It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

I always thought it was my own misery that is choking me. But it turns out it is his that bloats like a balloon until it overshadows every tiny bit of mine.
And yet all I do is slide out of the room silently yet loud at the same time, because when I leave I poke the balloon until it burst and reveals thousand tiny tears for a thousand tiny mistakes. And I can’t bear to watch it all float around and mix with the air and the water until it forms a cloud, hanging over me like a gloomy Sunday afternoon and I just pray to be gone before it starts to rain.
And I put on stories like flashy dark sunglasses, wrapping my whole world in a different shade of dark. Because the sun burns ruthlessly. And I just know I’m about to burn up. And all my ashes will smell of secret and lies and tragic unspoken apologies. They will be bitter like that.

Months are swallowing minutes and hours
Silently ripping this now into tiny little
scattered pieces of unfitting purpose
I am still searching for the lost time
While everyone else seems to find
their place to shine
Meanwhile, I am stuck in an unfinished day

So we lie in our unmade beds
crumpled beneath our silent forms
And we stare at the walls around us tucked in tight like blankets
keeping out the moon and the stars
And everything cold
Here we lie
All the time
until we pass on
to another dream
to another day.