I am like a child and I know.
I thought you did too.
I adjust kind of slow
And I am dependent on you.

So in the store today
When I didn't want to talk
You told me to leave
out to the car i should walk.
You handed me the keys
You looked kind of angry.
I quivered in my knees
I needed you to save me.

Alas alone, I scream like I'm angry.
My frustration leaves and it drains me.
I cry deeply for awhile,
why do you have to be mean to me.
I know childish isn't in style
but its the way I am and the way I'll always be.

You told me when you got back
that the childish **** needs to stop
if you ask me to try out a bed
that I can't glaze over like the ***** been dropped.


You say things like, annoying, and lack of common since
And these words are destroying and I am building a new fence.
One around me, you wont see over it.

I dont care about the mattress you can choose it
I just want a new one, the old one I want to loose it.
I just want a flat bed one not sinking in
I dont want to go talk with sales men
I need you to do that please.

Saving breath in a bottle
To capture the essence
Fragrant gusts
Like those
moving through absence
of mind.
Squander all your muscles
Their twitching filled intent.
You couldn't own the body.

Boring, no shift, no vibration.
But like when you get smacked in the face
or land to ******* your feet
and they buzz.
Thats not boring.

When you hold still long enough
and you fade out of the lines between
Your body and your mind
and empty space.

Thats not boring.

But its nothing like
the exhilaration
of getting smacked in the ******* mouth


by some one you trust.

No its not boring to relax
but its so exciting
to have the **** beat out of you
or to hurt yourself.

Your charming, and if aloud to speak long enough
Could talk your way through and around any sin.

To me you sounded so clear, so obviously right
SO in control so Convicted. ha
What a plight.

What a plight, is absolutely right
You were the most dangerous of all
A sociopath possibly?
woman insane on a narcissistic level?

I will never know the truth by my childs mind was fooled.
My ideas of you were twisted truths.
Lies, and misconceptions of ugly ugly features.

You pretended to glow in the dark but you absorb light.

You are a hole to not fall in
A mirror to not look in for you may just find yourself over welmed.


You bring me Genes of atrocity and I will transcend you.

We were looking at eachother and in our thoughts
We saw how we had been the players behind
every single mask.
We had fought for love for centuries.
We broke it so many times.
We tried so hard, and we destroyed each other.

We played each other some days
Begging for another chance

but this time I think we have it
We have done it all together so many times
We couldn't possibly break it now...

The bottom of my tongue
has acid burns,
the voices in my head
have been taking turns.

And some times feels like a memory
half a day ago
from a dream.

I'm losing touch,
it would seem...

But I've been praying for serenity
for wisdom from a god.
I've been giving every thanks
I can think all day long.
Seems my darkest times are wired right between
the brightest of the lights I know I've ever seen.

I love to make waves, movement, to speak.
I want to be the difference that i think we all need.
I think we all deserve to be who we want.
I think we all deserve to kick Shame in the ****.

Lets through out guilt,
just for the sake of being Guilty
Lets stop holding on to our pasts,
I know mine makes me dizzy.

Its a lot to hold onto,
and I bet yours is worse.
I bet there are some days
you would gladly crawl in a hearse,
be drove to your own funeral,
hell, you would bury yourself,
But that's not what this is about.
this is about getting help.

This about loving you
doing what it is you want to do.
Figuring out, who exactly you are,
what colors you like, what kind of car.
What makes you cry, salty tears of joy
and what makes you angry
what makes you want to destroy.
What Gets under skin, and blisters up,


do you have any wounds,

I can sew them shut.

Back when I was
strung out.
Back when I was
16.
Right after I had
Gotten out
of *******
DOC
My mommies old man
Decided he liked me.
He never touched me
But he did help me.

He protected me
From her wrath

and most of all

He stuck that needle in my vein
He sent that **** to my brain
see he cooked it in the bathroom
and the smell was insane

It smelt like the inside of a bottle of pills
and the bottle would swell.
I'd say he shook it well, cause you know
he never caught the house on fire.

And I had never been higher.
Have you ever shoved the plunger down so fast
You past out.

He would keep my blood in the needle
say it made him higher.
I dont know if he was telling the truth
because he was a liar
But he fought the blade from my hand
He said he could understand
and with tears in his eyes
he watched as i cried.

Beat me into molded clay
Fashioned for only your impression
That's what I long to be.
Divined perfectly
Created meticulously
So you only collapse with in.
Submerge your being in the hole for its placing and the whole will become.

Come with me into fantasy
Those thoughts we think
But never speak
And how they move our innards
And unfurl our minds .

And how they pass so quickly
All we desire runs and hides.

Insecure to show my ventricles
And Would it be to close to home
To call you into my dream
And show to you more than Flesh and bone.

Savage like a wild animal
In my own rite,
I would **** you .

Like the rites of spring
mean anything
I would **** you.

I am an animal
Drifting in space
Claws out, Teeth cracking.

I will not surrender for I am
FEAR.


I will run miles,
and eat rotten flesh
I will **** my young
and
**** the rest...

I am an animal.
I am that place between animal

and God.

Becoming better
but still i thrive on
Instinct.

When Will that become

Awareness
Conscious
Ability

When will I direct the flow of how

Things Go.

When will I transcend

Instinct
and become
a GOD

Instead of this stupid animal
Acting on,
Fear.
Claws out Teeth Cracking
I will **** you.

You speak like an old man who thinks he is a child...

Or you speak like a child who thinks he is an old man.

What ever you speak, I see it laced with confusion.

You know nothing of Love and hate. Give and Take

and the beautiful Fusion.

You know nothing about any one else
You live from your mind,
from behind your eyes.
But I see through you, and
I see through them.

I see through her eyes, and I see through him.

You play a role, while I play many.

You want control , but your body is thinning.

You think your on a roll but selfishness is winning.

You think you know, but in that, you are sinning.

You scoff at religion, you think you see through it.

I see into the words of many men past us by

And i can hear their voices in the stories
and I can hear thier cries.

and The difference between me and you

is I know why.
and you can't wait to die.

I will cry for those less fortunate
and you think because they lose you thrive.

WOn't you just ask yourself.

why.

Your golden era presence
Streaming around your eden planet
Like wisps of spider Web
And Spanish moss
Blowing in the wind and catching light
In shades of purple
And demensional rainbows
All cross hairs and cross hatching.
Reaching toward me
And I want to touch your light
But I'm scared my shadows will absorb it.
But maybe that's what's meant to be.

Oceans of opal glimmering rainbows
And you said it was all to bright.
And that's why when the wind blows
The world turns into night.

I'm trying to refrain
From disguising all those things
That always bring on pain and shame

I'm trying to refrain.

I feel like there is nothing I should Hide.
You touch me and I like that,
Why keep anything locked inside
Its music and I like that...

It happened, yes just like that.

Your intensity frightens me
and when you speak, I will not lie.

I am terrified.

You have become the all jealous God which I Lovingly Fear

Oh my dear oh my dear

You spent such long long nights waiting for me to grow
Into this beautiful creature which I have become
You never second guessed that I'd be leaving you

You never even thought I was very strong did you.

I'm longing set in strive
Toward that which is best
Not bringing ocean tides
Down on pigeon nests.
A thousand different details

Oh wed never get along.
Pain in every memory.
Nostalgia in every song
And for some reason
I'm aware
I don't know you
I don't care.

I've transgressed life times
empty shells of who i could have been
Future, forward, divine signs
losing places, running in last, never being shamed

My own experiential existence
I allow myself to be one
A beautiful persistence
Forcing yourself to become.

I am what I will
That has been said
I am what I deem is real
This life is in my head

I feel so insecure,
yet I
feel so self assured
and I
Want you to hear me,
but I
never say a word
and I'm
so ******* bored
of being a wall flower
that I
think its absurd
but I
Wanna Take Just a Little Bit of Power

Give me anything, I want to feel a rush
and Tell me anything, I want to feel you push
for just a little self control
like maybe things aren't always,
So predictable.

Like maybe you don't know me...
And probably, could show me
Just a few new things about you.
Like I dont know you
Cause I know there's something
that you never want to give
and I want to have it cause
Its the only thing that makes me live....
I need some sense of connection, I need some type of confection
some simmered down potent batch
some hate from you and love to match
some night in bed we wont forget
Some song in your head you just can't get..

And we both,
oh we both need it so bad
yes we both
will go to sleep so sad
if the lights stop,
if the nights stop,
we just can't take it
if  the nightmares stop.
give me some sense of addiction