i feel it coming back again.
the noisy kind of quiet.
the kind that folds me in half
without warning.
and i think about telling you.
typing it out.
waiting for your name to light up
with something soft in return.
but last time,
you didn’t know what to say.
and i felt worse
for needing you at all.
so now i’m stuck
between silence and trying again.
between “i’m fine”
and “i don’t know how to be okay.”
you say you want to be there.
i want to believe you.
i want to think that maybe one day
you’ll hold this ache
like you’ll hold me,
not perfectly,
just enough
to remind me i’m not alone.
but right now,
i stay plagued with the thought of
“do i tell you?”