The sun shows white across my golden shoulders
I lay in the field of oblivion,
Sweet wildflowers dance on either side of me
My eyes are sealed shut
Yet the sun's rays still try to touch my retinas
My eyelids translate the rays into the color white
Causing my mind to drip with the essence of blankness

Your scent is palpable and it thrusts me into a prison cell
Of my own creation
I cause my vision to blur
Because you sit in front of me
And I'm intoxicated because of your presence
I'm trying to retain any sense of inhibition I have left
Within my quaking mind,
I think you turn to say hello,
I see you're smiling from my peripheral vision
I look straight forward and
Walk away

Maybe you think I'm cold or callous or aloof
But the truth is I am burning up inside for you
And I just don't know any other way to contain within me
This wild passionate flame
For if I unleash it
It could start a fire
That would not be able to be controlled
It would burn what I have now
A figment of what could be

Sometimes when I see you,
I close my heart
Because you're so beautiful to behold
And the inside of my heart turns white,
It becomes stark and cold
To the point where love it cannot hold
But when I get home
my mind scolds my heart
For being so full of fear
To the point that in the face of prospective love
I wish to disappear.

A fluffy party dress
Pastels spiraling
Slivers of toes nails remain
Darken pain
His head hollowed
Her hands shake with remnants of his brain
It would be simple to blame evil
He was indebted and she was no longer patient
He could not value a jewel
A polished fool
She invited the ones craving
Like scavengers taking
Her skin sizzles in the ice cold sea
Her hair tender and breaking
She is dead with a spiritual drive
She warned the hosted heaven she wouldn't arrive

Night shifts are quiet
my mind is loud
it screams things at me
from all around the building
like how you left
and how you did it easily
how you walked away
without thinking of me
I swept and mopped
a hundred times
to clear the floor
of the stains left behind
I tried the same with my brain
and ended up jaded
saying your name
I wonder when this will subside
the rush in my veins every time
I see you come inside
just for a coffee
a quick pick-me-up
that's all I was, too,
you filled up your cup,
extra sugar to mask the taste
now I'm just stuck

His heart a setting desire
A holy man on fire
The ashes from his clothes hover overhead
Tarnished dry rain attached to eyelids
Blinding the ones admiring
He could've been loved
His demons were not friends
A lighter was no different
He screams in tortured relief
His body empty caressing the ground
A entity formed through headaches and torn garments
His need for her was never finished

Many, many years ago
When the earth was new
There lived a lovely butterfly
Her wings of brightest blue
Everyday was happy
As she fluttered all around
Visiting each precious bloom
Each garden they were found

Till one day by courier
A message she received
The news was far from happy
The words caused her to grieve
Her mate was lost in battle
It broke her fragile heart
Never more would there be joy
Her world was torn apart

To show her grief she slowly
Removed her precious wings
Discarded everything she loved
The memories they bring
Then wrapped about her body
In a way to show her grief
A drab cocoon of teardrops
Then sat in disbelief

She could not eat, could not sleep
Her sadness did abound
So worried was her family
They often came around
Not to be a burden
She packed her simple things
Rolled them in a bundle
As well, her precious wings

She took off on a journey
As every day was kept
A map of where she traveled
By every tear she wept
The sadness so consuming
Her head she held so low
Downcast eyes the path she took
A heart that’s beating slow

Crossing creeks and valleys
What ever she did meet
Touching each and every stone
Beneath her tiny feet
Around the world she traveled
Her journeys filled in length
For many days and many months
Running short of strength

About to end the story
Her broken heart near death
She prayed for time to hurry
Her last and final breath
For love had left her being
Wandering alone
That day her mate did breathe no more
The message she was shown

When seemingly from nowhere
A beauty sharp and sweet
A stone now lay upon the ground
Below these tired feet
Though different was this relic
Such beauty not concealed
The loveliness this stone possessed
Her sorrow slowly healed

It lay as a reminder
That ugliness might play
But found within this sorrow
Some beauty was displayed
And then her eyes did open
The perfect shade of brown
When then she noticed wonders
Were waiting to be found

Like diamonds in the river
A perfect flower’s bloom
So happy had she now become
She cast off her cocoon
Shook the dust from on her wings
The brightest color blue
Put them on and offered thanks
This chance at life anew

She danced the dance of butterflies
And spread her story wide
To family and friends alike
The truth she did confide
In loss there will be sorrow
But life is just a time
Remember but the good you had
And you will be just fine

In everything is beauty
All that you will see
Whether in the rising sun
Or stones beneath your feet
Always find the goodness
It lies before you eyes
I promise you’ll find happiness
When you realize

So dance with me this morning
Spread your fancy wings
Follow me this summer’s eve
And see the joy it brings
If ever you feel sorrow
Don’t forget the chance
Gives thanks to all the good you have
And let your spirit dance

I'm often asked why do I smoke.
Why do I **** myself with every breath? Why don't I quit?
I do it because I don't care if I live or die. I had you and I have just one question for the world.
What else is there?

From the moment I took a breathe,
I was thrown into a narrow way of life.
Unfair way of thinking.
Stunting my progression.
I had to be the perfect little Mormon girl.
"Stand up straight.
Talk like a young lady."
I couldn't express my individuallaity.
Ironically the way god made me.
The words dug in deep perpetually.
"Your eyeliner is to deep you look like a harlet.
What the hell are you wearing?"
I dressed to **** and **** meant ***.
*** made you a deformed unbloomed flower unless you were married.
I was misinformed constantly.
I didn't want to go to hell I wanted my family to support me.
I put on show for far to long trying to please everybody.
I couldn't understand why something so true and great could bring nothing but shame and misery.
I gave my everything and it was killing me.
I was drove to the fine line of insanity.
Free falling down so beautifully.
Finding myself in an erratic deranged way.
No longer following any man into the ground.
Keeping the firm heart within me.