It started by you saying you love me,
but I didn't think you would be leaving.

I stopped missing you,
needing you, and I could still say
that the promise I made
Still stands unbroken because
"I'll love you forever."

The talks we have
that could last for hours,
if we had the time.

The hysterical laughter
at one another's jokes,
even when they fail
to be humorous.

Being by each others side
through the good and bad.
Picking up broken pieces,
and bringing smiles
to one another
when everything hurts.

Throughout those moments,
I knew you'd be more to me
than my friend.
You became
my best friend,
my sister,
my other half,
but most importantly,
*My happiness.

It isn't written on billboards but I miss you.

**And I always will,
Because these endings,
have no end.

Long car rides
pointing,
turning left and right
as we take the empty road.
One hand on the steering wheel,
and the other interlocked in mine,
we created memories.
Then you steered right,
and I steered left.
Now all that remains
are the memories
in memory lane.

"What if I can't feel?"
You whispered in confusion as you cried.

"Then you're simply not living"

Then the touch of your hands became cold,
your skin turned pale,
but the vibrant glow in your eyes remained
as your gaze stayed upon me.

Your voice so low,
you said to me, *"This is living"

Placing my hand on your chest,
you trembled simultaneously
to the rapid beating of your heart,
and I understood what you meant.

This is all so hard.
I'm still hurting,
but you're happy.
Will you still be happy tomorrow?
What about a month from now?
A year?

When you finally miss me beside you,
don't call me,
don't bother asking for me,
don't visit my home.
You won't find me there anymore.
But in my new home.
*My grave.

30 October 2015 19:10 pm*
I can feel my heart begin to race, my stomach drops, and my eyes begin to crave your smile at just the thought or sound of your name.
I begin to wish the hours ran like snails after a rain storm.
Never wishing it could come to an end, because you're the best thing in my life and it isn't going to be alright if you once again drift away at civil dusk.
When you're away my mind swims deep in oceans of memories for a single hint of  your touch, your smell, your taste,
but all I can seem to find are our stealthy memories that don't compare.

I've never felt so safe,
as your lips touched my face.
My love surrounds you,
like the power of an invisible cape.

I can still hear your pleads,
as you wish to lay next to me.
But don't try to find me.
*You'll only feel me bleed.

In pain, happy, angry, hurting,
and loving sides of me still loved you the same.

I deleted all your pictures,
threw away the letters,
And blocked out the conversations,
But that still isn't enough for me to forget.