Jade Lima

Oct 2019

Raven

Me

No food
No sleep
I can't let these things reach out and speak sweet lies
I can't let food call my name
I can't let sleep drown my thoughts

I shouldn't eat
I can't sleep

This is me

I am broken girl
Who can't eat
In fear I weigh too much

I am a broken girl who can't sleep
For my thoughts and memories
Haunt me too much

I am a broken girl who answers 'how are you?'
With 'I'm alright' even when I'm not even close
Because I don't want you to worry
I don't want you to fret
Over a broken soul

I am a broken girl who says 'I have been busy'
when someone asks me why I haven't done something
I have been busy just not in the way they think
I have been busy trying not to give into hunger
I have been busy fixating on how I'm broken
I have been busy
But not in the way they think

I am a broken girl who has let her demons
creep up on her too much

I am a broken girl who has surrendered
her soul

I am a broken girl who dates so she feels
worth something because I don't when I'm alone

I date because I need to depend on someone
Because I am not dependable for anyone
Let alone myself

I date so I can hear someone say I love you
So I can hear someone call me beautiful
Cute
Amazing
And so many other things
Even if I don't believe it

I am a broken girl who has lost so many relationships
Five to death
And so many others just because they left
I was no longer good enough
No longer happy enough
No longer
PRETENDING

I am a broken girl who pretends
And when I stop people leave

Because I am too broken

I am too clingy

I am too demanding

I'm just not enough

Or I'm too much

THIS IS ME

But no one sees
Until I let them

And when I do they worry

But please don't worry
Because you didn't when you didn't know
So why worry now?

I'm still the same me
You just couldn't see all the flaws that my eyes do

You don't see the way I do

I see a girl who's eyes are too big

I see a girl who isn't thin enough

I see a girl who's hair doesn't suit her no matter what

I see a girl with too many scars

I see a girl
But I don't

For all I can see now is a walking flaw

And no one knows that
THIS IS ME

April/ 19/ 2018/ 10:19 AM

#broken #invisible #worthless #depressed #lost #faded

Jade Lima Oct 2019

Sanity

Where is this path taking me?
Am I losing or regaining sanity?
I just need to find a key.
Because someone by my side would make it easier to breathe.
But who I am is out of touch.
And I know whatever happens I won’t be enough.
I just wish I could keep up with the sun.
But fear keeps lingering so I guess I’ll have to run.
So as I try to feel as deep as the ocean, I’ll hope my life changes in motion.
Because there’s too much gloom and it always consumes.
I guess I’ll always feel alone in a crowded room.

Jade Lima Oct 2019

Defeated

Defeated.
Don’t want to stop the bleeding.
Because they cover up the truth so no one conceives it.
I need to focus on leaving.
Because this life is only deceiving.
I don’t want to keep breathing.
So hand me the blade so I can stop grieving.

Jade Lima Sep 2019

Life as I know it

Wandering through life without a sense of direction.
Searching for meaning for so long that I can’t stand my own reflection.
What happened to the rhythm that used to flow in synchronicity?
I’m lost and I don’t think I’ll ever be found because there’s no key to help me find better scenery.
So as I gaze at the stars on a cold autumn night, I’ll try to find new dreams that maybe aren’t out of sight.
I don’t want to fade away into the night.
But who knew this life would force you to put up this much of a fight.

Jade Lima Sep 2019

Lost soul

I guess hiding in my dreams gives me new scenery.
But some things are deceiving, will I ever find some peace?
Is my life still falling apart at the seams?
Or is there hope to construct a better reality?
Something tells me I’ll always be a lost soul.
Searching and wandering until death takes its toll.
I guess it’s not in my fate to have another to hold.
I guess I better find myself and rebuild what’s been done to my lost soul.

Jade Lima Sep 2019

Direction

To the blade will I succumb?
At least I no longer feel numb.
Most times uncomfortable in my own skin.
Is there a way to let love win?
It’s tiring not usually being who you are.
But it seems I’m becoming more me, is there hope to reach the stars?
What’s next in this mess I call life?
At least I’m feeling less strife.
If only I could feel effervescent.
But things change and I feel I might be losing some recollection.
So as I try to find the right direction,
I’ll hope I can stand my own reflection.
And maybe find someone to breathe some meaning into my life.
Because without love I’ll always lead back to the knife.

Jade Lima Sep 2019

Disguise

You were the one person who didn’t make me want to hide.
Now I’m stuck drifting through their played out disguise.
I wish we could have had more time.
But even in the moonlight you would always find a way to shine.
So in your absence I’ll still hold our memories dear.
Even though you aren’t here I wish you were near.
I know I have a lot of new fears.
But life seems meaningless when you aren’t here.