I know you have kids to feed,
But I must say what I need,
I am no thief,
I did not steal from you,
And our boss already finished the deal,
I owned what I worked for,
You don't get to carry the sins of the father,
unto the son. Because it suits you.

You curse the dealership for approving deals,
That make you lose money in peels,
But you want my losers,
You have to ask everyone for yours,
I earn mine, and never have to ask anyone.

Please stop accosting me.
Do not tell me, that my father thinks I am Greedy,
Do not tell me that I don't know anything,
That what comes around goes around,
Do not call me, The kinkiest ******* you know,
And say you wont do buisness with me,
Any more,
And then keep coming to me,
And lecturing me,
And riling me up,
And stressing me,
And making my heart burst up,

Leave me alone.
Fight someone else,
To get what you think is yours,
While I'll sleep soundly,
Maybe tomorrow,
Knowing I did what was right.

I just can not do it,
oh not any more.

I'm a rusty wheel still turning,
but the spinning and running,
ended a long time ago.

I'm an empty husk,
the snake skin left over,
from a serpent long slivered.

The passion has come and gone,
as the wind blows from the east,
setting with the cool sun in the west,
and the day turns to black starless night,
so too do I fall into the the pitch,
a quiet hell resounding.

But no devils speak to me,
oh the joys if they would deign to torture me,
no, no, no dear, no.
I am left alone.
The only words of recoil that I do hear,
Are the sharp respites my own mind come come upon,
Jumping up on and and every one of my shallow young boy fears.
The inadequacies of life and the man not leading.

So I'll sit back in this chair, and let life come to me.
I'm tired of ******* and having it feel so empty.
I can fill no wombs, so I'll sleep singularly.
Maybe it will fit me. Maybe my spark will come back.
Or maybe we are all just dreaming.
A dream of future glories, never to be.
And the walls of our reality.
Are always just crumbling.

Vilified,
Oh so dignified,
Let me **** your mind,
And afterwards,
Lay besides,
The tide's cruel remorse,
Where you got your award,
The ring that binds,
Your worthless force,
Tied to another, by bonds,
Of silver lies, and golden lines,
Wrapped around rings,
Made of skin and dust,
Oh I smile, as I **** another,
Of my previous selves.

I know who I am, who I am,
Says Sam, Sam that I am,
Sam, go back in your can,
It's not amatuer hour, this can't stand,
Go, duck your head in the sand,
Its do or die time, gotta make it land,
The deals are there, you gotta play the numbers,
Make hay when the sun is shining,
Lie when the customer needs to be buying,
Happiness is morose, it twists and moats,
Like an irregular river, never satisfied,
Dried up, losing all hope,
No this is John's hour, the feelings are irrelevant,
I cast them aside, like a blind man's irrelevance,
I'm agnostic so I'm irreverent,
let me tell you what that means,
I'm a ***** and a testament,
To a master and a question,
Left on stone, tablet, and parchment,
Ill last the times, my words echoin',
A big bang of passion and death reverberin',
Into the minds of the young, the innocent,
I'll smile, as my **** swells in hell or heaven,
And I'll *** down onto the world, and into every ******,
And I'll laugh and laugh, a burning,
the once kind heart of an innocent feeling,
Gone, lost upon the fates long winds and,
I'll still be smiling even when they are all gone,
And finally my big bang is forgotton,
And the light will have long left my eyes, testosterone,
Absent for many an eos,
And I'll be alone then, and again,
Ill smile, but it wont quite reach,
My oft forgot soul.

Run, run little girl,
Im only after your fears.
Hide, hide from the light.
I'll only eat your tears,
in the coldest, blackest
Night.

I'm not the hero.
I'm not here to save everyone.
I have fallen.
It feels so good to let go,
and let your demons roam.


Let me tell you a story,
and sell you a worry,
I'm never going home.
I'll always be in the clouds.
Dreaming. Terrible dreams.
I'll always want to conquer, to rule.
You'll never be anything to me,
but my *****. That's where I'm safe.

You can't hurt me anymore.
I feel pain but it doesnt reach me,
No longer, no more.
This life it is a bore.
Let me enlighten it.
Let me frighten it, by the seams.
Run, run, Little girl, little girl.
Your nothing but another of my dreams.
I'll never catch you but
I will always be chasing.
Hungry hungry,
voracious and deadly seeming.
Into the cracks, the crevices,
of your once friendly being.

I will make you all hot,
eating you from the inside out.
And then you'll get cold,
You'll walk right on out.
And I wont notice the difference.
Ill stay here, if only for a while,
Laying, thinking, realizing...
You were just a *****.
Little girl, little lamb.
I am greater now than a man.
And less than any one can.
Smile.

Oh, I'm looking for light,
In this godless night,

I'm losing my spark,
And the apathy feels great.

With each uneven beat of my heart,
I close my eyes, and its not nearly as dark...

As the life we surround ourselves with,
Afraid of death and the afterlife.

It is called crazy, crazy, to wish it was over.
They call it depression and submission.

I call it rationalism!
What does this world have to offer you?

You take of it what you will,
But to me it lends only bills!

And not of the meaningless thing we call money,
No ******* up currency, no trust we bind ourselves by.

Nay the cruelty of a loveless life, of emotions drained,
Hopes dashed, family cruelly washed down winter's basin.

What do we look forward to in life?
Oh, I wonder, and wander. I am lost.

But to me I am found. I know who I am.
I am the darkness, at 2 am which causes me to write.
I am the boogeyman, the hidden fright.
The fear which holds you from kissing her,
The quiver you try to hide under, your receding grin,
I am the line by which darkness exudes,
I am evil and the joy infused,
I am the happiness of void, the contentness of lust.
I am the sin and the sinner, the judge and the judged.
And I am without care or worry. I am only waiting to be taken.
Oh. Oh indeed.

Oh cursed soul,
that you be,
something I dont even believe,
In, but in pain filled ignorance,
I lack the eloquency  to describe,
Even a little bit accurately,
This hateful being,
This lie of a perception, I cannot wake from,
A matrix, a coded line, I find myself,
Stuck in,
The suffering of a thousand lives and worlds,
Reaching out to you, reading this,
Lying, lying, as if the words mean,
Anything, anything, No!
Yet then, I always realize circling back,
To the histories invented by past selves,
hence, influencing who I am now,
the dark corners I look forward to in the future,
The lack of resposibility, The blissful youth,
Mixed with the pain of wisdom,
And the teachings and overview,
Of going off a cliff, only to jump back on,
And run off again,
Yet, then, again I find myself looking,
In my heart at the gun, the gun of release,
Oh that I dare say,
all humans should seek.
Crazy, crazy, John,
You are crazy you say,
Aye, aye, as all we are,
Sanity is insane,
Reason is,
2+2=4, Because.
I am the because. I am the order.
I am the chaos, that puts that electron there,
And your synapses connecting there,
Oh I'm the breath you take,
Before that **** and ***,
You faked,
Little one, little one,
I am much older now in lives
Than years, I consume throwing myself away,
The self, the soul, the non existence,
Oh it is existing and it wont leave me,
And all this because,
I saw her kissing that man,
On the cheek.
Alas, that is the bane of every God and Demon,
Since nephlium, To love a human,
A mortal, the code in the matrix,
The variables for the x,
That turns your reason and logic,
Into guess work and soulbreak,
I drone on,
Where is the end,
That is the point! Dr. Seuess,
Take your money back, I know the places I will go,
Oh I've seen it now for a while, and boy do I fear,
The blank page, the unwritten line,
The truth that I've been trying to hide,
From who?
I've lived long enough.
I would like to die.

My dad said,
Son...
one day your gonna want a family,
and it has been the curse of
the male of our line,
to take forever to decide
what they want,
and he gave me names,
examples and dates,
and I nodded along smiling,
seething,
He said,
Baby boy,
Little kid,
Go back to college and i'll pay your debt
as if he wasnt struggling to make ends meet,
as is.

He said, Do this,
or later you will come to regret,
and wish that you did,
and I shook my head.
AND I SAID.
I want to be sane and happy!
I shall have no regrets,
I have much too many!
Life has stolen everything from me,
making me who I am,
someone who finds no shame
in quit.
I have no drive or will,
what is success or money,
But prostitution of the human
driven by the dollar and
Societies judgmental mills
to ostracize those who don't fit the mold,
who don't want to dream,
who don't want to build,
Because being an American it seems,
Is being an individual,
as long as you are an individual,
they want you to be, and if your not,
they are french,
and cest la ******* vie.

And I said,
Dad, You are looking down upon me.
I may want a family, in fact I'd have one today,
if anyone was willing,
But I doubt anyone will love me,
and even if they did, I proclaim,
quite meatily,
We don't need money,
We will get by, the best we can
as everyone else does.
No better or worse.
Just, simply,
existing.
Hopefully,
Happily.

But no, he proclaimed,
you'll want a house some day!
Some where to raise your kids,
At least, if not college,
if that won't make you happy,
come work for me,
sell cars, get a beach house,
as a dad I felt his need to just
give me something,
because as he's never really understood me,
I think he's still always tried the best he could.
And on this, my perceptiveness got a hold of me,
and much to my shame
I Said; Yes.