The feeling of the blade running across your skin.
The blood dripping down your legs, and arms.
The numb feeling going all over your body.
Is that what you wanted in the first place.
Not to feel your pain.
Also not having those horrible thoughts in your mind.
After awhile those thoughts will come back with bigger urges...

To the point,
Where I really hate myself,
And don't even want to look in the mirror,
To the point where I don't give a **** anymore,
To the point where I know I'm worthless.
To the point you can't change my ways in looking at myself.
To the point where I want to tell you, I'll be dying soon.
To the point where I can't wait to get to my grave.

There are times that
it gets so bad around you
that it fills you with it,
like sea-filled
lungs, like that
last breath of water
before darkness.
There are times that
it sinks in your chest
and your arms and that space
right behind your eyes,
that dull ache.
Death comes slow
amidst the wreckage;
in the chest and
the arms and the
toilet seat, gripped
white knuckles and the
stale, thick burn of acid
in the throat.

There are times that
it gets so bad around you
that it fills you with it.
Death comes slow,
persistent in its march,
and you look upward,
bleary-eyed and shook
to the bone, into its
balanced gaze
knowing, but never truly
able to understand,
how close it really is.

I gave myself to you for the very first time
It was something that I have always imagined that would happen
I always dreamed of you being my first
And I was able to make that dream come true
The way you made me feel was like no other feeling I have ever felt before
You made sure I was okay
You held me in your arms and kissed my forehead
You called me baby
There are not enough words to describe the way that night made me feel
I am so happy that I got to experience it with you
You are the only person I want to give myself to
You are the only person that I honestly care about
You were and are still the only person that I have ever really loved
We were together when we were younger
And now we are older and we still have something going
You are the only thing that is important to me
I have no idea what I would do if I ever lost you
I gave myself to you because I love you and it felt right
You made me feel comfortable in my own body
And I didn't feel like I needed to cover up my flaws
I felt as though I was the most beautiful thing that you have ever seen
I loved the way you looked at me while I gave myself to you
I loved the way you held me in your arms and started to fall asleep
I will never forget that night
It was the best night of my life and I will never regret it
I gave myself to you because I trust you and I love you with everything that I have in me