You aren't my sister
Sometimes I wish you were
The monkey bars gave me this blister
But I was playing with you for sure
I love you a bunch
Much more than you think
I love you so much
Even just when you blink
You are the sister I want
No one else Is like you
It Is you that I flaunt
No matter what you do
You and I, Is we
We, Is just you and me

I don't know when It happened but It did

"What?"

When Kindness became a publicized thing.

When a small act of graciousness had to be filmed and shared.

When a person helping another had to boasted about

Why can't we help each other without a reward

When did people become to selfish to the point where you only do things for others In order to gain or receive

I don't know when It happened but It did

I would like to reach you
but I can't

I would like to teach you
But I can't

I would like to learn from you
But I can't

I would like to leave you
But I can't

I would like to kiss you
But I can't

I would like to laugh with you
But I can't

I would like to love you
But guess what? I can't

Well,
Maybe I can
I can't say I tried

I thought about how
I thought about why

Maybe I can

If only I try

I come off strong
I come off confident
I come off fearless

However,

I am STRONG
I am CONFIDENT
I am FEARLESS

I am myself

I look different
I sound different
I act different

I am different

I am myself

I dream bigger
I dream further
I dream smarter

I dream
For myself

I am her
She Is me
I am myself

It's crazy how quickly someone can go.
It's like the door they walked in lead directly to the exit.
Is it something i do?
Because it honestly happened every single time.
Sometimes they stay longer than a day.
But never have they stayed long enough.
I mean there's never been one that's lasted.
And I'm starting to think there never will.

Everyone moves on so fast.

But then there's me.

Sitting here waiting for someone who has never even thought I was cute.

Crying my heart out for someone who couldn't care less about how I feel.

Is it wrong to miss you?

At one point we didn't go a day without saying hi.

I grew so dependent upon you, I never expected you to disappear the way you did.

I just wish I could turn back time.

I wish I could be everything you want.

If only I could pause the world.

Look,
At the way she walks

Listen,
To her vocabulary when she talks

Smell,
Her neck when she hugs you

Taste,
Her soft lips when she kisses you

Feel,
Her heart beat faster as you grab her waist

All five senses point to yes
She wants you

You really don't think she's worthy of you?

Okay you get good grades
You've skipped a grade
You won the spelling bee

But are you smart?

Okay she carries a 2.4
She got held back
Okay she can't spell well

But Is she dumb?

You got Into a four year university
She's going to community college

You're now a lawyer
She's now an artist

You're rich and successful
She's rich and successful

You're getting a divorce
She's getting married

You lost your kids In court
She's carrying her second child

It's her 10th anniversary
It's your 10th DUI meeting

You're at your High school reunion
She notices you

You ask her If she's smart
She says no

She asks you If you're happy
do you know what you said...............

Sorry,

Allow me to apologize in advance.
For what you ask?

For ruining this great thing we're going to have.

I'll be the friend that falls in love.

I'll be the friend begging to be more than friends.

It'll be me that takes your affection too far.

So yes I say sorry,
and it's not for "no reason"
It's because I already know how this is going to go.

I'm sorry that I'm going to fall in love with you, you're just making it really easy to do.

Some words aren't meant to be
Spoken
Some hearts aren't meant to be
Broken

Some tears aren't meant to be
Shed
Some people aren't meant to think
Ahead

So don't over step or cross your
Line
Special things come with
Time

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN
that only makes It worse

DON'T TELL ME TO RELAX
that just makes me more wild

DON'T TELL ME NOT TO CRY
I've already held It too long

DON'T TELL ME I'M TOO STRESSED
what do you think I'm trying to tell you

DON'T TELL ME TO BREATH
I can't stop suffocating

DON'T TELL ME I SEEM LIFELESS
It because I'm already dead

DON'T TELL ME YOU CARE
It just another lie

DON'T ATTEMPT TO FIGHT MY MONSTERS
because they're Inside me

DON'T TELL ME TO KEEP TRYING
because you see me slowly dying

I want you to teach me,
put the pencil in my hand and show me how to write.

Show me how to color the past instead of erasing it.

Teach me to love myself, In the way you love me.

Show me where I went wrong, then tell me to turn right.

Teach me smile more and cry a less.

Show me what I don't see,
Protect my eyes from what I shouldn't.

Make me laugh in the midst of my tears.

Teach me to forget why I was sad.

Show me how to conquer the pain.

Tell me what you want, and how you're gonna get it.

Show me why I should trust you,
Then,
teach me how.

I thank God

You sent me here

I didn't want to move

But I'm glad I did

I didn't want to stop loving him

But I'm glad I did

I didn't want to be creative

But I'm glad I did

You placed these people here
In my path
To force me through doors I didn't see

I didn't want to open the doors

so you presented me with the people who would do It with me

And I thank you for that

Thank God

For placing me on the journey I am now In love with

A peaceful spring flower I so simple
But all together can be so complex
It slowly shrinks and begins to dwindle
Seems Intense but shallow on the cortex

As the seasons change It dies and grows back
The fear that It shows that It shan’t return
The pedals quickly fall and the steam cracks
It’s terrified, It’s heart filled with concern

However spring comes back, winter Is gone
Vanished was the fright the flower once had
Now very happy and pleased with It’s spawn
Amazed, everything didn’t go bad

Received a smile from each small flower
The aged spring flower Is filled with power

Why does It feel A school day last so long
But the school year Itself goes so fast

Why does It feel like My birthday takes so long to appear
But I got to 15 so fast

Why does It feel like a race takes so long to run
But the time Is so short

Time doesn't make sense
I can't comprehend It
I can't understand It
What time Is It?

"I love you"
The three words we managed to exchange.

You make me feel special, not in the handicapped kind of way. But like a princess, who needs never cease to be met.

You eat my pain and feed me smiles. You dry my tears and hold my heart.

You tell me I'm beautiful, something I've never believed to be true; but it sounds a whole lot  different when it coming from you.

I tell you that I love you, you must know it to be true.
I don't feel this way towards anyone but you.

"I love you"
Three little words that we share.

I want to love you
But if it's not right what can I do?
You fell for me
I said there will never be a we,
But when I fell for you
All games we're threw.
You claim I'm too good,
That I deserve someone better,
But all I wish is for us to be together.
You may be older and probably don't feel the same,
But how I feel for you won't ever change.
I may grow up, and love someone else
But you will always have a spot on my shelf.
We aren't meant to be,
But I can't stop imagining you on one knee.
It probably wouldn't be perfect
But I assure you I'm worth it.
I'm not saying be with me forever,
I'm just saying never say never.
Even just as friends, our talks last hours.
But together the entire world could be ours.
Yes my love is true,
And right I want nothing more than to share it with you.

I want you to
Trust me

Tell me your biggest fears
Your scariest dream
Your largest goal
Trust me

Trust me
With your feelings
With your secrets
With your heart

Trust me
Tell me things you fear to tell the others
Tell me what makes you mad
Tell me what makes you smile

Trust me
Show me your past
Show me your future
Show me your present
Show me you

Trust me
Entrust me with your life
Entrust me with your love
Entrust me with the big weights

Trust me
Allow me to guide you
Allow me to be your crutch
Allow me to help you
Allow me to trust you

All you have to do Is trust me

I don't need you
But I make myself believe I do.

I don't want you
But I force myself to think I do.

****, I don't even like you
But I like to pretend I do.

I don't gain anything,
I don't learn anything,
I don't enjoy it for a second.

I'm losing myself
too busy forcing myself to find you.

I constantly try to be what you want.  
Trying to make myself good enough for you.

But that's the issue,
I can't be good enough for you
no matter how hard I try.

You don't want me, and I don't want you
It's simple
There's nothing else we can do.

It's almost funny though,
we constantly agree to disagree,
But our compromise is a fight.

We can't just walk away
But we hate being together.

The bond we built
can't be broken.
And if it did, we wouldn't survive.

See isn't funny?
We "don't like each other",
Right?

Most phrases don’t bother me and the ones that do I tend to avoid using. However there is one phrase I regularly use that I very much despise. “What if”. I say it all the time but just think about it, It *****. I mean, when it's used people usually complete the sentence with a hope or something they wish would happen. Deep down everyone knows it’ll never happen. Unless you're a hopeless romantic like me you have no problem understanding that. However if we are alike in this way, you understand how hard it hurts to think that whatever your “what if” is, won’t come true. Why do I choose to torture myself with these foolish “what if’s” or “I wishes”. I know they’re completely incapable of coming true, and yet I still wish them. I walk around everyday saying “I wish this didn’t happen.”, “what if I never moved away?”, “I wish you’d love me the same way I love you.” I say these things knowing they will make me upset. No matter how much I cry about them or how down they will make I can’t comprehend the fact that they won’t come true. There's nothing I want more than you. So I wish and dream and hope and pray and cry and fight for it, for us. But you just sit there and watching and laughing and killing me, killing us. “What if it was the other way around?” “I wish you could understand my pain.” You don’t want me, and yet that's all I ever wish for.

I hope i’m not alone in saying this. I know there is at least one more person who feels the same way I do about these silly phrases. I must sound ridiculous. I just wish I didn’t sound so stupid.

I saw you in the hallway
That look of pain and desperation

You glared into my soul
My heart started to race

I was upset, I felt like I hurt you
You seemed so ashamed

You claim not to want me
But it ****** you off to see me with someone else

I love you more than I live myself
But you're afraid you feel the same

You saw me in the hallway
I looked happy and full of life

I didn't feel you staring
I was on cloud nine

I was so excited
Oblivious to my surroundings

Then I saw you
Standing in the hallway
All my joy was gone

When we talk, the world doesn't exist.
We sit, in the dark, in the sun, in blank space.

There's no time, no air, no pain.
We don't even breathe.

Constant conversation,
sometimes without words.
Whether it be glances, tears, or yawns.

It's like a dream,
not the kind you have while you sleep
or the kind you imagine as a child.
The kind of dream that can't be described.
It just is what it is. No one outside of it understands.
And that's ok.

It's not for anyone except you and I.

We talk people, politics, love, hate, sorrow, joy.
We laugh, we cry, we fight, we smile.

We talk until words don't even make sense.
Until my speak slurs to a mumble, we both grow mute.
And your words become snores.  

Then we wake up, and do it all over again.

I sat there; afraid, alone, and tired
I didn't know what to do, where to go
No one else will do, You I admired
They tried to help me, all I said was no
Without your love, It’s getting hard to hear
Without your love I think I’m going blind
Without you I am enclosed with dark fear
Without you I am scared of my own mind
Slowly watching the clock that Is my time
Aware that It Is time for me to die
Drowning myself In *****, spit, and grime
The most that I can do Is wonder why
If your love was my reason for living
Why don’t I think I’ll ever quit crying

I am not exactly sure why
But with you I don't feel nervous
I never get scared
You never make me mad
I can hold your hand
Yet feel nothing
I can hug you tight
Yet not afraid to let go
I can sleep beside you
Yet we never touched
But for some reason
I can't get you out of my mind
I don't feel the love
Or the connection I felt with the others
Yet with you, I'd never want another

You
You consume my thoughts

You overtake my brain

You control my dreams

All I see Is you

I am yet to know you

But I know your face

I know your laugh

I know your challenge

You make me better

Even though I don't know your best side

You make me smarter

Even though I'm yet to know your smartest side

You enlarge my dreams

Even though I'm yet to know your largest dream

You give me the biggest smile

Although I also gave you yours

It may not last

But for now you stay you

You

Your intelligence captivates me.

Your creativity enchants me.

Your humor never fails to excite me.

Your brain entertains me.

Your heart beat moves me.

Everything about your personality fascinates me.

Your just simply extraordinary.

I flipped the table
you told them I was fine

I punched a wall
you told them give me time

I cut my wrist
you told them It was fake

I tried to drown myself
you told them I wouldn't break

I jumped off a bridge
You told them I could swim

I shot myself
Now all Is dim

I finally died
and It wasn't them who cried