can everybody just
calm down
????
please?

you all act
like any of this
even matters

who gives a ****
who kisses who
who likes who
it doesn't matter

like we all gon die someday anyways
so kiss a *****
kiss a hundred *******
do whatever the ******* want
just stop bringing me into it
because i dont ******* care

im just gonna stay in my bubble
happy little nevaeh land
if you want to join me
thats fine
but i dont need you here
so leave if you want to
im not going anywhere

click
click
click

back and forth
but there's nothing
to say

for once
i don't feel
(everything)
anything

i guess
some small part of me
felt it coming

some small part of me
knows im not worth
the trouble

im just so ******* sick
of not knowing
what im doing

always oblivious
always hoping
always trying too hard

im so sick
of everybody
getting sick of me

i am lost
and losing
everything

i dont want to lose you
but it always feels like i am

it's in the stars
i cant help but be
emotional and moody and weird
it's just my zodiac
(definitely not the emotional stress of the last few weeks
crashing down on me all at once like what?)

it feels like you came with the cold
like suddenly you fell from the autumn sky
and warmed me up inside.
i wanted you for your fiery red
before i found myself like an addict,
craving you at the most inopportune times
craving your comfort
like a warm sweater in december.
i love you without the all sugar on top
even bitter and dry and burning my tongue
coating my throat until i choke
with tears on my cheeks.
i wanted you before i knew what it meant
but even after
you hold my mind hostage
keeping me breathing and warm.

i could never live without you.
not at all.