strange faces
in a crowded bar
6 PM
business attire
some are young
still full of passion
some are ready
to retire

chatter hums
about things
that may just matter
to them
but to me
it's nonsense

like a passing train
steel wheels clattering
against well traveled rails
strange faces
forward, empty stares
moving so quickly
they blur into nothing
and dissipate from memory

no sooner
do crossing gates rise
and we drive
as if nothing
has happened

The sun dripped with liquid gold
from the heavens above
to the earth below
coral, violet and red
hung over my head
revealing to my afternoon eyes
the very soul of the fatherly sky
and I heard the sea speak
oh so salty and sweet

She whispered to me
goodnight in a gentle breeze
against the fading of the light
sinking beneath the horizon line
turning form a wild fire burning
into cool and ancient black
slick with shimmering stars
like freckles upon a giant's back

I, just another grain of sand
among the many on this beach
felt on the scale of existence
that mine carried little significance
no more than an ellipses in a speech
so what would it matter
if the rising waters
were to wash me out to sea
or if I remained
and the world ignored me
What would it matter?

Why was it not enough
that I was here
and I was alive?

We joke sometimes
about falling in love,
we talk in deep detail
about our romance;
the kind of house we want,
the name of the family dog,
would we rather have boys or girls,
and we argue over who will stay home
to raise the kids, I always let you win.

We joke sometimes
about growing old together;
we talk about thinning hair,
wrinkling skin, tired eyes
and energized grand kids.
We promise to one another
that we will stay in love,
still hold hands, hug each other tightly
and kiss both daily and nightly

We joke sometimes
about a life we could be living
and I just want you to know
that I am not always kidding.

hands clasped
maybe bound
began to gasp
its summer now

light rays
warm water
lazy days
with new lovers

scent of pollen
tepid skin
kisses blossom
swoon within

fall breeze
broken hearts
shifting weather
fall apart

Blur the parts that make you feel
please forget that you and I
once had something real.

Blur the parts that make you cry
I say forget it all, burn it all,
I don't care and I don't mind.

For when the final ashes
have been carried like spirits
adrift amid the empty wind,

for when our hearts
cease to weep
and our busy minds
may finally sleep
then and only then
will I close my eyes
and admit to myself
that every single one
of these words
is a lie.

They can tell you all about their dreams
they can sing'em from every street corner
online, offline, on any **** line they want
but I have always had a theory
one good one about us song birds
were busy slinging dreams like cheap dope
because were afraid to live
afraid to take that first step into the unknown
so ******* scared of our own dreams
we talk about'em night and day
mostly at night, avoiding sleep
like lunatics ranting
but instead of hospitals
they got us tied down in bars
forget lithium, they got *****
boooooze I say
and enough drunk ******* to listen
to every petty fear you got
they even let you parade it around
wear it on your lips like a cheap suit
some even start to believe you too
we find ourselves singing from bar stools
like they were mountain tops
every one of us, every last one us
a ******* dreamer
trapped in a real world

I awake to my tired hands holding your body tightly against mine. The smell of you is something I will never forget, pleasantly refreshing almost like a hot shower. It's funny now to think that this moment is the last, the last time I will ever touch you affectionately. The last time I will gaze upon you with an infinite stare so deep that it still shakes me like the first shiver of winter; catching me off guard because I thought summer would never end. I can feel your heart beating against mine and I want to cry, what a terrible feeling to know this was fading and the reasons were all mine to hold. You drift back from your dream and into the daze of the living, you realize where you are and you ask me to drive you home. I get dressed and you do the same. Though we wore little, there was no passionate *** the night before. Just two bodies side by side seeking shelter from the storm that brewed inside of us. This is the end, we can both feel it but neither of us has the tongue to speak it.
I turn the key in the ignition and we idle for a short time in silence, now strangers again living different lives. This driveway in my beat-up Mazda on an early Sunday morning, this place is my purgatory. I make a stop at the gas station,  the E-light is on again. I ask you if you need a water or a coffee. You disdainfully say no. You hate me again, you have remembered I am a cheater, worse a liar and no matter how many times I apologize those truths remain evident. On my walk from the car I imagined you hopping in the driver's seat and driving off; if only the tank wasn't empty. I buy you water anyway because though you have declined it, I know that you need it, I always knew what you needed and it wasn't me or at least that's how I felt. I hope those feelings give you a little clairvoyance into my behavior. I never thought I was better than you if anything I thought you made me more. I pay the gas station attendant for pumping the gas, I hand you the bottled water and I drive you home.
My car pulls into the dirt driveway; I keep it running even though I want to turn it off, just shut up that loud lousy engine for a couple of minutes and tell you how much I hate myself for being such a miserable *****. Instead there is an awkward goodbye, do we kiss, do we hug, do we shake hands; I don't ******* know. You open the car door as to leave; possibly forever and you stop. You turn to me and ask a simple question. "Why didn't you do this when we were dating?" you hold up that plastic bottle now half empty "This is all I ever wanted!" I knew what you meant and it had nothing to do with water. I stutter for a moment and all my ego allows me to whimper is "I did". Wrong answer. I watched you walk up to the front-door and then I drove home; where I wept, quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me because I was ashamed, not of crying but of who I was. Looking back I am glad that night wasn't about *** because it was always your innocence that melted me to my core. It was your smile, a cheerfulness that often left me confused. The world was a terrible place and yet you smiled when you looked at me. You were so beautiful and I so ugly, and because of that feeling I did ugly things. Today; I can say I forgive you. I forgive you for never forgiving me; leaving me behind was probably the best thing you ever taught me.

With love, always,
Jonathan R. Potts