If one can reach without strain and absorb any words no matter the matter for timing is in losing it altogether sinking into the puddle breaking reflections and with no ease reaching bottom to swallow it all..hmm?

She told me to just let go
When I asked what was meant
There came an ehhh, I dunno

So many wars inside, twice upon the rise
While they're preying upon another
Trying to feast upon that pride

Let's see the real you once there in those blues
Just let go their multiple guises
Then the world will see you true

I would have loved to have kissed you through
your polo shirt, to have felt your leather chest
on the palms of my hand, get my tongue caught
in the feeling of yours. I bet you would have held
my face, one of those guys, who cradles cheekbones
like pottery. I imagined us, feet tangling in sheets
as we wrestle each other in a small bed
pinning arms against the headboard, pulling ribs
closer to the other so they can connect
in their respective grooves. I would have loved
to have played catch with your smile, circle
your eyes with my own, nibble your shoulder
as we collide. I would have loved to,

but I'm still being haunted by ghosts in good underwear
who gave me more than just a body
for a month or two. By boys who swore
that the time wasn't right now, but it was coming
as fast as it could. I've been sliced open
by flea market promise rings with crooked diamonds,
and I would have loved to have used
you to stitch me back together. But you
are just a boy with your parents wallet,
sweetness baked into tight khaki's
and some really cool vans. You are not
the remedy I attempt to find in Bacardi bottles
or a blank document or even cups of tea.
You are too good for this part of me.
I'm sorry for teasing you with my jeans
and the bit of skin I let peak between
my belt and the rest of my blouse.
Imagine what that would have felt like
on your belly while the November breeze
crept through your open window?
I would have loved to.

What do you write to the saddest girl in the world?
Do you write about the beauty in the moon
The way its reflection
Stains the waves white?

Do you write about the way the rain
Falls on the surface
Of the water
And how it looks from underneath
Dancing with the oxygen
You exhale


Do you write about the wind
Tearing
Caressing
Green
Red
Brown
Yellow
Non- existant leaves?

Do you tell her
About your cheeks stinging
When the sky is grey
And how it feels to have drizzle
Falling across your closed eyes?

Do you tell her about the little boys
Who pick flowers
Just to see her smile
Or the girls who spend minutes
Writing her name?

What do you tell the saddest girl in the world?

Do you tell her
That everything is infinite
Or that it is necessary
For all things great
To end?

Do you tell her
About the flowers
You see
And the smiles
You can no longer count

Or do you tell her about the flowers
That lose their petals when she
Forgets their beauty
And the people who fade away
When all she sees
Is grey
Grey
Grey
Emptiness

Do you tell her
When you miss her smile
Or do you kiss the tears
Off her cheeks
And dance with her
Slowly
Across the bed
With rumpled sheets
And lines
And lines
Of sunlight

Do you tell her
That you love her
Without her sadness
(God, I hope you do)
But with it too

Or will you
Never tell her
The way she never tells you
And will you keep
The receipt
That she had written
About never telling the person you love
The most

How much you love them.

There’s a boutique of flowers
I set up just for you
Everyday you’d pick out
The most beautiful blue

It’s a pretty bouquet
I thought she’d receive
But the flowers were for me
You were too scared to give

crying to you was my only relief

and when you cried with me I felt like we were in this together

but then you said "I'm going to push you away" with tears streaming down your face and in your shaking voice

I couldn't cry myself out of relief

and I tried to touch you and you wouldn't resist but you wouldn't touch me back

I knew you wanted to but you thought you were doing me a favor

"you deserve better, I'm just going to be a loser" "I don't want that for you"

"you would never be a loser in my eyes" I whispered unclear

there was so many times that you would pull me close to you

but here wasn't the case

I'm out of tears now, I'll go through the motions but nothing will come out

I just want to talk to you
but you "don't want anyone to care about you"

"I don't understand" I cry
and you never said anything back to that

cause deep down you don't understand yourself either

I get so satisfied when you enter my mind
Can’t wait for days I’ll be with you all the time
And I don’t understand why we’re so far away
I live in T.O and you live in L.A
But distance means nothing
When you just stop to think
Yes. I’d love to for us to kiss and hug
But when I hear your voice, you become a drug
I feel so relaxed your voice is a sweet melody
Which makes me forget that I feel lonely
Maybe one day we’ll finally meet
But for now your voice is all I need to live

So many people wander
this earth aimlessly,

finding no peace
in the places they have been.

But in my travels,
I stumbled upon
the blue of your eyes,
the taste of your kiss,
and the warmth of your embrace.

I have wandered,
and I have found my home.

Morning spent lying, gazing

turn into afternoons
snuggled in sheets
of lazy radiance.

Hands rest on skin
with languorous delight,

traveling amorously
with nowhere to be,

only knowing
where they want to go.