The hour hand's on 10.
&
The minute's on 4.

I think,
I know.

Half of me died
with you.

Way back,
when,
October nights weren't
so
******'
lonely.

Until my other half
gives in.
I'll be your;

1/2-ghost,
earth-bound.
Sun.

For the "time" being,
I'll catch you on the
astral plane.
&
I'll see you in my dreams.

</3

When your life line
stops running,
across your body's
support screen.

What time
will your clock
stop at?

Time doesn't exist,
I will
ALWAYS
be here.
<3

I’ve written all these first lines
But I am out at the moment
And
I am drunk

So here is mine

It is 1 am and raining
I want to stand in it naked
Feel the wet and cold bite my body into shivers

Feels almost as good as being punched for the first time
Where you realize that these the people you’re afraid of
Can’t hurt you as badly as you thought they could

I am a body practiced in resilience
We are bodies built soft enough for the bounce back

Only now I am not so sure I can bounce back from this

I want to want someone so badly that thinking about them
Helps me sleep at night
He said

Thinking about her helps me sleep
And I want to be wanted like that

Right now I am tired

Maybe it’s the beer
Maybe it’s the comfort of a bed
That I no longer get to sleep in

My ex is out for the night
And I am in our old bed

If I wake up early enough
Leave before she knows I was there
I will still have slept shamefully

There are days where I remind myself
That the strongest men
Are ones who let the chinks in their armor show
And keep walking
I’ve got some nasty holes you might’ve noticed

But I’m trying

And I’m sorry I push you away sometimes
Just that I don’t want you to see me
When I have to retighten the springs in my knees
To keep the buckle at bay
Or when I have to loosen the screws in my jaw
Tightened from a tear-bite

Holding up this armor is hard
These shoulders want to hang heavy
I don’t want to rust in the rain

I want it to break
So the truth might punch me perfectly
Into understanding that this hurts right now
And even though for the moment I want it to **** me
It’s not going to **** me

I am better than that
But I am lonely

I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart
and put them into my jar of fireflies.

Only way now to keep my heart-spark alive
To live healthy in the glow

I've left the lid open
Living with the fear that this light might leave me

I have to remind myself some days that dust still rises
So I walk like an oil well to keep your memory alive

I watched them bury you
and realised my biggest fear come true

Heaven can't be real

And coffins only trap our dead
I need to let you go

When I die I want to be naked
wet
and covered in seeds

Heaven is the transfer of energy
into new life

I don't wanna be a goddamm tombstone garden
I wanna be a real garden
With ******* roses
and lillies

And weeds
Weeds are hard to ****
Make me something strong again

Give me a reason to keep on going
Help me kick my own dust

I wanna make life
even after my life

and

I want you back
I want you back

Because I miss you so much some days
I drive sixty in suburban neighborhoods
Prayin the fire finaly takes me
and
I can't do it

I know I will wake up in the morning
and you still won't be here

Sent you an e-mail the other day but purposely got the address wrong
I just wanted your name in my inbox

Someone already has your cell phone number
I called them and cried
because when they answered
they sounded exactly like you

They've asked me to stop texting
Saying I have the wrong number

Did you know all the people on tv sitcom laughtracks are dead?
It is ghosts reminding us to laugh

Remind my smile
Remind my dust
Remind my firefly glow
To get bigger

Remind me that you're not really gone
Not gone gone
Even if you're just plant food
It means something

It's why grass itches your bare skin
Reminds you it's alive

I don't want to itch like your nightmares anymore

Just know
I am picking up the pieces as best I can

And I ******* miss you

It would be this one
It will tell you alot
                            
                          Dear

I had a note for you I scratched on this envelope
but it was ruined in the rain
it used to read so well
now the only word not melted is

                         Jessica

Ruined. So I picked up my pencil sure that this time
Just this once I could write words enough to make you mine
but there
alone on the page in naked pencil waiting

                          I

But i can't start with i
that is so selfish
so
i
begin to go agian
trying to make a something out of all the nothing
but its hard to name a poem so how 'bout let's call it

                       Love

No GOD NO
that is way too tacky
what would she think
So embarassing
So childish
So simple
You don't deserve the simple
You deserve the incredible
The awe-inspiring fire


                                  You

and there it stops me
lost and more lost
because when I think of you
all the fire is kindled


                                   You
are my evreything

so i put down this pencil
and write in my head
a future I have seen once or twice
in the lonely corner of a dream



                                     Dear Jessica I love you
                        I carved on that tree
                        In the noise of summer bugs claws birds wings breeze
                        I saw you smile walking towards me
                        Your feet silent on the blanket of the warm grassy ground
                         Your pale feet smeared with mud
                        It was in a june, july or august
                        A quiet summer dream
                         Me and you far out in nowhere
                        As the record singer plays the song
                         "Together"
                            (that song)

                        In a meadow
                          Dreaming
                        I know I felt it in the warm of your hair
                        When you wrapped your arms around me
                        You kissed me soft on the neck
                         I felt your skin as you squeezed me
                         Your eyes were so close
                          Close to my mind
                          and in a moment of your laughter
                           and in a moment of your joy
                                          a moment forgetting
                            life and all the noise
                            
                         I felt your breath sweet
                         I felt your whisper soft
                            melting the glue in my mind
                        In my dream I knew you kissed me
                         In my life you will never see me
                        
                I traded this moment for all that I had
                      and rode the river Styx to the belly of hell
                       and rode the river Styx while humming that song

For years I ran from it all
As if locking up the thoughts
In dark quiet rooms would
Somehow stop them
My last full night
I was ten years old
And the curtains made a shadow on the wall
I was there alone listening to the wind
Watching as the shadow turned into an image
I cannot forget

It comes to all of us although I never thought so soon
I am angry at myself now for finally noticing this world about me
In these moments...I feel awake for the first time
I hang to each heartbeat
Each inhale is heavy in my lungs
Here I am at the end without the words to describe
The beauty of all that is around me
The gust of wind against the window
The house creaks around me
Crickets outside chirping incessantly
They are my only witnesses
Will the blast from this shotgun silence them for a moment ?



Ive wasted enough time
I loved deeply I believe
I take comfort in this
It is quiet now
So quiet here at the end
No music, no band playing
It's time now


I hope I come back as a bird