I fell in to a deep
Painful but comfy sleep
Truth is close
Love was overdose
Which did I chose?
What I needed most
Was love that cost
A huge part of me
That I couldn't afford
So I fought
For a long long time
This day everything seems fine
And I was too kind
To be blind and find
Ways to not let you cry
But now
It's over
No more lover
I am sober
You are a goner

Even if you have to clench your fists,
with ****** knuckles
and broken wrists,
shattered eyes and pale lips,
you'll get through this.
Breathe.
Don't tremble.
Your voice should be shaky from
quivering the truth -
not fear.
Look straight.
Or your eyes will dart so quickly,
searching
for the infinite broken pieces
of your
heart.
Smile.
It'll make you feel better.
Laugh.
It's the best medicine.
Stand tall.
Do not stoop as low as defeat.
Swallow the lump in your throat.
Of tears, of pride, of ego.
Let it go beneath you and dissolve.
Do not let it lurk in you - it's toxic.
Sing, listen to music.
But stay away from your favourites.
they're all sad.
Be strong.
This is not your first battle.
Find your strength.

( FAH )

i enjoy being alone
but not lonely.
it's not easy feeling worthless all by yourself.
it's not easy suppressing your thoughts
and emotions,
whilst catching glimpses of everybody else's lives ahead of you.
the sickening feeling will eat you up.
your cries of help are so loud,
so loud,
in your head.
in silence.
how is it that we grow up learning to speak,
but as we get older,
it is harder to find the right words to say?
it's not easy,
feeling so lonely
when you're being told,
" you'll never be alone "
i rather isolate myself,
than receiving absence when i need company.
i rather be alone on my own accord.

( FAH )

sure glad everyone else found someone
i'm sitting in tornadoes of chaos and not making a sound
i’m full of all this undirected yearning which means i’m
full of ******* empty
and what a death-ridden paradox that is
everything seems like a riddle these days
but i’ve lost all energy for solving and its not like
anything could be worth solving when you are not here anyhow
open fields are caging me and i want a release
there are chains around my bare wrists and you need to take them off
where did you go anyway
i’m stumbling along clean swept paths
i’m tripping over nonexistent obstacles
i’m grabbing for a match because i’d rather burn myself
burn it all away so i won’t have to see all the things that aren’t there
namely you
and all the bleeding black that’s left
constant headaches like a companion and i’m begging to be blind
penny for the pained?
someone sit me down and explain the idiosyncratic theory
of why we make people into homes
and why we remember the nightmares but can’t grasp the dreams
where is the warmth to reside within
and why did you leave?

-*k.c.

I'm sorry
I don't know if its for me
but i fell for it,
your love trap captured me.

Or is it that
I wanted to fall?
for you to catch,
don't leave me to crawl.

I'm sorry
I see you in everything
the sky that cries,
the sun that bids me for the night

I'm sorry
but baby I want to
bombard you with my love
to hold your hand
to kiss you goodnight.

I'm sorry
I can't keep this anymore
You're my comfort, my escape.
My curse, my endeavor

Its a different kind of love
but I still do,
baby, I don't want you;
I need you.

These words I cannot carry
baby, listen to me.
I just want to tell you I'm sorry
*but I'm not sorry.

it wasn't supposed to turn out this way.
i was supposed to get better.
nothing was supposed to change.
it was supposed to get better.
i shouldn't be in this wreckage.
everything was supposed to get better.
better.
better.
better.
i've started to feel anger again.
the toxic brewing within me,
it's uncontrollable.
i've started punching walls again.
my knuckles bruised and swollen.
the paint on the walls has peeled from the blows.
i've started crying again.
the pearls trickling down my skin, hot.
i've started being edgy again, i've started having thoughts again, i've started being afraid again -
i've started again.
i've gone bad.
again.

( FAH )