do you ever feel like
that nasty little pin getting in everyone's shoes?
observing them hide the wince of pain,
putting on a big smile, being strong for you.
you watch the tinge of blood ooze out of their toe.
they tell you everything's fine.
but then,
why are your hands the ones that are ******?

I love you endlessly,
I always will,
For I do not know anything else.
I do not know a world where i have not loved you and you have not hurt me.

I waited,
dribbles of wax bled into pineapple compote.
drop by drop,
losing their spark.
I sat outside your room,
with your favourite cake beside me,
waiting for your door to open.
it never did.
The last candle burnt out
five mushy puddles of wax
a pool of tears
beside the golden cake tray.

ever feel
like a brat? so unfair,
like you'd trade it all? live bare
give up your bed, hit the streets.
to justify your hurt; make it feel complete?

you see,
we know we shouldn't feel this way.
food to eat, a place to stay.
is it selfish to want a break?
a moment of peace
for goodness sake?

or maybe i'm just a soul too deep
a secret i'm trying to keep.

i weigh twenty-one
and three tenth grams
so why does moving
feel so heavy?

like a dog tied to a tree
all i can do is bark
but no one can
hear me scream

why am i trapped
in a suit of flesh
if i am destined
to leave it?

to be loved endlessly
to have the screaming stop; just for a minute; in their arms-

I do not know how to describe it.

for as long as i have known,
i have never slept
without my shoulders heavy and back in unwinding knots.

im not even ******* grown yet.
it scares me;
adolescence has gotten me all twisted up
whatever will happen,
when i fall to the mercy of the treacherous claws of life?

sometimes i wonder,
where the **** did my adolescence even go?
man i just want to be a kid
to live my beautiful kid life
without any pain
in a dreamy house with a burning fire
parents, who love, with a desire;
to live,
to flourish!
friends, free and true
none of this rivalry; ado.

when trying
to pour your heart out
to the one person you love
is met with rejection
and disdain
the heart becomes a sealed chamber
never revealing itself to anyone ever again