Today I picked up a pencil in a pathetic attempt to banish all the bad thoughts.
I wrote about you.
How we haven't been talking.

I wrote about my dad.
About how I don't want to hate him

I wrote about how I stopped getting high with my friends.
And how I should be focusing on important things

I wrote about how I stayed the night at my best friends house.
And how I took too much ambien and how it made me cry all night.

I meant to get all these thoughts out But now I'm swimming in them.

I dream about kissing you,
Me and your mouth as one,
On your bed I lay with you,
Until the morning sun.

I dream about you and I,
Loving like there's no tomorrow,
In your bed just making love,
There would be no sorrow.

I dream only of you,
That you are dreaming of me,
Dream babe, just dream,
Oh how these dreams are ecstasy.

Black lace running up and down my face, my head lost in outer space.  First breath after coma, and I can feel my face ache.

When I did something wrong, they hurt me.
When I asked a question, they laughed.
If I made a mistake, they beat me,
When I messed it up, they snapped.

I bled, I cried, no one cared.
I asked, I wanted, no one shared.
The damage is still here, inside me.
This pain is never going to leave me.

The red blood mixes with the tears,
I hear them laughing at my fears.
They put me into what I'm going through,
Said I deserve it but I don't think I do.

I trace my fingers across the scars
Etched upon my body like stars.
But it's okay, I'll be alright,
As long as I survive tonight.

I want to write
Without letters
I want to kiss you
Without lips
I want to choose
without thinking
I want you
Without me

I am the leaves
on the streets you walk on
The unexpected shadows
I'm the scrap of paper
upon which you absentmindedly scribble dark things
I'm the bird in the trees
you always hear but never see
I'm a daisy, or a clover
in a garden of huge sunflowers and roses and oak trees
Or the bottles you keep hidden in your room
I am the sunbeam you feel
but you can't turn around to look at because the room is too small
I'm the hole in the curtain
I'm the notebook
you forgot about long ago
I'm the fish in the murky pond
-you can see the ripples and waves but you can't see me
I am bits and pieces
Here and there, now and then
I'm a mustering hum,
picking up, growing
Gathering momentum

Early September and the leaves are falling,
they crunch beneath my feet
as I walk the dogs through the park.
Scattered on the lawn they've become
brown and brittle, fragile as my heart.
Soon they will be trampled and forgotten,
as if their existence in nature never mattered,
as if life never coursed through their veins,
with no thought as to how they played
in the scheme of things.
How easily we forget
little things that once mattered,
hearts,
leaves,
it's all the same thing.

The fountains mingle with the river
and the rivers with the ocean
the winds of heaven mix forever
with a sweet emotion

nothing in this world is single
all things by a law divine,
in one or other way stay together
then why not I with thine?

see the mountains kiss high heaven
and the waves clasp one another
no flower in love would b forgiven
if it disclaimed her lover
the sunlight clasps the earth
and the moon beams kiss the sea

what are all these kisses worth,
if thou kiss not me?

We are liars; because
the truth of yesterday becomes
a lie of tomorrow
where as letters are fixed
and we live by the letter of truth..

the love I feel for my friend this year
is different from the love I felt last year
if it were not so, it would be a lie.

yet we reiterate love! love! love!
as if it were a coin with fixed value
instead of a flower that dies
and opens as a different bud.