I speak to my friend,
About this mystical trend,
We work together underneath Charon’s Moon.
In this hell we call, soon.
We wait patiently and talk about revenge.
Ironically that it is the lies we spin, careenage,
Quicker and quickless, fast and fastness,
Speeding our demise and yours,
Upon fates sick web.

I SAW IT THEN,
What I SEE EVEN NOW
The future of MAN and the WOMAN he held dear!
And oh, the woe that lied WITHIN
The laughter so MALICIOUS
And the daughter NEVERAFTER
They all combined for some SICK DISEASE
Something I could not help but SNARL at!
I prayed then for the first time in my LIFE,
Let me take their HEARTS, their BRAINS,
Look at them MOTHER, look at their FAILURES,
What have the done, if not KILLED EACH OTHER.

And then I cried, alone once again.
My friend never there, left me again.
And my tears pooled almost high enough today,
To **** me forever.
Maybe tomorrow when I wake up forgetting again.

How to start off this poem?

The words they don’t come easy,
Nothing sounds quite right.

I've done so many terrible things,
How can I possibly expect you to relate?
It is impossible it's a dream, but here we go anyways.

I believe this to be my destiny, my fate,
Even though every action is mine.
So when I tell you this story, please try to understand…
That you can’t.

Beginning under a starless sky,
With the orange glow man creates for night.
I fly on the wings of the innocent,
The blood and tears of those who… have died.
They fuel me, and feed me. With their pain, with their face.

I walked down that road,
On the wings of a satan.
And all those around me,
Smiled and puked.
And oh, the terror in her eyes,
When at last my journey reached its conclusion.

My eyes, although they are not quite eyes,
Bored deeply into hers,
And the pools of water parted for just a second,
And I could see my own reflection.
So… intense. So… lost.
I’ve been in snowstorms at sub-zero,
With more warmth than those not quite eyes.

Every beat of my heart, and every breath I took,
Implored me not to think,
But to **** in my just agony,
But think of the lies that would create.
I had been looking so long, so hard,
Just to **** the one thing I want to save.

This woman, in her intelligent innocence,
Pure as the blackest coal,
Born for me, as I was her.
Who challenged me at last, at first,
Not to slay, not to slaughter.

At first I laughed, in a bitter theatric…
But as it settled and tears created disaster…
She held me there, in her hairless arms,
Cooing and creating a space for banter.

I am almost as confused as you are.
Speaking so honestly…
I didn’t know what to do then or now either.

But I will say one last thing,
Something you may not want to hear.

On that cool winter night, I ate her.

This poem confirms it.
I am a great poet.
And not because I rhyme,
Because I don’t.
Or because I use metaphors,
Because I won’t
Just like the sky,
I am for everyone.
My words are meant to be sad,
But to overall cause a thought.
To relate my pain to your pain.
To transfer an idea,
The only one which matters.
We are all the same,
Just living our lives differently.
When I am heartbroken,
You are heartbroken.
Because we are all heartbroken.
And so I am a great poet.
Because I can share,
This simple fact.
And make you think,
About that one time a guy or girl,
Broke your heart,
Or brought it back,
And so you’ll say I’m right or wrong,
You’ll criticize the technicalities or,
Over joy over the story I preach,
But in the end we all agree.
I am a great poet.
And this poem confirms it.

I’m sitting alone,
I’m typing a poem.
It’s dark,
And my imaginations gone amuck.
I see killers and zombies
Bears and tom boys.
Mothers and fathers,
Murders and slaughters.
I see a lot of nasty things,
I see things that I wish I cannot see.
The one thing I have never seen.
The one thing I want the most to view,
That which forever is escaping me.
Love eternally.