when you leave my body
i will love you
i will tend the spring in your hair
make flowers
bloom
make your waves
oceans
when you leave my body
i will raise you
to the sky
let you touch the clouds
the sun
let you know what light is
when you leave my body
i will keep you in my heart instead
i will kiss your forehead
press you against my chest
i will love you.

i just want
to be with You,
to be alone,
to walk with You
and to hear the
gentle whisper
of your voice.

i am light.
i am fire.
i am beautiful
and wanted
and lovely.
i am brave
i am strong
i am chosen
i am sought after
and cherished.
i am a diamond.
and you won't bring me
d
o
w
n.

there was lightning
and thunder
and my windows rattled
and there was so much noise
and the rain was falling outside
but also in my soul
and in the midst of it all
i heard You say,
"don't forget I chose you.
don't forget you're mine.
don't forget you're not in darkness anymore,
but in wonderful light.
don't forget I love you
and that I see you and that I hear you
baby, don't forget you're mine."

don’t run away from the pain,
because it is yours just as much
as hope is.
learn from it and grow,
for it is part of your story.

i am light
i am fire.
i am beautiful
and wanted
and lovely.
i am brave
i am strong
i am chosen
i am a diamond.
and you won't bring me
d
o
w
n.

maybe it is time for me to start chasing you.

don't be afraid to dream
because dreams were made for you
and you were made to dream.
darling,
close your eyes,
and let your soul be surprised
by the fire kindled in your heart
and the spark that lights your eyes.
so darling,
close your eyes,
and let your soul be surprised
and let it marvel at the dreams
that were planted in your heart
and just like wildflowers,
let them bloom.
but darling,
don't be surprised
when the wildflowers blossom
and your dreams come true.

You come
to this broken heart,
this dry desert of a soul,
this broken and empty vessel,
and You come,
You come like rain,
a hurricane,
storming into this soul,
dancing your way in,
and You bring rays of light
and streams of joy,
and You shine through the
imperfection,
You make me alive,
You make glory out of nothing,
You build a home out of these ruins,
You make beauty out of brokenness,
You make these dry bones live.

i want to lose myself in
your gaze and forget all
that is around me and i
want You to flood my
thoughts and i want You
to be the air that i breathe
and i want You to be the
place i walk to and the path
i walk on and i want You to
be the reason why my heart
beats and i just want You
to be enough.

i wish my words
were enough.
enough to heal you
so that i could use
them as a balm to
place over your heart.
enough to take the
bandages from your
eyes so that you could see
the constellations that
made your soul their home.
enough to make you smile,
enough to make you see
that this is not it
enough to make you see
that there is more
enough to make you see
that you were made for more
enough to make you
love your struggle
and enough to make you
rise from the ashes
and i just wish that my
words were enough
to make you see
that you're enough.

enterraron tus huesos,
pero no lo que había dentro de ellos.
enterraron tus huesos,
pero no te enterraron,
no pudieron enterrar tu luz, ni tu amor,
ni la historia que tu vida contó.
no te enterraron,
no pudieron enterrar tu risa,
tu canción,
los recuerdos que guardan aquellos que te aman.
enterraron tus huesos,
pero no te enterraron,
no pudieron enterrarte
porque tú no estás ahí,
en esas casas de tierra.
tú estás en los corazones de los que te amaron,
en los rostros de tus hijos,
en los ojos de tus nietos.
tú estás en las palabras que dijiste,
en los lugares que tocaron tus pies.
tu estás
en todas partes.

i wanted You to speak to me
i wanted to hear your voice
i wanted your words to be brighter than the sun
i wanted You to tell me everything
i wanted You to spell my present
i wanted You to dictate my future
i wanted You to say every word in the dictionary
but instead You kept quiet.
and i realized that in your silence
You said everything.

even when my heart is broken
and my hope is lost,
even when the pain is too much
and my wounds won't heal,
and even when my voice is gone
and my joy is stolen
and even when i run out of words
i will praise You.

just like the sun rises every morning,
just like a flower in bloom,
just like the morning dew,
every day your mercies are new.

don't let me forget my smallness.
remind me that without you
i am nothing, i have nothing,
that everything beautiful in me
comes from you
that my soul,
my words
belong to you.
don't let a day go by
without me thinking of you,
talking to you,
wanting to hear your voice.
draw me closer.

You own
the skies
the stars
the seas
the mountains
the valleys
and You want
my heart.

You are not sitting up in a throne,
listening to angels play the harp
and worship You.
You are not looking at me from a distance,
You are not a million miles away.
You are here.
You are in
the sun's rays
the roses' scent
the ocean's waves
the clouds' rain
my heart.
You are everywhere.

i want to fall in love with You
i want You to invade my every thought
i want to breathe You
i want to drink You in
i want You to be the path i walk on
and the place i walk to
i want You to be my beginning
my middle and my end
i want You to be the song i sing
i want You to set me on fire
and make me burn for You
i want You to be my only desire
make me fall for You.

feeling alive feels like
yellow flowers growing in my bones
and blooming on my skin
it feels like the sun rises
not in the east
but from within me

i have swam for so long, and i am so far away.
so far away of who i was, by grace.
but far away of who i want to be.
but i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves.
i will look for joy and for loveliness.
i will make my days count.
i will let grace rain over me
and let it cover every fault.
i will fight the waves,
fight my fears,
the pain,
the sadness,
the words that escape me
and hide.
i won’t hide, i won’t drown.
i will fight the waves
and swim home.

i am finding myself
in the beautiful things,
and finding the beautiful things in myself
and suddenly
i don’t feel so lost

may my love for you be
wild,
like stallions on prairies, not like
stars
that fade away in time
but may it be
fire,
a dancing flame that never burns
out.

everybody has a spark inside their hearts,
and many let it die.
many let heartbreak and fear and failure
define who they are.
but you're not everybody.
you don't ignore the spark in your heart,
you don't let the fire die.
instead you let it burn,
you let it dance,
you let it be wild.
you let it be light,
you let it be truth.
you let it be hope,
you let it be love.
because you are a butterfly with brave wings,
you are not afraid of dreaming big,
you are not afraid of shining bright,
you are not afraid to love.
you have this spark inside of you,
you're not afraid to let it burn.
you are full of light and color.
you are a firework.

i tried,
but now i know
that i
can't save you.
that i
can't make you
believe that you
are brave and
worthy and
lovely and
capable of
so much more.
i can't
make you
believe in my
words
but i can
write them
and i can
love you
and point you
to the Light
and to the Love
that
saved me.
i can't
save you
but i
can jump
and take
a leap of faith
and follow
freedom and
joy and redemption
and only hope
that you
will be brave enough
to follow me.

i wasn't there but it was me.
it was me who scoffed at You,
it was me who spit on You,
it was me who laughed at You,
it was me who crowned You with thorns,
it was me who put a cross on your shoulders,
it was me who nailed your hands and feet.
i put You on that cross and You stayed there
for love of me.

do not fear the rain when it comes
and do not fear when it goes away
don’t be afraid of the waiting
don’t be afraid of the tears
when they decide to fall
don’t be afraid to feel
to wallow in the grief.
let yourself pause.
listen to your heart.
gardens don’t grow in a day.

i saw God today.
he was in a coffee shop and a baseball game
he was the light in your eyes,
the curve of your smile,
the salt in your tears.
i heard him
in my broken prayers
and the sound of your laughter.
between your breaths and my own.
i saw him
in the orange of the sunset.
i felt him
in your arms.
alive alive alive.

it is like a spring shower,
refreshing and renewing,
making everything bloom.
it is like a river,
bringing life to a dead land.
it is like the stars in the sky,
endless.
it is like a summer breeze,
rushed and unexpected.
it means hope.
a second chance.
freedom.
life.
You call it second nature,
i call it grace.

i am
every bit
undeserving.

i ran away from You
and hid in sin,
in its darkest caves,
in its smallest holes,
in its deepest coves,
but your grace chased me
and found me.
everywhere i went,
there You were,
wooing me,
enamoring me,
and i realized i couldn't run away from You
and so
i opened my heart,
let You in,
and fell in love with You.

today was
a gray day,
a cloudy day
but i looked out
the window
and grace was raining
and i ran outside
and i let the drops wet my hair
and i was a little girl again
and i leaped and ran and laughed
and i danced in your rain.

you were every color
of every rainbow
you turned into every star in my sky
you were the sun
i danced around
and i was the moon
to your earth
gravity couldn’t hold me down
or keep me away from you

i straightened my hair today
for the first time in three weeks.
my mother was happy
but i was not.
--
last night
she said,
i know you're an artist,
pero no andes como una loca.
don't go around looking like a crazy person.
--
i kept touching my hair today.
missing the stray curl that stayed behind my left ear.
missing the space my hair used to take up,
wild and free.
feeling smaller.
in a body that was not my own.
--
this hair, mami,
does not belong to an artist,
y no es de locas.
es mío; con él nací.
in it i carry the waves
that carry me
that carried the bones
of my ancestors all the way here.
--
these curls, mami,
they are big enough to hold me,
to hold all that i am.
they are a garden in which beauty grows.
they are rivers that lead to the ocean.

He is in a breeze on a summer day,
in the purples and pinks of a glorious sunset,
in the melodies of the chirping birds,
in the rolling waves of the seas.
He is in the blue of the sky,
in a child's laughter,
in the blooming roses,
in your heart.
my soul, be still.
my soul, stop looking for Him,
for He is here.
all creation sings His praises,
all creation shouts hallelujah,
all creation screams glory.

my hands are like my heart:
they know how to hold heaviness.
they know how to hold hope.
they make words come alive.
my hands, like my heart,
have learned to let go.
to hold on.
they have learned not to be so soft
but not too rough.
both of them, my heart and my hands,
they are like hummingbird wings.
they flutter,
they dive into love as if it were an ocean.
they do not know how to stop.

with your hands You
hung the stars in the sky
and know them all by name.
You put the sun and moon
in their places and
with your hands You
made the roaring seas
and majestic mountains
and those same hands that
hung the stars and
placed the sun and moon and
made the seas and mountains
made this heart.

hay un país en el mundo
colocado
en el mismo trayecto del sol.
y yo estoy en él.
intentando nadar en sus aguas de ron y morirsoñando,
intentando no ahogarme,
intentando volver al lugar de donde soy.
en las orillas del mar
de este país en el mundo
la arena cuenta la historia de aquellos que estuvieron antes de mí
de los barcos,
los barcos,
los barcos que dieron y robaron,
los barcos que me dieron mis rizos y mi nariz,
mi español y mi apellido.
hay un país en el mundo
colocado
en el mismo trayecto del sol.
y yo estoy en él,
con amor por sus lluvias de café y gente cálida,
sus calles y sus ríos,
playas y canciones.
hay un país en el mundo
colocado
en el mismo trayecto del sol.
y yo estoy en él,
temiendo por sus mujeres y su belleza,
temiendo por sus niñas,
temiendo por, y a, sus hombres sin amor.
hay un país en el mundo,
colocado
en el mismo trayecto del sol.
y yo estoy en él.
su tierra tiene más poemas de los que sabe leer,
más canciones de las que puede cantar,
más esperanza de la que ha perdido.
todavía hay esperanza
para este país en el mundo
colocado en el mismo trayecto del sol.
y yo estoy en él.

i was born
with a heart too big to fit
inside my chest
and a soul bigger than my body
so i have chosen
to leave pieces of my heart
in the places my feet have known
in the people i have loved
in the words i have read
in the beauty my eyes have seen
and my soul-
i have scattered it like seeds
and i have left parts of it
in songs,
in poetry,
in the laughter of children,
in the arms that have held me
and the hearts that have loved me

look up at the sky
and smile at it,
because as endless as the sky
is the hope you’ve been given
and the love inside your heart.
because as beautiful as the sky
are your dreams.
because you shine brighter
than the sun in the sky
and have more worth
than all the stars in heaven.
look up at the sky
and smile at it,
because heaven is your home.

when will you understand
that I love you?
what will it take for you to
believe me?
shall I write it in the sky?
shall I braid it in your hair?
shall I tattoo it on your skin?
shall I pour it in your coffee?
shall I whisper in your ear?
was my death not enough
for you?

i will always be her,
this girl with the wild curls
and the gentle eyes
that look for poetry in the sunset sky,
and i will always be her,
this girl with bravery
seeping into her bones,
with freedom tattooed on her skin.
i will always be her,
this girl with a heart
full of dreams and hope,
and words to write.
i will always be her,
this girl with a soul too big,
a light too bright.
i will always be her,
and no one can't take that from me.

when it's raining in your heart
i will put my umbrella over it.
when your coffee is bitter,
i will be the sugar.
when your heart is breaking
i'll buy a hundred band-aids.
when you're feeling small,
i'll tell you that you're brave.
when you're feeling tired,
i will let my shoulders be your pillow.
wherever you are,
there i'll be.
whatever you need,
here is me.

here we are.
and i don't know if we understand
the power of that,
if we understand
the wonder,
the odds,
the millions of seconds
and everything that had to happen
for us to be here.
here we are,
we are walking miracles,
we are breathing art,
we are glory and stars
and grace
living in a house of bones and flesh.

i am standing in front of you
and you don’t see me
i am the moon and stars
but you only see the night
i am the poetry in songs
but you don’t pay attention to my music
and then
you wonder
why i hide
from you
why my voice turns into silence
when you pass by

i am not a stranger to hopelessness
it is easy to get tired of waiting
for what you want but won’t come
like love
like a hand to hold
the time when arms hold you instead of your arms holding others
like love
the feeling that everyone else (it seems)
but you
knows
it is easy to believe it will never come
but we keep waiting, don’t we?
we wake up every morning,
we give thanks,
we live,
we listen for the song of the birds
and sing back to them, “maybe today,”
and at night when the stars come out
we still dare to make wishes upon them
keeping our options open
hoping
hoping
hoping

how does the light get in?
through the cracks
the brokenness left,
through the doors of an open heart,
through the windows of a soul.
how does the light get in?
when you smile,
when hope is found.
how does the light get in?
when you wish upon stars,
when the sunlight touches your face.
how does the light get in?
through the words of a friend
and the kindness of strangers.
how does the light get in?
when you let it.

i give you myself
every time i write a poem
every word is a thread from my soul
every letter stands for a heartbeat
i will always have words for you.
i do not know how else to love.

i am every word i have dared to utter and i am every word i have kept quiet
i am my heart and the courage it needs to beat again and again
i am every time i have said ‘i love you’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘i am sorry’
and i am every poem i have read and listened to and watched
i am the flowers you planted in my heart when you smiled
i am alive
i am the coffee my mother brews
(i no longer brew it myself.
i got burned once by the flame and no longer use matches.)
which is to say, i am afraid
(of fire. of burning. of breaking.)
i have forgotten to be brave
(have i?)
remind me of the courage in fire
(my heart.)
the light
the warmth
love.
(they are worth the burns.)

i am magic.
i am the night sky and every single star,
i am the ocean and every ripple and wave.
i am a house of flesh and bone,
of hope and freedom.
i am a bird,
wild and free,
i am everything i dream of being.
i am a song,
a song of bravery and love,
of light and gold.
i am a voice that is not unheard;
my words are not shouted off into a void.
i am my heart, my words, my love.
i am known,
i am loved.