I feel like my eyes, my skin,
Are like ties that bind me.
Lies that tithe my being.
Holding in my soul,
And that I'm numb,
I can't even feel,
Only the tears I cannot cry,
Are real.
Just a shell,
Oh living, living not a live,
living a lie an imposter,
peroposteroulsy going through the emotions,
thinking I'll be understood,
when no one dares to look under the hood,
Much less the mirage in the mirror,
Just echoes of fears and faded glories,
Scars of my own making.
And yet somehow it comforts me,
Darling dearest run far away,
Even as it with every step,
I become more empty.
I'm selfish, lovely,
And your beautiful facade,
masks my emptiness.
Into the void I wish to go,
But I have no bravery.
Just a shell,
A puppet,
Of some joke unseen.

I am hopeful one day you'll forgive me.
I am hopeful one day you'll let me care for you.
I am hopeful one day you'll talk to me.
I am hopeful one day I won't break your heart.
I am hopeful one day you'll take my loneliness away.
I am hopeful one day I'll find myself in you.
I am hopeful one day I'll belong there with you.
I am hopeful one day we'll eat pizza together.
And shower one another.
And cry together.
Instead of apart.
All because you said hello.
Oh, it tortures me.

Oh, *******.
Same cursed disease.
That took my beloved mother,
Right away from me.
Heathen Blood spewers,
Choking women at the seams,
cutting into lungs like,
My empty heart beats,
gore into my arteries,
I need you to go away,
Before my sanity leaves me.
The images flashing into my head,
The death that you bring,
Oh rear it all upon me.
Why can I not be cursed,
Why not punish me.
Cruel fates,
I want to absorb theirs,
Take it back and drink it dry,
And die fitfully,
Painfully,
Pneumonia,
How lonely,
You make me.

Tell you a story,
A sick story of mine,
I'm in a dream,
Waking up, and seeing,
Oh, your blood splattered all over mine.
I'm so scared, so terrified,
Oh hungrier still,
My knees shake and quiver,
but my **** only groans...
Gobble Gobble,
Crunch Crunch,
Gulp.
Yum.
The fear has gone away.
I wake up, a man again,
But I have changed.
And I've never been the same.

I'll howl at the moon,
And still my words will never reach you.

I'll stare at the ever same sun you watch set,
for a thousand years,
and still never again cast my gaze upon you.

I'll think of every way to, sway your heart,
like verdant palm trees in a strong breeze,
strong, and yielding, to me.

And I'll write every ounce of my joy,
Into this soft spoken pen,
Thinking, if, and only then.

But I'm a monster without a name,
Even still, my roar fades all the same.
I'm good at something, oh to be sure,
I'm very good at pushing,
The few ones I can love,
away for good.

So there you are again,
and you say you'll always be right there,
Oh, baby, you say you aren't trying to love me,
You must have gone crazy,
To keep me around,
Knowing I'm batshit,
Stinking flailing,
all over you,
You are the mountain,
I have to climb,
The light that only I can find,
The sight that warms me up,
The fright that tears me down,
I won't let my life be for naught,
I won't let you be there, alone,
Forgot.
You can't let me out,
But I've gone so much,
It's scary to let me in.
I know, I know,
I'm not worthy, yet still,
Dearest, oh heavenly creation,
Oh muse, I'm listening,
To whatever music you send my way,
I'll only fall for you, Off my perch of isolation,
You've always been,
My only one,
My other half,
My kindred soul,
Again, and again, and again,
You've always understood me,
Read me like a book you wrote yourself,
So deeply profound,
So riveting,
Shaking me down,
Shake me all down,
And sweep me away,
Again.
I'm never leaving,
I'm  never giving up,
it will take me forever,
To earn your heart but,
Amanda my love, my dear,
I won't say it first,
I won't kiss you first,
I won't run my hands through your hair,
I won't grab you closely, hold you tightly,
As if you Must never go,
Until you say,
"I'm yours, again,"

You are like a ghost,
Haunting me, waking, dreaming,
****, woman, It is you that makes my heart,
go beating off into the wilds,
randomly, fleeting,
Screeching, and into my gut,
where the butterflies are singing,
I can't get you out, of my blood,
my worthless pulse that wont stop beating,
Its discreet and it makes me think,
If I had it over again, I wouldn't be leaving,
Not ever, not if you were cutting my very
Organs our from under my being,
Till I bled out and died, with your eyes on mine,
Cuz I've left you a thousand times, scared of what,
You could be reading, into my scars, and my flaws,
My ticks, and my insecurities, they talk,
Like little green men to crazy men,
Oh I'm insane and my depression is carrying me therein,
And no death is gruesome enough to be worse than,
A life alone, without you in it,
Its melodramtic, I know,
I have no one to confide upon so,
I'll tell it all to my pen,
Worthless strokes, full of worthless thoughts,
To convey meaningless feelings,
Oh insanity, thou art the love I feel,
I'd give it all up, oh I'd sell my soul,
I'd let loose my demons, and I'd carry your hell,
I'd fight god himself, I'd cry in public,
Just end it all, stop flaunting your sickeningly
Pretty face, your gorgeous smile, your pretty brown eyes,
That *** that are all my hands remember,
The fear I felt then as if I was in the presence of the 8th world wonder,
I can't get it out, not when your here, and I look so weak,
If I send you out, and I think twice in the mirror,
The closer you get, maybe one day then,
I'll get one more chance, And,
I wont lose you, Again.