Ren Crostini

Ren Crostini May 2023

A new me

There are moments
Defining moments
Where you make a choice

And you may know
That it’s a “big decision”
Like who to marry
Or whether or not to go to college

But you also may not know
It may be small
Like which route to take to work
Or what time you go to the gym every day

Either way
The consequences are yours

You
Got yourself here
You
Made the choice
You
Picked the path

Other times
Someone else chooses
You are just an aftershock
A casualty

Maybe unintended
Maybe not

And you
Must
deal
With
The consequences
All the same

But without the comfort
That it was you that choose
Because someone else put you here

Do they
Even know?

Ren Crostini Feb 2020

Untitled

I admitted
From
A young age
That I..

Well, hold
On.

Backstory-

My uncle (yes this is going semi
Where
You

Think

It will)...

Sold me to his neighbor.

I remember the hair.
And the nails.
And hiding

Behind
The recliner.

I remember the desperation.

I remember
Saying
“I can dress myself”

But someone else
dressed me anyway.

I remember
My parents not believing

My aunt
Singing/saying

“I was only gone

FIFTEEN

minutes.”

When he went to jail
Almost
20
YEARS
later....

For

assaulting

a

minor.

I knew

it happened.

I admitted
From
A young age
That I could
****
Someone.

If
I had my choice
It would be
HIM

Ren Crostini Feb 2019

To love again

For a brief while
I did not believe in “love.”
Looking back I thought
oh what a cynical child....

But today I remembered
I never
Wanted anyone
To have the power
To make me
Feel
Like
This
Ever
Again

Ren Crostini Jun 2017

Alone together

I remember....
When there was no one
To disappoint me.

I long for those days.
I long to be alone

I would say lonely,
But I already am

Ren Crostini May 2017

My love for you...

Once
You were the only thing
Holding my world together.
Truly the only one left,
The only one who had ever stayed.

Staying
I used to think
Was the hardest thing to get people to do.
But now I think that maybe staying is just like love....

Not enough.

I do not know which words to say
Because you say you love me
But how can that be?
I can't believe it,
Not with the way you treat me.

How do I stay?
How do I leave?
I am suspended
Between my love for
Myself
And my love for
You.

I say I love you
But with each jab,
Every harsh word,
It is dimming...

Ren Crostini Apr 2017

One Crime

what is love?
I can tell you what its not...
it does not shove
it is not bought
one "no" shouldn't get me shot

I don't do drugs,
don't hang out with thugs,
don't drink too much,
and if its not mine, I don't touch
so why is it my people so often die?

only one crime
are we guilty of in this lifetime
and that's being a woman
aka doing what you couldn't
or more accurately, wouldn't

any that don't meet your standards
you call a *****
a *****
wait all of these things mean WOMAN
so lets not meander
to you its an insult
you do not see how every woman
does enough that they could consult for superman

but let me get to the point.
It takes all of my self restraint not to scream
WE ARE NOT SECOND STRING!
this should be one big team

We make the world spin,
it not our fault you're stupid enough to take the credit.
while you try to suppress us, you grin
cause you think you'll win

But in the end
its you who gave us the victory
the horrors you subject us to, that we ourselves mend
though it may seem contradictory,
you make us realize our own strength
and at length, that just means

We don't need you

**And we're changing things

Ren Crostini Feb 2017

to walk down a city street.

i am a girl
and i am afraid...

to walk down a city street.
my friend and I huddled together
not just because of wind
and she whispers to me,
"i forgot the first rule. don't make eye contact."
that's what my mother had taught me too
and we walked a little faster past the stranger
nervous that the split second of acknowledging merely that he exists
in his mind, was permission

i am a girl
and i am afraid...

to go to work.
i'm always there later than everyone else
sitting at the front door,
workers come in and out
i don't know one by name
but i remember when i interviewed
"dress professionally, because you're young and you're pretty
and you'll work with a lot of men"
i know how to redirect unwanted attention
but i didn't realize i'd be here alone...
so i buy myself a taser
and listen to my coworker say "there's cameras"
anytime i voice my concern
and i pray
that i am not the one in five

i am a girl
and i am afraid...

that i’ll never be good enough.
on our way to the airport my mom asked about work
and after a brief explanation of the weight loss competition that had started
and my 20-pound goal
she made a mom face and said
“but honey don’t you think you could aim higher than that?”
“what?’ i ask because i literally have no idea what she’s saying
“well i bet you could shoot to loose 30 to 40-pounds if you want!”
“do you really think i’m that fat…?”
“well honey i’ve just been a little concerned since high school.”
i’ve never felt more crushed
to be a size 6

i am a girl
and i am afraid…

that things wont change
and that my daughters will live on
the same
**** schedule
i have always lived on

those people that refuse to admit there's a problem make me the saddest. this is my life. this is your life. lets change it.

#equality #feminism