Empty days, lonely nights
How i long to hold you in this painful life.
I'm the product of misery.
No, i'm not asking for you to save me
I guess i just miss your company.

Forever lonely.
Why  doesn't this place seem like home to me?
I'm uselessly drifting through this beautiful nightmare.
Maybe i'm just scared..
Of what? Maybe myself.

Oh god this hurts like hell.
This mental state makes me want to yell.
Trying my hardest to stay strong,
Yet everything i do and say is wrong.

Constantly slipping into isolation,
I just want to change my situation.
Finding myself lost in my mind,
doing nothing but wasting precious time.
Always dreaming of a better life,
doing my best to avoid the knife.

If only i was better at standing alone.
Maybe then i could figure out my life and find my way home.
Too pre-occupied fantasizing about finding another,
to love, to trust and have a good time with one another.

I carry with me a damaged heart.
I'm trying not to fall apart.
So focused on trying to be a better me,
Still nothing is working can't you see?
I ache to find someone,
to have a better connection.
to travel the planet with a better sense of direction.

Feeling haunted by the demons in my mind and the ghosts of my past.
Still chasing a happiness that i hope will last.
I'm still trying to rid myself of the darkness that follows me.
Only to find that i'm fading away, almost completely.

The heart shaped bottom at the base of your spine.
Between your back but before your thighs.
Complimenting your waistline below your rear dimples.
Pale and plump, sits your perfect ****.

Plenty to share around.
A beautiful sound emits when my hand rebounds.
A handful of ***** feminine magic.
A sea of flesh so full like the Adriatic.
Carnal lust so tragic.
Call it my ***** infatuation,
I can't get past the passing sensation,
When my firm hand meets your cheeks,
I know that you wont be able to sit for weeks.

You said you'd break my heart.
I didn't believe you, and now it's tearing me apart.
Not a day goes by where i don't wish i could change our fate.
I pushed you away and didn't realize i locked the gate.
And if i'm being honest you were the first i truly loved.
My life is deteriorating and i fear that soon i'll be watching over this world from above.
They warned me that you would ruin me, only to let me rot.
I was blind to how invincible you made me feel, so i never gave it a second thought.
You told me that nothing happens by chance.
I just ache to hold your hand.
Why am i so infatuated with our history?
But that devilish miracle is still a mystery.
Although you're not here i'm still mesmerized by your gleaming eyes.
Worried that you forever severed our ties.
I know i should just forget this and move on.
But i can't bring myself to erase you, even though you're gone.

When it feels like you're fading away.
And no one ever stays.
How are you supposed to spend your days?
When all you wanna do is feel.
But maybe you should spend your time trying to heal.
How do you find something real?
When you think you're worthless,
And your life seems to be in remiss.
Should you just write off everything to be dismissed?
When all you wanna do is get up and get out,
But you're filled with too much doubt.
How do you find a way out?
No one ever has all the answers.
But life shapes you into the person you are and who you will become.
So have hope and try to live the life you've been daydreaming about.

As the days go by, it becomes more clear that you had me in a trance.
Recreating every memory disguised as romance.
Did you really set a fire in my eyes?
Or was it all just a beautiful lie?
I know you have your own life now, and you don't want me by your side.
But your absence taught me how to be strong, so maybe i can survive.
What really happened is unclear.
And something tells me i'll be fine without you here.
I just can't stop wondering if you were the only one.
I have faded memories of your rivalry and all of the questionable things i've done.
I can't keep trying to catch your eye when all i now do is hide.
I've lost all of my dignity and any sense of pride.
But i know that it's my fault too, so in leaving me i guess you were right.
I'll hold our past close so i can make it through the night.
And i'll keep hoping that we both end up living a better life.

Trying to shake this feeling,
but it just won't go away.
It's like demonic butterflies
breaking down every inch of my soul.

I still think of you.
Of all the good we brought into each others lives.
How you would never fail to put a smile on my face.
A time where i still carried that darkness,
the darkness you never failed to chase away.

I miss it.
Your sweet smile, that warm gaze, your tender touch.
But your gone now. And i want to break down.
I know i need to be strong.
So darling, even in our silence, for you i'll do my best to carry on.

With my being so fragmented how will i ever get any part of me back.
I guess i'm starting to feel for now but i want to let the sadness win.
I don't care anymore about being around anyone because i hold no one dear.
Isolated forever, why is this life of mine so unclear.
I guess in the past i didn't understand.
And all of this petty slavery has kept me with a shorthand.
It was nice for a while when i was heard to feel like someone actually cared.
But i've more or less been alone so it felt like a breath of fresher air.
Little did i know they were mostly against me.
My feelings were robbed and i would have rather taken the agony.
Being a sociopath turned me into someone worse than them.
So why the **** am i sitting here writing again?
I don't know where i'm going but i never want to return.
Because all of this torture turned me into the absolute worst.
I guess it's something everyone knew i could never withstand.
So why can't i find any of the beauty in life because i can't take their plans.
I guess i should just wander until my last breath.
Because people are so despicable and never give it a rest.

I still love you,
But something wasn’t right.
I still love you,
It’s hard to make it through these nights.
I still love you,
I just wish I could make things right.
I still love you,
And I hope you’re alright.

So here i am, deconstructing my bones in this alcohol fueled haze.
Looking for a chance to feel wanted.
Only to be thrown aside like a wilted flower.
Longing to be something more than just the woman to get you through the night.
I was never about these blurry nights.
But i do what i can to try to get you out of my head.
Your among almost every one of my thoughts.
And i can't get the taste of you out of my mouth.
Fixed on the idea that maybe one day you'll change your mind and come back for me.
And we can live like lust ridden lovers.
But until then i'll continue to keep the bottle close to unravel the mess of my mind.
And use their warm embrace to feel like there's still hope for me.

I don't know where I'm headed but there might be hope.
Maybe I'll find something real and not feel the need to tie the noose around my throat.
I feel less alone but a little more lonely.
Everything about my life just seems so ******* phony.
I guess it's true when they say that in this life nothing is ever as it seems.
In these shoes all you can do is dream.
Even when your life is falling apart at the seams.
And you're unsure if people say what they really mean.
So what do I do to try to give my life some meaning?
My life is a mess I guess it's all a little too deceiving.  
So I guess I'm selfish for wanting to get my life back.
Who has the answers because it's almost everything that I lack.
I guess I'm just not cut out for this life.
But I'll try my best to find the answers and try not to take my life.

May the soft breeze sweep away your fears.
Allow the warm sunshine to rid you of tears.
Darling let's run away together,
we'll create our own perfect weather.
Of winter's no longer lonely and cold,
having one another to hold.
Wandering together on a cool Autumn's day,
through spring and summer i hope you'll stay.

Deep in the cracks of my mind, where my demons are at play.
They twist my harmless thoughts in a senseless and vicious way.
Devouring my innocence, turning everything to grey.
I wish they weren't here to stay.
So i'll try to drown them out, just for one more minute, maybe another day.
But you see that never works.
If only there were another way.

Hold me.
Let me feel your touch one more time.
Let me know that it wasn’t all a lie.
I’m breaking apart and the end for me seems to be nigh.
You were the one person who didn’t make me want to hide.
So tell me, why did we have to run out of time?
I need your presence.
You made me feel effervescent.
I can feel myself pondering on the essence.
But you seem to be fading away.
Oh dear god what I would do if you would stay.
Hell knows I won’t be okay.
But the only thing I can do now is try to find my place.

My dreams are slowly turning into nightmares again.
When will the misery end?
Sometimes it doesn't seem so bad.
But then I remember all the things that I lack.
If only I could write beautiful words.
But I'm a mistake in this existence haven't you heard?
I just want to pick myself up, but I'm not that strong.
It seems everything I do and say is wrong.
How did things end up like this?
I just want to leave, I can't keep living like this.
If negativity is all I'll ever feel,
How am I ever supposed to heal?
God my existence sickens me.
But I'm stuck living like this, or so it seems.
Stuck drifting through this world, always a loner.
And it seems many faces are growing colder.
So I'll keep trying not to fall apart.
Hoping this world won't further break my heart.

Maybe sometimes it feels like everyone's against you.
But you keep trying to mend your shattered pieces to keep walking down these roads without dropping anything too valuable.
So you keep asking yourself if this life is really worth it.
It is.
But you keep wondering because you feel so alone.
Maybe it's because you can't seem to get the shards back in the right places so you end up bleeding out.
Save yourself.
Be the light.
Stop letting the darkness swallow you whole.
And you think to yourself, if this life has taught me anything, it's that no matter how alone you are, no matter how far gone you think you are, there will always be light.
Find the good in the bad.
Make your own history.
And maybe in the meantime you'll find yourself along the way.
But believe me when I say, everything will end up okay.

Another day at war with you. What exactly am i to do?
You continue prying your way into my well orchestrated wonderland.
I would never expect you to understand.
Looking into your empty eyes, I can see that you're only feeding me lies.
Always forcing me into a state of despair, although I can tell that you don't really care.
Don't you see? Forcing the rain won't take away the pain.

I wish i wasn't me most of the time.
Yeah, there are times when i like who i am.
But most of the time i feel inadequate.
Never being anyone's first choice.
Never feeling like my presence matters.
Never feeling like i make a difference.
But what if there is the off chance that i do matter?
Would i feel any different?
Would i be happy with my existence?
Would my life take a change for the better?
Yeah, most of the time i wish i wasn't me.
I know a wise man once said wishing you were someone else is a waste of who you are.
But the truth is, i don't know who i am.

When your life constantly knocks you down,
It’s hard to wear anything other than a frown.
I know I’m down, but am I out?
My whole being is filled with doubt.
I find myself slipping into the depths of rock bottom.
Will I be able to make it till autumn?
Something tells me that it doesn’t matter.
And every part of my mind is scattered.
So I guess all I can do is try to get out of this pit.
And try to make it another day but I know I won’t be missed.

And as I watch the cars pass, it makes me wonder if they have a destination, if I have a destination.
With eyes set on the stars where do you start?
Where does anyone start?
They say to be successful means not to reveal everything you know, but I'm an open book.
I guess I'm not broken anymore, but I'm not alive either.
When you feel like your soul is dragging your corpse through life, how do you gain what you lack?
How do you get the spark in your eyes back?
How do you get the fire back that was burning up inside to make you feel complete?
Where did all the good go?
Why do my eyes feel as though they could swallow someone whole just for them to find out that I'm empty...
I don't know if anyone has all these answers.
Maybe I was born to lose.

Looking through the window with hopeful eyes,
Starting to change the greys to kaleidoscopic skies.
Slowly the dark hues turns into peace,
I can now finally say that I'm finding some relief.
The faces I once thought were cold and scarce,
I'm now starting to see that they really do care.
Breaking free from my ungrateful ways,
Just trying to move forward and make a good change.
No, life isn't about romantic connections.
Sometimes you first need to love your own reflection.
It only takes one soul to help save humanity.
We need to rid our home of selfishness and unnecessary profanity.
Love comes in different shades,
And darling I promise as long as you have hope everything will be okay.

Broken spirit broken eyes.
What happens when you look into my eyes?
It’s sadness underneath their disguise.
And the only thing that’s left is my demise.

Maybe I'm just a bad person.
Maybe it's because I'm selfish.
But when you're mostly alone it's hard to figure out what to do.
Always feeling like an outsider.
Even in the places I should feel at home.
When will the ridicule end?
Maybe that's why I make questionable life choices.
And do things that aren't me.
The path is still blocked and there is no key.

And maybe it's wrong for me to want you even though you don't notice me.
Maybe you'll never notice me.
And maybe that makes me fell a little bit useless and pathetic.
But I think I can learn to accept it.

You long to know what i'm hiding inside, forcing me to run and hide.
Isolating the problem, fearing what you'll think.
You're only in luck if you can read what i scribble in ink.
Will what i have to say really intrigue you?
I don't want to be one of your walk throughs.
I struggle to find myself in all of this haze.
My thoughts are beginning to turn into a maze.

Finding it impossible to escape my life as a shadow.
Accomplishing nothing but failure.
Lost in a viscous circle of regret.
I'm a fire without a flame, and i am to blame.
If only i had a little more self respect.

Losing my voice, losing my mind, losing the grace that's been keeping me safe all this time.
Everything I've known is slowly fading.
My world is shaking.
I'm slowly breaking.
So i'll drain my eyes and hope for a better life.
Everyone's against me but i'm still keeping away from the knife.
I'm sick to my stomach from all these people who claim to be my friend.
Why don't you just leave me alone and let me mend?
So i'll keep my lips glued to the bottle.
For these problems, i hope i can solve them.
In the meantime i'll keep searching for something real.
Let's go our own ways, be ourselves, do we have a deal?

Lately I feel like i've been in an endless game of snakes and ladders.
The snakes keep pulling me down.
Maybe it's all in my mentality.
Either way i'm not too keen on this reality.
I'll climb a little higher, only to get dragged lower than before.
But how do I end this vicious circle?
The path is blocked.
And everything i was before is standing in the way.
But i don't want to go back to my old ways.
I'm just trying to move forward and feel okay.
But i'm sick of having no one and living in this place.
If i could i'd just go without leaving a trace.
But when you're as lonely as me, it's hard to see what's supposed to be.
So i'll keep trying to climb, hoping the snakes won't push me into taking my life.

As the chaos eats away at my sanity, i'm sitting here losing my dignity.
I think the day has finally come where i've cried all my tears away.
But oddly enough i feel like everything might be okay.
I still wish you would have stayed.
Without you or anyone else by my side, i'm left pondering my life.
But this time i'm afraid to pierce my skin to try to dissolve my fears.
Why can't i just get up the courage to run away, because i don't want to completely disappear.
It seems that when i'm not numb, i'm running on fear.
But my medication is making me sick.
Isn't it ironic how the one thing that's supposed to cure you, is breaking you down?
I don't know how much more of this i can take, i feel like i might drown.
And i know it would be easier if you had some friends.
But maybe you just need a change of scenery because this feels like it could be the end.

You stumbled into my life like the savior i was hoping for.
I was too blind to see it and thought you were crashing down my door.
I was drowning in a sea of misery, all you were trying to do was save me.
You brought a light into my eyes, and still all i ever did was hide.
If only my mind wasn't such a mess.
I would have gave you my best, nothing less.
Although most of my memories are fragments of the past, i can vividly remember the joy you cast.
Without you here, nothing is clear.
I'm falling deeper into this hole, fear that i'm losing my soul.
I don't want pity. I guess it just kills because you don't miss me.
But your absence from my life doesn't stop me from wondering about what a life with you would be like.
I'm only a shard of who i was before, so i don't blame you for closing the door.
Yes, i'm still lost, but my heart still beats for you.
And i doubt you have a clue.
But, i hope all your dreams are coming true.

It seems all the good is being consumed, only to be spat out in my face in a darker hue.
Take me back to the good times.
Now it doesn't even feel like the sun shines.
No I don't wanna die, but it feels like I'm running out of time.
So why do I even try?
The ones closest to me are filled with hate.
I just want to find a way to escape.
To brighter days, and get out of this haze.
This is no way to live.
I feel worthless and like I have nothing left to give.
You showed me the way it's supposed to be.
And now I'm doomed, or so it seems.
If I had someone there maybe this would hurt less.
But I'm destroying all that's left inside my chest.
With thoughtless attempts to end my own life.
This is no better than avoiding the knife.
Longing for a second chance in the world of love.
But I'm losing hope in what I thought was below and above.
So what am I hoping for anymore?
It seems there's nothing but endless closed doors.
Maybe if I knock, one of them will open.
It might be worth a try because I feel a little less broken.
They say to love yourself so no one else has to.
And honestly being alone is easier because they're masked too.
Faces hidden behind societies ideals.
If this is the way it is I hope there isn't a sequel.
When did families become so unlovable and judgemental?
The sound of your yelling is driving me mental.
I guess I'll just keep hoping for the best.
For you, for them, and all the rest.
Yeah, I'm a little ****** up but I'm hoping I make it.
For these ****** feelings, I hope I can shake them.

Yeah, it's been a few years but my heart's still breaking.
My mind just won't stop racing.
I know it's not in the cards for us to be together.
I just wish i could change the weather.
Yeah, it's been a few years but my chest is still aching.
I still listen to the music you've been making.
Longing to just talk to you one last time.
wishing that you could be mine.
But i guess it can't happen this time.
Yeah, it's been a few years but my soul's still dimming.
I've just been trying to start a new beginning.
But my being is washed out by the memories, whether good or bad.
I can't help but miss whatever it was that we had.
I just hope you find what you're looking for, and for me to stop being so sad.
Yeah, it's been a few years and it's tearing me apart.
If only i could have been more careful with my heart.

All the good is withering away.
I don't even care if anything will turn out okay.
What's there left to lose when you're nothing but alone?
I can't tell if I'm melting or turning to stone.
I guess I just wasn't cut out for this.
Doubt I'll ever get to taste your kiss.
I want to leave this place I know I won't be missed.
But with little hope and no direction,
Where do you go when all you have is your own reflection?
My mind is working against me,
I'm so ******* lost I can't even see.
So I'll keep trying to be a better me.

And i'm always left pondering on the illusion of a different life.
Days would be sunny and bright.
No fright, no need to feel the sting of the knife.
Just breathing peace, love and the meaning of life.
And if i could find my way down these staggering roads i would.
But the story's too distorted, it feels like i'm lost in the woods.
Maybe i should try to clean up the mess in my mind.
Instead of wasting all of this precious time.
And finally i'm not here wanting to hide.
I'm just hoping i don't get washed away in the tide,
Lately things have been more or less dim.
Maybe because thoughts of him have been creeping back in.
But I'm finally learning to let things go.
Maybe this time it'll give me room to grow.
So I'll keep my eyes fixated on the sun.
And try not to crash, burn or run.

As i'm trying to find the right path, i continue to get side tracked.
By helpful souls, and deceitful eyes.
How am i to tell truth from lies?
Everyone seems to be wearing a disguise.
And in a society so judgemental and two faced,
most of the time i'd rather be dreaming than awake.
But it's hard to dream when your mind is left in the dark.
These ******* demons are getting the best of my thoughts, and my heart.
A once vibrant rhythm is turning into cement.
I constantly find myself feeling malcontent.
Will my mind, heart and soul ever breathe as easily as it once did?
Maybe it's just my lack of innocence.
When did the world become so hateful, lonely and cold?
I find myself embracing more empty eyes for a chance to feel a little less alone.
With society so pre occupied with mindless ways, how are we ever going to make a change?

It's like i'm trapped in a prison.
Is it because i know too much?
Or not enough?
Maybe my life is just some sick joke.
The only thing keeping me going is hope.
But what am i even hoping for anymore?
In the past it had always been love.
But then you got into my veins.
Baby, i'm falling for your masquerade.
I don't know what you're giving me here, and i don't know why.
But lately you're the only thing that's been on my mind.
In a way i think i might need you.
But i would only make things hard, and i wish we could've had more time.
You tried to help save me, and in my ignorance i did the only thing i knew how- to let the demons on my side.
But if i could take it all back, i wouldn't hesitate to gain all the things that i lack.
To try to get on your side, maybe then neither of us would have to hide.

Where do I go to watch the flowers bloom?
Or not feel alone in a crowded room?
Can I reach the stars?
Or is it too far?
Am I getting back some of my lost heart?
I want to find a better piece of mind,
But it always feels like I’m running out of time.
I wish I didn’t spend so much time fearing my demise.
But I can never feel alive unless there’s sunlight.
So why do I spend my time alone with the moon?
It only gives way for more gloom to consume.
I guess I just need to figure out what to do.
Until I can travel among the sunrise into a brighter hue.

And isn't it ironic? To crave the things you hate?
Being an alcoholic who can't stand the taste of it's nectar?
To be an addict who can't handle the bittersweet taste?
To be addicted to the very people who want to get rid of you?
But when you're given the low road, you're left chasing the high.
It's not usually attainable, but please try your best to survive.
And i know you don't want to just be alive, you want to live a life that counts.
So please try your best, because i know you don't believe in what's in the clouds.
And i know i'll never come close to anything real.
So i'm stuck losing my dignity and making ****** deals.
While i'm drowning in this mess and trying to find someone or something real.
Trying my best to heal.
Yeah my lips are still sealed.
I don't know where i'm going, or in which direction i should make my way.
I'm just trying to mend this mess day by day.
Failing to cut out the liars and the fakes.
Realizing that it's only my life at stake.
So why is it my time to leave, is this all fake?
I keep love in my heart, just waiting to let it out in just the right place.
But it seems no one wants to fully open the gate.
I'm damaged beyond belief, when the **** am i gunna find my place.
Not only in this world, but in the eyes and hearts of others.
I guess i can be vicious, but all i really need in life is a lover.
But when your hopes are too high you start to question your worth.
I guess you set me up for failure because i thought i knew love but i really only loved you first.

Failing.
Falling.
Trying to get back up.
I can't stop falling.
Where am i headed?
I can't seem to stop failing.
At everything i do.
Is it because i miss you?
I guess i'll never know.
So i'll carry our memories in my heart as i try my best to let go.

So what do you see when you look in the mirror?
Self doubt? Guilt? Fear?
What do you do when you're not you.
And everything is just some sick charade.
On the weak they play
And it goes on day after day.
While everyone expects you to be okay.
But there's no way out.
It's a well thought out hoax.
No this isn't a joke.
How the **** do I still have hope?
I know I want to live so why do I find myself wanting to tie the noose around my throat?
So how do I get out of this Web of chaos?
It's so quiet that no one ever sees the loss.
Loss of self.
Loss of consciousness.
Loss of thought.
Worst of all loss of heart.
Did I have anything to begin with?
Or is it all part of their plan?
I don't know what to do anymore my dreams are turning into sand.
So I guess I'll take whatever hope I have left whether it be true or false.
I have to try anything I can not to succumb to the rope.

Sometimes as the days go by, your life changes drastically before your eyes.
Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.
And sometimes there is, but this isn't one of those times.
Sometimes the ones closest to you drift away like the wind.
Sometimes, they stay like they said they would.
Sometimes you're left on your own, feeling trapped with no way out.
When those times come, embrace the chaos in your life, put a smile on, and dance with the destruction.
Sometimes it doesn't work, and you feel lost and out of place like a fish out of water.
But i promise, things will get better.
Sometimes, even if it hurts to pull through, it's the only path to take.
Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

I guess you just made me feel what i thought i'd never feel again.
Maybe that's why i find myself thinking, what if we could be more than friends.
But i'm not in my right mind.
I think i ****** it up again this time.
I don't blame you if you never want to be by my side.
I hope whatever we had didn't get washed away in the tide.
Was there something there?
You made my heart sing, but i'm unsure if you care.
And i guess i'll always be left searching.

My being is filling up with rage and hate.
Why the **** can’t I get off of this hell bound page?
I wish the worst for the masquerade.
The pettiness is growing and it’s driving me insane.
I have no will to live unless I **** them dead.
Why the **** can’t they just be done with the torment because I can’t stand them getting into my head.

She never liked crowds.
Could never stand proud.
Always trying to escape this life.
Hoping you would never know what it's like.
Struggling to find true friends.
Only hoping that she could mend.
Fighting for her life every day.
That's when she began to pray.
Always trying to have a good time.
But all she ever felt was dead inside.

And it's all the same.
Year after year, just barely getting by.
Why does it have to be this way?
I just wish everything was okay.
Maybe i'm too caught up in the fantasy,
That people can truly be happy.
Is it too late for me?
What's left for me?
All i see are menacing faces and lost friends.
Why the **** can't i just be okay and make amends.
This is tearing me apart.
I can't feel one mood for longer than a few minutes.
Why won't my mind stop racing?
Oh dear god i need a change of scenery.

Stumbling through this mess,
can't rid myself of the constant aching in my chest.
I never meant to do anyone harm.
Please just hold me close in your arms.
It's clear that i'm undeserving,
I try to move forward but nothing is working.
I finally figured out that i was doomed from the start.
Trying to fix my tainted heart.
Maybe my heart isn't the problem,
I think it's my mind.
Why can't i fix this?
I guess there's just not enough time.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope for love.
But everyone's made it clear that i'll never be enough.
So why do i keep trying to pull through this pain?
Maybe it's the fact that deep down i know i have the strength to make a change.

My world is burning right before my eyes.
How do i tell the difference between truth and lies?
It seems i'm slowly coming out of this trance.
I find myself wanting to hold your hand.
Is there a way out of this chaotic spiral?
I'm filled with self doubt, at least it's not denial.
So as i try to fix this disastrous life.
I'll do my best to keep my wrists away from the knife.
And maybe it's not as bad as it seems.
But if you look closer i'm really falling apart at the seams.
Just come find me in my dreams.
And maybe i'll be able to find myself and get rid of the silent screams.

And it feels like i'll only be that girl who gets you through the night.
They come and go, i guess i'll be alright.
But when no one ever sticks around, you start doubting your worth.
I guess i'll always be alone, oh god why does this have to hurt?

Deception around every corner.
Where am i going?
There's nowhere to hide.
No salvation.
No saviors.
My world is crumbling before my eyes.
And there's nothing i can do to piece it back together.
What happened to being real?
Yeah i'll keep my lips sealed.
As for connections, there are none here.
Seemingly friendly faces masked in seemingly good vibes with the help of beer.
Yeah i know my life is unclear.
I wish you never left because i need you near.
I can't get too close without losing my dignity.
But here i am stumbling around timidly.
Yeah i act like i can handle this.
But when you're alone, it's hard to escape being tricked.

Am i even remembering things clearly?
I trusted you, now i'm not so sure i want you near me.
I guess i set myself up for failure with all of these problems.
But it's hard to escape them, i'm just trying to find a way to solve them.
How can i go on when no one is true?
I hate being alone, i myself never really knew what to do.
While i'm drowning in whatever i can get to keep me sane.
I'm just trying to fix things, and forget about all these petty games that bring only pain.
As i try to hold my head high while mostly bottling it up inside,
I'll just hope i can make it through this mess i call life.

Why am I always lost inside my head?
I try so hard but I always feel like I’m better off dead.
Why can’t the masquerade just give it a rest?
It seems to be more calm but I’m dreading what could happen next.
All I really ever feel is melancholy or despair.
And I can’t get it out of my head that no one cares.
So why can’t I find it in me to breathe some fresher air?
I guess I always knew I’d be distraught cause the fight was always unfair.

This isn't right.
I shouldn't be here..
What they're doing here can't be legal.
Confined in this room, walls of white,
I just pray i can sleep through the night.
But they're guarding the door, making sure i can't leave.
Is it really as bad as perceived?
I feel as though i'm on my death bed.. Will anyone grieve?

Denied any phone calls, not given proper rights.
When i open the door it's far from alright.
I'm in their clutches, trying to break free.
Why on earth is this happening to me?

Mentally broken and physically bruised.
On the verge of tears, what am i to do?
Forced to take medication but what is it for?
They're trying to **** me. Please open the door.