and all those times
you kissed me
you were just
putting your
thumb
over my
lips

I'm starting to think that I'm scared of my heart healing.
I'm scared because what if I move on?
You know I hate change.
That I'm scared of the unknown.
So if I move on, what will happen?
Would I get hurt again?
Would I be happy?
I don't know.
But I know that I will never be hurt again,
If I never let anybody else in.
And I think it's better to have no chance at getting hurt,
Than have a slim chance of being happy.
I don't really know.
I'm just as confused now as I was the day you left.

I see so much pain.
So much hurt and depression.
Talk of suicide and self injury.
I know nothing that anyone says will help the hurt.
So I encourage everyone who knows someone like this,
To just listen.
Don't try giving advice,
It doesn't help.
Don't tell us stories of yourself in a similar situation,
We are different.
We just want someone to listen to us and be there for us.

And for everyone who feels worthless and ready to die,
Hang in there.
You are loved.
More people than you could imagine care about you.
I know it won't be easy at all,
But try.
Even if you only find one reason to live and a million to die,
Fight for that one reason.

That I know..

You are very much hurting everyday
You feel like you just can't get away
Tears of blood cloud in your eyes till you can't see
Hurting and hurting longing to be free

Tears congregate and form into a puddle
Silently you are masking the pain, the struggle
All these while you are suffering in silence
Quietly resisting the emotional violence

You lift your eyes, but dimmed with grief
Your sorrow lends but only weak relief
You die everyday, you are wearied
It's like you're dressed at the funeral of regret, not yet buried

The stabbing pain you don't wish to bare
Nothing could make you feel better even if you share
You are gathering the strength you have in your soul
To beat the drums, feed the fire with coal

You are dipping your pain in inkwell heart
And scrawling out what you are feeling
Those words becoming the tourniquet
You don't know when your heart will stop bleeding