I like to pretend that I have a tough exterior
That my mind is strong
And that the words and actions of others
Don't bring me down
But that couldn't be further from the truth
I'm so weak
I'm pathetic
It takes seconds
No time at all
For my mind to transport me to a place
A place where I think I'm hated
A place where I believe I'm unwanted
I'm so vulnerable at all times
When one little thing doesn't go as I expected
I freak out
I assume the worst
I make up hypothetical situations in my head
Situations in which nobody loves me
And nobody cares for me
Situations in which I'm ignored with ease
And forgotten quickly
It probably sounds selfish
As if I solely care about what people think of me
But in actuality
It stems from a deep self hatred
I hate myself in such a way
That I couldn't possibly imagine a world
Where people could genuinely love me and care for me
It's no wonder my relationships fail
With not only lovers
But with family and friends as well

I knew I was falling in love when the thought of you leaving took my breath away with it.
When losing the possibility of an "us" drowned my mind with sorrow and sent my heart overflowing with regret.
A world without you, is a world without air.

I'm impatient and insecure.
I'm scared and often times confused, yet you have become the only real thing I am sure about.
The only air my lungs want to breathe.

You've begun to unravel as the answer to most of the questions in my life.
Especially the ones I never thought of asking.
Your brutal honesty tears through my walls of insecurity.

But you never do it to hurt me.
You only do it to make me stronger.

I never thought I could love with the possibility of that love returned.

I always loved blindly.
Eyes closed I searched with outstretched hands in hopes of feeling something to hold on to.
Something real to guide me home.

But I stare at you with eyes wide open.
My feet gliding toward your presence like a moth to a flame.
I am drawn to the love I see burning inside you.

I'm scared of everything we could be.
I'm frightened by our potential and terrified of a possibility not lived.

But I can feel myself falling for you and there are only two directions to go.
I can crash to the ground in a helpless smash, or I can be lifted up into your arms.
I'm not sure which one will hurt the least.

I want to close my eyes to the thought of you and hold my breath,
But we always choke with eyes wide open.
Without you I am choking, but with you I am breathless.

Who I am to you
Is whom I shall be
A person of expression
Using whit as an insecurity
Having words carry my impossibilities
An excuse for hopes dreams and miseries

I long to be
I desire to be
What I can never be
My identity, of make believe
Of which I know everything

As me I can be like anything
As a poet I can be everything

I am the man I've lead you to believe
The man who wants everything
Who'd rather live in fantasy
Where his words are powerful and his soul is clean

Forgive me
My insanity
I am a poet
Unwillingly