I don't understand how can a person keep trying to unlock a door that's locked so deeply or doesn't even exists. I don't know how does one get strength to move against something whose still, unmoved, untouched. How does one stay broken but picking up others pieces and try to restore something that can only be fixed by time and self-value. I know I'm whole cause I've been fine and myself, but why do I keep expecting others to want to be in my journey, my struggles and my wins, when they are too focused in themselves and their hate for the world? I can't explain how one's mind works, when I don't know how mine works. But still, I keep trying to understand you, to search for you, to know you, but you don't want me too. Or at least you don't show me you want me to. What to do when all I do is try? I don't stop thinking about giving up, but there's something in this, something that doesn't make me let go. It's a psychological torture, I know it is. I'm letting myself being torture by my cravings, my curiosity, my **** ******* feelings. I want answers, and I want them now! It takes time, but **** time. I want you to tell me the **** is in your head and where the **** do you think this is going. Is it asking much? I know we're different. We've lived different lives, different circumstances, different interactions. But in my world, my self-called world, when you want to know someone, you show them, despise the amount of time you have. I feel like I'm running against a tide. Tell me what you want, what you need, what you're thinking. Is it asking much? I guess not, but your mind works in mysterious ways.

I had so much to say but then I lost the courage.
You wouldn't want to hear them, I know.
I'm no good expressing what I want to,
When my heart's about to be throw out of my mouth.
The tightness on my throat intensifies and I stand quiet,
While my head's about to be blown away with so many thoughts.

Because every time we say goodbye,
It feels like I'm about to say something.
But then I look at you and I've all the answers.
I don't even know what that means.

You shake me to the core, I feel alive
And so afraid, that I'm the only one feeling that way.
You break my walls, the next second I'm building them up again.

Because every time we say goodbye,
It feels like I'm about to say something.
But then I look at you and I've all the answers.
I don't even know what that means.

Please, show me that you want to get to know me,
That you ******* care,
That you'll be there if I need.
I trust you so much. I can't understand how that happened.
You give me so much security when I look at you,
That everything's gonna be easier, even when you're ****** up inside.
How?

*Because every time we say goodbye,
It feels like I'm about to say something.
But then I look at you and I've all the answers.
I don't even know what that means.

Nothing lasts
nothing, Love
all is dust
all is, Love

Woke up hoping
morning flames
dozed off hopeless
with no name

Day by day
all the same
blinding light
drunken game

I try to be
try so hard
caught inside
have no luck

I know I can
you say so
but cannot take
another blow

So whisper gently
in my ear
what I want
so bad to hear

Whisper gently
let me breathe
to hear your voice
is all I need

Nothing lasts
nothing, Love
all is dust
all but us

It's 2:35 am,
I'm surrounded by close family
In a beautiful place,  close to the beach
And I'm full of sorrow, bitterness,
Heavy heart and broken promises.

I can't sleep.
So much I wanna do,
So much I wanna be.

So much opportunities,
So little money, so little luck.
My ambition has got to hold on.

I close my eyes
And the endless of chances start to narrow,
Swallowing me whole, breaking my bones.

I can't sleep.
So much I wanna do,
So much I wanna be.