The system is flawed
Suicidal kids together
Make up our population

Too early to be awake
Minds are blank, eyes wander
Just a shitload of ***** teens

These human conditions
Seem far from humane
When no one listens
And sense seems insane
And the spinning is more
Than an effect from the high
And you don't know what for
Let alone pinpoint why
When your tolerance for pain
Seems extraordinary low
And the sound of their name
Is unhealthy to hold
Lucky you, that the drugs they sing
And they soothe
And serenity bring
To the less complete you

The sunset slowly dies and
I collapse into your bed
breathing in the echoes of your scent
this extinct perfume I'll never know again
hands groping for any remnant of warmth you left behind.
The pillows miss your precious headweight
and I sleep in tear-choked sorrow, grasping to a slowly fleeting
memory of you.

Endless oceans separate the space between my ears—
How I wish you sailed in them still.
All I hear now is the distant sirens’ song—
they beckon me to heed their call.
But I know their voices aren't your own.
I could spend sleepless nights searching these waters
until I found a trace of you,
a ghost, nothing but a memory
that forever left its imprint
on this ever-aching heart.

perched above water
thinking maybe the stillness in sound will ease my buzzing mind
if only my ears were filled with the deep blue
classic, cliche,
blue like your eyes or your blankets or home bedroom floor.
blue as in summer sky, hopping into the reservoir
i want to be there again
naked, with you on my 18th birthday at the top of that rock
gearing to jump.
i am so full when i am with you

I wonder as I often do
who's spinning in which grave
and with who, or
perhaps it should be with whom,
but
I didn't have the room to put that in

which is such a lie
why do I even bother to try?

When I die
no grave for me
I will not spin
with an unnamed
entity
even if she
or he
is as nice as pie
when I die.

I just hope how I feel will stay the same,
Once you're here, and we're laying by the beach
Once summertime is the backdrop for you and me
With you I don't compare,
To the past or present, men in my dreams
You know I have a way of making things seem
Like the long-time-coming fate I need

I just hope how I look, and the way you look at me,
Matches and glows, baby we'd be
Just like warm sand all over the streets
Red and gold,
There by the beach

Firefly I had hoped to catch,
A light in a bottle, I'd dreamt like mad
I want what I've lost and destroy what I have
And you found love in a flower patch
Tending to delicate,
Like you know so well
Its late and I've found my unafraid self,
You were there to water the ground
Don't be restless, don't wish for rain
There's still a drought in this gorgeous place

I'm a nice person.
Until I have to deal with other people.
And then I have a hard time not screaming.
Because what the **** makes you better than me?

When did society start saying that people don't have to be kind to other people?
What the **** happened to the golden rule?
It's tarnished and dusty,
Thrown in the mud.
And I'm so ******* mad.

Because I want to love people.
I want to be nice.
I want to go out of my way to help someone.
But, people, you are **** near impossible to love
Because your always looking down on me, and it's not just cause I'm short.
Always looking down on your fellow humans.

Why?
Because they don't have a nice car or house?
Because I shop at Target and you shop at Nordstrom?
Because you're the customer and by wearing a hat and apron and name tag, I've labeled myself as a doormat?
Because I'm a woman?
WHY? WHAT GIVES YOU THAT RIGHT?

I just want to understand.
I am a very ******* nice person.
And I hate that I let you change me.
So.... What the **** makes you better than me?

I do not know what to do.
You definitely have hooked yourself to me
but I'm just not sure I'm ready to be hooked to you.
I love you and I know you love me
but .....
there's no where for us to go.
In church they say that you never stand still
you move forward or slide back
you don't just stay in one spot.
If we go any further forward
we'll fall off a cliff
(yeah, marriage.
Not ready for that!)
But we're sliding baby
and you're ignoring it
but I can't.
Not anymore.
I want to stay but
I know you're going soon.
I don't know what to do.
And maybe my reasons are totally selfish
but I do love you
and anything I do is for you too.
So if I say goodbye,
its a good thing I believe in eternity
because I hope
you end up back at my side