I glance back, through time and space.
Pause at myself to see a younger face.
My oh my the ways I've changed.
Lifes all different now. Rearranged.
I wake up, looking at my ceiling, not quite exactly like the one before.
I try hard to remember the feeling, when my apartment had no door.
The windows mostly busted out, space heater on the floor.
A junkies life no doubt. Mother was a **** *****.
I find myself wandering back to the bathroom that first time.
My step a father said the needle would help. So i thought, okay fine.
I was a kid, ****** up by circumstances.
all around me grew deadly cancers.
Moms friends, Dads friends, my friends now too.
I had nobody else, what would you do.
16 years old living life like I shouldn't.
If i had a second chance i don't know that i wouldn't.

Plants, and books, and dog cat bird.
Janis singing on the speakers, have you heard?
Smoke in the air, joint on the table.
Try to write, will I be able?
Wood couch, wood floors,  Nag champa burning.
You’re gone at work, and my heart is yearning.
Cobain, and Lennon stare from the wall.
Its already gotten so cold this fall.
Pumpkin on the porch, Dream catcher on the door.
You know I always love you more.

Its easy to tense up
to shiver
and then ignore everything inside.
Its easy to jump in
The river
and then pray to god that I die.
Its easy to forget about the love
All of its from you

Spring leaf You reach so new
To me you stretch to grow
Spring leaf your fingers long
You sketch in flesh a song

Caves which lead to light
You rub along the walls
Movement and the rite
Of tantric water falls.

Orchids colored flesh tone
and you and me and you
SO glad I will never be alone
you in me and you in me

I love to think out loud
just for your reciprocation
You have made me proud
Gained my adoration

You have loved my soul
Loved me in ways in which
you have made me whole
Spring leaf, finger tip

Oh it's invigorating to destroy the vessel
And with hold the oxygen
And disrupt the flesh.

How intense and complete it feels
To feel only the impending idea
That perhaps it's all to much

And you survive
And your breathing slows.

And you feel peace you've never known

I'm not hiding or viewing the shadows
I just want the brights to gleam
When the geometry shines through
And I can feel clean.
I just want to touch outer space
Know I'm alive
This dream were all living
Feels like we already died.

I hurt myself more than what you think.
I bite my tongue and cheek and lips in anger.
I chew the skin from around my fingers.

Its passive aggression

Its me trying to survive

its just something small

cover up this huge gaping hole.

Its Obsession
its compulsion

and when I was on acid the truth came out.
I tasted the blood and like a child

I spoke

I hurt myself all the time you know?
I giggled
I dont know why, I wish I could stop.
(embarrassed)
I bite the tip of my tongue, its always swollen.
I chew my tongue like gum I cant stop.

Looking to you my sweet husband as if you were my father
Please love the way I was never loved by any one else.
I have hidden so much from the world in hopes of survival
and its killing me

I never asked for pain
I never asked for much
But this world gave me insane
I guess it thought i was too much.

See i never asked for love,
Only that I could give it.

And I never asked for a shove,
Only said I would let it.

Religion has its perks
and so does, gluttony
and in the wild animals thrive
in pedofilia and murdering.

That may sound out of place,
it may seem kind of sick
But we are all just taking up space
Turning all these tricks after tricks.

We trade, we fight, we barter with might.
We grow we expand we take over land
We move we control we love with or with out soul.

We all pay the toll yes we all pay the toll.

No one gets out, with a body.
No one gets out, alive.
In the sense that without a body you can't thrive.

But i see god in the movement of the stars
and I feel my mind in thousand year old scars
so eternity is already
right here for me.

You skin smells like wet forest floor
And your hair the same
I have lead you to my core
Showed you my insane.
You cover me in your leaves,
Mad Inspiration
Use me as your sheathe
I can feel your inhalation

You never flinched, You never blinked
You never showed it if you ever felt weak.
You have always held me in my darkest nights.
You have always won all of our fights.

You smell like dirt, which i like.
And its my heart, which you have striked.

I can see the rays of light in the water
Its like dust only hotter
Its like you only not here.
Its like me only with out fear.

I can see everything.
With in the cooler on the porch
and the cat in the corner
The flame on the torch
which makes the air warmer
I can see everything.

I reach my hand toward you like i might be able to grasp you
But my finger tips just barely touch
Still I am glad I can feel you
Even though I can't clutch.

I am glad I can feel you
Even though I can't be you
I am glad I can feel you.

Your words are confection
and My ears need protection
or else your flattery will rot me
Like sugar on the teeth

We move in rhythm
We sway in tides
We count our blessings
Hope they not hide

We move in numbers
Two's and 10's
We press our luck
We hurt our friends.

We move in motion
Of magnetic force
We surf the ocean
Fearing the legendary Divorce.

Provocation of corruption
With in the mind.
Desire.

******* lulls me forth
Then back lashes me
With reactive shame.

I know nothing.
Wrong from right
Yet I judge
My own thoughts

And deem myself
Fallen.

Hot and Dripping like wax
Once lubricated toward gravity
In a slow creep down
I'll harden against you.

Scrape me off like yesterday's leftovers
Down the drain is where I seem to find
Home.

I'm past the point of resurrection

Painted sea bound rocket queen
Writhing in the ocean
She moved amongst the wind and sun
And caused a beautiful commotion
She flailed her body to rid it of
All the chains and ropes and gestation
That had begun to coil around her throat
She screamed in desperation.

Oh cycles of the great unknown
I beg you bid me rest
I've given in to your forces
I've beaten in my chest

Forgive my incompetance.
The seed is gone
and I'm afraid
There's nothing here
but repentance.

Twisted flesh still breathes
Twisted minds still lead
Candy flavored but not sweet.
This is not who I wanted to be.


I can feel the ***** edging its way up.
Its early in the  morning and I've already had enough.
Life is like a box of ******* nails
Nobody gave you **** you gotta build it.

A woman she was, soft and red.
lovely and kind, giving in bed
Smile was straight, crooked in the head.
A woman she was, ended up dead.

To absorbent to think clearly
Maimed in the mind of a million
Past perspectives.
She's been talking more lately
Whispering from the corner.
Sometimes I'm scared
I don't remember enough.
Are these just bruises on my arms
Or am I shooting up
In moments I'm not awake.
Or was I there and didn't care .
I can't tell.
I'm sober I think
But you never know about these things

Shut up
I'm edging rage
Beyond what I can
Contain.
Severed thoughts
Falling short
Oh the distance
Was to intense.
The gap just seemed to grow
And the places I always hoped
I will never ever go.
This mind falls short
In the space between your legs

I went to visit him...
All dry skin and breathing machine
All medicated up, and the nurses were mean.
All  cancer ridden but the floors were clean.

All love in his heart but his mind was gone
how did this end up so terribly wrong?

He passed on that next morning.

I got a call from my father mourning.

He said please, i beg you, as I'm on the run
I can't make the funeral so you'll be the one.
I am truly your grandfathers only son
and you are my heart
please go for me.

I was never very strong
I was always very weak.
and even though i had a future
it was always very bleak

So i ate a klonopin
before the funeral home
and i hoped i could keep the pain in
every one was there but i felt alone.

and then my ***** mother walked in

and I felt she might attack

So ran out the back
and i ran down the street
My dress flying up, my sneakers quite clashing
My brains boiling my head was bashing.


I stood by the road until the persession ran
By time the cars drove past me i couldn't stand

I climbed in a car
and road to the grave yard.

Time is warped and i dont remember the burrial
I remember the rose... I remember it was april
and i threw it out, of the window.
and it flew like i wished for his soul to fly

I never saw it land............

Shallow waters in my mind
The muds deeper than it seems
And I fool myself sometimes.
Confusing the flowers with the weeds.

I am sure there is purpose to the dandy lion
Though you pull it with out crying
And with out care.
Why did it grow there.
Why does it grow.
I'm sure there's a bigger purpose
Than we have realized
With open eyes
You don't really see.

I am like a child and I know.
I thought you did too.
I adjust kind of slow
And I am dependent on you.

So in the store today
When I didn't want to talk
You told me to leave
out to the car i should walk.
You handed me the keys
You looked kind of angry.
I quivered in my knees
I needed you to save me.

Alas alone, I scream like I'm angry.
My frustration leaves and it drains me.
I cry deeply for awhile,
why do you have to be mean to me.
I know childish isn't in style
but its the way I am and the way I'll always be.

You told me when you got back
that the childish **** needs to stop
if you ask me to try out a bed
that I can't glaze over like the ***** been dropped.


You say things like, annoying, and lack of common since
And these words are destroying and I am building a new fence.
One around me, you wont see over it.

I dont care about the mattress you can choose it
I just want a new one, the old one I want to loose it.
I just want a flat bed one not sinking in
I dont want to go talk with sales men
I need you to do that please.

Ser means to be. That which is inherited. That which cannot be changed.
Re means to be again. To come back around to refresh.

Pent means 5.

Serpent, repent.