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 Oct 2015 Jayd Green
irinia
in thousands of aborted silences
of never found again words
in the nakedness of our failures
in the savage desire to be more than
the sight can bear
in the simple recognition
that you know little
from outside
we can listen to the allusive warmness
carving new bodies
for the days to come
for the healing of memory

we opened circles
minds
lungs
to embrace the new symmetry
of laughter:
I laugh when you cry
she cries when they laugh

and they pray:
no more
I won’t be your prey
your substitute
for the undiscovered
truth
take me as air on your palms
as dust in your wrinkles
smile with my tears

when silence is lighter than us
we only want to feel each other
in the mirror echoes
of a patient heart
dedicated to my tribe of fiercely warm people :)
 Oct 2015 Jayd Green
KILLME
You love me?
no.
But you want me.
yes that's it
you want me.
because when i'm with you
i am small.
i can't help but be a different person.
someone who likes to be told what to do.
i get my fix of sorry feeling.
i get to be punished and pulled apart
until i'm nothing but your words and ideas
i deserve to feel like trash.
i deserve to be your pet.
you ground me.
second guessing every move is intoxicating.
being unsure makes rattles my chest
keeps me on my feet and somewhat scared
of you
and of what can happen
if i keep on listening
saying no feels wrong but still you coddle me
asking why and disappearing to let me know
i have things to work out.
i'm a mess
you foster this in me by speaking empathy.
youre a mess too.
lets be a mess together.

you know
people could call this abuse
but somehow for some godforsaken reason
i eat it up
for those few moments you make me feel good
you tell me who i am
i need that right now
i need you to tell me who i am
over analyze my every word
tell me my symptoms
lets bask in our insane abilities
where your knowledge gives you the upper foot

why do i want you
why do i want this
whywhywhy do i NEED it some days more then others
your validation is a terrible drug
i can't stand it
leave me alone but
don't leave me

I'm sorry
it won't happen again
We speak the same tongue.
I have never seen eyes move the way yours does
they dance
almost as well as you do.
With every step, every flick of your wrist, you
tear through barriers with your eyes and that corner of your mouth that
overflows with joy everlasting.
May you find your place soon.
 Apr 2015 Jayd Green
Sylvia Plath
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to **** you.
You died before I had time ----
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My ****** friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You ----

Not God but a *******
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the *****.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two ----
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagersnever liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you *******, I'm through.
 Apr 2015 Jayd Green
Sylvia Plath
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
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