I could write such beautiful poetry about you
I could write about how your eyes sparkle when you get excited
Or about how your arms feel when they are holding on to me
I could write about your jawline that could cut glass
Or your collarbones that could hold oceans
I could write about your elegant hands and how they feel when they caress my arm
How they touch me the same way an art collector touches a painting
Slowly and cautiously
Like they aren't supposed to be there
I could write about the way your eyes follow me when I walk
Or how your arms always find their way around me
I could write about the time you held me up
And how I let you
I could do it
It'd be so easy
It'd be so easy about the night we spent laying in the park looking at the stars
Or about the time we first met when you decided holding hands is the best way to travel
About how you rolled down a hill with me a couple hours after it rained
And you gave me your sweater because I was cold afterward
I could write about all of it
But I won't
Because you are with a girl that puts hearts in your eyes
With someone that you feel comfortable and safe with
Even though you are under appreciated
Even though she leaves you in need of validation
Even though I'm pretty sure she is going to cheat on you
I won't write about the chemistry we share
Or the feelings we have
Because you are with a girl who puts hearts in your eyes
But I will write about one thing
I will write about how she may put hearts in your eyes
But I'll put stars
I will take galaxies and give them to you in a perfect little box
Because I know how important they are to you
Because I know how to listen
And I always listen to you

You know how much I care about you.
And you know how much I crave your attention, and you know I'd wait forever for you.
And ******* cause I think you plan on making me wait forever.
I think you thrive on the fact that I'm so in love with you it hurts and I think you love the fact that no matter what you do to me, I'd never give up on you.
So *******.
**** your perfect smile and perfect laugh.
**** your eyes and how your voice sounds when you talk about something you love.
**** how your eyes light up when you look at me and how close you hold me.
******* for knowing just what to say to make me want to be around you forever and **** how perfectly we match up.
Just *******.
And I'll wait for you, for whenever you decide you want me.
I'd wait forever.
An ******* for knowing that.

I could tell you about the way he looked at me
Like I was a deer head above the fire place in his basement
Like I was the first place trophy he just won simply by existing
Like an object to be obtained
To be won
Sure as hell not to be asked

I could tell you how I mistook that look for love
Like he wanted to be with me
Like he cared about what happened after he was gone
Like a lover
A friend
Someone who actually cares about you

I could show you where he touched me
Physical and metaphorical
On my body
And in my subconscious
Making me flinch when a hand is raised
Or when I see the red dress that "just didn't fit right"

I could make you fall in love with him
With his sweet words of forever and always
His promises and wishes
The way he carded his hands through my hair
And the way he kissed down my neck

I could do a lot of things
And so could he
The only real difference is
I know where the line is.

Sometimes I want to go to church
Sometimes I want to do coke

I don't know which one scares me more

You started a revolution and I got caught in the craze
Your words created an ocean and I drowned in the waves

Promised different and better to the people outside
Gave no indication you had something to hide

Speeches destroyed mountains and men
We were all behind you with sword and pen

We fought battles against something we didn't get
You didn't give us a reason to not trust you, as of yet

Waging a war that we never thought to take up
Was it cool aid we were drinking in that red solo cup

Word of you spread like smoke
You said we were no longer such a joke

We were a force to contend with, that's what you said
We all believed you, until we started turning up dead

You put pipe bombs made of pipe dreams in our head and set them off
The ideas that dissipated with the smoke made us cough

Those promises you made guilded mistakes we now know
Vibrant colors and bright lights can't mask a ****** show

My eyelids are burning
And I don't know why I'm still awake
It's 3 AM and I just want to sleep
But for some reason I can't
And it's not because of a certain person or a certain event
I just never felt the need to be asleep even though being awake *****
I'm so tired
And I'm so exhausted
And I'm so done with being awake past 3 AM  
I have to be up in five hours
Did you know you're the first person to ask me why I stay awake
Multiple people ask how
But you asked if was it was insomnia
And I just said yes
Because I didn't want to tell you that the nightmares are so bad that I rip my hair out in the  middle of the night
I wake up sometimes with my hands bleeding because my nails have been digging into my palms with fear
I wake up to my leg spasm
They've been tense for hours
I can't do this anymore

It's what I'm under