i am tired, sleep with me?

i ache for you, relieve me?

lie near
never let me go

I'm so cold, warm me up?

don't upset me, i feel fragile.

i'm afraid of intimacy, scare me.

is cuddles with someone who makes me feel
safe and warm
new years eve show in the background
wine
kisses
***
deep conversations about our futures
not once leaving his strong arms

the fragility of life
is an utterly petrifying concept.

that a young, strong, healthy person
can be here one moment
gone the next

that because of one's selfishness,
a life can be removed from this existence
instantly

the fragility of life
is an utterly petrifying concept
that keeps me awake each night

I hope you never have to face it.

i know i've lived another life
because of the way i ache for him
i've never known a man this way
i'm young and untouched

yet there's a fire within me demanding to be quelled

how else would this fire know what she wants
other than having had him before

i know i had him
i want him again

when I wake up I  the morning
my heart is already aching

I miss you before I can even remember.

and almost as soon as i start i wish i could stop

i hate thinking.

it starts off
innocent
i think of school
i think of politics

it becomes almost
dangerous
it becomes dangerous when i
inevitably
get around to the worst topic

it's dangerous for
me
to think about
me

i'm incapable
of love, of joy, of friendship
it's impossible

Hold me tight / please don't let go
No second thoughts / Just stay close

Pack a bag / we may need to run
Don't worry / We can do it together

Just hold my hand / We'll jump together
Take care of me / I promise I'll take care of you

Keep your eye on the road / We'll only move forward
We can't turn back / Focus on me

In case of emergency,
We'll make it together.

the moon whispers to us
she flickers behind clouds
and tells deep truths but
only to those willing to listen
she watches
and warns
and reminds us who we are

some choose not to listen
to her pale features
and they mock those who do
we do not judge
we do not argue
we pity their folly
we benefit from her guidance
and we thank her for her love

we find when staring up squint-eyed
her cycles closely mimic ours
and when she's dark and seems to hide
her kinship still echoes in the stars

i  often wonder
which is now
happiest

today i learned that 5 months can be
both a heartbeat and a lifetime
his footprint is gone
his smile is unseen
so long ago and still feels like a dream

but
in the end
who enjoyed themselves
more?

the tortoise or the hare?

You don't know me.
Not really.
You know I like books,
but do you know I
drown myself in them?
Escape in them?
Escape to a better place.

You don't know me.
Yu know I like acting,
but I am an actress.
I'm infatuated.
Wholly, completely, totally in love
with being someone else
anyone but me.

You don't know me!
You know I like music,
but I dream in music.
Make up the lost parts of me.
Find myself.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME
I dress nice,
I care too much.
I talk a lot,
to hide my insecurities.
I smile,
so you don't witness my hurt.

stop pretending that you know me

there's poetry in watching a war go on over tik tok live
thousands of miles away fighting to survive

there's poetry in hashtag calls for help
sending prayers for those running with nothing but rags

there's poetry in arguing on how to assign the blame
rather than using that energy to devise ways to help

there's poetry in finding all the wrong focuses
forgetting that what's happening on TV
and what we're watching on tiktok
and what the memes are parodying

is all real.
is not a fiction.
is not a dystopian fantasy.

there are people dying
and we ponder who to blame more often than we ponder how to help

i think there's poetry in that

I just had the most powerful thought I've ever had.

It hit me like a train
dropped like a ton of bricks on my head
knocked me over and took my breath away

It was hard to grasp
I don't have the capability
to wrap my head around it
and to be fully honest
I probably never will

but on the surface
for some reason
I know it could be true

I know I'm not ready to accept it
it's a lot of responsibility to have on my shoulders
the weight that comes from this thought

but I guess
maybe
maybe it could be honest

just kind of hard to believe

but I guess
maybe
there's a chance
people might
really
actually
kinda

like me?

why wont words come
i have things to say
i know my message

but nothing comes out
im angry and frustrated

i want to express and not feel
empty

but when i try to show what i feel it
refuses
to show it's self.

im alone and unable to share
no one will know no one can see

because my brain wont let me rhyme
my heart wont give me word
my soul doesn't have a rhythm

and when i turn to the comfort and
therapy
of poetry....

try to let it bee also it has been...

i'm empty.

no words
no rhythm

no rhyme
no reason

I finally found myself when I got lost
In late nights with you
and sunsets and the smell of the bonfires
followed by early morning coffees
and bleary eyes

Lost in you and the air around us
when we're together
and sitting in wet grass
because we're laughing too hard to stand
and leaning on each other
because we're crying so hard that
only each other's support keeps us upright

Lost in last minute plans
and rushing to get ready for an event
that we know very little about
because simply why not
let's live while we can

Don't come looking for me
I'm happy staying lost