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Delilah Jun 2016
Sometimes it still ***** with me and my emotions
Sometimes if feels like you're dead
Sometimes it feels like I'm the one  secluded from you
Sometimes I count down the days and dream about what's it going to be like when you come home
Sometimes I still have to take a moment to process this
And sometimes I just want to hug you
Delilah May 2016
I crave the touch of you but my heart has too many battle wounds from the short time that lasted forever but my head wants you, your body and the sweet adorable voice that would call my name.
I will never understand why all this happened and why it affected me the way it did. You and I could have gone on forever if the circumstances would have been exact but they weren't even in the same atmosphere. You created a new me but I fear I destroyed you and I'm sorry. I wish we could start all over and go back to freshman year but the knowledge we have today. I find myself thinking that I have forgotten you but then you pop back in my head and I go wild with the idea of you. I hope you don't think poorly of me but with a good memory.
Delilah Apr 2016
The last time I heard your voice was a snowy february night, I was babysitting the boys,  you called and I was annoyed but we stayed on the phone for an hour, an hour that I'll never get back. After you died I remember I tried to call your phone number just to hear that stupid voice message of yours, the one where you would trick people into thinking it was really you but they had already disconnected the number, it was gone forever, just like you.
The last time I saw you, you were dying in a hospital bed and that's not how I choose to remember you. I remember you as this short, black haired, strong woman who loved her family , old cartoons, and her piano. Sometimes when I hear Fur Elise being played I close my eyes and pretend you're playing for me and Kobie like you did when I was a kid.
I'm growing up now, I've done so much since you died and I wish you could be in the audience for every show, performance, and award ceremony that I'm in. I know you would love it, you always love those catholic school concerts that never were any good but you would see me after it, smile, and tell me how wonderful I was.
I remember the night I got my ears pierced and you came over to see us, you grabbed my face and told me how pretty I was and that moment still pops in my head when I walk into the dining  room just doing my everyday things, I liked to think that's a reminder from you just saying "hey turkey ****". I don't let anyone call me that besides ***** and holly because that was our thing. I can't ever remember you calling me by my actual name. And I guess that was apart of growing up, not having someone call you by a childhood nickname.
A lot has happened in my life and many times I just wanted to call you and talk, to fill you in on everything, I want to hug you, and I just really want my Aunt Teri because it's been three years and 28 days since I've actually seen and felt you.
The songs just don't do it any more. After you died I made a playlist and called it "Aunt Teri" and it has four songs that remind me of you and I listen to them a lot but they're slowly starting to lose importance. I listen to the beatles and think of you because they were your favorite and so was pink floyd. They make me smile because they made you smile.
I don't remember your voice anymore, I know it's in the back of my head somewhere but I just can't recall it anymore.  
You would be amazed how the boys have changed, Kobie is going to be in High School and Kyler is going to kindergarten. You would be proud. I'm graduating in a year and I hate that you won't be there for that either. ***** is kicking *** at school and will be a nurse very soon, you would be so proud of her.
You have another grandson, Hunter, he is so cute. He looks like Ray and you would be proud of him too.
The day you died I started my questioning of religion and I know you wouldn't be proud of that.
I have so much left to write but I have to go. I love you Aunt Teri.
Delilah Mar 2016
My seventeenth year I began to see colors all these colors from people who I had always imagined  had these beautiful bright amazing colors but deep down they were dark and twisted and ripped me apart to even look at them but then I started to open with colors and they were the ones that were beautiful bright amazing colors but also came with the realization that my whole family ******* ****** and of course I knew this before because I realized that I had watched those same colors explode on other people but thought nothing of it because I still believed in happiness and  rainbows of others but now I make my own **** happiness and rainbows with the people whose colors are bright and beautiful just like mine so this is a poem for the people who can take their nasty dark twisted colors and shove it up their ***** while I sing I see your true colors shining through I see your true colors and that why I don’t love you
  Mar 2016 Delilah
scatterbrained
I've been thinking of you
And how you used to let me eat cough drops like candy, and sleep with my face nuzzled in your back
The world couldn't touch me there
I am engulfed in the world now.

I miss the days you would rescue me from home to take me shopping, and you wouldn't make me go back. You would tell dad that you were keeping me until he was nicer, that I was your little girl now.
I know dad misses you too
He just won't talk about it
I'm glad you didn't have to see him on the day you forgot his name, because all he could do was cry.
Three years ago, we all cried together. He cried because he would miss you, mom cried because we did, and I cried because no one had even told me you were sick.
Dad said it was better to remember you how you were: sassy and full of life.
But I don't think he realized that the memories would follow you.
Sometimes I can't remember your voice, but I can still remember how the nursing home smelled like death. I have a lot of things to apologize for now. Like when things got really bad, and I wouldn't answer the phone anymore. Or when I stopped saying yes to rubbing your feet. Most importantly, when I didn't visit you for three years because no one would bring me, but also because I couldn't make myself do it.
Things are okay now, and I am sure you're in a better place
You're voice comes back when I do stupid things, because I'm sure you still scold me with my middle name. Thank you for looking down, because I am looking up.

I don't know about God, but I do know about you
And I know you're with me
And I know I love you more than you could imagine
All the Archangels are rubbing your feet now, and you don't even have to give them a dollar.
I miss you, Aunt B.
  Mar 2016 Delilah
scatterbrained
It was February, and integrity had long ago fallen with the leaves. This clearing was forgotten, for it had not felt the steps of a heavy heart in many years. But today that would change, and the forest could feel them coming.
Although the forest knew they would come, it was simply a coincidence that they would arrive on the same day. They were not spectacular, or even particularly good, but they both had the same intentions.

She stumbled into the clearing first


She didn't know how long she had walked to get here, but she was amazed by how right it felt to have arrived. She knelt down into the dead grass, letting it scrape across her fingertips, all while thinking of where to go from here. The path did not carry on any further, but she knew that if she rested there long enough she would find her way. So there she sat, humming a tune she couldn't remember learning, when the first rustling of leaves found her ears. She had been in many forests, and on her journey she had encountered the footsteps of many cautious deer, the trampling of frightened rabbits, and even the silent tread of hunters. But what she heard now, were footsteps she never thought she would find:

they sounded like her own

Before she could be seen, she ducked behind a fallen tree and peeked over the top. Watching and waiting, the anticipation was enough to swallow her whole. But just as she nearly gave up, there was a break in the foliage, and it led to him. She was not sure what she expected, but it was most definitely not him. Maybe she thought he would be scary, or even another animal, but he was just a boy. He was built of simplicity and marble, all smooth surface and a calming stillness. He was surrounded by the grace of God but his eyes spoke of Hell. They burned like hell too, and she felt it when he instantly spotted her. She was frozen, for she did not know what else to do, but her wild eyes were already telling stories of where she had been— they whispered the desire to be wanted, but more importantly they screamed the demand to be understood. They were both hesitant, but he broke the silence first.

"I won't hurt you. Come out from behind the tree."
So out she came, but she did not speak.

"What's your name?"
This took her by surprise since she had not said her name in a very, very long time.

"I don't know," she stammered.
This brought a slight smile to his face, and although it did not reach his eyes, it transformed him. With a corner of his mouth lifted, he was holding the weight of the world.

"That's okay, I didn't know mine either. But I do know how you can figure it out." So he rummaged in his pocket, pulling out small, strange objects, until finally he unveiled a skinny paint brush. Slowly he walked towards her, and holding out the paint brush he said,
"Here, take it. You can write in the dirt."
She was baffled when she said, "Well, what do I write?"
There was the smile again, taunting her ignorance but also promising clarity.

"That doesn't matter yet. Just close your eyes and scrawl in the dirt."
She did not know why, but the amount of trust she felt for him was unfathomable. So without peeking, she closed her eyes and she felt her fingers move. It was as if her fingers were meant to spill over the top, uncovering the name that had followed her for all of her life, and now after. It was a familiar friend giving her a warm hug, a blanket wrapping around her, finally coaxing her identity to the surface.  It was over as soon as it began, and she opened her eyes to look at the bold lines in the dirt. The letters showed no sign of hesitation or fear; only strength and hardness. There lay the word, etched into more than just the Earth.

WAR

"What does it mean?" She whispered to the boy, but when she looked up at him she saw only astonishment. He smiled again, however this time it fully reached his eyes. When he looked away from her name and into her, he felt as if he had known her name from the very beginning.

"It means you have a beautiful violence about you." In those words there were a million meanings, things that would never be spoken aloud, but that was alright, because she understood. Her smile was bright, and it was then that she realized she had not yet learned his name.

"What's your name?"
His smile faltered as he spoke.
"Silence"
It was obvious that he resented this title, but she could not understand why.
"It's lovely, you are the calm before the storm," she said.

Before he could say anything the ground began to shake, and in front of them the trees trembled and cracked until two paths had appeared. It was very obvious that one was made for destruction and the other was made for peace. Silence did not dare look at War, for he knew he had to follow his path without looking back. But War did not care, and she stared into his soul. When he did not look at her she began to weep, because she did not care about the paths. She was War and she was destruction, she would create a path wherever she went. He was Silence and he was acceptance, but he could only make a path when he dared to make a sound. She knew what he would say next, but she would not let him get that far.

"Don't leave," she said.
This time when he tried to smile, it was only a sad grimace. He must have felt his lips revealing too much, so instead he spoke.
"Our paths are different, you must understand that we are not the same."
She was no longer scared of him, because she felt the rightness of their unity. She knew that she had to keep him. He felt finality in the paths but she felt finality in the one path that led them there— the path they had both traveled.

"What brought you to the path that led here?" She asked him.
His eyes went dark, but he found humor in the question. He walked towards the first path, and he looked far down it, although he couldn't see where it began. He turned back to War and he said,
"A rope necklace showed me the way. How about you?"
And in that instant, she knew she was right.
"I took a ten story leap, and I landed here."
He did not speak after that, but he was named Silence for a reason. He did not need to speak.
"Stay," she whispered in the light of dusk.


His quiet decision spoke for itself, when both of their paths grew back together, to form the forest walls that they could call their home.
This is for last February.
Delilah Mar 2016
I knew I was depressed when I woke the next morning and I still had the bad thing on my mind from the night before
When I couldn't just snap out of the mood anymore
When I woke up crying
When I was mess in front of everyone
When I didn't want to go out with friends
When I hated seeing people some times
When my brain physically felt like it couldn't work anymore
When I went 100 mph in my car because  I didn't care if I lived or died anymore
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