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Aug 2021 · 124
self care
Heather Methot Aug 2021
Although my heart still has days full of heavy,
Days where I hold a knot in my throat,
or there’s a weight on my chest,
To be able to spill what’s weighting me down on these pages is refreshing.

There is no growth in holding it in.
rest in peace sister. may 4 1995 - may 20 2021

welcome back poetry.
Nov 2015 · 748
Heather Methot Nov 2015
I hope you think of me like a 5000 piece puzzle,
Hope you feel like a detective when you talk to me,
Or when you hear about me,
Or when you think about me,
I hope you romanticize me into something more than just a human body,

I hope when we kiss your lungs expand,
Hope you think more than just lungs,
Hope when every inch of your body fills with energy
you think the chemical reaction,
I hope you think of me more than just a chemical reaction,
I hope i can fool you into believeing that
I am way more than what i say,

I hope you write about me,
Hope you can't get your mind off it because
you just need an answer,
i hope you find your answer,

I hope you figure out things about me
in the way i do my makeup,
Hope you try and find symbolism in it,
I hope you think me into a work of art,
Hope you finish with a blank canvas
because there is so much beauty in the unknown.

I hope you dream of dissecting me,
Hope you wake up with scars on your finger tips,
I hope i make you nervous,
Hope you think precisely of what to say when you're around me,
Hope you ask every question critically,
I hope you think i know exactly what you're up to,
Hope you hide nothing,

I hope you play word games with me
to try and piece together how my mind works,
I hope after all that time
you still cant grasp it,
Hope im always close enough to touch
but not close enough to get a firm grip on,
I hope you dig yourself a whole from walking in circles,
Hope you never say my name in fear of the tone being incorrect,
Hope you know ill always be here if you need me,

I hope you have no idea what any of this means,
I hope this has given your mind 3 different mining routes,
I hope you know i am buried treasure,
I hope you never hit gold,
I hope you never understand me.
Nov 2015 · 303
Heather Methot Nov 2015
im so glad i met you,
i loved you before
i could even have the chance to love myself
now that youre gone
im struggling with realizing
you dont need anyone to love you
but yourself.
Sep 2015 · 723
Trigger Warning.
Heather Methot Sep 2015
Trigger Warning,
2am cartoons,
all you can eat buffets,
toboggans rides that last all day,
bald spots,
black eyes,
lighter fluid and burning plastic smells sworm the air.

I don’t let people know,
i was taught to lie like it was a breath coming out of my mouth.

Letting people in as my sisters dad stares at my mother,
He doesn’t look anything like my father,
Maybe if he looked alittle more like my father,
Maybe this would all be okay.

Judges don’t trust mothers whos boyfreinds looks like a crack head,
Judges don’t trust mothers who look like a crack head,
how is it abuse when you allow it to happen.

Trigger warning,
Red and blue lights, 
the sound of a taser, 
and the gentle words
"its all okay we are here now".

i used to sleep with the thought I might wake up alone.
Apr 2015 · 349
Heather Methot Apr 2015
they'll say you're too
young and too dumb
and you have
no experience, you're like a bird being taught how to fly,
You don't know which way is left,
And which way is right.
and you
don't know what you're
doing and your mind is just lost,
And you're heart is just learning and it's impossible
at such a young age but *******
it you know what you
feel and you're not about
to let that go for anyone or
anything and that's what really matters.
Apr 2015 · 546
Off topic.
Heather Methot Apr 2015
Pointed pencil,
Black pen,
One sheet of freshed lined paper.

My brain is a jumbled up mess of growing up,
Figuring out blueprints and survival skills to stay alive.

Taking persistent footsteps so I don't step on a personal bomb to blow up a building I built myself in sparkly bold letters I call my future.

Dull pencil,
Almost empty pen,
One sheet on crumpled paper.

Turning my thoughts into words is terrifying, Giving someone the opportunity to judge you like you were put in this world to be nothing.
I am something.

Short walks,
Quick talks,
These are the things no one wants but I've had both.
I've got icy cold wind in my wings but im floating above it all.

Broken pencil,
Empty pen,
Now a pile of crumpled paper.
My thinking pattern is out of wack,
I don't know what I'm going to do with my life and it's only just begun.

It's a mad world they say,
And I'm beginning to believe it.
Dec 2014 · 325
question mark.
Heather Methot Dec 2014
the way you look
at me makes me feel
like I've seen the
stars in the day
because your eyes
sparkle so much that
you lure my heart in
and make my mind
Dec 2014 · 505
Heather Methot Dec 2014
they say your actions speak louder than words,
and I guess it's true.
because you didn't listen
when I said I was wrong
and told you that
i missed you.
Nov 2014 · 268
Heather Methot Nov 2014
like a newly bloomed flower,
he blooms as something magnificent in this book of torn pages and undecided chapters I call life.
it doesn't make any sense to add happiness to a situation where it's bound to be distoryed in all hopes it'll work out
but the sad truth is everything is temporary as bittersweet as it sounds
just keep in mind
nothing is permanent either
but how am I supposed to believe this theory when in my head

the image of his smile is permanent.
Jun 2014 · 454
lies ahead.
Heather Methot Jun 2014
I've got so many dreams in my mind they're getting forced out of my ears
and I've got such a cloudy mind that I've been told it's said to be a burden.
but up here,
The sky is just so near,
the air smells so clear,
the stars hide in the back of my mind.
The earth lies below reflected in sparkling silver lining.
quiet goodbyes, white lies and too many signs
constantly drowning in golden moonlight.
it's the fact I'm floating above it all, scaling the mountaintops,
constantly grasping onto tree branches with my numb fingertips and I've got icy cold wind running through my wings and they're frozen but it's comforting.
there's a shocking chill the runs down your spine the reminds you what it's like to still alive.
it runs through your mind, your eyes, your veins.
maybe it'll make you realize you've been blind the entire time.
so just for a split second you squeeze your eyes and in a flash of light you see.
I've spent my lifetime being found and maybe once, maybe just once I'd like to get lost.

one day I'll stand tall and hold the world in my hands,  
have the ocean water seep into the cracks in my sore palms and all at once I'll know every story of every heart and head and hero that wants they're story told.
and I've learnt that either the whole world will either open itself up  or eat me whole
in different shades of white black and pale indigo,
as of now I can't tell which, maybe both.
but time will always surely tell.
Apr 2014 · 324
Heather Methot Apr 2014
you used to hide me like a bomb underground,
or wear me like a noose around your fragile neck,
but it was I who was chocking on your white lies
and holding into the memories with my brittle bones.

i could read your thoughts from a distance,
your heartbeat was like the sound of pills
pouring into my vibrating hands.

there were different,
more efficient ways to lose your life,
but for some odd reason,
i chose you.
Apr 2014 · 1.4k
Heather Methot Apr 2014
the humiliation
attempting multiplication
is a discrimination
filling all emotions with frustration
trying to send help of communication
to a genius
showing no blood relation
in a habitation where Ax and Bx showing a result of Cx
introducing a collaboration
with letters sends a illustration
to the mind causing hallucination
just a pigment of imagination
slight vibration
desperately needing a detoxification
of education
to wrap your thoughts around this generation
seeking the need for popularization
but the mind is in a mental restriction
start a petition
to conquer the satan of calculation
but so far no documentation
of the closed corporation
of the mad minded mathematician
so you're living in devastation
suffering while you work at a gas station
from no graduation
or thoughtful congratulations
all because you forgot the capitalization
for a math symbol
on a test
because of the lack of specification

Make a reservation
for the realization
that math
does not
always make
Mar 2014 · 425
my love
Heather Methot Mar 2014
the distance between us is a mystery,
I'd much rather it not be history.
for your words fills my confidence,
please take control on my dominance.
we shall not ever incorporate sorrow,
until there is no light of tomorrow.
Heather Methot Mar 2014
what am i doing with my thought?
what am i trying to forget,
or keep at the back of my mind to bring back if im trying to feel some deep emotion.
and what am i trying to keep a vivid memory.
maybe im trying to keep the memories or
maybe i would just like to create some new and more exciting.
my brain is damaged
and my mind is troubled,
thoughts are scattered
and room is cluttered.

time to go for a late night walk
the only person that cares
to try and
Mar 2014 · 454
Heather Methot Mar 2014
confused by her witty way,
her personality fills the lonely piece in my mind,
couldn't find who I was until she showed me who I could become.
wasn't sure if our presence together would combined and it doesn't,
but it works just fine.
her mind is gold,
her creativity is bold,
friendship is key,
**forever friends with db.
a poem dedicated to Daisy Blevins
Mar 2014 · 321
Heather Methot Mar 2014
and every memory we ever had.
Mar 2014 · 331
Mar 2014 · 464
Heather Methot Mar 2014
if pimples were encountered as beauty marks,
pain was a pleasure and sorrow was a privilege,
and day was horrid and nights were breath taking,
life would be feel quite right-
but I'd be living in fright
I would not be I.

if hell was heaven and heaven was hell
would you go bad to go up
for good to go down,
If a lie weren't a lie,
chicken pocks were lovely and good health was a disease.
for it would be wrong,
a unknown singer would write a song,
I'd be in suspense,
the waters too dense.
you would not be you

if the moon came up at sunrise, would the trees say good morning or good night,
if a thousand words meant one thing,
would you write me a poem about anything,
or would you write me a novel telling me everything.
yet today would still be present and yesterday would still be the past
try walking through glass,
we would not be we.

more than thoughts stay in minds
and dreams take action,
thanks to mr.cummings
now I'm stranded with ifs
rather than dancing with why nots.
inspired by a beautiful writer:
e. e. cummings

Heather Methot Mar 2014
under the moonlight,
lay in the crisp air,
chilled to the bone
with your mind dancing
in thoughts of living in a fairytale.
as your white shirt dampens
from the wet grass.

your hair flows with the wind,
your lips mumble the lyrics
of the song playing on repeat in your head.

you should quite enjoy
this lonely feeling
with the presents of nature,
this moment won't last forever,
so let the stars kiss your gently freckled face.
Feb 2014 · 351
Heather Methot Feb 2014
you mean so much to me
I don't remember you.
you ache my heart and you're loved in my mind
I don't remember hugging you.
I find it amazing how you can feel such strong feelings and emotion for someone when you don't know anything about them.
it's all the little thoughts that clutter my head and memories I wish I could have.
it hurts a lot
to know you don't have someone
to scare off all those bad boys
and to teach you how to ride a bike.

I've heard you were such a bright soul,
could light up a day with a smile.

but I hope you're okay up there in the sky.
just one more day I try not to cry.

*I love you dad.
Heather Methot Feb 2014
taking another step in the crisp air,
wind pushing against my face
but feeling the warmth of your breath as you speak of how amazing the colours of Fall are.

let's have an adventure,
with the smell of wet trees
and dying leaves.

the tip of my nose chilled,
but the sound of crunching leaves distracts me.

fingers so cold,
sweater so warm.

wishing Fall would last forever,
I'm *forever falling for Fall
Feb 2014 · 374
my dear.
Heather Methot Feb 2014
you're my 3am thoughts.
getting drunk instead of loving you, because hangovers hurt less than heartaches.
am I
drunk on you?
or your words?
I'm hating every inch between us.
I try to forget you,
I can't.
I knew loving you would hurt.
it's the uncertainty that kills me,
did you fix me,
just to break me?
"Jesus Christ,
kiss me already"
you tasted like alcohol
and mistakes.
but I'd anger angels for you.
unhappy with you,
miserable without you.
nothing scares me like lonely thoughts,
but you never really left my mind.
and my love will never die,
*my dear.
Feb 2014 · 469
he's beautiful and new.
Heather Methot Feb 2014
he's not mainstream.
but he's got me on his stream.
his personalities got a ring.
it makes the mocking jays sing.  

he's beautiful.
and new.
Feb 2014 · 303
12:37pm my heart breaks
Heather Methot Feb 2014
thought about you,
what to say,
took the time,
to let you know
how I felt,
sent the message,
walked around,
combed hair,
brushed teeth,
return to screen,
seen at 12:25,
*no reply.
Feb 2014 · 586
toxic friendship
Heather Methot Feb 2014
you were my best friend
until you met a boy that you fell in love with.
5 years of lovely friendship
poured down the drain
as if it was *toxic.
Jan 2014 · 300
Heather Methot Jan 2014
i dont know if this is for me,
expressing my mind in words,
i mean,
it takes alot off my mind,
but it also brings back alot of the past
that was dreadfully hard to forget,
it gets yourself out of todays society
which is great,
i dont want my only friend to be a piece of paper,
and a pen.

my mind is filled with horror thoughts,
and things i should have said.
writing is a trap for me,
it'll soon be the death of me.
for now ill sit here and suffer
in the paradise i tried to create,
the paradise i love,
a paradise i never want to leave,
consisting with
piles of paper,
escaped ink,
and a mind running off its own thoughts.
Jan 2014 · 231
Heather Methot Jan 2014
she loves to speak in front of crowds,
to amuse the peoples throw,
everything's been different,
since her mind has left home.
Jan 2014 · 781
Heather Methot Jan 2014
maybe it's the way he makes me feel
or how he always crosses my mind  
maybe it's the way he can make me laugh or even make me cry.
he has the power to make me happy
but the curse to burn my heart.
none of the negative affects me
we promised we'll never be split apart.
a promise is a promise
and for him that I'll always keep.

a person can get so connected
you know
when they're your sun
your moon
your stars.
it's impossible to image him not being there years in the future.

to me it's the way he's shy but yet again not at all  
every little thing about him makes me melt.
it starts to increase my fall.
his personality gives me goosebumps.
his smile makes my life.
he's literally a dream come true.

the thing that kills me inside
as if a demon went on strike,
he's 610.062
but I love him more
than he'll ever know.
Jan 2014 · 347
burn my feelings
Heather Methot Jan 2014
one day
I'll find out a way to burn
my feelings.
until then
I'll keep playing
with fire.
Jan 2014 · 326
be there for yourself
Heather Methot Jan 2014
no one will be there for you as much as you'll be there for yourself.
hard to believe?
I understand.
sometimes I feel like no one is there for me and it's gets overwhelming because it gets to the point were I don't even want to be there for myself anymore.
it's sad.
"we're just here to help"
best thing to hear.
until it gets to the point where that's all you're hearing.
I can help myself.
I'm my own person.
I was given a brain,
a heart,
a body to live in so I can help myself.
but it starts to concave.
it's bitter.
bones feel like jelly.
feel like you've lost your mind.
body you were given starts to feel like a curse.

you know,
think past all that *******.
have you ever just stopped and thought of the good things, the great things in life?
I bet not.
like your dog.
your cat.
or even just simply putting a smile on someone's face.
everyone complains about how horrible or hard their life is.
well if you think of how greatful you are.
maybe everyone would become happier.
and this society wouldn't be such a **** hole.
Jan 2014 · 762
loves amazing
Heather Methot Jan 2014
I find love an amazing thing.
yet it hurts,
it's draining,  
***** with your brain
and sends you mixed signals
signals where you don't know if they're
a laugh of joy
or a cry for help.
you find out everything about them
yet you still want to find out more.
you feel it's absolutely necessary for you to know more only because your heart tells you you can never know to much of someone.
it's the sparkle in their eye.
the amazing butterflies
that just clutter you stomach.
the way you can spend so much time just getting ready for something for that someone when at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you look like because the only thing that makes them
fall in love with you
is your personality.
love is a special thing,
it's hard to find
but easy to know when it comes.
it's the rush, the spark that just appears in your lonely heart that makes you
compulsively just want more
of the excitement that no other living thing
can satisfy you with.
maybe this just happens in movies
or plays
or even the cliche songs that give you a vivid image.
but if is real
and happens to me.
I hope it never ends.

— The End —