Close your eyes
and feel the weight;
like a winter coat
dragging you under water.

Close your eyes
and exhale.

For the first time,
I scream these words,
In a whisper,
Please,
Just help me,
I don't want to drown anymore

I love you sometimes,
when we're kids again.

Hear my love confession
whispered under the blackness of night.
It trembles from my lips
like your sweet kisses;
traded like secrets
passed with fumbling hands
and twisted limbs
tied around your waist like a knot,
too tight to unravel
with these silent words.

Acid in my lungs,

I can feel the chemical reaction

burning up my atoms:

bubbling
                         boiling
                                                bursting

in my chest.

I'm coming apart

in your hands.

I am in a room full of things.
Empty, lifeless things.

Which of these things is not like the others?

I'm not like anything.

The only time I feel human
is when my clothes are lying
on your floor.

I feel time move around us
as I lie waiting in the dark room;
anticipating the moment
when the dust settles on your pillows
and you descend upon me.

How do we survive this life?
*We don't, we all expire.

I can feel that damp, course grass beneath my feet.
I'm nauseous again, in that place again.
I can feel their eyes on my veins,
I can feel him, breathing on my neck,
I can hear him laughing.

It's dizzying, sickening,
like blaring white noise
screeching from a broken radio.

It's an itch that crawls down my arms,
a hand around my throat that tells me to stop breathing;
to stop fighting.

I want to give in.
I want to bleed again.
To feel the metal scrape through all my layers
and cut me open.

I want to cut it all away.

You're still on my skin;
I can feel your imprint
on my flesh like a bruise.
I only hope your scent
doesn't leave a stain.

It's stupid,
How we come to trust,
Someone,
Because they listen,
And then, as if you never expected it,
They turn around,
With the same old smile,
In their eyes,
And slap you in the face,
And all you can do,
Is feel the bitterness,
Burning so deep,
Scaring your blood-stained skin,
And you can't help but wonder,
*Why?

I feel your teeth sink in
and your venom send shivers
racing over my skin.

You slip around my neck
and your hands
are a boa's constricting caress.

I'm on fire beneath you;
writhing, as you exhale fumes
straight into my burning lungs.

You're my dream,
my immutable love.

My blood runs cold
on the floor.

In the back of my mind,
I know I will fall asleep,
Crying and alone tonight,
Like every other,

In my aching bones,
I feel the ground quiver,
As you slam the door,
On your way out,
Never to return,

I can't deny this truth,
No matter how hard I try,
To block out your voice,
Yelling, "Don't ever expect to see me again!",
To imagine you didn't leave,
That you'll be home soon,

I still feel you,
Fighting my hands,
Fighting my desperate grasp,
In turn, ripping yours,
From my shaking figure,
Throwing me to the floor,

I know how these events played out,
I play them back,
Again, again,
It hurts,
I do it anyway,
To bring you back,
The only way I know

Nothing else can consume me
so completely, so terribly,
as our excruciating, infinite love.

Tear my clothes off,
tear my heart out.

I feel your bones through
your skin and I wonder
if you love me.

Lying, exposed,
I've made myself
A sacrificial lamb
On the altar of
The unmade bed.
Time and again
I offer myself
To a merciless, wrathful
God, a wolf, a serpent
A blasphemous act
Against my unclaimed heart.
These are no Gods
Towering over me,
Only vultures picking me
To scraps.

Love me in the
back seat of your car

There's no fire to be started
with paper matches,
but the real thing
sets the whole house alight.
It all goes up in smoke;
burning up your books
and shattering your windows,
so that your safe space
is no more.

I want to be the kind of
******* your mind
when you sing in the shower
and your voice goes soft
thinking about my skin.

When you close your eyes,
your mind hazy with desire;
I want to be the one
on the tip of your tongue.