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Wordforged Fool Aug 2016
Thinking of my past mistakes
Terrified of what future awaits
Remembering the small moments of glee
But never being able to understand truly the definition of happy
Life around me is sublime
Yet all I witness is crime after shameless crime
Everyone smiling and laughing in glee
Some are liars as I am, but most are mocking me
A twisted grin upon their face as they witness my crumbling facade
They might as well be beating my heart with a bladed rod
I am unable to end this plight
A nightmare that will be my dream tonight
And it's funny, yet sad
Because it's probably the best dream I'll ever have had
So smile and smile, please, I insist, grin some more
Show me your happiness you haven't shown to me before
Tell me how worthless I was with the gleam of your eye
How your new smile said the old one was a lie
Tell me you hate me, how I don't matter anymore
Because I know now that I'm useless, just as before
I'm having tea with Life,
And his band of Disappointments.
They dine at my expense,
And they're a hungry bunch of guests.

Tea turned into Supper,
Where the Disappointments drank
My finest wine,
And Life wiped his cruel mouth
On my tablecloth.

You can't have supper without dessert,
So they ate up more of my
Food for thought.
And if you stay for dessert,
You may as well spend the night.
So they did
And burgled my pantry of hopes
For a midnight snack.

One night was lovely,
So Life cackled, "Why not stay two?"
And two turned to a week,
And a week turned into
My sickeningly merry guests
Moving into my dreams,
And inviting in Doubt,
To live with them too,
And of course
Pay no rent.

So I watch my chaotic household
Of a skull,
Where Life has made himself at home
And brought all of his friends.
I stare dully at my ruined
Dining room of thought,
Which they have dominated.
And look wearily for a spare idea
In my raided cupboards.

I've never been one
To evict friends,
So I suppose they're here to stay.
But learn a lesson from me,
And don't ever
Have Life over for tea.
  Jul 2016 Wordforged Fool
Helen
You left me in this desolate place
he said
and my eyes reflected the hurt
full of tears unshed
and maybe I did
Maybe I subconsciously
rearranged the universe
so all the hurts in the world
sat upon his head
In his mind
I was his worst enemy
all the while pretending to be
his friend
Perhaps
I am silently trying
to bring about
the end
it hurts to hear you are the problem, not the solution :(
Wordforged Fool Jul 2016
Silence, within this cold and dark room of mine
Solitude with a perfect design
Items that bring me a semblance of joy
Such as a deck of cards or an old child's toy
But I can't escape my own head
Or the emptiness of my arms or bed
Imprisoned from my own mistakes
Trembling, scared, as my facade breaks
So I wait patiently and empty forever more
Knowing I'll wind up just like before
Wordforged Fool Jul 2016
To love is to be mad
For it makes me smile, then makes me sad
I know it's okay for you to move on
But I'm left behind and you are long gone
I've tried and tried to be okay
To smile and lie and say
I'm fine, I'm alright
I won't cry tonight
I've cried too much for a lost and broken dream
My smiles are of madness, never as what they seem
Why is it easy for others
While I try to smile as my heart and mind suffer?
Wordforged Fool Jul 2016
Do you want to know my pain?
Would you like to know my bane?
It isn't a big deal, I promise.
Because I know that my life is bliss
At least from the outside
Inside I try to hide
Can't measure how long I screamed or how many tears I've cried
By such meaningless laws I must abide
You worried once about me being alone
Well it's something I haven't shown
And you were right. I hate it.
But I haven't shown my pain one bit
Because others have rougher lives than me
So why should I add on to the misery
By trying to get people to see me?
I feel so lost
The heat is unbearable but I feel the chill of frost
But why should you be concerned for me?
I don't matter, don't you see?
Here, kitty kitty
Take care of mommy for me
Make mommy happy
Same with you, oh precious cursed ring
Around another loved one's neck you swing
Be sure to help her relax, soothingly you should sing
And last comes the one I let go
The one I messed up so long ago
My first love with nothing to show
And I've messed up
All of them with liquid despair and no more than a drop
But that's only a part of it.
I feel as if I'm a puppet of the masses
Their torture toy so everyone relaxes
Laying on stone by stone
Until I feel as if I bear too much and tears I can't postpone
Then they stitch me back together and start all over again
When will this cycle stop? How does it end?
But please don't worry for me
Don't feel sorry
Don't give me pity
Because then I'll feel guilty
For making you unhappy
Again and again
In a cycle with no end
So I'll do what I think is best
I'll become a monster and let my fragile and shattered kind heart rest
I'll still be nice from time to time
But I'll stop being gentle when you commit against me grave crimes
But I have it easy
Compared to so many
So I'll smile and be happy
Because I'm fortunate to be me
I wrote this for the ones that I know won't see it. Zachary knows one of them, but the others are a mystery. This entire thing is dedicated to different groups of my friends at a time. I hope I don't inconvenience anybody.
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