Anxiety is getting the best of me
I can't bottle these emotions any longer
I feel like crawling into a shell and remaining forever
Weakest points, I never fail to disappoint
The feelings linger
Like the cigarette at the end of my finger
The burning pain shooting through my stomach
Has become too much to bare
Life has never seemed so meaningless
But I've never felt so alive
In the worst way possible

Friend or enemy
Your two faced side has shown
No longer trusted
You're out
And so are your games
You've been a fake for too long
Finally discovered
Thrown under
Left for the leaches
Degenerate piece of ****
Get in your hole and bury yourself

Tell me what I want to hear
All because of some inner fear
Spineless, full of cowardice
Trust you once, never twice
You go behind my back
And claim to be what you're not
A philosophical, open minded saint
In reality you're a fearful, psychotic ain't
Scared to admit your wrong doings
Putting the blame on others
Be a home wrecker to another
We've had enough of what you spill
Take it how you will
But in the eyes of lions
You're an easy ****

I'm not what I seem to be
I'm a monster waiting to be unleashed
I wish to be the best for you
But something inside me gets the best
I want to appreciate you
And express my love
But I can't evade what's held over my head
I can't forget I can't forget I CANNOT forget
But I still desire you
I will still give you clues
That I am what you need
And even though
You nor I believe it
I will show you
What it can be
To find true love
And never expect it

I feel a sense of emptiness
The kind that won't go away
The kind that'll eat you alive
The type that'll **** your drive
A feeling of ineptitude
That'll I'll never be able to shake

I go through the days
Thinking about what makes me happy
But I sometimes realize
I don't want happiness
I don't desire assured satisfaction
I wish to feel human
To feel desolate
To feel my pain
To feel true life
A foundation of depression
A sense of isolation
To comfort my shell
Of what I used to be

To be continued

Preaching lies
False prophet
Watch your tongue
No morals
No integrity
Pathetic snake
Spoiled to death
Depressed out of boredom
Envy only gets you so far
Home wrecker wanna be
Get in your hole

You monster
The way you can **** me in
With one call
I needed you
You were there
Your voice made life seem okay
Once again
You my friend
Have worked your unintended Magic
And here I am
Waiting
Wishing

Everyday is the same
Surrounded by people I hate
Doing things I don't like
I can't seem to change this path
The addictive lifestyle of a worthless character
Jeers for my peers
A sense of disdain has become clear
I swallow my shame
I curse my name
Self loathe is my best friend
Sometimes I wish tonight would be the end

I'm looking for an escape
Something to take me away
To fulfill my purpose
I follow the light
Only to find darkness
This feeling I'll never surpass
Will consume me
I want to keep the dreams alive
But I know I'll never be enough

I miss you so much
I ache for you
Cali, The perfect person
The girl I know you are