when people look at my heart,
may they find beauty.
may they say i'm beautiful because
of my gentle spirit,
because of my kindness.
may they say i'm beautiful because
of my bravery and fearlessness.
may they say i'm beautiful because
of my joyful smile.
may they say i'm beautiful not because
of my hairstyle,
my jewelry,
my clothes,
my face.
may they find beauty in
my soul.

when the morning comes,
may you smile at the sun,
and may its light touch your heart.
when the morning comes,
may the birds sing to you songs of hope.
when the morning comes,
may you find the grace your heart needs.
when the morning comes,
may joy light the way before you.

on my right leg,
under my knee
lives a cinnamon colored stain
that looks a bit like africa
the same way i look a bit like africa
in the shape of my nose
and the waves of my curls
waves like the water that carried my
ancestors in boats
all the way to this island
of salt and sugarcane

here i am,
unclean,
unworthy,
a sinner,
broken,
an alabaster jar.
i lay this broken heart
at your feet.
i lay down every thing
i have
and i kiss your feet
and i can't speak,
i can only cry
because You saw
this wretched heart
and You gave all You
had for me and i have
nothing so
take me.

a list of the things my soul forgot:

i am still brave
i am free
i am beautiful
i have hope
i am redeemed
i am alive
and my story is still being written
i am worth more than the words i write
and i have worth even when i cannot write
and i am also worth more than the sun
and the moon
and the stars
i can dream
i am not perfect and it is okay to struggle
because even though i don’t deserve grace
it is mine
i am lovely
and i am loved
and even if i forget the truth
that doesn’t change that
it is still true.

i want to be
the stars in your sky
and the sun rays
that shine on
your face
and maybe even be
the air
in your lungs
and i want to
be one of the reasons
why you smile
why you wake up
and want to be more
than who you are
and i want
to be the soundtrack
to your happy days
and i want to
make you feel
things you've never
felt before
and i want to
maybe even
own a little
piece of your
heart.

i hope
that every evening
after coming home
when i look at myself in the mirror
to find a poem.
to find my curls alive,
to look at them and see the story that today told:
the times the wind kissed the strands
and the hands i love touched my head.
the times i laughed and tossed my head back,
unraveling the waves, welcoming the mess, welcoming the joy.
to find my eyes alive,
tired, maybe, but alive,
that they, too, share the story today told:
the times i closed my eyes in gratitude,
the smiles i smiled with them,
the stars and fire i keep in them,
the shine i cannot erase.
i hope
to look at myself in the mirror,
my face a giveaway
that today i was alive.

you are loved.
not because of who you will be.
not because of what you can do.
not because of your looks.
not because of your talents.
not because of your circumstances.
but because you are here,
but because you are light,
but because you are brave,
but because you are important,
but because you exist,
but because of your heart.

all i ever wanted
was to be loved by You
and instead You
made your heart my home
You kissed my tears away
and filled the void in my soul
and turned my sorrow into dancing
and made my brokenness beautiful
and placed a crown on my head
and called me yours.
all i wanted was your love
and You gave me life.

i know,
i know
all is written
i know these are the same twenty-six letters
you have seen before
arranged differently
but this is my voice
these are my words
and for a moment
only i know them
and this is their beauty:
that i write them
and you read them

i'll want you the way
i want coffee:
in the morning,
in the afternoon,
in the night.
all the time.

there will never be enough flowers
to fill the garden in your heart
and there will never be enough stars
to cover the sky that is your soul
and all the words
won't be enough to tell the wonder that you are
but heaven knows
i'll try

do your eyes still shine
like two stars in the sky?
do they still close
every time you smile?
what song is your soul singing?
what blooms grow in your garden?
are you found?
or are you still lost?
if you are, know
i'll always wait for you.

there are things
you think you know
but when the words come
from somebody else
their truth
(your truth)
becomes unwavering

dreaming of coffee dates
and your hand crawling towards mine
and a love
dreaming of watching sunsets
next to you, and your fingers tangled in my hair
and a love
dreaming of you, singing songs in my ear
and a love
dreaming of the way your arms
will feel around my waist
and a love
dreaming of your eyes, lit up by your smile
and a love
dreaming of not wanting to hide from you
and a love
dreaming of a love
and a love
and a love.

here we are.
trying to fill the emptiness
the places where we hurt each other
with small talk
and offerings of cups of coffee
and slices of chocolate cake
and flan
as if the sweetness
is enough to cover our faults.
as if sugar is the cure
for the wounds we keep.
and today.
it is.
it is a place to start.

may you learn to be brave
and may you always run carefree,
certain of your worth and the power inside you.
may your song be your own,
and when your song is different from the rest,
sing louder.
may you never forget that you’ve always had wings,
and may they carry you far.

there is a poem here.
in new york city.
in the park and how the wind
tangles itself between the trees
in the train
eyes that meet
and touching knees
and all the hearts inside that beat
the wandering souls and wandering feet
there is a poem in new york city
does it belong to me?

the other day,
when you asked if you could take the coffee maker with you to Boston,
i told you
that i never make coffee
when we are not together.
you laughed.
you jokingly said,
“is it because you miss me when i’m not here?”
we both laughed.
but honestly,
yes.

about a year ago,
you told me,
“you are starting to sound like me!”
i have yet to receive a better compliment.

the day before i left to new york
you gave me a hat you knitted yourself.
i wore it every day.
(until i lost it on the subway.
i may or may not have cried. i will never say.)

we both know you are not the best speller.
but i love the way you spell love:
s-h-a-r-e,
g-i-v-e,
c-a-r-e.

i woke up this morning and
my phone told me today was
april 29th
and my first thought was that
today is your birthday
and how you were older than the rest of the class
because you repeated the second grade
it’s funny how i always remember this day
even though we no longer speak
except when i run into you in the college hallways
and the last real conversation we had
was probably in the fifth grade
it’s funny how i remember you
even though i really don’t think about you
and now you are just
a poem i wrote
on your birthday

they call you the great Lion.
but in my world you have another name.
you're not safe, but you're good.
you're the King.
you come and go.
one day i see you, one day i don't.
you're not a tame lion.
at the sound of your roar,
sorrows will be no more.
when you bare your teeth,
winter meets its death.
when you shake your mane,
we shall have spring again.

as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow,
as sure as the rivers flow,
as sure as the birds will sing,
and as sure as the moon will shine,
I will love you.

i am
tangled and caught
in my sin
disgusted and horrified that
i've done it once again
and i want to cry
but i can't
and i am so sorry
and i forget about You
and who You are
and what You do
but at the end
i always remember
who You are
and what You do
and i hear Your voice
it's singing
a tune of forgiveness
a tune of grace
the sweet tune enters my soul
and my heart
it courses through my blood
and it makes it
white as snow
it makes my brokenness
beautiful.

let the word
beautiful
sit for a bit
on your tongue
until the taste is sweet
you are this,
soft girl.
look at the poems that have made a
bird’s nest out of you
a home
look at the light
how yellow loves to be on your skin
there are stars in you
be (hold) your beauty

You saw
my heart's brokenness and
you took the tiny pieces
of sin and hurt and ugliness
and
turned it into a mosaic of
beauty and grace.

maybe you won't find me beautiful
because of my hair
or my lips
or the color of my skin
maybe you won't love
the way i walk or the way i dress
but i hope you fall in love with
the words in my soul
and the fire in my heart
and the myriad of stars in my eyes
and the wonder and grace that
are tangled in my hair
and the bravery that is
locked up in my bones
and the unfading beauty
of my spirit
and if you think that's
beautiful,
that is enough for me.

i am ruins.
i am dust.
i am rubble and broken windows.
i am nothing.
and You made yourself a home
in these ruins,
in this heart,
and somehow, i don't know,
You make beauty out of these ruins,
You make glory shine out of these
broken windows,
You see that i am not enough,
that i am broken and You make
Your light shine through the cracks
of this heart.

beauty does not come
in lipstick tubes,
in concealer,
in eyeshadow
and liquid eyeliner.

beauty isn't
perfection,
beauty isn't
fashion,
beauty isn't
grabbing everyone's attention.

beauty hides in
the soul of she who faced her fears
beauty hides in
the heart of he who is brave
beauty hides in
a joyful heart
beauty hides in
brokenness made new.

You took
my grief
my heartache
my sorrows
my despair
my mourning
my broken heart
and burned it
until it was all
ashes
and You took the
crown of thorns that
i wore and
placed on my head
a crown of beauty.

be love.
shine your light
where it's dark
and show the kindness
in your heart.
be love
and wrap your arms
around broken hearts.
don't keep quiet
and say words
that heal,
that bring hope.
just be love.

it was a summer of firsts.
first crush
or something like that.
i'm still not sure if it
qualifies as a crush.
first shooting star
and i didn't make a wish
because i knew better than
to believe that wishes on a star come true.
and yet i marveled like a little girl
thinking that God planned that moment
to tell me that He loved me.
first time singing in front of others
i had practiced all day
but when the moment came
my hands were shaking
and so was my voice.
Bruna held my hand
and the sweetest sound came from my mouth.
i blushed as
everyone smiled.
it was the first time in a long time
that i felt like i belonged
that i felt i was real
that i felt i was me.

your heart is a flower
water it daily
with joy
with songs
with cotton candy skies,
watercolor sunsets
and kind words
let the light find you
and make sure the sun
shines on it
and watch it
bloom.

You came like rain,
a spring shower,
flooding this dry soul with
mercy and grace,
bringing it to life,
making it bloom.

don't hide your face.
don't hide your heart.
don't hide your soul.
don't keep who you are
all to yourself.
let the world see you,
let them see the wonderful
creation that you are.
let them marvel at the
admirable light that shines
inside of you, darling.
don't keep your beauty
and wonder to yourself.
share your brave heart,
show your kind spirit and
your gentle beauty.
but don't keep the ugly inside.
don't keep your doubts and
your fears and your sadness
to yourself.
don't drown in your sorrows
and your tears.
don't bottle yourself up.

do you know how many
people walk their way
through life never wanting
to be more than what they
are, never giving their selves
the chance to open their
hearts and be bold and
risk it all? do you know
how many people don't
write the stories they want
to share, the poems they want
to write, the songs they want
to sing, the art they want
to make? do you know how
many people deny their selves
the opportunity to be brave, the
chance to be bold, to live in
bright colors instead of black
and white? do you know how
many people live in a cage,
afraid to love, afraid to live,
afraid to hope, afraid to feel,
afraid to be? do you know
how many people don't let
their souls be vulnerable and
beautiful and wonderful? i
hope you're not one of them.

bravery doesn't
happen overnight
bravery
has been living in your
bones, dormant,
but alive,
waiting for you
to see that it has
always been yours
waiting for you
to marvel when you
see that you can do
what you've always
wanted to do
and be who
you've wanted to be

bravery does not
scream, it does not shout, yet
it's louder than all

stars don't compare to the
constellations of light
inside you,
and all the gold in the world
isn't worth as much as you are.
and the sun, darling,
the sun can't shine brighter than you.
you are sunlight,
you are beams of light and hope
you are bright and beautiful.

about seventeen years ago,
i prayed you into existence.
i asked for a baby sister;
got you instead.
you are not what i wanted,
but know this: you are wanted.
i am six years older,
but you are always six steps ahead.
when you laugh, and your eyes light up,
i am six again
and you are young and playful and you.

call me complicated,
but how can i settle for less
than what i want?
call me complicated,
but i think you’re just scared of me,
of the music my bones sing,
of the wildness of my spirit
and how my hair has a life of its own
i think you know i am too much of a woman for you
and it scares you

my heart was tired of
carrying this heavy burden of
guilt and
my mouth couldn't cry out to
You and
my soul was weary of
wandering and
my hands were chained and
couldn't reach out
to You and
my ears couldn't hear that
You
were calling my name and
my eyes were blind and couldn't
see
that You had forgiven me.

this body is weak.
it's been on its own for too long,
carrying the weight of sin
on its fragile shoulders,
its feet are tired of walking on
this dry, weary land
and they cannot take one more step.
this soul is worn,
tired of being alone,
tired of aimless wandering,
ready to go home.
i need You to carry me.

i was tired,
i was chained,
i was hopeless
and You sang to me,
"you don't have
to carry the world
on your shoulders.
you don't have to
wear those chains.
you can be free.
I already forgave you.
you are blameless."
and as You sang your
song, i realized that i
was the one who
put on myself the
chains i wore.
i didn't have to
carry them, i didn't
have to be a slave
to my chains, to my sin.
i tattooed myself
in shame and i hid my
face from You, not knowing
that all You ever wanted
was to wrap me in your
love and clothe me in grace.

i used to wonder why
You'd keep quiet when
i talked to You about
my plans and my dreams but
now i know it's because
You've given me a
brush and a bright palette and
a blank canvas and
the freedom to
be free.

come closer,
look inside,
and don’t be afraid
of what you might find.
travel down
the roads of your soul,
until you know by heart
every corner and place
of your being.
learn your fears so
you may know how
to fight them,
and gaze at your skies
and try to number
the millions of stars
in your heart,
and trace with your hands
every bit of who you are,
and know yourself
so you may not
forget yourself,
and your worth,
and the constellations
of grace and light
inside you.
do not forget yourself,
do not ignore the
melody of your heart,
do not doubt your
beauty, your worth,
and the bits of glory
and stardust sprinkled
on your skin.
come closer.

i love you con todo my heart
te amo with all my voice
te amo como my favorite song
otra vez and again y otra vez
my love for you es como un garden
growing and growing and growing
mi amor is like el mar
deep and beautiful and wild
my love is un poquito como este poema
broken in pedacitos of spanish and inglés
te amo with all mi corazón
i love you con todo my heart

stop fighting, my soul.
my soul, don't you know?
Love already won for you.
desist, o my soul.
faint not.

My soul, it is well. O my soul, faint not.
Trust in Him, my soul.
It is well.
The wind and waves know Who he is.
Mountains bow at his feet.
My soul, it is well.
Faint not, my soul. He doesn’t miss a thing.
He feels your pain. He has not forgotten you.
He knows what’s happening in your heart.
It is well.
Whatever happens, faint not, my soul.
My soul, I don’t know what tomorrow brings.
But He does,
and he says
*“it is well”.

my mother
does not love me in poems
in songs
(the way i know how)
but she loved me in phone calls
and breakfast
and new clothes in december
she loves me in doctor's appointments
and orange juice
and prayer
(the way she knows how)
and i will love you like this too
i will love you like my mother
and i will love you like me
i will love you in poetry
in words
in forehead kisses and long hugs
i will braid the words 'you are loved' in your hair
and i will kindle the fires inside you
i will wish upon the stars in your soul
i will love you in dreams
i will love you in ways i cannot tell
but i will love you

i’ll name you after a flower
and i'll let raindrops fall on your forehead
so that you bloom
i'll plant kisses
like daisies on your cheeks
so that you become a garden
and i’ll sing to you my love
so that you never forget the words,
so that you never doubt you’re loved
and i'll write to you
words i don’t know yet
i will reach to the sky
and bring down stars
to teach you to shine like they do