Your hands fall
on the sides
of your hips
and a sigh
rolls out of
your mouth
You run through
lines you wished
you had said
but the script
disappears
as it comes
to an end
You wait for
silver pebbles
to be thrown
up at your window
but all you get
are the naked
tree branches
whacking the
glass in the storm
You wait for the
warmth of someone
else to come up
behind you and
hold you close
but all you get
is a damp
rain coat
So your cold
hands fall
again and
your face begins
to drip into a sad
puddle of numbness

It has been 3 months..
Three long months
Since I found you in your room....

Still, still as a sleeper
I thought you were just passed out...
Still...I could not wake you
My heart just raced...

Still, I tried to shake you
I thought you would awake...
Still...your lips looked blue
Still, was your body as he laid  you on your back

Still...I had to call 911
I tried to resuscitate....
Still...I thought I could save you
But you would not wake

Still...the sound of sirens
Many people rushing in
Still...I thought they would save you
But my heart just breaks....

Still... is the sounds in your room now
Still and gone is your loving voice
Still my mind can't comprehend
That my first born no longer
walks this earth...

Still... is the night
Still... is my heart
Still... are your sisters and Dad
Still... is our life
...Without You...

everything hurts inside 21
she can't have a baby her
daddy don't love she
likes girls some times
boys some times
she doesn't
understand
the big
ugly
straining
of the whole
big ugly world it's
so ******* unfair nobody
cares about me **** the amount
of money every girl makes less than
a man makes it's so ******* unfair how

((everything hurts inside 21)


                       except me.       )

Live like an unappreciated stranger
in your own house.

Become the careless talk at family dinners
about the disappointing child
and pretend like it was all a joke
and slowly lose yourself with every
echo of drunken laughter.

Look into the eyes of someone you love
and realize how you can't feel anything
other than dread.

Become the lustful thoughts of someone
you can't love
and watch them cut themselves
into pieces for you, when
in the end
all you can say is a pitiful "thank you,
but I'd rather be a lonely wreck
drifting across the sea."

Ask yourself to be found
in a map with no direction
and with nothing but your
faulty heart to guide you away
from home.

Pretend like the music
disappears into the background
of the screenplay your life has become
and the screen slowly turning black.

Find the dread
in your own heartbeat.

Take off your clothes
and see how you sewed every misgiving
into your skin like a story you
never want forgotten
and marvel at how bad your stitching is-
can't even hold yourself together.

Hear the sound of the rain
and wonder why
the grey clouds of your heart
never go away with the same.