I need feminism
because men are more upset about people saying "all men"
than they are about the fact that 1 in 4 women will be ***** in their lifetime.

Not harassed, not catcalled,
*****
And that is not okay.

I need feminism because out of the four women
I speak to everyday
two of them have been *****
and all four of them can't walk to their car
without sticking their keys through their fingers to
feel the slightest inclination of safety.

I need feminism
because the other day in my math class
a student said "She was asking for it"
and the teacher agreed.  

I need feminism
because when my father wasn't drinking
he was telling me to be a man.

I need feminism
because the way my father taught me to treat women
was to get them drunk.
It's not his fault,
he knew no better.

I need feminism
because my father knew no better.

Am I conceded if I suddenly love myself?

Am I conceded if think I'm beautiful?
Because I do.

I think I'm smart and witty and
so ******* wise.

I'm even starting to like my hair.


Does that make me conceded?

I'm always talking, baby, talking too much
I love that little girl and I just can't get enough*

I don't know how to deal with these feelings.
Feelings that have lain dormant for years.
Like a volcano of biblical strength
my love exploded all over her neighbors porch
and now I need to pick up the pieces.

I've been searching for something to distract myself.
I took some pills today.
I spent half the time promising myself I won't start using again
and the other half trying to buy more dope.

I need something to ****
and I need something to snort
and something to drink
but what I need
is to stop letting this affect me so ******* much.

This isn't your fault,
for ***** sake
this isn't your fault.

This is me and my inability to handle any sort
of pressure,
like a ******* ******* dog,
I pull on the leash and pull on the leash
until my owner beats me into submission.
Five minutes later I'm pulling on the leash again.

Wipe off your make-up
Wash your hair
Scrub your skin
Take off your clothes
Shave your head
Remove your eyebrows
Cut your eyelashes
Pluck your fingernails
Shed your skin

And

stare

Stare into the mirror '
With your eyes wide open
And look


*Isn't it beautiful?

How dare you tell me to give up.
That this dream will not come true.

I love him because I choose to
and I possess enough determination
for me to obtain what I have been searching for
in one form or another.

Do not place your disappointment on my shoulders in the form of a warning.

I do not need a warning.
I have learned plenty of times from past experiences that my dream is unrealistic and rare
but It is still my dream

And this search will not end in heart ache
It will end when I choose it to.

Do not subject me to your disappointment
in the form of a warning.

I am warning  you.

You said you crave attention.

I'm prepared to give you all the attention you could ever need,
yet you pretend you don't hear me knocking.

Why?

Are you afraid of the feelings I have for you?
You don't understand.
I have had these feelings always, they are nothing new.
Are you afraid of losing me because they are not reciprocated?
You don't understand.
I have had these feelings always, and they have never been reciprocated.
The only way I will give up is if you continue what you're doing.

You're pushing me away and i'm tired of trying to catch up.

You're too busy with work you say,
yet you go to parties with him.
You're too busy with school you say,
yet you always have time for him.

I'm not jealous because you kiss him,
i'm jealous because he is stealing you from me.

Ellen you're losing yourself
you're forgetting to many things
you can't remember what someone just said to you
you lost your wallet
your mind
you lost track of it all
something is wrong

slow down Ellen
take a breath
You're tired and so am I
relax for a second

You can't focus
Even on the little things
especially the most important
he just asked you a question
why aren't you listening?
who are you anymore?

Now repeat back to me what I just said

A night spent with beautiful people,
and beautiful decorations,
and less then beautiful music.

A night spent snorting ecstasy in a bathroom stall,
and dancing until I became lightheaded,
only pausing for a cigarette.

A night spent holding you close,
with the feel of your lips brushing upon my neck
(Oh! how I wished for them never to leave).

Indelicate is he who loathes
The aspect of his fleshy clothes, --
The flying fabric stitched on bone,
The vesture of the skeleton,
The garment neither fur nor hair,
The cloak of evil and despair,
The veil long violated by
Caresses of the hand and eye.
Yet such is my unseemliness:
I hate my epidermal dress,
The savage blood's obscenity,
The rags of my anatomy,
And willingly would I dispense
With false accouterments of sense,
To sleep immodestly, a most
Incarnadine and carnal ghost.

Lack of balance.

The scales are tipped,
but to who's favor,
I cannot tell.

The energy and love I put out
has been matched by you
for the better part of six years.
Six years is a long time for any sort of relationship,
but more so for the likes of ours.

After six years the energy and love I put out
are not being matched by you.
It started off gradually
but i was too ****** up to notice.
Too many drugs and drinks
will do that.
But after a word from you,
and help from a friend,
and a few failed attempts
I kicked the monkey off my back.
I banished the demon OPIATES,
can you say the same of your demon.

And then I noticed.
Like a teacher looking up from his computer,
I noticed you were truant.
And i asked you about it,
I confronted you about it
and you said,
yes, I have grown distant, but I'm going to fix that.

And oh god, I've tried and i've tried and i've tried to fix it
but you are unwillingly to put forth any effort
and so I give up.

I want to give up,
I want to be happy about new friends
and sobriety
and that girl you told me was too good for me that I've been talking to.
I want to be happy about these things
but I can't
because the last thing I think about before I fall asleep is you
and the first thing I think about when I wake up is you
and ******* it, I am ******* terrified of losing you
and you don't care.