My heart is hurting
everyday
every. single. day.

That's unfortunate
I thought I taught myself
to live without talking to you
for a while...

Guess my heart
just adores you..
and misses you

My mind is a constant jumble-****
Of emotions.
Questions.
To-do lists.
Taboos.
Fantasies.
Realities.
Secrets.
I get side tracked
And confused
When I try to voice my concerns
Because I'm concerned on how
What leaves my mouth
Will enter the ears of the ones around me.
How insane will this make me sound?
And sometimes the words flow
Jumping from my throat,
Trapped too long inside.
I need to express all that goes on!
It's been too long,
Since pen has touched paper
Intimately...
Lately I write what needs to be said
But only in the sense of
responsibility.
Emotionally I'm a mess;
Sensibly too.
I'm insensitive to my own being
Simply because I censor myself
for the "need" of others
The need I place for them.
I'm so concerned that I will offend
Off put,
Miss represent,
Everything about me
In a single sentence...
But the crazy seeps out
One way or another.
My tongue will dance
With the devil I have convinced
Myself that is truth.
I'm so afraid of who I am really,
I've made up another being
Who is me
And not me
Or at least who I used to be
Who I am no longer
But whom I still
too often, long for.
Lusting after what I worked so hard
to be free of.
The shackles still whispered on my arms.
The temptation to dive
Undeniably out of control
In order to feel
Complete control
Understanding
Emotions.
Questions.
Taboos.
Fantasies.
Rea­lities.
And those extremely tasty secrets.