I looked into your eyes,
wishing I could take away your pain.
I never truly knew how you felt inside,
just guessing in a way.
Here you were going to the restroom,
at first I only had a thought,
an incling of what was wrong with you,
but there you ***** what you bought.
The days were rough on your heart,
I couldn't image the hurt you had,
the depression tearing you apart,
hours of loneliness made you sad.
.
I loved you for being you,
not because of your image,
but it was I who had no clue,
just waiting for the dawn to rise,
and there was nothing for me to do,
you told me it was your fight,
so I had to continue to be there for you,
holding your hand and saying the right words,
making the days count for something.

It hurts
to think why
The days are passing by
there once was life
no cursing the sunshine
Once was hope
a reason to live
but all seems lost
lying down to die
waiting to be judged
by the night

What the hell am I searching for,
it seems like everything takes a back door?
I try things but things are too bleak,
what the hell is wrong with me?
I try to look at the beauty of things
but most of the time I'm thinking negative.
It isn't anything that you have done,
I'm just wandering under the sun,
and my attitude is **** poor.

Is this what I have to contend with,
marching along to a different beat?
Looking at things from the dark side,
wondering if it will ever be right with my life.
It isn't anything that you have done,
I'm just wandering under the sun.

I have everything to be grateful for,
but I truly don't know for sure,
what the hell am I after,
when the days seems like a lonely road to travel?
Where is all the support,
or did I make them all go away?
It isn't anything that you have done,
I'm just wandering under the sun,
and my attitude is **** poor.

I've chased after the moon
only to come up empty
I've raised my hands to the stars
only they were out of reach
I've wished upon them time after time
and there was still only a dream
I've slept passed the daylight
and woke up sweating at night

All I ever wanted was to begin aknew
but I was too prideful to ask for help
I couldn't see what was true
there was no escaping myself
The darkness hovered over my head
and I prayed like I always did

"God help me!

There was no burning bush
no lightning bolt
just the darkness lifted a little bit
and I was able to see

The truth is hard to admit
when denial is always there
Falling farther down into the abyss
a deep hole and a deeper pit

Life wasn't looking good
all because of my choices

Then out from the chaos came life
a new meaning and avenue
How it happened I can't explain it
Was it because of accepting the truth
or was it meant to be this way?

Who knows, I sure as hell don't, but I'm very grateful

Evil thoughts
Dead inside
Make believe
Black heart of mine
Conjuring up nothing
Not a pleasant sight
Just a lonely demon
Trying to buy his time
For the waste of life

We die young
scary to think
but is it the truth?
Men killing each other
over a pair of shoes
It's not that pathetic, is it?
whatever the cause
We die young
leaving behind a memory
Was he nice?
they all say that he was.
But now he's doing twenty years to life
All because of killing someone
Whatever the cause
We die young

What if I could turn back the wheels of time, start all over from the very
beginning, would I do life the same, letting the darkness control my every            
whim, or would I of let the light in?  The past usually tells me of the future I am destined for, it's like the opening up the door and venturing inside to a place where life blossoms love and happiness.   But the darkness takes hold,
trying to smother what was innocent and pure; from the very beginning it searches out the ones who aren't sure,
making a mockery out of the sunshine in one's little world; it has substance and depth, a whole whirldwind of chaos that plagues the heart and cause a ripple effect of hell's fury. No,
I wouldn't do life again.

Is it the silence of all remains of civilization,
willowing their thoughts on the threshold-
of humanity, crying to be born out of-
the crest of creation?

Or is it the soft penetrating sounds of-
birds chirping, singing in their-
harmonious tone, nesting on the-
foundation of what is love?

For if you cannot find peace within-
yourself, there is no reason to look-
somewhere else. For to look is like-
a withering flower, crying to be born-
out of the pedestals of society.

Its meaningless,
So tired and alone.
What is death?
Just a new beginning.
Then life,
This life,
Arrogant am i ,
Just wishing upon the sunlight,
The warmth I feel,
When I'm close to you,
I feel your breath,
One over-lapping another.
I see your  face,
So kind as can be,
Isn't it all priceless,
So let the friction be,
This is what it's all about.

I know a few things
Experience has taught me that
I can be a wonderful act
Only in my ******* up mind
I'm an illussionist
So many faces I wear
I'm not good in public
I put on a fascade
Make the most of it
It isn't what I decided
It just how things are
Trying to be a believer
When all else fails

Days are fading away
Boredom takes place
Hits home inside my heart
Don't know where to start
Loneliness is an avenue
Don't quite know what to do
Listening for answers
But there really isn't one
Holding my life intact
By the very gracefullness
I see in the sun
I look for the path
But I'm already on a road
To an ever increasing stability
If only I surrender to this gracefullness
And let the sun shine brightly through
This window of pain in my soul

All you do is ******* take
Take! Take! Take!
All you want is all of me
And I can't give it to you
I wish I could but it's wishful thinking
Wishful thinking like a dream
Like wishing upon a star
It's not as it seems
We won't last forever
And it just won't be
So leave it alone
Why all the fuss?

Feeling so out of place
Don't know what to think
It's so easy to give up
And bring about the hate
The ugliness I feel within
I just want to smash this mirror
It's been telling me lies for so many years
Nothing is making much sense
I try so very hard to be considerate
But everything seems too real
I get agitated too quickly
And think too much on how I feel
I don't want to say goodbye
And leave things as they are
If only I could change my mind
And make love come crashing down from afar
I wouldn't be where I'm at
And I wouldn't have to wish upon a star

It seems pointless to say what ever comes to mind,
I've uprooted people's lives, hoping to get ahead in life.
But what I really got was a slap in the face, what a disgrace-
the path I chose was misplaced and chaos judged me by my
ways, hurting so many throughout days and days, causing
pain in their hearts, I took part, crushing their spirits and
laughing inside because I got what I wanted. Selfish and self-
centered, not caring about others' souls, creating hell in their
lives. What a shame I've been, what a sin, a ******* fool withering
away in the wind.

Once, I kissed you forever
Meant it from my heart
Now things have changed
I don't want to part
And leave you stranded
In the middle of life's ocean
Can we remain friends forever
What are the odds
Can we play these games
And kiss each other goodnight
From across the way
I put a ring on your finger
You were lost for words
Said yes to a life together
Now things aren't the same
And I have left the nest
Wouldn't it be nice if we
Remained at our best
And stared into each other eyes
With love and adoration

I can't help but to wonder,
why there is so much pain.
Isn't there a God,
who can take it all away?
I pause,
and question everything.
So much killings,
I want to run away,
hide myself from the insanity.

I wonder why I'm this way,
I want to explode,
but there isn't much to say.
I want peace and harmony,
but that is just a dream.
So much ****** and nonsense,
just because someone couldn't get their way.

Hiding out isn't the answer,
showing peace could be the way.
The insanity is always going to be there,
in every moment, of every day.
Life isn't clear, nothing is,
so much to fear, so much hell within.
It takes us to cry out for change,
to make the wonder a reality today.

There's a thin line between love and hate
What to give away before it's too late
My life is at a stand still, no hope in the wind
Everything seems so stale, even words are dead

Smile, it's worth the mile
It isn't that bad.
No reason to get sad,
It's worth while.

So much pain, let it go away
Feel the sunlight of the day.
So many months of worrying sick,
Try really hard to get over it.

Life is full of grace, there is a place
A home to put a smile on your face.
From the dark skies turning bright,
Goodness for all seems worth the fight

The days collide with one another
Flying by, flying by, flying by
I turn my head and now I'm older
You can see the wrinkles around my eyes
Does that mean I have wisdom?
I really don't know much about that
I try not to make the same mistake
But who I am is written on my face

I have been ******* drained
all my wants just went away
entering into a state of lesser value
trying to grasp what is true
i see the limelight and i want it to see me
i hear the voices beckoning me into depravity
i cast doubt in the face of higher learning
but it all comes to a stop as there i am yearning
yearning for you
yearning for this
yearning for that
yearning just to yearn
and my face has a blank stare
no one can save what isn't there
just a lonely heart crying for relief
trying to escape the hustle
and yearn for some ******* peace

Trust no one
Everyone has an agenda
Something to keep to themselves
And then to belittle you
Make you feel like a *******
Watch out for these people
They claim to be your friends
They'll smile at you
And then stab you in the back

I'll trudge this road alone
If that's what it takes
I'll survive this ordeal
If that what it calls for
Everyone can ******* go to hell
If that's the way they're going to be
I'll live my life with a better attitude
Knowing these people are out to
Make a name for themselves
I'll spit in their eyes
Cause I don't need their friendship
They can seriously jump off of a cliff
And I wouldn't ******* care
They make me sick
And they can rot in hell

I was just a ******* boy
And you pulled down
My pajamas and put
Your mouth around my
**** and blew

How the **** could you
Of done that?

Now I ******* hate you
Now my life got ****** up
I tried dodgeing the ******* issue
I tried so hard to forget about it

I never once thought about
Telling someone
That didn't even entered
My mind

I don't know why
But all I really wanted
To do was to bury it
Deep down in my soul

Now I'm ******* letting it go
It will never hurt me again
What you ******* did will
Never wake me up wondering
If I should ******* **** myself

All the ******* confusion will
Never bother me again
I'm letting the skeletons out
And saying ******* goodbye
To your ****** up sin